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BY tinman

01/01 Direct Link

What stuck in memory, what was cemented in the soul, was the medley of green with which each of his young Springs had begun. It grieved him that he could never entirely, then or now, share the sensory magnificence of those moments. Words alone were never adequate and the art of graphic illustration was another non-talent in his arsenal.

Now, approaching his dotage, as he liked to say, it seemed more important than ever, to leave some evidence of that experience of beauty behind. Springs no longer seemed as beautiful, or as colorfully diverse, as they had long ago, been.

01/02 Direct Link

One never expects to hear of a Jew who was a high school dropout; in the lexicon of discrimination, Jews are never accused of being less than smart. In fact, being smart is one of the attributes that were held against them, much the way that being an intellectual is considered, among the ignorant conservative, an anti-American liability, today. My hunch is that among the right to moderate wing of the Republican Party, "intellectual" is the code word for Jewish.

John Bigelow was flummoxed; maybe opposites proved the rule, but of course that was nonsense. Opposites oppose the rule.

01/03 Direct Link

Someone has asked for my take on the future. Never having been good at fortune telling, I haven't a clue. Still, I will risk a bet that America (and the World) have a long road to a feeling of economic comfort, again. For my own part, I don't understand how this can happen without our producing something, but I have trouble counting change.

As for other changes, I am continually being heartened by the progress same gender marriage is making. For the sake of efficiency, however, I wish it was being decided at the Federal level. State by State's taking forever.

01/04 Direct Link

The State of Illinois has been working to allow same-gender marriages, but as of today, a bill that has passed a Senate committee vote, has not yet been presented for a full floor vote. It looks like passage may have to await the next session, as this session ends, I think, on January seventh. God, I hope they don't have to start from scratch in the new session.

I don't imagine having to regulate the rules defining marriage is a comfortable duty. We're talking rattling the past and setting precedents for the future; make your ancestors and progeny proud.

01/05 Direct Link

Reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, the fourth in the Potter series. My enjoyment of the fantasy, as a whole, is outweighing my irritation with Rowling's less than poetic telling of the tale. While the tale is imaginative, the language used to tell it, is not.

How arrogant of me to judge Ms. Rowling's work is it? She, at least, is out there, published, and got rich during the process.

Will Harry Potter and Hogwarts last as long as Dorthy and Oz?†† What has been accomplished is the return of the young to reading, especially young males.

01/06 Direct Link

He adjusted the thermostat. He wanted Marcel to be very comfortable and therefore more vulnerable. Before the night was over, Marcel would surrender both the codes and his virginity; Paul wasn't sure which of the two happenstances would prove the more exciting. Kipper Industries were paying for the codes; Marcel's virginity would be an added gratuity .

Paul didn't need the money. He had a large and secure trust fund that kept him in player's style, courtesy of a great-grandfather who saw Paul's birth as an extension of his own mortality. He'd not known Paul would be an unlikely candidate for fatherhood.

01/07 Direct Link

Craig Artwohl, my troubled, troubled love, passed this morning. I felt the tears begin to gather as I spoke to his nurse; if they will be shed remains to be seen. I trained myself out of tears a long, long time ago. Only certain movies, and the dark, can summon them, now.

Craig was a dark, selfish and manipulative man; his surviving family ignored him. For a while, they didn't even know where he was until I tracked them down.

He was a hard person to love, but masochist that I am, I loved him.

My life is now emptier.

01/08 Direct Link

A friend recently commented that we humans tend to live as if we had unlimited time to do and be. I suspect that this is a "left-over" from our pre-human beginnings, before our brains developed our neocortex, prefrontal cortex, temporal lobe abilities. and recognized time as a non-static situation (whatever the hell that means).

I suspect, too, the tendency is nature's way of preserving sanity in the human species. To have to live acutely aware that each moment is an opportunity lost? I don't think the human nervous system could endure the l tension. As it is we're on the line.

01/09 Direct Link

I really don't want to live in a world where the first answer to every anomaly is governmental conspiracy; I don't need to add paranoia to my lifestyle.

I wrote this in an e-mail, the other day, apologizing for having blown up at my roommates' suggestion that the blackened spaces on released Hubble photographs were a government conspiracy to keep the truth from the people. Especially with JB, governmental conspiracy is a regular theme.

I don't pretend government is an innocent, but I also don't think there's a nefarious plot to enslave us all.

My tirade was just added fuel.

01/10 Direct Link
Having difficulty getting into the 100 words groove since my hospitalization, for six weeks, in September. Actually, I'm having difficulty with getting into any kind of groove since then.
Recuperation is slower than I'd like and energy and concentration come only with coupons.

Add my ego to the 100 word problem. Everything I write seems so unbearably illiterate in the re-reading, I'm embarrassed to admit the words on the page came from me, even if I'm the only one reading them. I want everything I write to be Pulitzer Prize quality.

† Yes, I have an inflated opinion of my personal talent.
01/11 Direct Link
†It was, at last, daybreak. Whatever it was, out there, that lingered in the shadows waiting, had no power over him while the sun shone. He roamed the flat, turning off the lights that had burned throughout the night. He could sleep without fear of being snatched into the dark.

He lay his body down on the bed, not bothering to pull back the covers so as to get under them. The daytime temperature was predicted as not getting below fifty degrees Fahrenheit until nightfall; he'd be up way before nightfall.

His head touched the pillow; he fainted into sleep.

01/12 Direct Link

"Monsignor Kevin Wallin, a prominent priest and pastor at St. Augustineís Cathedral in Bridgeport, Connecticut, was indicted this week for allegedly taking part in a crystal meth ring."

The article I read about Msgr. Wallin also mentioned that he liked to have cross-dressing parties in the rectory. It does not make clear whether he was accused of selling meth from the rectory but it does note that he was fired for the cross-dressing parties. I find it amusing to think Rome might think cross-dressing the worse of the two offenses. Leave it to Rome to be confused about the issues.

01/13 Direct Link

"The truth is, Clifford, despite your twenty-five cent "observations", I'd have believed in God had he given me half a chance when I was a kid, but he gave me nothing. All I had left in me was anger that turned, finally, into doubt. Anger was too heavy to carry, all the time; I had to lighten the burden."

"So you had a bad childhood," Tony never used his full name unless he was meaning to hurt, "Who the fuck hasn't.? You think my life was all lollipops and smiles?" Tony felt the heat of disloyalty referencing his own life.

01/14 Direct Link

It was what remained of a red brick wall; somebody had once told him that it had been part of a bakery that had burned to the ground the day he was born. For reasons he could not name, he felt his destiny was melded with the destiny of the wall. He'd felt this connection since he'd turned seven; that was half a lifetime ago.

Over his morning egg he learned the councilman for his district was bringing his public works committee to eye the site as a possible location for a public health center. His stomach twisted with fear.

01/15 Direct Link

I served on a parish committed entititled, as I remember, Parish Members, Rights and Responsibilities. I was one of the long-time members of the parish, having served as Reader and as part of the RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) team. I also belonged to a prayer group connected with the parish. This was during one of my periodic efforts to believe in God. (I try never to do things half way). What I remembered about the Rights and Responsibilities board is that they were all about Rights. Nobody but me mentioned Responsibilities.

Hard to peg me a Liberal.

01/16 Direct Link

There is a native wisdom in most gay people, even at the beginning, to keep their true selves hidden. I donít know if it is a genetically spawned protective device, or if the teaching of the world around them, however subtle or crude their experience in the world, that makes the hiding imperative. Perhaps it is a mixture of both.

Every now and then, there comes along some brave, or rude immune child that does not either suspect, or care about the danger, but those are rare (though becoming less so in this new age). It remains that most gay children sense revelations' dangers.

01/17 Direct Link

Chester Crazelmere (CC to all of the three of his friends) did like using public transportation. As Draco Malfoy, a rather nasty character in the Harry Potter fantasy novels, might have said, too many muggles; Chester did not consider himself a muggle.

Draco Malfoy, was Chester's hero. Like Draco, Chester was a pure blood. He could trace his lineage (on his mother's side) to the first landing on Plymouth Rock.

CC elbowed his way past an elderly lady for the last remaining seat. He was aided in the 78 task by the fact the lady also had a large package to maneuver down the aisle. However, the seat sported a puddle.

01/18 Direct Link
Am currently reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and am having a bit of a challenge finishing it. I finally realized,yesterday, that one of the reasons is the character Delores Umbridge- a decidedly abusive personality . Unfortunately, her and Potter's relationship reminds me of my relationship with my mother during my young and vulnerable years. The only difference is that my mother didn't have the use of magic. I'm unsure if I should consider that a hidden blessing.

Generallly, this entry in the series has the most relentlessly pictured negative characters yet encountered, even the Magic Ministry sucks.
01/19 Direct Link

In 1965, the out of wedlock birthrate for Black women was .24, compared to White 15women's .031. By 1990 these numbers rose to .64 and .18, respectively. http://www.brookings.edu/research/papers/1996/08/childrenfamilies-akerlof

Sex education in public schools was/is limited to information about STI's (93%), HIV (89%) and Abstinence (84%). For a third of teens, his education, however, did not include formal education about contraception. The United States has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates (68%) in the developed World

. http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-Teen-Sex-Ed.html

You would think that those who claim concern about abortion rates, would support, even teach birth control. But abortion is not about babies, but about social control.

01/20 Direct Link

Dancing is one of those things I pretend to know how to do. On the dance floor, before the music starts, I think myself the love child of Nureyev and Astaire. This is, of course, as I've said, until I find myself dancing, limbs akimbo, an embarrassment to my age group and a danger to my heart's health.

It's always a sad moment. I wanted to be a dancer, when younger- dancers were magic; they could fly. Fortunately, though, at my age embarrassment doesn't last (we've practiced being embarrassed and recovering) and if I gotta go, I wanna go dancing.

01/21 Direct Link

I was reading a small article about a priest's action at a funeral, i.e., refusing to give a woman communion because of his suspicions she was a lesbian, and refusing to accompany the casket to burial. As explanation for his act, the piece printed a section of common law.

Wha? He running for bishop? Did he ever refuse communion to one of his clerical friends on the suspicion the friend was diddling an altar boy? His superiors don't seem that responsible.

What would Jesus have done in the situation? Probably a good thing rocks weren't readily available to the priest.

01/22 Direct Link

He found himself in a long corridor burrowed with over-reaching branches. Down at the end, he saw two large chairs, throne-like, fronted by smaller chairs in a half circle. He also saw two figures standing next to the larger chairs as if they had risen.

"Welcome, Michael." the sound was a large booming bass sound. That greeting was followed by a more mezzo-soprano "Yes, welcome." Both sounds were pleasant to his ear and had a quality of being in perfect tune with each other.

As he came closer, he saw the two figures, one male, one female, both beautiful, clearly.

01/23 Direct Link

Both had an easy stance, like the neighbor who'd invited you in for a cup of friendly coffee. The man was only slightly taller than the woman, but neither were of unusual size or girth, yet both had an air of solidness that was rare. These were people without any air of tentativeness about them. Both wore robes, his, Grey, hers a muted lime.

"Please, sit down," the man pointed casually to a chair that faced the two larger chairs directly. "My name is Sebastian and the lovely woman beside me is my consort, Pacifica.

Awed, Michael quickly bowed his head.

01/24 Direct Link

Finished reading Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix. The title is a little misleading. We see nothing of Harry working in tandem with this secret order of wizards against Lord Voldemort. All we know of the group is the current members; we never see the group as a group in plotted action against the enemy.

The conclusion stretched its disappointing self over three chapters. There was too much last minute exposition which would have been less annoying had it been interspersed with the story line. There was also the far too tame fate of Mrs. Umbridge. Death was expected.

01/25 Direct Link

What I did particularly like in Harry Potter and TOOTP was the hinted relationship between the world of Wizardry and the world of the Muggles. Mr. Weasley doesn't know how to use the underground and is fascinated by everything Muggle, while the Minister of Magic has to report the revolt at Azkaban, the magician prison to the Muggle Prime Minister.

I liked that Harry's father, far from being the paragon of virtue we've been encouraged to believe, was a bit of a young bully. I don't like that none of the adults have commented on this. Bullying seems just accepted as established tradition.

01/26 Direct Link
†Some Notes on Time: Time, except as it measures change between one thing and another, does not exist. Where there is no thing, there is no change; consequently, there is no time.
† The question becomes has there ever been no thing?
† Consider: Everything that has ever happened, from the Big Bang on, is caught in its own moment of light we call time and like all light continues to travel through space- still happening, until, presumably, that light is finally extinguished.

Question: Does time really have a beginning or ending? Is eternity beyond time, or merely an extension of it.?
01/27 Direct Link

†I am finally caught up to speed in 100 Words Daily. I started a batch in January; my last completed batch was May, 2012. I'd wanted to start again after a summer's rest, but being hospitalized for six weeks and then trying, from October through December to learn, among other things, how to walk again, put hold on those plans.

I am not particularly proud of this month's work. It's been all about catching up and has had nothing to do with style and substance. Of course, I may be fooling myself that my prior execution of the exercise has.

01/28 Direct Link

"Each of us lives with a plethora of parallel universes, each cognizant being the center of their own sublunary world, and at the same time in communion with coordinate others. Some of these communions are on a seemingly regular schedule, other communions are momentary. Each has their own natural order."

It was a grace, Sid thought, to watch Carlyle slip into his lecturers persona. He was so preciously pompous. It was like witnessing a common daisy trying to morph into a clutch of lilacs.

"Magic," continued Carlyle, aware Sidney was watching him, "is nothing more than reordering of natural order."

01/29 Direct Link

"Magic," continued Carlyle, aware Sidney was watching him, "is nothing more than reordering of natural order."

Sydney wanted to rush on stage and kiss him. He decided, instead,to leave Carlyle to lead his workshop while he went in search of a decent lunch for both of them. As they were in "muggle space", this afternoon, a banquet spell in-canted in the middle of the mall might create unwanted attention. Anyway, Carlyle thought eating in muggle establishments was fun.

Syd wondered when he would stop feeling like a teenager in love. Four years hadn't yet done it.

01/30 Direct Link

Gay and Lesbian Catholics do not deserve the sacrament of Holy Communion according to the theology of San Francisco Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone. I believe someone needs to call the Catholic theology police. If I'm remembering my 1950's Catholic Catechism lessons, Eucharist is a free gift- no one deserves it.

What the lawmakers of the Church seem to forget that Jesus was more against the by the legalism of the Scribes and Pharisees than by almost anything else, if the gospels speak† truly.

Tell me. How is it that the Church has forgotten the lessons of love and gentleness her teacher lived?

01/31 Direct Link

America, as a society, is in the middle (again) of an argument with the National Rifle Association (NRA) about their desire to put a gun in every pot (so to speak). This argument comes up every time some lunatic walks through a public space indiscriminatingly firing high-powered weapons, killing innocents. This time the discussion started after the massacre that took place at a grammar school.

The NRA wants no limits, no monitoring of the right to own these weapons. The weapons that are in discussion are weapons designed not for defense, but for assault. Their motive is the profit motive.