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Ball, more like ballshit.
As if I would want to be there. Dressed in a suit, looking like a dick wishing I was at home, surrounded by people I hate, oh what fun.
Loads of fugly girls moaning about how long it took them to dress like whores while the dicks around them are only there to fuck them.
Yay, getting judged by people who's opinion counts for nothing, yay.
"But it was SO fun, it's the last time everyone will be together."
I should care why? Fuck them, with a couple of exceptions.
Went to the carnival procession thing today. The only reason half of the bothered showing up was for the float of "fit girls".
There were no "fit girls".
I'm not sure what they were expecting to be honest. Like the council is going to allow a float of topless girls, but god forbid anyone listens to me.
A massive I told you so moment ensured, that is after nearly two hours of standing in some extreme heat.
So please councils of the world, allow a carnival float of "fit girls", actually that's a good idea.
Two months, two months with nothing to do. Then two more years of crap. That however many more of bullshit. Some religious type was moaning at me the other day. Telling me to stop denouncing religion and all that crap.
Well, after explaining my exact views on religion which are actually true. I wasnt even trying to annoy them, it was just being honest.
Oh well, not like I could really give a fuck. The bias pricks hurling bibles at anyone who will listen, like they know anything from their "perfect" lives, have they ever suffered? Nope.
All these people applying for jobs now. While I wouldn't mind one I don't think I could manage it.
Since I'd probabnly have to tell the boss what's actaully wrong with me which I would not do I would get treated differently which I wouldn't want to be.
Or I could not say like I do at school and spend some days in agony. Well varying agony.
Such a dilemma, maybe I'll just find a hobby and hopefully that will be a distraction. Well I've always got this website to ramble on.
Which is amazing by the way.
Why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why me?
Can nobody else actually see just how shit the world is?
It's a joke, the corrupt, criminal, and all round scumbag flourish. While the rest of the world is left trailing behind.
Then people ramble on about "fair", nothings fucking fair. If everyone's the same why are people in hospital or being picked on, or get killed?
They go on about religion, when all anyone really worships is money.
So yes the more of a vile bastard you are the better the world is, hooray! That's great news.
Whereas I don't give a fuck.
Fuck fuck fuckty fuck. Dammit, it's been 23 hours and no reply. Fuck. I can guess want the answer will probably be. Fuck. Not the one I want, but people never get what they want.
Great, time has stopped again, or rather slowed more that usual, it's been 23 ten minutes now still no word.
Eugh fuck, just waiting.
Back to the shitty field later, oh what a joy that will be, can hardly wait to stand alone and be ignored for hours.
23 hours tweleve minutes, wow time is going slowly, tick tock, tick tock.
I'd like to say I remember everything that happened last night, but then again I often forget what happened the day before.
Yeah it was better then the last ones, actually talked to bareable, and managed to offend quite a lot of worthless people. Only got slapped a few times and kicked, not sure what all these little cuts on my knuckles are though, I think it's the field itself.
I drank quite a lot more then half the drunk people there. Based on how my head hurts no more then it normally does today I guess it not a hangover.
I hate walking, not the process of walking, just walking itself.
Being judged based on a simple walk cycle it's stress I could do without.
"Just walk in a way thats comfortable to you"
That's perfect when a couple of times a step your panicing about the steps your taking and moving the arms and if hands are in pockets, etc.
Yet another thing I really don't want to have to deal with, fucking hate everything.
Then I notice everyone else not caring and it makes me more miserable and bitter. Fuck's sake :'(
So, I don't really have anything to write about, well I do but that's unimportant.
All this time off is not as tedious as I thought it would be. Sadly it gives me far to much time to think. Which in turn makes me more miserable so it's great really. Oh well, fuck it.
All these fools ramble on about how they wish they were young because things weren't so serious then, fucking hell things were still the same they just were not aware. I on the other hand was, which wasn't ideal but was realistic.
There are too many maybe's, pehaps', possibly, could be's, might be's, in the world.
It will always end up being a no regardless so the words are not really needed, just a way of filling the void in awkward conversation.
Got 55 words to use, 51 50 49 48 47 46 45 44 43 42 41 40 39 38 37 36 35 34 33 32 31 30 29 28 27 26 25 24 23 22 21 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Eugh, why I am allowed to speak?
Inadvertently mumbling unnecessary bullshit, and pointless conversation that bares no relevance to anything or anyone.
Still, while I sadly can't be cutoff from the rest of the world I can avoid it. Hey when treated like an outcast one may as well be one.
But if I'm amongst them I can't escape for when I fuckup the conversation, so it's better to avoid all together.
It's been a week and no reply, another example of fucking everything up. Meh, better fucking things up then saying nothing.
Such an amazing walk, I just love talking to her. Through some field I never knew existed, with the friendliest dog I've ever met. Brilliant conversation. Then I stupidly mumble about the message, dammit.
Last time I asked, was a joke, hadn't been outside in years, scared of the world, not anymore, all the shit stopped when I went I went to town.
Could barely push the words out hiding behind "hypothetically" and such. Not now.
If anything study leave was a blessing, allowing me to escape that daytime prison, soulcrushing building of hierachy isolation.
So this is meant to be exciting? Sitting in a cricket pitch. Wow I really am distanced from everyone else. Their rambling on about something now, and looking at me... Better insert some remark that's apparently hilarious, shame I can't lock my jaw shut.
Well this is quite the turn out, I mean I knew I was adored and popular, but the grand total of seven people actually want to talk to me, that's some good going out of three hundred.
Such ridiculous conversation, all hiding the truth in silly complements. Yet brutal honesty is horrible apparenty, better then bullshitting people.
So people finally realised they can block, mute, and ignore me, well fuck and fuck everyone else. All I need isy iPod no people, no possessions, nothing. Then I can go fuck off and rot somewhere away from the fucking inbred excuse of a society.
No I don't want to return to fucking education, that shit-hole of a building can be blamed for everything. The only way I'll escape this dead end town is with qualifications, while the cunts are treated like royalty and adored for no fucking reason well that's fucking marvellous. Fuck the awnser I don't care now.
Oh crap, that isn't what I wanted to read. Nothing is going right anymore, saying that though when was anything ever going right for me.
That's brilliant, it could have been great. Npthing can be done. Has to happen to me though, yes to everyone else.
What else is fucked up, well the pathetic excuse of treatment, whihc involves being left with no word for weeks at a time, thanks alot govenment.
So yes, I've never been so happy, nothing is going right and everything is screwed up, while all this cunts have amazing lives. fucks sake.
So, here's the final 100words entry I plan to do, at least until I have something vaguely happy to write about.
Ofcourse I'm pissed off, I'm better that the ponce cunt, more obsessed with some shitty jazz, how can I be worse the that clueless cunt with outlandish views of money, and a clueless need to follow people. As for that patch work cunt, the fact that he even attempted to pick on me years ago makes me despise him. So fuck them, and fuck the world.
So yeah, I will return, once I find something decent and upbeat, so never.
My abandoning of 100words went well then, a whole 24 hours. I realised just how empty my day was when the only real highlight is moaning about my dreadful life on 100words.
Went to town again, wow they actually wanted me to go, thats exciting. Could it be that people are able to tolerate me? How intersting, those who can't can go fuck themselves.
Why everything always resorts back to swearing, I don't really find it offensive, just a way of describing in all honesty. But people get pissy at anything, take the crazy frog for example, thanks alot mary whitehouse.
Watching al these crappy kids shows before, not the current shit, but the old stuff. Was still quite decent, reminded me of the times before I released everything was so shit. Pretty ridiculous messages they lace into in though, "friendship", "equality", "fairness", all optimist ideas. Doesn't happen in the real world.
Well that's what I think anyway and don't really care if people disagree because they haven't had to experience anything in their "wonderful" lives. Now for the typical "fuck them" remark.
How far I've fallen since those programmed used to be on, meh, nothing I can do.
Had some stupid dream last night, what I can remember of it made little sense. Still the dreams better then the nightmare of reality, and I'm less fucked up.
in some town, message to go to this house, cross the town. Reach the house to meet someone, Walk back. House haunted?, controls employees. leave.
got a job in the antique Shop opposite you. Have to put stamps on thing for hours.
Then a menu appears, I win £500, then these Beatles Wii-like games.
Then end up packing a bag to travel to some weird island with four strangers.
People who say thing's are "sad" pisses me off. Why the fuck does it matter to them what people do, fuck them. Some simple shit who is attempting to mimick the flavour of the month. Or some upper class ponce cunt who wants to be from the ghetto and complains about their "tough" life.
So let people do what they want so long as I don't have to hear about or be part of it, or near it, or affected by it in some why.
So yeah, in summery, do what you want, sod the haters just dont bore me.
Well, that isn't ideal. Not ideal at all.
Planned it in my head, wrote it down, then again.
Then I have no way of controling and I'm fucked, yet again.
They said they would get back to me, that was a month ago, great. They said they WOULD help, not they could, or might.
Just up it, they did, I didn't notice a difference.
Everyday things become more bleaker. I need fixing in the next month. I can't take two more years, I just can't. Will have to though, no choice, ah fuck, why me?
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself all day, and do these "great things" you seem so obsessed with doing."
I could... Or you could fuck off and not interfere with my business.
They must think I enjoy this, every day being so "pleasant". Get told I'm "making too big a deal", or even "exaggerating", well fuck them, as if they would dare accuse me of bullshitting.
Well that's people for you, no back bone any of them, would rather accuse me of lying then do anything.
Btw, I'm not lying, spend a single day in my shoes, you'll know what I mean then.
Eugh I hate myself. Just everything. Hate mirrors, those horrible contraptions that show how you are seen by others, or pictures, as much as I avoid the cold lens I get cornered in these situations when the only escape leaves me sounding more fucked up then usual.
Wow life's exciting, it's half one in the morning, nothing happening, nothing ever happening. Just hopping from xbox game lobby to lobby talking to anyone that will listen. Ofcourse they would rather swear at me, so I reply. Guess their not big on philosophy early in the morning. Meh, back to silence.
It's however many months to Christmas, oh five. People make such a big deal out of it, and for what? Material items they don't really need. Now I'm not saying be charitable, don't even get me started, but it's just an excuse for advertises to bend crap to entice simpletons to buy snow branded rubbish.
Then this whole blackmailing thing that if people aren't good they won't get anything for christmas. Considering I never want anything and would rather sleep through the day it doesn't really work. The same for birthdays, no interest in any of it. How happy! Wow!
Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat Lies.
Went out again today. Don't see why I did, but it's better then sitting alone with time to think.
Nothing good comes of hours to think and wonder and consider.
Just wandered around, nothing really materialised. Truely exciting. Still, the three of them are alright to me and seem decent enough.
Also went to town yesterday, I know, I am terribly exciting. Then just stuck on xbox until the earlier hours and I bore myself to sleep.
Nothing else really worth talking about, although nothing is ever really worth talking about when you think about it.
Ah fuck, I started panicking last night, finally realised how frightfully close it is to September. Just sat there for hours, trying to cobble some logical anything together. Trying to concentrate, I really am fucked. I just can't take two more years like this. They promised, years ago, then of late, nothing... Nothing at all. This truly isn't ideal, so welcome to my miserable world.
Still, all the so called "great people" have suffered and I have established I'm different to everyone else. Yet it doesn't help my current predicaments. Shame all my entries can't be positive logs of happy days, not.
Started playing oblivion today. I am really doubtful of the 100 plus hour length these idiot reviewers claim, since I tend to undercut their tomes by at least 25%. Will probably have finished it by Tuesday? 40 ish hours? Just got to make sure I don't fuck the save file up.
The average gamerscore is about ten thousand I found out the other day. Made me pretty pleased to have almost four times that, or makes me rather sad. Doesnt bother me, a hobby's, a hobby regardless as to what it is. Or more something to do.
Eugh, I don't even realise what I'm doing to myself. Sure I've managed to replace things that.. How could it be considered, distressing? But it's just been replaced with excessive use of xbox and a fucked up sleep pattern which isn't ideal but I don't really care anymore. As far as I'm concerned it's a temporary replacement.
Sure seven hours plus a day on xbox is a bit excessive but meh. Would probably better if I spent that time writing or anything worthwhile really. It could be considered socialising in a way though, with this shitty technology centred society.
Another crappy month, nothing actually done worth doing. Another no, not surprisingly to be honest. Another waste of a month with nothing worthwhile achieved. Nothing fixed or helped thanks to them.
My plan to replace things that I can't actually explain with other stuff has sort of worked so that could be considered successful but it's jumped from one extreme to another.
Next month I desperately need to step things up several gears since no one else will help. Don't real have anything else to do but meh, seem to be damned regardless of what happens anyway.
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