BY Gemini

03/01 Direct Link
I thought you would be more mature about the date. Muttered the bitter one. Why do I have to be mature. I clearly have chosen not to be. There will be plenty of time to be serious and cold when the time calls. Right now there is no need. You be moody and own all you want. let me enjoy this moment of innocent childishness.
You enjoy you mature feeling while I will happily skip around like a disney princess. No I'm not sorry. I know what the date is so I will therefore punch you because of it. Punch.
03/02 Direct Link

Goodbye. This is maybe a blessing in disguise. Well thats why my fingers are crossed. You haven't broken the news yet and there are possiblities. But I know what this is. A parting. I have failed yet again to be perfect. I was just being me.
as you type those pixals I can't help but feel cut off. I was hopeful. I felt something which I never though I would again. I am prepared though this time. You were a but of an idoit to me. Rude and self centred. Even if I don't live up to your standards.

03/03 Direct Link
So here we are again.I standard as moments part as by hopes are dashed again. I thought you would be different and you walk away. I can't say I am happy but neither am I broken. Not again.
You walk away and thats the end of that.
I can't help but think about what's happened. But there isn't any emptiness. Not again.
I had to talk today. Speak about the goodness I had done. My head pounding. slowly I broke down. wanting to sleep.
Salt tears and fierce hugging. This has only dug up what was buried now.
03/04 Direct Link

Are you supposed to look at people's feet. I know my entries are holding a them of body parts. But really? I never look down at people's feet. It never has concerned me how you get from A to B. Shoes are only needed to make things less painful. Believe me if society didn't require me to wear shoes I would be skipping through meadows.
I always wear my older converse. or similar cheap ones. Apprently you needs boots or strong leather ones to match your outfit. Really? But they are expensive and I don't ever look at anyone's feet.

03/05 Direct Link
A day of rest is what I needed. I looked down at my hands and wonder what they had achieved. They work hard at completeting tasks. The try their best to be elegant. They also try to portray meaning. I also hope they help express me.
I sat and wondered what my hands would do in the future, what they would hold. A certificate? A prize? Love?
Today I will hope they will do what is required. Get me through when I need them most. I am pretty pleased with them. They aren't to shabby. I donate this to hands.
03/06 Direct Link

'your so self centred'
I can't help but look blankly at you. Why do you think you can judge me? I don't believe I have ever done anything. Never criticised you. You pull me down yelling in my face. Do you think you can break me. I won't break here. I won't give you the pleasure. It is your fault I am in a bad mood. You let me down. I can't wait for freedom.
Do you remember that time when you longed for it. I can't imagine you were that different from me.
A young rebel without a cause. Shush.

03/07 Direct Link
It funny how I can find confidence in the wierdest places. On my own for instance. Places in a spectrum never reached before. In front of everyone else I crumble. I know i can do it. I do do it. But not the the levels I can achieve. I don't always see why I should prove it to you. Though I do want approval.
So as I stand in my own room I feel a failure for not proving my levels. I may not be better than others but I am certainly better than the shy girl in the corner.
03/08 Direct Link
Ba-Dom Ba-dom. I hate this feeling of missing out on something. Something I was looking forward to. I had been looking forward to walking and now it appears I am running. My feet slapping against the pavement with the sun beating down. It is hot. I think I can see where I am headed. But it turns out later I was mistaken. I only run when I am out of view. No on else should know I did it. When I ask I hear you had been waiting for me. It's me who'd been running the wrong way.
03/09 Direct Link
I changed colours today. I slowly look down the lense and try to make a change. A spalsh of sunshine there, a hint of fakery. This defiantly is not my best angle. Click Click.
It is all I have to work with as I strive for something many seem to annoyingly grasp.
I switch and save. Ask for judgements. Ignore them.Then listen. Then Ignore again.
Damn I wish I could get this right.
Right, this will have to do. My public awaits. Don't forget.
I added a spalsh of sunshine to that for all the world to see.
03/10 Direct Link
Oh so quiet. All so peaceful! BAM BAM BAM! Oh no now what has happened! oh Why would you do that. No you don't don't you dare think of me like that. That is your fault. I have gone white.
Why would you say such a thing! If I had a wall I would bash my head against it.
This world Is frustrating. Timings and people really need to fall into line.
You can not have one without the other. Yet there you sit telling me.
Don't you dare. You can't do that. My world is set, please leave it.
03/11 Direct Link
Blah Blah Blah! I am running out of breath but I can not risk stop talking! Even if you have achance to breath you might say something. If I ramble, which I am you can not ask me anything and this event will never happen. So I will speak with a single hesitation and won't let you breath. Don't you dare speak a word. That would ruin everything!
Now as we part I let you speak. Damn. I hope that did it.
When I return I find it didn't help anything. Now I have to pull the words out. 
03/12 Direct Link

Died you Know you are dead to me? I always wondered if you did. You shouldn't really know, I have never told you. But eys I see you as dead. The one I needed is gone and cold. You are just some nightmare dug up to haunt me. I see flashes of the real ghost of you, in brief eye contact that lasts split seconds. Then you are gone and I am left with a monster. You Should probably remain dead. The that way I can grieve without being chased by some revolting memory which cuts me deeper than living.

03/13 Direct Link
It rained today. Not the the proper rain which I love, the pathetic pitter of failure rain. Water which couldn't find enough friends to make a proper splash. So I walk around this sandy landscape looking for a sun hiding behind the clouds. Someone speaking to me. It isn't that I'm not interested. I would just rather be under heavy rain. The sand dissappeared and was replaced by cold wet tarmac. Piiter patter failure. My hood covers my whole ehad so I do not know where I am heading. There I sit on a wall, with soggy chips and rain.
03/14 Direct Link
Well you don't change really do you. Sometimes you make me laugh but often you don't you make me wonder. You say that I'm childish. In all honesty I hate to say it but I hold the high ground on that one. So don't act like you are above it all. You can't take a joke which wasn't meant for you, any other's happiness makes you angry. I describe only what I see. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you need to see the world. Live a little, accept parts of society. Then you can judge me. Before then. SHUSH.
03/15 Direct Link
How can some questions be so annoying?
"What did you do today?"
The same as I always do. Get up, go to school, attend lessons in which the same thing happens. Something funny or memorable might happen then I would tell you, the I walked home.
That isn't the response being looked for. Details are more important. The question every day borders on annoyance because I can never give the right answer.
There is always disapointment. Always. The slow nod. The same frustrated smile. Maybe if you understood, maybe then you wouldn't be disapointed.
 "How was your day today then?"
03/16 Direct Link

Books are interesting things. Books telling you how to live your life is another matter. There is enough demanding as it is without being sold advice. If I want it I will ask. Books trying to tell me how to be a better person can go do something unpleasent to themselves.
How does someone who hasn't met me even consider the fact that I want a life like theirs. I will make my own path.
You don't know what I'm thinking, you don't even know my name.
So try telling someone else that Love isn't and emotion it's a descision.

03/17 Direct Link
I can't tell if this is how you want me to see you. Last night you annoyed me, I won't lie. But now you expect me to carry on. I hold grudges. You should at least know that by now. I bottle little messages to myself away in my head telling myself not to read them.
But by telling myself I focas on them more so they can't drift away. It reminded me of other messages in bottles. 'If I was dead I wouldn't have to see you' 'It's for the best' 'I'm sorry'
I've added two more like that today.
03/18 Direct Link
Was I ever not like this? I know I was. I think back to simpler times where I wasn't aware. Aware of how much pain I would be in. I think back to when I was simple and thought simply. I believed in trust. I can't quite place it, but it was you. something you did made me like this. I became cold.
I want to go back to that time where butterflies were in my stomuch and I didn't long for the past.
I hate you. You ruined everything. I can't shake away. I want to be safe again.
03/19 Direct Link
Sunshine and the best compnay in the world. This is what I would describe as a perfect day. A new skill which I found a passion for. A love for the weather and socialable time. A good balance with very few things missing.
Moments of randomness and greasy chips. Moments of comfort and joy.
I walk home and consider what good day I'm having. But I can't help but swell on whats missing.
The sun last longer than imagined and the moon shines brighter than I have ever seen it. A perfect day as far as I'm concerned. Very Bright.
03/20 Direct Link
I've never really enjoyed adult gatherings. They are dull and talk about things of little importance. It is chatter. There isn't any passion in what anyone says and everyone agrees with everyone.
So as I drunk the wierd liquid which was, to my surprise, meant to be coffee.
I thought. I won't be like this when I'm older. I will try and be interesting. Hav esome sort of appeal in what I say.
The again, I can't say i would ever throw a tea party.
It would be too structured. I'm a bit of a sucker for disorginisation. Oh well
03/21 Direct Link

Well I didn't tell anyone but a bird flew by
Saw what I'd done and set up a nest outside
And he sang about what I'd become

He sang so loud sang so clear
I was afraid all the neighbors would hear
So I invited him in just to reason with him
I promised I wouldn't do it again

But he sang louder and louder inside the house
And now I couldn't get him out
So I trapped him under a cardboard box
And stood on it to make him stop

I'm Not sure why. But some how, Florence manages to make something vile something rather beautiful, If only.

03/22 Direct Link
I'm Afraid, Said Alice to the white hare.
You are completely round the bend. Gone batty, round the twist, Mad.
The Mad hatter looked in surprise to see such a sweet girl say such things.
Am I? said the white rabbit
No replied Alice with her little smile.
The mad hatter looks dazed for a minuter.
But how do you know I'm completely round the bend?
Well you are, you all in a twist, you don't know your up from your down, your left from your right.
The mad hatter nodded.
I'm completely round the bed I'm afraid, Said Mad Hatter
03/23 Direct Link

Things are beginning to fall into shape. A bit of luck helped be get things straight. I might not have much to do but it feels like alot.
I have to decide what matters and if I can be bothered. would it matter if I was? That the worry. To make effort for the sake of nothing.
It would seem a waste. I should be more motivated. But I don't care any more. I blame you.
It's always your fault.
I suppose I will have to. I have to aim high. others will use me as a spring board otherwise.

03/24 Direct Link
A little lion broke his little heart. The strong brave Lion felt alone. The person they trust smashed it. The cruel person who knew they had the power. He feels bad later, but by that time its too late. The Lion is already in the wilderness, crying. You can search for that Lion but it still hurt.

Well if you are what you love
And you do what you love
I will always be the sun and moon to you
And if you share with your heart
Yeah, you give with your heart
What you share with the world is what it keeps of you.
03/25 Direct Link
It is sunny now. Proper summer weather. Not that build-ya-hopes-up-crush-in-a-single-raindrop Nonsense.  People have started to remove their jumpers. I don't see the point. When you are hot nothing you do would help. If you were burning if you decided to remove your coat I doubt that would help.
I may be wrong.
When my cheeks are burning with shame nothing I do will make it stop.
Red vessels agaisnt red vessel. Side by side showing my shame.
Dont ever pull a stunt like that again.
Humilation isn't a game. So don't
03/26 Direct Link
I finally got orginised! Things are falling into place. Important presents are done. Well nearly. Shoes are bought, which I must say is one hell of a breather. The shoes are done! Well I am very darn lucky to have friends who can lend.
Shoes at really that important. I say that, to be accepted you have to wear shoes. Otherwise you get funny looks. Well not that I don't get a funny looks. I would get even more If I was lacking shoes.
But hey! here I am talking about shoes. Not because I like them. I hate them.
03/27 Direct Link
I do believe I just tripped a small child over.
There I was in the middle of my idea of hell.
Trying on shoes. They were nice shoes actually. Green.
I stretch out one rather odd leg at an odd angle.
So out it sprang on its own accord balancing the other. Myself on a cheap seat with the leather beginning to wear down where various bottoms have sat.
Out with the odd leg.
Is that flash of pink? A small child running towards me leg?
Down goes the small child. Off runs the pair of odd leg
03/28 Direct Link
It's not long now, then everything will be decided. I will know what to aim for, even if thats not what I want.
Close now isn't it?
Annoyingly close.
What if I don't make it. I don't think I could cope. Somehow things will have to work themselves out. It's written somewhere.
I don't think I could cope if everything fell apart. Well that goes without saying. I know I'm not the best yes to feel dissappointed at yourself is far worse.
I have to get there. Somehow, it's down to other people with red pens. Not long now.
03/29 Direct Link
Do you ever listen to yourself? Ever wonder what others think about what you are saying? I don't think you do. You can't do.
It would make sense in your head. That doesn't mean it makes sense in mine.
I can't say I am content at the moment. My body is rebelling against me and I don't know what I want.
Everything seems to slow down enough so I can see moments flash past.
So please. stop. You panic me. Make me feel worthless.
One small step at a time.
So Shush, now, please. I need you because I'm Hurting
03/30 Direct Link
I'm in a song lyric modd this month. So darn catchy I can't compeat creativitivly
You're so hypnotizing
Could you be the devil? Could you be an angel?
Your touch magnetizing
Feels like I am floating, leaves my body glowing

They say be afraid
You're not like the others, futuristic lover
Different DNA
They don't understand you

You're from a whole other world
A different dimension
You open my eyes
And I'm ready to go, lead me into the light

Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me
Infect me with your love and
Fill me with your poison

Take me, ta-ta-take me
Wanna be a victim
Ready for abduction

Boy, you're an alien
Your touch so foreign
It's supernatural
03/31 Direct Link
What are behind those eyes of yours. So dark and large. I have never made eye contact with anyone like we do. You look deeper. Maybe thats why. I don't know why.
You scare me, I won't lie. You seem to have the ability to know everything. Expect for the fact I seem to understand you better than you do.
You make me want to cry.
I promised myself I wouldn't waste my tears on you.
But I do break that promise and feel daft afterwards.
So perhaps you could tell me what is behind those sheets of circular mystery.