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Rabbit, rabbit baby. Nothing to do with a rabbi. I wanted to write that. That's que cute. Que sweet. I don't know what this is going to be like, but I'm going to continue until I can't go any more. It's a funny thing, but even funnier is not knowing what the hell you're writing about. I have to get busy. I'm not writing. I'm just not writing. It's weird. Can I do this? I don't know what to do. I just write and then it's there for the world to read. These are not profound words. That's the truth.
It's Ground Hog Day. That was one of my favorite movies. Really white male privilege exemplified! It's a beautiful thing. Love is such a beautiful thing. You make my world a sunny day. What the hell? I can get on board with some lyrics, but others just cross a line. This is lyrical. That's humorous. It's funny what we think it is. That's the way of the world. It's all about a crumbled cookie. What of the crumbled cookie? I don't know. Much less, I don't care. Not giving a rat's behind, if you know what I mean, I'm old!
Happy first Saturday of the month. There is nothing special about that day, it's just what it is. There's really nothing special about February. It's winter's last gasp. We don't experience winter so much here in South Florida. But that doesn't mean that it isn't news! The misery that the rest of the country experiences is daily news go know. I sort of like it because it only reinforces why I stay here. I like not having to deal with winter weather. I will suffer through a horrid hurricane season to dodge that snow and suffering. They can have it!
If it's Sunday, that means the Golden Girls marathon. It's been going far too long. I need a new routine. I have to stop watching it, but it's so easy of a rut to fall into. It's painful to think that three of four are dead and the fourth is 100 years old. Well, she's not really 100 but she might as well be. Gosh she's so freaking old! Oh well, I stopped writing and I lost track of where I was. One minute, I'll be right back. There's more at the door. I knew you were the right one.
Oh my, we're all gonna die. That's the truth. We're all heading toward the same fate. There is nothing guaranteed in this life except the end of it. We all have an expiration date. We just don't know when it will be. We could be here one day and gone the next. We could be just being at once and then not being. That's a scary thought. I wonder if that's the way for me. I have hopes to live a long life even though neither of my parents did. Well, Mom lived to a ripe old age of 82.
Here we come again. Catch us if you can. Try to get a move on. We would yell with all of our might. Catch us if you can. That's an old song, you know that. Well, if you were around when the British Invasion happened. I can't even remember the name of the group. Was it the Dave Clark Five? Go figure. It's unbelievable to me that it was decades ago. How can I have such a long memory? I guess it has to do with the fact that I'm 65! How did that happen? It's a matter of time!
I think I awfulize too much about my job. It's not worth it. I have to get out of that place. I don't want to work any more. I am a retired person. Isn't that what retardment all about? I don't want to work. I worked part time last year and made $14K! I think that's pitiful. It's like I'm doing volunteer work. I have to get a real job. I'm so far down that up looks good. How does that go? Been down so long, up looks good to me? I can't remember. I have to look it up!
I wonder how they know there are 17 victims if they have only released 12 names. What the hell? I'm writing this a week after this date. I'm trying to catch up. I'm a whole week behind, but that's better than yesterday when I was one and a half months behind. The teachers in that school are the heroes. I can't believe that schools have shooting drills now. That's really bad. That's what this world has devolved into. It makes me so sad to think of this. That's the way of the crumbled cookie. I have to get busy why.
I don't have much to say about today. It's Friday. Yay for small victories. If I am living for Friday, then that's not a good thing. That means that I'm awfulizing over that job way too much. I have to get a life. What am I going to do? Scott called me and told me if I am miserable then I should leave HRS. Why is he being so horrible to me? I may have been bad to him in the past, but does that mean that he has to turn sour all the time. It's 100% of the time!
I go to Costco on Saturday and I'm on auto pilot. It's a cray way to exist, but I do it. I just went to a Costco last week and bought a new TV. I couldn't believe I was buying a flat screen TV for like $300. What the hell? It's like super sized too. He is in love with it. He watches all the time. It is always playing a no star movie or murder TV. I can't handle it. We don't watch anything together any more. I wonder why we even stay together. This is not the way.
This month is flying. This year is flying. The time, it flies. Is there another metaphor for the passage of time? It seems like we like flying time. I'm going to make this entire entry about time. Turn around and the bells began to chime. Time, she said, there's no turning back. That's the part of the whole scene that's hard to digest. It's done. There's now but it's passed again. As soon as you have written down something, it's in the past. There's no writing about now. It's difficult, if nearly impossible. That's the way of the world. Yeah.
You know, it's not easy to write exactly 100 words. It's usually a matter of writing until the counter says to stop. I just realized that a lot of my entries end with a single word, like yeah. I can't recall what other words I've used to finish so that my entry is exactly 100 words. No more, no less, and that means that when I have exhausted a subject, I usually get to 99 words and I just have to write that last word. Lately, yeah works. I can't remember what other words I have used in the past.
Philip Levin is running for governor of Florida. The other man is African American. What do you call a person of color? Is Black correct? Is African American wrong? What if someone is Black and from the Bahamas and they're Americanized. Are they Bahamian American? Or are they simply an American. I think that the latter is a better example. Are we becoming more racist or less in our stumbling toward equality. And then we elected a hater! What happened in our country is a lesson to be learned that we have to mobilize or the mouth breathers win! Yeah!
Happy Valentines Day. It's a day that even the Jews are starting to celebrate. Those who are really Orthodox in their thinking try not to acknowledge that it even exists. It's funny how it's a secular holiday but it has its roots in religion! It's because Valentine was really a saint. I know nothing of his sainthood or what the meaning of the day is. It's a good day for chocolate and flowers and tomorrow is chocolate on sale day. I love that part of the holiday. It's a beautiful thing. As I get older, I have to limit chocolate.
Today my brother would have been 69 if he didn't die when he was 51. Sometimes, his death fills me with anger. It's almost like he wanted to die. He already had a pretty super charged life. He lived life to the fullest, but he left behind a widow with three little children. That's the part that I feel was bad. I suppose getting lymphoma is something that you have no control over, but it seems like there has to be a course of treatment that doesn't end in such a sudden death. He lived only month after the diagnosis.
Today, I don't work. That's a good thing. I like that my job is super part time. I wish I was earning more per hour, but I feel like I'm donating part of my time. There are days, like the past week that I wonder if the workload and the politics are worth it. Sometimes, I just want to throw up my hands and give it all up. But I persevere! I got a W-2 and it was embarrassing how little I'm making. I guess it's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. Ha ha.
My baby sister and her husband arrived yesterday to go to the Coconut Grove Art Festival and I thought we would all go to Art Wynwood today, but she decided at the last minute not to go. I wonder if she hadn't already made the decision. I told her at the last minute that she had to stay at Danee's house. It was no big deal. I let it get to me momentarily. I like to imagine that the two of us are close, but we are not. We have never been close and we never will be! That's it.
My sister and her husband stayed up until 0500 so when I texted at 0900 about going to the festival my sister told me that they weren't going. I was in a state of shock and I thought I would go alone, but I ended up staying home and watching the Golden Girls and napping. Sis and husband called each one time and I didn't answer because I was deeply hurt. It was a matter of my sister exerting her will over mine. I didn't travel for five hours not to go! Somehow, I got over it in a way.
Today is a federal holiday. I went to work. My sister and her husband went home today and we didn't even say goodbye or see each other. I went to work two hours early, so I was there at 1000 instead of noon. They were on the road shortly thereafter. I'm sorry that the weekend turned out to be such a dud but that's what happens when there are strong personalities involved. I didn't even mention the other two who were drinking away their problems. I'd much rather smoke the time away. That's the ticket. I'm gonna do it now!
I'm in a lather, rinse, repeat mode. That's how my life has been going since the beginning of the year. This year is turning out to be a big change. I have to file the retirement papers so that I can get an extra $250 a month. It seems like not very much but it's almost $10 a day. I can live with that. I like how old people learn to live with less. I eat a lot less than I used to. I can still go back to the good old days, but I pay a hefty price! True.
Into what has my life devolved? Horrible is all I can say. I have to drink more coffee. One moment. And then there were more. But first a local check and we'll return soon afterward. I am drinking cashew milk instead of dairy milk. I have really turned myself off to dairy. I have to do the same with meat. I ate some carne con papa that Gloria made because it smelled so darn good. I have to tell myself that it's not a good thing. I am going to work today at noon and then three days off. Yay!
I had the idea to run away! But I have to do it humbly. Have to divest myself of all this clutter. It's cluttering me and clutting my life and cluttering who I am. I have too much clutter. Is HRS part of that clutter? I wonder sometimes. I have to get busy. It's way past time. I have to get rid of things. I have three books from the library that I have to return next week or face a fine. I don't want to do that. It's time to get real. I'm done living in a fantasy word.
Next week it's March already, what? It's like super oy. Well, it was a dud day. Today was a boring day. Nothing much happened. I need to get busy with the shite in this house. We are de-shiteing the house. Isn't that attractive? I have a fucking hangnail that is driving me cray. And it's in a place that I can't get to. I didn't realize that I would miss the community garden so much. I need to get busy creating a community garden in my back yard. That's the ticket! It's a hobby. Gardening is good for me!
What did I do today? Not much! It's a dud of a day. I like those kinds of days. I'm in the mood to whip the house. It's going to be a boring day. Nothing much happened. I know that HRS is talking about going to buy some new shoes, so maybe we can go do that tomorrow. I just plugged my phone in because I saw that it was at 30%. I don't know how that happened. It's my darling iPhone 8Plus! I love it so much. Why? Because I paid an arm and a leg for it. Oy!
Here we go. This week we slide into March. It comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. It never happens in this part of the country. It's because we are an anomaly. They just had a report on the weather that said we have had the warmest February on record. Well, duh. It's called climate change or global warming. Why do folks want to bury their head in the sand and pretend that it's not happening. Oh, it's happening, sweetheart. It's just a matter of time before this place is underwater. I'll be dead by then.
This is my new favorite thing The Mortified Show. I just finished binge watching Frankie and Grace and of course it left off with a bad thing. They better finish it off before those ladies are dead. Jane Fonda was looking really old. Lily doesn't seem to be far behind. It's all about mortality lately. That's certainly top of the mind. How soon is my expiration date? I don't want to think about it. It's going to come and when it does, I won't know! I'll be gone. That's the way of the world. I sort of kinda like that.
My, my, my, it's a beautiful day! The sun is shining and there's no chance of rain except later this afternoon. It's going to be a good day. I woke up with a painful tummy from last night's hummus made from black beans. I can't believe I was still burpring that shite! I don't want to be a victim of a hack. Where did that come from? I was watching TV! I don't like it when the television intrudes on my writing. Can you believe tomorrow is the last day of the month? Then we have the month of March.
I didn't go to work yesterday. I took HRS to his doctor appointment. It was a really lame excuse, but I enjoyed having a day off. So, today I went to work from 10-3 instead of 12-5. And now I'm home and watching Ellen. I like that. It's a good day. I have to go downstairs and make dinner. It's going to be for Melinda and me. She loves my vegan diet even though HRS thinks it's ridiculous. I hope that my numbers are better. That's the only thing that I'm doing this for. Friday is the day!
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