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BY Mikey

06/01 Direct Link
Managed to drag myself out of the house for the first time in a week. Finished L.A. Noire days ago. End up in town playing football with the usual crowd. A couple of twats end up there. Oh well, they seem to like me so it's better to keep it that way. After fucking things up at the football, we tactically make an escape and say hello to a familar face, then wander home. I actually quite like going out places now, maybe it's because I've finally got some decent mates that venture outdoors fairly regualrly.
06/02 Direct Link
I've be assured again that I'm am likely to be beaten up if I act like I do amonst people. Well good to know. I'm not arrogant, it's hardly my fault I'm better then everyone else. I'm aware that I'm not better then everyone else, but I cant be put down by smart ass bastards no more. Quite good though, like a shield. Some dick was taking the piss out of us in town. Que me... I was basically being a dick head. "You think your so funny", so I shout "Yeah I'm fucking hilarious". Winning methinks.
06/03 Direct Link
Another exam in a few days. I'm not very prepared, but I will be, just revise a day or two before. Never got stressed about exams, what's the point? they can't be avoided. All my stress is shifted to other things. Speaking of which still reading through. Albeit I'm not very convinced, but hearing about the crap times other people have kind of convices me that I can sort everything out. I guess time will tell even though I've heard that many times before from various "professional", but i guess they have to say that.
06/04 Direct Link
So here's what I don't understand about facebook. My newsfeed is full of all these pages that are apparently liked. I completely agree with status likes and photos and and all that other crap, but these pathetic pages. They have to made by yanks, well they don't deserve all the blame. All these "like if you get it" pages, well you have to be rather thick not to understand it. Or what is really annoying is these "this is how girls talk", or "if i get x likes ill smash my black ops disk". GROW THE FUCK UP.
06/05 Direct Link
People's obsessions with stuff is ridiculous. Something new is out and they simply have to have it. Hello! That's how the recession started, people living outside trot means buying crap they don't need with no money to put it back with. Now I may have one wanted everything but I've done this remarkedable thing called growing up. Literally need a phone and xbox, don't need all this other crap. "Oh my god the new iPhone, I NEED that", they really don't, they just want it. Obviously I'm not saying that for all possessions, just the crappy pointless things.
06/06 Direct Link

Your dead to me, he shouted,
Now replace he with I, and shouted with mumbled.

I've had enough of your ignorance,
It's to the point where either you leave or I will, which isn't ideal but you've had too many chances. If I don't take this shit from other people then I certanly won't from you.

If I didn't have to revise last night I'd of walked out then, had my phone, a hoodie, go sleep outside somewhere. Funny how it isn't taken seriously, but when I will go you'll all panic.
06/07 Direct Link
So fed up, I just want to leave. I can't leave though, not until I've got some Alevels which is complete bullshit. Can't stand anyone, their all two faced cunts who pride themselves of making others seem small. Stuck in town again, apparent friends, ha. Such bullshit. Well some of them are alright I guess. Oh well maybe I'm over reacting, but had too much of this crap.
No I don't forgive you, what part of "Your dead to me" is hard to understand? Yes I'm still on about that. Taking the fucking piss is what that is.
06/08 Direct Link
Well that's ridiculous, the so called experts that have mastered wikipedia and copying then pasting. These people deserve to be hunted down, cashing in on the desperation of others. Anyone can write what they've done, these dickheads don't know what it's like yet they're acting as if it's simple and should just be ignored. What cunts. It's not like I actually want to read these ridiculous books, but it's more or less the last resort so I don't take kindly to being taken for a mug. It's not a fucking laughing matter, these wank stain authors more like con artists.
06/09 Direct Link
"Your own your own now." in who's fucking mind is that remotely helpful. I'm already aware of that, if it were possible to return books this would be thrown back at the shop. Some stating the obvious cunt offering no real insite or way of helping. Fuck him, or her it was yank the name is unimportant. So once again it's back to the drawing board. The other thing's sound expensive and it there is no change then it's a massive waste of time and money. Going to take years at this rate to do anything. Hate it soooooooooooooooooooo much.
06/10 Direct Link
Seem to do my best revision about 10 or so hours before the exam. Messageing people asking how to make coffee, right enough coffee to keep me awake. Spending most of the night revising, two hours sleep then up again for the exam. It went really well, the stuff I had revised had been that what was needed. Then I finish, sitting there. Silly bitch next to me scribbling very loudly so shitty doodle. The other one constatly shuffling around, god forbid they just sit still. That was this morning, remmarkably still not remotely tired... Winning.
06/11 Direct Link

I'm gonna fight 'em off
A seven nation army couldn't hold me back
They're gonna rip it off
Taking their time right behind my back
And I'm talking to myself at night because I can't forget
Back and forth through my mind behind a cigarette

Don't want to hear about it every single one's got a story to tell
Everyone knows about it from the Queen of England to the hounds of hell
And if I catch it coming back my way I'm gonna serve it to you
And that ain't what you want to hear, but that's what I'll do
06/12 Direct Link
Well I haven't been this pissed off in a while. I'm used to being dissapointed, but last night was quite a massive let down. I should have just gone on gut feeling and avoided it but no. If I wanted to be ignored I'd just go back to school. Like I'm going to change how I act to impress these cunts, I've got a backbone. There wasn't even booze, at least I could have sat by myself drinking that would have perhaps made their shitty conversation bareable. Then I leave, let the cunts bitch about me, I'm better then them.
06/13 Direct Link
These cowardly fucks, commenting then instantly deleting their pointless excuse of a reply. The fact that you dared to challenge be is admirable I suppose, nobody has really bothered attempting that in a long time. I don't really give a fuck if you all disagree, I may not be right but at least i stick to what i say and don't instantly retract me statements. Fucking wimps. Defusing the situation by shifting the blame to me? How the fuck does that work then. If your meant to be unbias which your clearely arn't then you should politely asked for both parties to stop. Not single me out at make me look like a fool.
06/14 Direct Link
I understand what your saying, and completely agree, even if I did seem like an ignorant fool. I know what I'm doing to myself, sadly I have to live everyday constantly being reminded. Can't have a normal day like everyone, so atleast I can retreat into my bubble in which I am king.
However much of a dick I might seem to you, I don't mean it. Your the closest thing to a best friend I've ever had, and it'll kill me to lose you.
06/15 Direct Link
It's amazing, no matter how much I ramble on about how shit my life is you still remain and don't respond with a funny look like everyone else.
I just wish you would talk more about yourself, rather than me rambling on. Elaborate, rather then a one word awnser. Believe it or not I actually care, just because I moan about stuff doesn't mean I'm not interested.
On a side note, I've become far more comfortable around dogs, thanks to your dog, this dog ran at me on the way back from getting the papers, rather then running i just stood still.
06/16 Direct Link
Blink, blink. The focus slowly returns, can only move my head. Crying happening all around me, meh I've had anaesthetic before. Things slip into darkness. Time passes, I think. Eyes open again, getting pumped full of drugs, given some painkillers, can focus. People still crying all around, why bother?, their fucked, get on with it. A beeping keeps happening, don't know where. People discussing me in the third person, vision fades to black. Finally woke up somewhere else, needle taken from my vein, I can leave. "You'll be fine", they said. That was five months ago, I'm still fucked.
06/17 Direct Link
Things are getting worse again. I know it, it's obvious. Getting pestered as to how I am, "never been better", they don't need to worry. Things turning to shit again, need something, not quite sure what. Later next week, just got to put up till then, then stuck waiting another load of months. Yawn, everyday blurring together, so much rain. Oh well, when it stops I'll be outside. I've fucked things up apparently, meh doesn't really affect me if I'm ignored. After all I seem to be accepted amongst that lot now, they agree with me on this aswell.
06/18 Direct Link

I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in
And stops my mind from wandering
Where it will go

I'm filling the cracks that ran though the door
And kept my mind from wandering
Where it will go

And it really doesn't matter
If I'm wrong, I'm right
Where I belong I'm right
Where I belong

See the people standing there
Who disagree and never win
And wonder why they don't get in my door

And it really doesn't matter
If I'm wrong, I'm right
Where I belong I'm right
Where I belong
06/19 Direct Link
I got to avoid all that social networking crap for a while. It just annoys me further reading all the shit that everyone else seems to be doing. I'm so happy for them, not, fuck them. The only reason I bother getting up in the morning is so I can go back to bed in the evening. Such pointless days, no hobbies, nothing to do, fuck it all. Wouldn't mind a job if it gave me something to do, but I can't. So I get to spend my days wallowing in boredom, staring at the clock. So couldn't be happier.
06/20 Direct Link

"There's a fine line between sarcasm, and bullying."

The little flippent remark may have gone over everyone elses head, but it was philsophical to me. While I no point have I bullied people, only ever been a recipient myself, perhaps in my attempts to retort to such abuse makes me seem like the villain? Yeah. I'll have to avoid rising to the crap and replying, even though my replies are always brilliant.

Take the high ground.

Still it is difficult not to rise to it, epecially when I'm pissed off anyway.

Yet somehow things just seem different now.
06/21 Direct Link
Back there again today. This time they seem vaguely intersted in helping me. Maybe because I'm starting to become a bit of a pain.
Yet many times before I've heard the same stuff, so not entirely convinced.
So yet again it's more waiting. Stuck again. Waiting again. Then again. Then another year passes. Then another.
The annoying thing is how I always leave far more bitter then when I entered. Seeing all these other cunts with their "amazing" lives, well fuck them. See too much shit in the world, nobody else seems to realise whats happening around them.
06/22 Direct Link
After being dumped on a boat to America from a prison in Cuba, young Tony and his friend manny are stuck in a prisoner camp. After a simple assassination they were released, working at a fast food stand. After a couple of jobs they are asked to handle a shipment, our young hero's face is almost chainsawed off.
Moving up in the world, he travels to south America to deal with a shipment himself before being arrested. At this point manny is shot for marrying his sister gina. In a drug fuelled rage Tony attempts to defend his house but fails.
06/23 Direct Link
Hmmm, I didn't know things were this bad. Well I'm fucked, just incase you hadn't noticed. I hate it, don't think I've ever hated anything more, just stuck without any actual control. Fucking hate it. Then these cunts tell me to cheer up, why the fuck should I? They can mind their own business and piss off.
Yes I'm bitter, I was told everything would be fine by now, nope. I'd stick a few more years of this hell on to it. Hate it, just shows how "fair" the "world" really is. Well fuck it, back to isolation.
06/24 Direct Link
Not looking forward to next week. Three days, fuss for the sake of it. Unless I'm with people I like, I don't enjoy being outside. It's not that I can't, it's just quite awkward.
Since I've pretty much avoided the outside for years until a few months ago it's just getting used to it.
As for the "new people" that I'll have to meet, eugh I'm not intersted. I guarentee they will be horrible people, and I'm not taking crap from a load of new pricks.
So It's going to be a tedious week, I can tell already.
06/25 Direct Link
So their new idea kicks in within the next few weeks. Apparently I should keep an open mind but I'm not so sure. While those books where a complete waste of time they did seem to agree on the same thing so I guess it might be benifical in some small way.
Yet assuming it did work it leaves me with a bit of a dilemma. While yes it is the end to one aspect, potentially. There's still more hassle that could take years. But I've sort of adapted so I don't know how to live any other way.
06/26 Direct Link
Can't say I'm looking forward to tomorrow, back to the bottom of the pile. Well not this time. Far louder then I was five years ago, not getting shafted.
If it's all this getting to know each other crap then I have no real intrest in that. Seeing a load of fake bastards pretending to love everyone to make a good impression. I'll by talking to Mr iPod.
I'll actaully count how many tosser's tell me to cheer up. Fuck them. I was under the impression that I'd be fine by now. Was promised. Well promises are bollocks.
06/27 Direct Link
So it's back to this again. They tell us we are adults, yet still treat us like children. I don't need to be guided around, just give me instructions and I'll do it myself.
A couple of times I found myself just sitting there, people around my ignoring me, whcih I'd normally love, but it was pretty derpessing.
I managed to avoid making any snide comments which I'm suprised at. Since people were constatly moaning about the sun, the the rain.
I'm suprised I even lasted the full day to be honest, maybe thats some sign of improvement.
06/28 Direct Link
Walking in, after about twenty minutes, agony. Not this again. Meant to have fucking stopped. So bitter, why me, always fucking me. Lieing bastards with their facts and figures, bullshit.
Too late to turn back now, can't be late. Usualy I'd of just given up and made some silly excuse later. Angry is an understantment, always fucking me.
Arrive, ignore it, back to the hate filled world. Completely detached from everyone for the first hour. Fuck it, I've got two months to sit alone with this shit, might as well get involved. Managed to last another day.
06/29 Direct Link
So this is how things are for the next two years. Things seem better I guess, well they couldnt get worse.
With most of the dicks having left things are more relaxed. Saying that though there are plenty of twats in years below who think I'm an easy target.
I think I've made a decent first impression with people. Normally I'd of fucked things up but it seemed alright.
The new tutor is far better then the last one. The form are pretty ignorable with the exception of about half a dozen. Not like I'll ever learn everyone's name.
06/30 Direct Link

Panic on the streets of London
Panic on the streets of Birmingham
I wonder to myself
Could life ever be sane again ?
The Leeds side-streets that you slip down
I wonder to myself
Hopes may rise on the Grasmere
But Honey Pie, you're not safe here
So you run down
To the safety of the town
But there's Panic on the streets of Carlisle
Dublin, Dundee, Humberside
I wonder to myself

Burn down the disco
Hang the blessed DJ
Because the music that they constantly play
IT SAYS NOTHING TO ME ABOUT MY LIFE
Hang the blessed DJ
Because the music they constantly play