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It threw me off at first to see 2012 in the heading for December. Just a typo on the programmer's part. In my circle there is so much talk of the impending doom next year with the significant year tied to the Mayan calendar. For me I'm more worried about the next Presidential election next November. I don't care to see either party in office nor do I want a Tea Partier. I'm already tired of the Republican debates and forget about Herman Cain. He's such a liar and scumbag politician. The countdown begins for it all to unfold. Yipee!!
Since I'm no longer a coffee drinker this past year Iíve figured I saved roughly $1,000.00 on buying those drinks. It was close to a daily ritual of stopping at my local coffee shop and ordering a double tall americano. The coffee was roasted on site and the owner takes great pride in using the best beans. At $3.00 a drink that adds up fast. But a year ago for health reasons I stopped drinking coffee. I miss the ritual and that first sip of the day. Nothing like it but I prefer saving my money.
I tried to write entries while the site was down and save them in a document but as it got closer to Christmas I just stopped. Now I have a lot of catching up to do. How many entries to write? Lost track and I'll just do what I can when I can. It was difficult being away and the daily aspect of writing has become a crucial part of my day. I feel more focused with a sense of purpose when I write these entries. Who knew it could be so simple. One word at a time I'll write.
Despite not having the format for 100 words Iím still writing and saving as a document. However, I seem to be struggling with writing these entries. Having that format really makes a difference. I canít stay focus and I need to keep at it on a daily basis. I can still check the word count in the word program and everything else depends on me writing. So, right now Iím just typing up sentences to fill this up. Only nineteen more words to go and then Iíll be done with this entry. This is so lame.
Not a surprise but Iím not into Christmas this year. I canít remember a year that I really was excited about it. My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. Iíd love to fast forward starting on Black Friday and run it through New Yearís. Miss it all. The gift buying, wrapping presents, decorating the tree, sending Christmas cards, making cookies, dealing with crowds, stores and mall parking lots. Spending money that we canít afford for all what? Keeping up with a tradition that I donít believe in or want to be a part of. Bah humbug.
Nothing beats making a pot of soup especially on a cold December day. I pulled the rest of the leeks out of the garden and along with potatoes made my favorite soup. This comes from the Joy of Cooking and calls for three tablespoons of melted butter in a large soup pot and add eight chopped leeks using only the white bulb. Saute for 20 minutes and then add three large potatoes peeled, and cut in thin slices along with five cups of chicken broth. Simmer and cook 30 more minutes. When done, puree and season with salt and pepper.
Iím in full hibernation mode. Each winter I try and fight it and force myself to socialize but I really I prefer to be home. These are two quotes I found.
ďStay, stay at home, my heart and rest, homekeeping hearts are happiest.Ē Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.
ďThere is a privacy about it which no other season gives you. . . In spring, summer and fall people sort of have an open season on each other; only in the winter, in the country, can you have longer, quiet stretches when you can savor belonging to yourself.Ē Ruth Stout
I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. To be in company, even with the best, is soon wearisome and dissipating. I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. A man thinking or working is always alone, let him be where he will. Solitude is not measured by the miles of space that intervene between a man and his fellows. The really diligent student in one of the crowded hives of Cambridge College is as solitary as a dervis in the desert.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Lisa barely made the 4:00pm BART train from Union Square heading to Berkeley for her friendís, annual Christmas Party. With five days till Christmas, the train was packed with shoppers, arms full of packages. Grabbing a seat Lisa immediately noticed the man slumped over probably sleeping, good chance homeless. Her instincts told her something wasnít right. She got up and walked over. He was clean cut, early thirties, eyes closed but his coloring had a bluish pallor. She went to check his pulse. Yelling into the crowd, she screamed, ďheís not breathing, does anyone know CPR.Ē
It continues to be shocking to hear of more couples separating or planning to divorce. The news spreads within my small community. It isn't gossip just the facts. I've noticed it comes in waves and at times makes me wonder if marriage can really work? I know my parents have proven that it can though they are of another generation.
There is no easy way.The problems and difficulities are always there to work through and figure out how to love each other. I'm seeing that love is the answer through it all. Every day love each other.
On this evening I can write about my husband playing his guitar while he's watching football. The dog's asleep on the floor with the cat curled up on the ottoman. Our house is cozy with a fire in the woodstove and the twinkling lights on the Christmas tree. It is still two weeks away with more to do than I care to think about but I'm not letting myself get overstressed. I'm stepping back from the expections and we're doing what is comfortable for our budgets. No spending more than we can afford. It's not necessary to go into debt.
I'm making headway with getting these entries finished with twelve more to go. This month was the exception and still never heard why the delay. Just write an entry at a time and finish up the month of December. This will be nine months of writing 100 words which will be nine completed batches. That's 244 entries I've written and I didn't think I could even finish one month. I've learned a lot through this process and look forward to starting another year. I'm actually looking forward to it and thinking about doing Script Frenzy in April. That's some progress.
The two parties involved had no idea of their actions. It started innocently at first and over time grew into something neither one could imagine. To try and explain it would stop the flow of energy. At this point the only thing that made sense was move forward. No second guessing on this one. Once the justification began it would be over and neither wanted that to happen. It was a self fulfilling prophecy that started this off and it would end in bliss or they would crash and burn. Two options and only one choice would be made today.
Finishing the rest of my entries in order to complete this month. At this point I feel as though I'm just writing whatever I can do to complete. It really doesn't matter if I wrote the same thing yesterday or the day before that. My sinuses are stuffed up and my eyes sore and itchy. This feels like allergies. I'll have to make some changes in my diet if I can muster the energy to do that. Bottom line I'm junking my body with poor food choices. In January I'll be seeing the naturopathic doctor for an appointment and supplements.
He's grading books from class and intently going through each one. Sometimes he'll stop and read one. I'm amazed at what thirteen year olds are writing about.
I am a master composer. I struggle over key signatures. I am a New York Times Bestseller. I struggle to diagram sentences. I am the strongest person in the world. I can't even do a pull-up. I am a dancer till my shoes fall apart. I barely bust a move. I am a lusty lover with a wild side. I cringe at the thought of touch. I am a noncomformist.
I'm exhausted and so full of excuses. I go on automatic just reciting how I can't do something right, not good enough, blah, blah, blah. Yada, yada, yada. So much negative input where it is so simple to let the words come out positive. What does it really take? The thoughts come into the brain, you open your mouth to speak the words. I heard someone say "your tongue is your rudder." Whatever you say has an impact. As I finish this entry I'll take this more seriously into my day. Think before you speak and speak kind words everyday.
Her upbringing comes right from the Jerry Springer show. A childhood of abuse, dysfunction and poverty. It's hard to believe that someone could endure so much and yet have a positive outlook on her life. She has no grudges or resentments about her past. As far as I can tell she's moved past it all. As I hear some of the stories I have so much compassion for her. I know she wouldn't want me or others to feel sorry for her. That's the last thing she would want. She was born into the chaos and her spirit has persevered
After this entry I have only six more to write to complete December's batch. Little by little I can do this. I'm reading more this month and enjoying some current book I've checked out of the library. I'm reading mostly fiction with some interesting plot lines that I seem to figure out before the author reveals what is going to happen. It doesn't seem to be so obvious but I usually can tell the direction. All in all I have the extra time to read and what better time to do it than the winter. I'm taking advantage of it.
The countdown begins with less than a week till Christmas. I only finished writing out my cards tonight and will mail them in the morning. It was much later than previous years but those are expectations I put on myself. This season I have the freedom to do just what I want, not what I think I should be doing. As this month ends I am letting go all the "woulds, shoulds, coulds" in my life. No longer do I have the old beliefs holding me back. This is a affirmation to myself that I deserve good things every day.
The two were inseparable as kids especially during the summer months. Between their two houses they would ride bikes back and forth and hang out and play. When they were younger they played dolls for hours at a time. As they got older and into boys they listened to albums, playing James Taylor and Carole King over and over. It was an easy friendship despite being a year apart. As they entered high school they slowly drifted apart and moved into different circles. The friendship gave them more than either could imagine in a time of uncertainty. It was perfect.
Today, is December 21st, the winter solstice and I look forward to the marking that the light will return. I feel that I live more for the winter solstice than I actually do for Christmas day. I guess I'm more pagan than Christian. Let me sit around a bonfire and take in more of what nature as intended us to be doing. Running around to shopping malls, fighting over merchandise, buying and wrapping presents that have little meaning or desire goes against my belief system. This Christmas season I'm returning to a simpler time. That is my gift to myself.
An unexpected change in my day today. I joined my husband as he had a number of errands to do with the county planning department. Stepping into beaucratic offices is not fun any time of the year. This week is an exception. Very few people need to do business there, this is better than expected. We found out the planning department thought we had a so called "cottage" on our property which was actually a garden shed. The part they didn't like it was over the size limit and not originally coded for permit. Just a snafu to clear up.
She is someone not many people are trusting right now. He met her while out dancing sixteen months ago and within four months she moved into his home. Within the next few months they were designing her dream dance/healing studio back in the woods. She told him she wanted it to be eleven sides with a dome ceiling and wanted it done by November 11, 2011. In eight months he built her the studio and it was completed by November 11th. The building is perfect in every way. He said "building it was a labor of love." It is.
I'm spending the morning cleaning and getting the house ready for guests tomorrow. Doing a major vacuum throughout the house and sucking up all the dog and cat hairs on couches and sitting surfaces. I can't miss the cobwebs in the corners near the wood stove. Once I start the process no settling for less since it'll look and feel better. Just a few more groceries and some candles for the table and I'll be done. Everything is finished for a festive Christmas gathering of good friends. Family is too far for us to travel though our love is there.
Christmas Day was overshadowed by the tragic news of a freak accident. With high winds whipping through I anticipated a power outage. What was revealed was worse. This family of five whom I know personally couldn't imagine by the end of the day their youngest daughter would be dead. Driving through the high winds they never saw the tree fall and within seconds crashed down on the roof of their SUV. Their nine year old daughter didn't make it. Her name was Tobiah and she was known as Zippy. She was a big spirit, so full of love. RIP Zippy. ♥
My heart just aches with sadness. Waking up and spending most of the morning on the phone. My sister called and it was good to connect with her. Her religious faith keeps her strong throughout life's adversity. She is my rock in hard times and before hanging up she said she'd pray for this family who lost their daughter. Since last night I'm burning a candle in remembrance of Zippy and I know many others are doing the same. In the meantime the dad is going through sugery today on injuries he sustained in the accident. His prognosis is good.
Today I was back to work and I felt like I was on autopilot. Just doing what was in front of me and not putting much thought or energy into my job. Guess with the last four days off I'm not thrilled with being back. It'll be a short week again with having Friday off and then back to work the following Monday. I'm so raw with my emotions and feelings. Seeing others who feel the same way is comforting right now. The shock has worn off and help is being put in place which the family needs right now.
Today I had a scheduled morning meeting and then work after that. I was on the verge of crying at the meeting and pretty much throughout the day. I'm on an emotional roller coaster right now with hormones all over the map. After work I walked the dog in the woods which was helpful. He ran and played smelling for deer and the joy of watching him brought me back to earth. Dinner was spent at friends for a belated Christmas gathering and we were treated to fresh crab and steak. Lots of laughter, long discussions which was defintely needed.
Rain and cooler temperatures are back but no snow is in the forecast. The same gray skies with no sign of the sun in any direction. It dampers the spirits and trying to remain optimistic despite what the weather brings. After work today I'll have a massage which the tension in my neck and shoulders has flared up. Time to relax, take care of myself and nuture my needs. I'm grateful for the friends in my life. Their emails, phone calls and connection to FB is helpful right now. Whatever it takes I want to be present with my feelings.
Tonight I heard the truth being told. Heartfelt feelings shared one by one around the room. Men women, young and old. They all have one primary purpose in this lifetime. Tell the truth, over and over. Show up and reveal to God and to others a willingness to change. It is all about change. Feel the spirit within the rooms. Most of all be grateful. What is more important is living in the day. Carpe diem, sieze the day. Live your life according to what God has in store. It is comforting to know it is freely given. Just accept.
The last day of the year is finally here. I will spend time reflecting on the past year and making some changes in areas that are needed. I'm glad neither one of us likes the New Year's Eve party scene. Why spend an evening getting so drunk you feel like crap starting off the new year? Plus they'll be too many amateurs on the road. Save your money, stay home and create your own fun. We'll be celebrating in a healthy manner with good friends and come midnight we'll be shooting off fireworks. Hope everyone has a Happy New Year!
The Tip Jar