BY Mikey

10/01 Direct Link
Bad month down, boring montn starting.
This month I've decided to become more observant, take a step back so people don't notice me. I'll be the centre of attention on my terms, not because you shallow bastards expect it.
I'm getting really annoyed at these people who are loved by everyone for being a complete cunt, because they treat people like shit and nobody puts them down. The sods, they get all the money, all the girls, all the popularity, all the attention, all the admiration, they're always happy. But they're always ignorant, so guess i win there. Shallow victory.
10/02 Direct Link

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
10/03 Direct Link
I often think I was born too late. Would love to have lived fifty years ago. Now everythings digital and thigs just seem bleaker.
I'm rebelling without a army and without a real cause, then everything just seems more impressive. Want to say a "simpler time" but it really wasn't, just far more appealing. But that's impossible and is therefore irrelevant.
I was considering time today, like how ten minutes to someone could seem like more or less. This led me to consider how time is at a constant and never changes but the persons perception does change. Again irrelevant.
10/04 Direct Link
This is important I guess, even though I'm really not intersted. The only reason I turn up each day is to be distracted, and chat to the odd person.
So no, I won't be playing your silly little games that don't benfit me in any way. I want it to, but weighing up the situation, it's better to remain. Reschdule? Maybe.
I won't smile, can't, not like any of you so refuse to act like it. Can't force, like the muscles repulse the very motion of adapting.
Panic this morning, but it was matter over mind, never those again.
10/05 Direct Link
I realised today who I can really count on. Nobody. Especially not me. All people do is let each other down and bullshit.
I simply don't care. Easy enough.

Just because I'm standing here and nodding, like I'm going to say anything that isn't already common knowledge. I really couldn't care less about who's chasing after who. None of the people's business. You disgust me.
So that's what it is? No correcting my grammar doesn't count as a win, smug smile, abusive reply.
One day I'll leave this chaos, guitar on back, stumble into the distance. Become someone.
10/06 Direct Link
Above that small collection of people I'd happily punch, sits another group, so vile and worthless. Snitches. They sicken me. Welcome to the world were standing your ground drops you in more shit then the lying bastard in the first place.
Well done, your out. I can't have people around me, listening and regurgitating exaggerated lies to anyone.

Maybe it's a sign of maturity, I played along through the motions, acknowledging every little hole, but didn't moan, was polite and won. Shallow people jumping on my bandwagon, for now.
This is why I only trust a single person.
10/07 Direct Link
I have decided I want to find a girlfriend, but I tend to fuck things up, and can't stand the bitchy girls I'm stuck amongst all day. Still it's a thought I guess, since I'll end up having to settle for second best anyway.
Anyway, my attempts to present are frankly laughable. The crowds I can kind of deal with, they just annoy me, then it's just a case of alternating the voice until a tone is found that makes things strangly sound funny, to them anyway, I found it tedious. So yes they went very well.
10/08 Direct Link
Well tonight was a disaster from I what I can remember. The bloody moaning, if it's so bad piss off, was actually trying to be positive. Rain was good, the people, not so much. What a waste of fucking time, and I was some what looking forward to it, that's what you get for being positive about anything, loads of fucking misery. These people are against me anyway, any opportunity and I'd be screwed in some way.
Dammit why'd I say those words again, just ignore it, please don't leave me again.
10/09 Direct Link
This is getting rather droll now. I do nothing yet have simply no time in which to do anything. I'm bitter, bitter and angry. They promised, they lied, I knew nothing would happen but leaving me in the dark for two months, that's cruel.
Now I'm expected to work, be like everyone else, and it's getting harder to pretend. Can't concentrate, nothing is going in, just remember those fucking numbers.
Such a mess, expect what you want from me, I'm just going to do my own thing regardless. Thats all I can do, one day I'll explain to you.
10/10 Direct Link
Let me tell you a story, he enters the room and sits down, theres a space next to him, he's avoided. He sits there, silently, compulsivly checking the watch, not in control. Striving to fit in, yet trying to be himself. Time passes... everyone's talking to each other, he sits there, trying to look happy. Feeling the muscles in the face giving some sort of upset frown, desperately trying to smile. He's paranoid, is everyone staring at him? Most likely not. Staring at the paper, begging himself to remember it, making deals with himself, promises. His promises are always broken.
10/11 Direct Link
Today I tried to blend in. It was one of the eerie silences where if you whisper to the person nearby it's overheard so you may as well announce everything. I listen, I speak, they laugh. There laughing at snide comments aimed at them now and again, but have to resist them, better to be liked I guess. So it wasn't I complete disaster, don't know who any of them are but they seemed friendly. Even if I try to be funny, it's nothing I'd laugh at, just know what makes people react. Or masking the grim misery with a remark here and there.
10/12 Direct Link
Just stop and look how insignificant you are, in the scheme of things a blink in the past million years. Nobody really matters, they come and go like seasons. Your not important, or funny, or remotely interesting, I bet there are thousands who act the same thinking their little hierarchy is in anyway relevant to the world. Such disasters as "forgetting breakfast", or "no finding clothes", aren't fucking issues, just brats being brats. But we all need to rush out and get material goods, as if we need them, what a waste of time. Open your eyes, actually look around.
10/13 Direct Link
3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3
4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4
3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3
4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4
3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3 4 3
10/14 Direct Link
So now the hornets nest has been kicked, and I will win. The only reason I bother doing most thing is to either beat them or prove I'm right, and the gauntlets been dropped.
Don't group me with those bastards, I'm neither average or like them so exclude me, I am every other time.
Remember, you don't tell me what I can and can't do, figure that out myself, it blocks my creativity. Ha, a write without a muse and permenant writers block, "brilliant".
I'm not in a fucking mood, well, sod off, doesnt matter. Huh.
10/15 Direct Link
Now here's a thought, why bother collecting anything, sure you could have the biggest collection of stamps, or cars, or films, but why? That sudden buzz or achieveing something, the foolish sense of pride, or a mental trap forcing the collector into it. I'm sure when these collectors are dead, their collections will continue, not. Their grabbing families will destroy the lifes work because money is clearly more important.

There are two divides in life, money and relationships. One I don't want, the other I can't seem to get, but I'll let you decide which ones which.
10/16 Direct Link
More stressed and miserable then ever. I keep telling myself I'll fix things myself after hopes are dashed, yet nothing ever happens. In two years I'll be trapped here unable to move on, it sounds ridiculous but to me it really isn't. Guess nobody else will ever really understand. I don't know what to do, stuck, a bloody brilliant system. I don't want to seem like I'm always complaining about this stuff, but it contolrs my life so its all there really is to talk about. This is fucking with me far too much, im amazed i guess.
10/17 Direct Link
I know it shouldn't bother me and it always seems like another thing but it really isn't my fault this time. Just all this fucking stigma that people attatch to stuff, as if its not possible that theres other reasons for these things to happen. For life, they are cursed, thrown into a group that in no way applies to them. Little minded pricks judgein them other frankly an irrelevant thing. but no, what a fucking age we live in. I might not be open minded, but i'd never judge shit like that, whatever you think I'm talking about, your not even close.
10/18 Direct Link
What's that? Oh another missed oppertunity, not that I would want to go, but its a joke how i wouldnt be able to. Well, I'm going to have to start dragging myself through this stuff just to adapt. Guess it sounds pretty pathetic? Such joy.
Now I wonder, why hurl me into a cramped building and moan about how greatful we should be, I see no reason to be grateful? it's expected, not wanted, not wanted aye, how relatable. Right twenty words left to do, incase you havent noticed dear reader I did nothing if real value today.
10/19 Direct Link
It's always "I'll start tomorrow", then nothing happens or I move several steps back, things just don't really interest me anymore. I'm epecially not interested in being shrieked at, benefitting me in no way. I was irritated already, so patronising me and telling me to consider other views. All fucking day I'm consider a manner of things actually. As for this whole not believeing due to ignorance, I enjoy ignorance, it's a barrier from the cruel world.
But my thoughts turn to the weekend, I doubt it will be exciting as I want it to be but, makes a change.
10/20 Direct Link
I will never comprehend the purpose of small talk. Fuck it, get straight to the point or shut up! It's perfectly simple. Obviously exceptions.
So asking me how my day is before immediately changing due to my answer. If you don't approve tough. Because living like you is really going to get me anywhere. As far as I'm concerned your just there, have a limited purpose, and are just too nice to complete cunts. So what an age, why speak if liberal crap is all that will come out. Sorry I'm so disappointing with the way I act, not.
10/21 Direct Link
Did I make a fool out of myself tonight? This was written in the future ofcourse, I could barely speak yet alone write on this evening. Yet I never have enough to properly affect me, like I become sick before it kicks in, so I power through. At least I wasn't the only one throwing up everywhere.
It's strange trying to remember, the mind warps events, did they really happen? I know I pissed a lot of people off, blame it on the booze, but had a decent time. Wake up with some random things next to me... interesting
10/22 Direct Link
I miss last night, for those few short weeks I became somebody interesting, and could blame everything on the alcohol. Why better way to tell people you politely hate them.
Now what, has it become too mainstream? Too established? Too cold? Too boring? Come on people, open your fucking eyes, if the worlds what you make of it expect it to be good and it will be.
Is this the last time? I hope not, made me social, but alas anything decent must end. Or never begin. Just got to wait around now, how interesting.
10/23 Direct Link
If every generation casts off the interests of their parents, then surely current music is irrelevant because it will quickly be forgetton soon l, it's hardly timeless. Now here's where I come in, now how difficult can it be to write songs, let's be honest not that difficult. It's glorified poetry, but do people but it because the tune or relatable lyrics. Or simply to be fashionable. Maybe this is just how out of time I really am, missing days that I was not even in, guess its quite pathetic really. But I'll let the guitar speak.
10/24 Direct Link
Maybe this self imposed isolation wasn't such a good thing, Sure it allowed me to escape those dull hours, but it's left me as quite the outcast. It's as if I wanted to ditch that lifestyle, but it ditched me first. I've seen the outside world, and want to experience it more, but that was the ticket, and the ticket was smashed apart.
Now days of reclusive boredom begin, less achieved then usual, just sitting there. Miserable thoughts my only ally. The guitar echos, how intersting, in my reality I can play the best, in this one, not a note.
10/25 Direct Link
Well this is bleak. Been outcast by everyone, it's as if I've become a leper. Always excuses as to why nobody will go near me, well fuck them. Watching the world from my window, oh why did I destroy my only contact with them? This is great, so happy.
Don't patronise me, condisend with pityful results, two weeks of dread, them set me up as the villain. Well excuse me.
Time goes slower when nothings happening, almost as if you are aware of the seconds ticking past. well such joy. It's only tuesday, guess i need a new hobby.
10/26 Direct Link
It was sunny today, I noticed while wondering around the highly fashionable outlets of pounce-land. I crave to buy a coat that costs more then a television, or a horrible waste of fabric that has been saved with the printing of some designers name all over it. Maybe one day I too will become orignal by covering myself in the same dull brand as everyone else.
That isn't serious if you haven't already gathered, clothes shopping is a joke, it's all about staying in a frame of mind and ignoring the fashions freaks around you.

Trying to stay positive.
10/27 Direct Link
Today watches ghost town, it was clearly put on on purpose to attempt to change my negative outlook. It failed obviously. What a waste of time, sorry if I spoil it for you, the first half was good.
Basically the whole nagging principal of ghost unfinished business from a lonely dentist. He believed that since we essentially live alone, we die alone and ghost alone. Well correct. You can dissapointingly attempt to find a relationship only to try again when a ghost. So why bother the first time? I found the second half dull and clique, accurate description right there.
10/28 Direct Link
What a great day, being let down in every possible way. Yes I am a poet, apparently.
Fucking annoying, as if people are incapable of thinking, it's no different to any other week but you need a set list. Bloody hell. The ignorance is a pain, don't just it you fools. Next time I'll telegram an invitation two years in advance?
So sorry I don't fit into your precious schedule. Just the invisible prick on the other side of the phone. One day, an hour anything, but nope. Ha so that's how things are then. Great, just great.
10/29 Direct Link
This isn't changed, regardless of the layers of paint, new furniture, new possessions, it hasn't changed. A room is a room, it serves a purpose, apparently. Regardless of what's put in it or what happens to it, it will have always been how it was before. So is change irrelevant? Or should it be something more. I will always see this room how it used to be, only now it's darker and emptier. Everything relevant to me has gone, it's a shell, where time alters and madness erupts. What little remains.
Now apply the same principle to people. Funny isn't it?
10/30 Direct Link
Cameras are pretty pointless in my opinion. Rather then actually experience anything they'd rather photograph every useless aspect of the time in question. Is it for bragging though? I see pictures of parties and know I wouldn't want to be within a million miles of then. Is it to show their "cooler"? I mean wow between twenty people they got through a couple beers and some low percent spirit. Such an accomplishment. Or is this how things are now? People would rather document their insignificant lives in the hope of people viewing these dumb pictures will in some way boost their popularity.
10/31 Direct Link
Halloween, another useless gift giving day, but this time instead of upholding a deal they beg. The whole idea is frankly laughable, dress up in horror costumes and give various people the empty threat of "trick or treat".
The costumes of pityful, scare me? Try dressing up as stuff from my past, anything else is pathetic. People act like begging one a year is socially exceptable, but they wouldn't give the homeless anything at any other point in the year. So happy halloween.

I dug myself so far into a hole, I forgot why I was annoyed, sorry.