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BY Bundy

09/01 Direct Link
I wound up playing a video game online with my girlfriend today for the first time. It was actually even more fun than I originally anticipated... it was almost like being next to her again, and amidst the feelings that have cropped up in her absence that's a really comforting thing to experience.

Speaking of that, things are going a little bit smoother now as the days have gone on. I'm oversleeping and overeating now instead of the other extreme which isn't terribly good, but the crying seems to have subsided for the time being.

Hopefully things continue to improve.

09/02 Direct Link
I've eaten far too much pizza this week... this laziness has to stop somewhere. I hate that I live in a place where pizza is really the only viable delivery option available to me because it's so unhealthy. I always seem to fall into this kind of rut though. I go from being happy and healthy to suddenly becoming depressed again for one reason or another, and that's when my health takes a nosedive. I wish I didn't eat to solve my problems, but my willpower is pretty shot when I'm feeling low anyway.

I'll get back on track soon.

09/03 Direct Link
I went grocery shopping today for the first time since vacation. I'm hoping actually having things in the apartment will make me want to cook again... I really need to step up and put in effort if I want to stand any chance of getting back on track and turning my health around again. Sure, things aren't terrible just yet... a handful of pounds is hardly anything for most to freak out over. But for me, it is. I recognize that same destructive behavior starting up, and I hope to nip it in the bud before it becomes an issue.
09/04 Direct Link
Today was my first attempt at cooking again, and I have to say it went rather well. I threw some chicken quarters in the crockpot and served those with rice and some corn. Nothing too fancy, but much better than the pizza I had been eating all week. I also went back out to grab the ingredients needed to make these freezable breakfast sandwiches I found online, and I'm excited to try those. I'm still feeling rather down, but burying myself in cooking seems to be a good enough solution for the time being.

I think I'm finally feeling better.

09/05 Direct Link
More cooking today! I finally got around to attempting fried rice with my chicken left overs, and I couldn't be happier with the result... I dare say it turned out better than the restaurant versions I've ordered before, since it reheats really well and doesn't dry out. The breakfast sandwiches I made yesterday were delicious in the microwave the next day too... not quite as good as fresh, but for frozen food that I made in advance I'm definitely loving it. I think pancakes are next on the agenda... I swear I'm like a cooking machine lately. I can't stop!
09/06 Direct Link
I made some more chicken quarters today... this time teriyaki style, and roasted in the oven. Those turned out really well too, and the fried rice made a great side dish. I'm kind of proud of myself lately with the way I've been cooking. I hope I'm able to keep up the enthusiasm somehow, because I'm really enjoying it.

I also picked up my pre-order of Dead Island today and played that a little. That game is massively difficult, and I'm only at the beginning. I'm hoping my girlfriend will eventually pick the game up so we can play together.

09/07 Direct Link
I spent most of the afternoon listening to film scores and various other classical style music on my headphones thanks to the idiots who live across the hall from me. I don't know if they're remodeling or moving out or what, but the incessant clanking and yelling and banging going on over there was more than I could take... I eventually wound up forsaking my nap in order to just drown them out with good music.

I really forgot how much I hate living here while I was away for that long.

Can I just fast-forward my life a bit?

09/08 Direct Link
I've been putting some serious thought into opening my Etsy shop again soon. I'd been wanting to for a while anyway, but now that I'm back from vacation I'm finding myself missing my girlfriend more and more and wishing I could see her more often... my only real shot at that is to start cracking down on my writing and my art, and getting things up for sale again. I already have a few pieces ready for posting... it's just a matter of having enough items to open up a shop and attract people to my store.

I can't wait!

09/09 Direct Link
I've cooked more this past week than I have in a long time! I've finally gotten back into baking chicken in the oven, and I'm happy I did... I managed to find some great prices on chicken quarters at the grocery store, and I've been using them to make me and my roommate dinner for the past few days. If there's one thing I enjoy about cooking, it's the money saving aspect. Although I do lament the fact that it makes it harder to go out to eat when I know I could make something similar myself for much less.
09/10 Direct Link
Finally worked on a drawing again... it's nice to get back into things again that I've missed for so long. I just wasn't finding the motivation before, and I couldn't bring myself to work on any of my projects. Ever since I've been back from vacation, I've been looking for ways to keep myself occupied so I don't go out of my mind from missing my girlfriend and hating living with my roommate again. Thankfully I've been keeping myself busy in positive ways for a chance. I guess depression can be a great motivator when you need it to be.
09/11 Direct Link
I haven't been able to put down Dead Island since I bought the game... it's that addicting. Think Fallout 3, only with zombies. What's not to love, right? Well, there are plenty of bugs to be had... and I don't think the game creators made a user friendly beginning. The game lacks a tutorial for the most part, and it doesn't ever tell you how to swing your weapon or drive a car... or for that matter that cars can even be driven at all. But the few places it lacks aren't a major detractor. It's still a great game.
09/12 Direct Link
I know I didn't talk about it yesterday, but I was busy trying not to think about it. Yesterday was the tenth anniversary of the September 11th attacks on the World Trade Center in New York, and my girlfriend lives in New York... works maybe ten blocks away from the site. Needless to say, I was a nervous wreck all day. I was thankfully able to persuade her to stay home and take the day off, despite her protests. Everything was safe, of course... but if anything happened to her I don't know what I would've done. I love her.
09/13 Direct Link
I finally cooked my Italian beef recipe again after almost a year without it. I'd missed that recipe... I've had friends taste it and suddenly become unable to leave my apartment without getting the recipe, it's that good. Originally I started out serving it on toasted Italian bread, but lately I've been serving it with rice. I find it a lot better that way for some reason... maybe because it doesn't really stay on the sandwich as well, or maybe because it's a lot more filling with the rice so the meal lasts a lot longer.

Either way, it's delicious!

09/14 Direct Link
I actually completed a drawing today, which brings my “for sale” count up to three... not too shabby. I suppose I could look at all the time I've spent up til now not drawing and get upset with myself for being lazy, but at this point I'm all about encouraging myself... any progress is better than none, and I'm happy to have at least three items complete. I was originally going to open my store after having three items ready to go, but I'm thinking five sounds like a better number. I'll have to see how I feel later.
09/15 Direct Link
Today, for the first time in my life, I managed to finish a painting that actually looks like the person I was trying to paint. I contribute this to the fact that I was talking to my girlfriend the whole time after a long day of video games... she tends to distract me from my neurotic nonsense, and that's what tends to mess me up... my own paranoia of screwing things up. I'll be putting that painting up in my shop later, which brings my count to 4 “for sale” items. Just one more before I'm set to open!
09/16 Direct Link
I started reading Stardust today by Neil Gaiman, and I'm completely in love with it. I'm not even much of a reader (despite the fact that I should be, as a writer) and I got almost half way through the book in one sitting... I'm pretty sure if I'd been free the rest of the day I would have finished the book by now. It's just that good. I don't know what it is about Neil Gaiman... he just keeps me reading like no other published author ever has. I hope I can be that person for someone some day.
09/17 Direct Link
I think I'm going to start a food blog after I've actually finished a novel and am ready to begin promoting myself. I've read a lot of places that as a writer it's important to put yourself out there... self promote... make people love you. I've never been good at grabbing people's attention, but I am good at cooking. And I do know a lot about food. In the case of the blogging world, where “write what you know” actually has merit, this might be a positive boon. That's a long way off though. Time to refocus on now.
09/18 Direct Link
The upstairs neighbors are at it again... the same incessant noise that I have to put up with every weekend, and the same incessant noise that makes me want to go up there and put my fist through their door. It'd be fine enough if I had planned to be out of the apartment all day, but as usual I have no plans other than to try and relax and work on my various projects I have started... and now I can't even do that because of their selfish behavior. Is it so hard to control your guests? Come on!
09/19 Direct Link
Had a bit of a bad dream scare today, and wound up reading most of the afternoon to try and distract myself and keep myself awake. In that amount of time I wound up finishing Stardust (which I'm both happy and sad about) and picking up Stephen King's anthology of short stories entitled Everything's Eventual. It's strange to me, how I've taken to reading lately... but it's made me realize just how much I want to get started on writing again. Not just writing here, but writing seriously and regularly and with some sense of direction. I'll get there again.
09/20 Direct Link
Today has just been a terribly strange day... I haven't really known how to feel the entire time. I woke up this morning still feeling groggy, and generally not very well at all. Because of this, I wound up staying in bed until the afternoon and neglected to prepare anything for dinner. Instead, I wound up reading a couple more short stories in the anthology I'm working on, and I figured out some preliminary things for my Etsy shop. My girlfriend's been in a lousy mood as well, which always makes for a fairly awful night. I hope tomorrow's better.
09/21 Direct Link
At 11:08pm tonight, Troy Davis was executed. I still don't think he's guilty. It's a sad fact in America that our legal system can allow such an injustice to happen... it makes me physically ill to even think about. What ever happened to “beyond a reasonable doubt?” What ever happened to the right to a fair trial, not one that's riddled with lies spouted from the mouths of people too scared to stand up to the officials who threatened them with conviction?

Today, there was no justice done.

Today I weep for a man who never had a chance.

09/22 Direct Link
Some days just don't go the way you planned. I wound up splitting two of my toes open on the edge of my bed today, where the ridiculous hard plastic edge protector juts out from the side of the box spring. One of the toes seems to be alright, except for the flap of skin that's been left dangling there, hardly attached anymore. The other one was cut so deeply that it almost went to the bone... sliced it from the pad of my toe, all the way up to my nail. At least I don't think I'll need stitches.
09/23 Direct Link
I spent a good portion of my day today shopping for some new clothes for the upcoming months. I'd revamped my wardrobe quite a bit over the summer, and I only now realized that I don't really have many decent looking clothes for the fall and winter that actually fit me. I'm not really sure what's gotten into me lately. I used to hate clothes shopping... with a passion. Nowadays I'm finding things all over the place to buy. A couple jackets here, a pair of cute boots there... I'm just turning into a veritable fashionista all of a sudden!
09/24 Direct Link
I had a bit of good luck today for a change. Someone's been moving out of our apartment building the past couple days, and my roommate just so happened to notice a bookshelf sitting out by the dumpster that'd obviously been abandoned there as trash. I immediately went out there to inspect it, and was shocked at what I found. It's quite large and sturdy, and practically brand new. It just needs a nail or two in the back to re-secure the backboard and it'll be perfect for my writing room when I finally remodel it. Not bad for free!
09/25 Direct Link
Today was just a lousy day in general. Sometimes I catch myself feeling like no one really cares a whole lot about my needs or wants, and I can't help but feel selfish when I think that way... but honestly, after a week of sporadic badness I'm not sure how I'm supposed to avoid drawing that conclusion. I don't like feeling at the bottom of the totem pole. I don't like feeling like I matter less than everything else. And most of all, I don't like feeling like everything I've said in the past was for nothing. This week sucked.
09/26 Direct Link
I finally got into Pottermore today! I'm sorry to say that I've been completely addicted ever since the site let me log in though, and so I haven't been as productive today as I would have liked. I did finally get sorted though... turns out I'm Slytherin. Who would have knew? I would have never guessed I'd wind up in Slytherin... I was thinking more along the lines of Ravenclaw or Gryffindor, but I can certainly appreciate Slytherin... especially after reading my welcome letter about the house. This is making me want to pick the books up again. Mission accomplished!
09/27 Direct Link
Pardon my language, but sometimes I can't help but feel like an asshole. I feel like I've lived my entire life trying to look out for other people, and putting their feelings before my own... sometimes to the point where I wind up hurt. And yet every once in a while, someone who I've been nothing but good to winds up calling me selfish. And boy if that doesn't feel like a slap in the face. If it were true, I'd be able to swallow it. But I had nothing to do with what they were blaming me for. Ugh.
09/28 Direct Link
I spent a lot of time being productive today for a change... I suppose that's what drinking an entire pot of coffee will do to you! I managed to clean for a couple hours, straightening things in the living room so I can actually move around a little better. More importantly though, at least to me, I finally managed to complete my first new drawing in almost a year. I'd only been replicating my previous works up to this point, but last night I managed to come up with an entirely new design. I'm quite proud of myself for once.
09/29 Direct Link
I actually heard some good news today for a change. Turns out I probably won't have to move to a new apartment when my lease is up after all... it was all just a misunderstanding. I had originally thought our rent was going to go up $90 in May which would make this place way over our budget for an apartment this small. The management has since assured us that if it goes up at all it'll only be $10, which is doable. That comes as a big relief, as I've been wanting to unpack... not repack to move again.
09/30 Direct Link
I haven't been able to sleep very well lately for some reason. I'm not sure if it's the coffee or something else really, but I'd be hard pressed to stop drinking coffee when it's had such a nice side effect on my creative output lately. For the first time in a long time I actually started thinking about an old book idea of mine that I have oodles of notes on. I'd grown tired of it over a year ago, but last night I finally decided to take a look at it again. I'm just happy to be considering it.