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So many ideas, so little time. I come up with a new business 'venture' nearly every day. The time, energy, or money is simply not there. I have a 'moment' and then think...who am I kidding? I'd love to try each one and be able to say, "ok, that was terrific, or never mind, I'm tired of that." Part of my problem is that I do get tired of routine easily. I have to have a spark of new or change every now and then. I am still praying my ah ha moment comes in the way of flowers.
My big campaign in life is to live, now. I hear excuses. I see people just exist. I see those unwilling to go after their dreams. I dislike the song, "Live Like You Were Dying." I would rather motivate people to live like they were living. If you've always wanted to do something...DO IT! My mom saw a pair of really high heeled shoes and said, "I've always wanted to try to walk in shoes like that." I said, "Do it." She did. A lady walked by and said, "I wish I had the guts to do that." (sigh)
Terrible storms in our state yesterday. A good time to clarify something: God is almighty. He may allow the storms, but the destruction, death and devastation doesn't come from Him. Evil specializes in misery; God comforts, brings beauty from ashes and cries with us. The reason you tear up when watching the news and see all the 'good news' stories coming from terrible situations is because you are seeing God. He is there. Working through human hands. God is loving, caring, gentle and good. His heart breaks over seeing people suffer. Evil delights in it. Praise God who is there.
Had a good day yesterday. Met a lady who called me beautiful, that can't be a bad thing. Wished a fireman a loud happy birthday in the middle of a restaurant. Visited a shady vintage record shop, with us looking extremely out of place. Gave a sales clerk high five for implying Jesus would do laundry(long story), bought my false eyelashes, saw some adorable chicks and planned for my new arrivals, met someone who gave Christian snob a whole new meaning, walked, drank some wine, and had a minute to breathe. I loved yesterday. Random and filled with life.
Just words on a blank entry form. Amazing what the strike of a key will produce. It's like art, in its own form. Letters merged together to make words, words which in effect tell a story, explain an emotion, express an opinion, or simply fill space. I am skeptical of those who use too many words, flattery. I am even more skeptical of those who use too few words, vague. Good use of the written language is a gift. Not all of those who write well are good communicators. Some can write a book but not talk to their spouse.
An island awaits me. I'm so much into the sand, sea and sun of remote islands. Keep the crowds away. Let me just be with the tropics, alone. I'll sip a fruity drink and inhale the smell of salt and coconut tanning oil. A book might intrigue me or just watching the surf. I can sleep in the warmth of the breeze. I'll watch the clouds form silly little animals and then drift off out of sight. I imagine my island as a perfect haven away from my life. I guess my life stays with me, just with better surroundings.
Funny? I wanted to wear false eyelashes, so I bought some. Yesterday was my maiden voyage. Much to my surprise they were easy to get on and easy to wear. They didn't look as fake as I thought they would. I did have to remove them mid-day because of a loose corner flapping in the breeze. Why might this be so significant for me? I have always been reserved, false eyelashes are not reserved. I've always been attracted to trashy. As Dolly Parton says, "it takes a lot of money to make me look this cheap." I love that.
I'm distraught. I need to do something but don't know what. In the last two weeks, two people have killed themselves, young people, less than forty years old. Another has died, without any details released, suspected substance abuse. In the news, a man tried to jump off the river bridge. I have indignant anger over these events. I am angry that death seems to be winning, in reality HOPE lives and is very much alive. I want to know how to help. I feel like the despair that takes a life is the darkest, blackest hole. It needs to stop.
God blesses. Sometimes I wonder though, our perception of God blessing us. There is a part in the bible that talks about, blessed are those...who. And some of those who's would surprise us, if we take a seriously look at them. Blessed are those who mourn. I'm pretty sure anyone who mours doesn't feel blessed. But do you ever stop to wonder, if that isn't when God is closest to us. Oh you non-believers are just sitting there reading this being non-believers, I'd say I'm sorry but I'm not. Jesus loves you even if you don't believe.
Is it Spring, yet? Our winter, as mentioned earlier, has been mild. So I can't complain too loudly. The problem for me has been the extreme changes. One day, 70 degrees, the next it's snowing and 30 degrees. That is hard on me. I like warmth. I like the sun. I am ready for that. I am ready for nature to blossom around me. I want to be out from under the dark skies of winter. My son was born during the last week of March, almost 17 years ago. On his first birthday, we had a blizzard...remain optimistic!
"Our focus is often more concerned with improving our standard of living than improving the Kingdom of God through our circle of influence." (Marketplace Devotions) I bought a business 3 years ago, without a lot of money. In reality, thinking it would make me money, it hasn't. Matter of fact we have sunk a lot of our own money, that we didn't have, into it. I get discouraged. A lot. The fact that maybe I was put there to influence people instead of to be able to drive a Range Rover might ease my success oriented brain. What is success?
Monday, Monday..are you eagerly excited about a brand new week? Yeah, me neither. I dislike ruts, I don't want to admit that a rut has formed in my life, but I believe it has. I feel enslaved to a business, which needs a new spark. I need to find an outlet in which to express myself in a different manner. I think art-related things and creative things are like that...always looking for something new, different, innovative and fresh. That's where I am. I want to be the person in which people say, "what is she doing, now?"
Do you ever consider hungry children in America. The entire food stamp program makes me angry. I see people eating better than me, while paying on food stamps in grocery stores. I know there is major abuse in that system. Then, when for whatever reason, the child is the one that is left to go hungry. I want to scream. There is a program in our community that packs backpacks for kids to take home from school on the weekend, because the schools were noticing that kids came to school hungry on Monday. No money for food or negligent parenting?
First butterfly of the season, in March--I'm pretty sure that is a first. I also ran 3 miles without stopping, puking, or cussing and feel pretty good, that is a first. I've ran 3 miles before just not without stopping...and in my younger, more fit days. It's an accomplishment, for me. I just don't want it to become a 'have to' everyday. I don't want it to be an obsession. Because, I am just as happy walking. I guess I'm not goal oriented...or competitive, I have no desire to race. I just go to look for butterflies.
When two or more are gathered...that is what the Good Book says. So, I take prayer requests, pretty seriously. Sometimes I think I'm the only one who prays for me...so that becomes scary business. Lone ranger prayers. I dislike when someone says they will pray for you or for others and then, dismiss it. Having said that, I need some reassuring prayers that today will be ok. I am fearful of and dislike these things most of all. I am going in believing that all is well. Believing without doubting is the key and I know that. Amen.
I'm glad this is not an interactive site, I guess that would be a blog and there'd be a spot for comments. I'm glad some of my posts have no spot for comments. I guess sometimes, I don't want to hear what other people have to say. It isn't pride. I like having a place where I can openly and freely express my opinion and not be 'afraid' of the reaction. I think I've spent half of my life not expressing my opinion and the other half (ths far) filtering it, as not to start a fight. I dislike that.
St. Patricks Day has no real emotion attached to it for me. I know Irish is in my bloodline somewhere. I am Heinz 57, so pardon me for not knowing where my family truly originated. I am not a social drinker, so no rowdy brews for me. I used to like Riverdance, until my mother in law, got involved and now, it brings up non-pleasant memories. And yes, bagpipes, the joke that went bad. My husband plays them, I dislike them, now...The color green rests low on my color palette preferences. I do love Irish blessings and rainbows.
"Two of the biggest problems we have in relationships is an abundance of criticism and a lack of complimenting, encouraging and building each other up . Cast down every critical thought you have about others and make it your business to build them up." (Joyce Meyer Ministries)Admit it, how many times do we just look at a person and draw a conclusion. I just caught myself critically judging a stranger, yesterday. Imagine how lives would change in intimate relationships, if we didn't live so critically. It seems like everyone is really eager to give out criticism and not compliments. Why?
I posted this on facebook yesterday:"I don't have a problem with gay people. I have a problem with them using rainbows as their gay pride symbol...when it's clearly a symbol used by God to reassure us of His promises and of hope. So, it's already taken, find a new one. Sorry, I'm not." I did have someone who was offended, to which I am truly sorry. My thought went onto clarify. I despise the Christian fish symbol sporting 'legs' as an in your face comeback for evolution. I don't dislike those who believe in evolution. See, the difference?
I think life is funny. I find the most amusing things to entertain myself. It doesn't take much. Had a delivery to a funeral home located in a cemetery, yesterday. I was talking to my mom on my cell phone(circa 2009--haha). It went dead, dropped a call. I had to call her back and apologize....my words, "sorry, dropped a call, I must be in a 'dead zone'." I laughed all day at myself for that little bit of humor. I like to laugh at myself. I guess as long as I can entertain myself, I'll be ok.
We are approaching banks, once again, to attempt to get a commercial loan. Pretty sure the process is worse than going to a gynecologist. You feel so exposed. There is nothing left to the imagination. Either place. Our sales contract goes into a balloon payment the end of April(we owe the rest of what we purchased the business for). The clock is ticking. And I suppose, if a bank won't take my loan and the former owner wanted to play hardball..wow, I could no longer be a florist in 30 short days. That is a very foreboding feeling.
How can racism still be...? We live in a small rural community in the Midwest. When my son wears his "Stop Racism" shirt to school, he gets negative comments about it. Like today, an African-American gentleman was at school working on something, he stopped my son and asked him about his shirt. My son was ashamed to admit that there were some at his school who were racist. He replied, "yeah, I have been getting funny looks, I wondered why." He thanked my son for standing up for him. My son replied,"We are all equal in God's eyes."
Good morning world! A new day, a new dawn (true words spoken by Michael Buble)...and I'm feelin' fine. Anyway, today was going to be a date night, due to my son's change of plans, date night cancelled. My daughter is flying to some remote location, again. My son's ankle got injured at baseball. I have a lot on my plate in the shop. I have a dirty house, about 50 teenagers are coming to my house, tomorrow, and no birthday presents for my son, yet. Due to my divine interaction with God, I have peace and I feel fine.
My beautiful baby boy is 17 today. I adore my son. Raising a good son is challenging. He's a good kid. He's a hard-working kid. He has a heart of gold. He has a quick wit. He is a lady's man. Girls love this boy of mine. That, kind of scares me. His goals involve being a firefighter. That, really scares me. He brings great joy to my life. I still have two hard years of parenting ahead of me. One, to make sure his wings are in place and two, to make sure I can set him free.
I was amazed at a conversation I read between two people on facebook, the other day. It was between a lady who knows Jesus and a gentleman who didn't. Amazed is probably an understatement. The man described the word narcissistic to the highest degree. It makes me sad to think that's how someone views the world. I get mad at my 'group' of people because Lord knows we suck sometimes...but this man had little to no concern for anyone but himself. It's hard for me to imagine living this way. It is such a distinct opposite way of living...
Alrighty then, some of my beliefs were challenged yesterday. It makes me feel uncomfortable to debate my Christian beliefs with another Christian. Not that I always think I'm right, as many of you know, Christians are often not very open-minded. Get this correct, I have beliefs, a very strict code of what guides me. Many I know who are open-minded, want to write God out of the equation completely. I also have a strong ethical and moral code for myself. It does not mean I force that or anything else on others. God speaks to my heart, personally.
Gas prices... I never thought I'd write about such trivial crap. But in my opinion it's trivial in the grand-scheme of life. What I don't think is trivial is that we, the American people, are being scammed, conned and coerced into believing whatever the 'powers' choose to tell us. We've been told that it's because of hurricanes, tsunami's, war, drought, this country is mad at this country and this country is getting too friendly with this one...Today nuclear policy seemed to be the shallow excuse. How about lie-detector tests for those making millions off of crude oil?
Envy, not a pretty color. I am jealous of everyone sitting at the beach, right now. Our weather has been so mild, that I don't mind you are experiencing sun and warmth; it is the running away from life that I wish I was experiencing. Lots of people I know have traveled south to be on the beach. I sometimes believe I work harder, have more stress and deal with more than anyone else(I know, not true), but help me justify my envy, for a minute...am I not worthy of a break for my weary mind and soul?
Experiences with God, have you had any?I'm stepping out and going against what most people are indoctrinated to believe when it comes to Christianity. I believe God's seeks us, with a fervency. I believe He sends experiences to us and some will see, some will not...but it is there for all. This sends traditional evenagelistic theory reeling. Because most Christians want to believe some are special..and God picked them for a reason. And some people are just so bad, they'll never be able to know God. That's a lie. God's love is there, do you feel it?
Two geese rested on my neighbor's pond, awesome sight. As they moved briskly along on the water to avoid my curious dogs, they did so gracefully and without being startled. I wish my life was like that. They seemed to have no fear, handling unexpected situations with grace. I think everything that could 'broke' this week, in my world. I didn't handle it like the geese. Matter of fact when the business computer crashed, I layed down on the middle of the floor and 'crashed' myself(not with customers). Those things remind me I'm not in control and I struggle.
A really huge wish I have for myself, that will never happen, is that I would be able to eat anything and not gain a pound or a bunch of pounds. I've always been active, always...and always have had to watch every bite that goes into my mouth. Unfair. Food is such a comfort for me. I have no other vices(minus an occassional glass of wine) and a donut could pretty much cure my life of all its woes. However, another thought I wish I could grasp is that skinny isn't always appealing, I should embrace the curves!
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