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10/01 Direct Link
Feelings. Put in a blender, already turned on. It was too late by then. Now I am left with no words to say. Confusion in its rawest for you to see.

You see nothing.

You ask me "What are you thinking?"...In this state of mind, I have no answer. At the moment it seems like you ask so much from me. As my thinking continues, I find answers. Too late to tell. These things are so new to me, bringing new thoughts and feelings along with them. As the time ticks on I will figure them out.

Too late.
10/02 Direct Link
I cannot sleep. I am not used to sleeping alone. Even before you, nights like this turned into thought filled sleeplessness. Tonight, the thought of you crosses my mind like clock work. This does not seem real. We met not too long ago. Already, you have broken me down. You have seen parts of me nobody else has. You have taken my past and confronted it. Yet, you think you know so little. My eyes tell more than you think. How often do you look into my eyes?
Reality can be so confusing. Decipher it and you will decipher me.
10/03 Direct Link
Memories.

The good, the bad, and the ugly. Just like a paper I once wrote. Now, I write here. Different moments in time, crossing my mind. Back then it was so different. The days did not fly by so quickly and the effort it took to keep living did not seem worth the results. Until now. Each step I take is in memory of those who are no longer with me. One step closer to finding success once again. One step closer to true happiness. Such a difficult task knowing the ones I live for can not share these memories.
10/04 Direct Link
Pause. Stop all things for another moment with you. You did not know I was writing, but that does not matter. The joy that rushed through me when I opened the door to see your face, priceless. You are priceless. My hidden treasure. Now that you have gone, I continue to write.

Seven years since I last wrote. I closed off all of my thoughts, all of my emotions. Then I met you. I began with a note on facebook, for your eyes only. Now I write on here, redesigning my views of this world. You have opened my eyes.
10/05 Direct Link
"I thought my walls were unbreakable, I thought my fortress was built of steel, I thought no one could break me, and I thought you couldnt change me. Yet you've rocked me to my very core.... my walls are coming down, fortress crumbles as sand, and now you're breaking in, shaping me to love again."

I don't know what it is. There is something special about you. I'm a sucker for your eyes, but that is not it.

I don't remember what I was going to say. I don't remember anything. What happened last night? I lost contact with you.
10/06 Direct Link
I was writing another 100 words when my internet went down. I was going to type it again, but it's not the same. As I started to type the words off of memory, it was no long digging into my soul. My words had no meaning. My passion goes beyond typing simple, meaningless words into a box. My goal is to discover who I am. Retyping does nothing for that. I have already come to an understanding with those words. Nobody else needs to know what they were, what they said, what they meant. I am here for me...

finally.
10/07 Direct Link
I'm sick.
I can't eat. I can't sleep. I'm so afraid of what you're going to say. I didn't know. I don't remember it and I probably never will, but this will wreck us. How can you trust someone who has made such a big mistake? I don't even like him. What was going through my mind? Did I think he was you? No one will ever know, I was too drunk to remember it. I wouldn't have known if he didn't tell me. I'm glad he understands that I can't hang out with him anymore. He was wasted too.
10/08 Direct Link
Limits.
I have discovered mine. They do not exist for you. Not anymore. I have been broke down more within these last 24 hours then I have my whole life. It's okay. I want to let you in. Maybe you can fix me. Maybe you will break me. It's worth the risk. We are going into this together. We know we will fail, but I will not let that happen. This is worth fighting for. You are worth fighting for. Lets begin playing this game of life. Another round. I lost the first one.

I need you to save me.
10/09 Direct Link
You told me to sleep between my classes. I cannot do that. I need you right now. I need you to hold me. I need you to tell me everything is going to be alright. Maybe it won't be, but I need to hear it anyways.

Just so you know, I wasn't avoiding you all day. I didn't even know until night time. Yet, I still spent a few hours trying to figure out how I was going to tell you. I never figured it out. I just went for it. Telling you in person was my only plan. Sorry.
10/10 Direct Link
I just found out that LTC Robinson is in the hospital. He had a stroke. This man is the reason I am were I am today. Without him, I would have not had the strength to keep fighting, nor a reason to keep fighting to live. I lost all hope of my dreams. He helped me create new dreams. He gave me a home when I had nothing. Now, I don't even have a number to make a phone call. I am too far away to stop and visit. I feel like anything thing I can do is not enough.
10/11 Direct Link
They have taken away our grass and replaced it with boulders. Now, they come to take away the fallen leaves. The grass they have left us with will be dead in the spring. Without the leaves, there will be nothing to protect the grass from the snow. Oh. They will come take away the snow too.

What is the purpose of nature if we take it all away. What is the beauty in this? I need to leave here. I need to go exploring nature. I want to see the views that God seen when he created this world.

Beauty.
10/12 Direct Link

Here we lay. Upset with our decision, satisfied with our results.

We end up like this every time. As soon as I walk into the room, I begin fighting my desire for you. You fight yours too. Failing to walk away, we end up closer to each other (as close as we can get). I say no, but I cannot do this alone. Eventually, I lose control. Exactly what you want me to do.

You are my drug....
I want you. I need you. I cannot resist you.

I must resist.

An emotional connection is powerful. I need that power.
10/13 Direct Link
Help me break down that damned wall.

You are more successful with my wall. You are much stronger than me, holding a hammer. You get further with one swing than I get with ten. I am banging at your wall with bare hands. They are beginning to bruise. My arms are beginning to weaken. My heart is fighting more than my body will allow. I am tiring.

You are breaking me down a little more every day. I am trying to know YOU. I am not playing a game. How can I win?

"The door is unlocked". Push or pull?
10/14 Direct Link
I am hiding in a corner, so far from sight. I wish you would come find me, but that requires heights. I've followed this path for you, searching for your light.

It's too dark for my eyes to see. What could this be? Should I turn around? I need you to need me.

I don't know where I am with you and I don't know where this is taking me. I am flying blind. I need you to guide me. I am aiming for you heart, a difficult task. Don't give up. Fight for this. Scream and shout, but love.
10/15 Direct Link
Breakers.

You took another hit of the cigarillo, blowing the smoke into the wind. I could not smell it. Then I kissed you. The nicotine consumed me. Your kiss took my breath away, literally. How I long for such a kiss again. The desire for more takes away my thoughts sometimes. For now, I'll settle for the kisses that make my heart skip a beat. For now, my love, I will wait. One day this kiss will not require poison. Your poison, my killer. Why do we long for the bad?

Yet I long for you. What are your secrets?
10/16 Direct Link
You let me in yesterday, at least a little. I could see the worry on your face. What would I think? My silence was not a bad think. It was a heart filled with relief. You know all of my secrets. The important ones, that is. Continue to tell my your story and I'll continue to let you into my heart.

That wall crumbled right in front of my eyes. Is this how you feel every time you see a brick fall from mine? Trust in me. I will keep your secrets safe. I will help repair that broken heart.
10/17 Direct Link
Lost in the moment with you, I struggled to find the word to explain myself. What was I thinking? All I could think of was how happy I was. I kept thinking to myself, "I could live like this forever". To simplify this for you, I just said:

"If I dream of more moments like this, will you make all of my dreams come true?"

You said you would, but I have been let down before. I am putting my trust in you. Please show me that you are not like everybody else. I do want you in my life.
10/18 Direct Link
We all say it. Live life to the fullest, love with everything you have. But who really does it? Nobody every listens to their own advice. We try so damn hard. I see the failures as I fall to the ground, only to get back up with everybody else and try again, knowing I am going to fail.

Maybe it is my mindset. I must believe that I will find true love again in order to find it. I must believe that I can live life to the fullest before I can actually live it.

I will not fail again.
10/19 Direct Link
The weather is changing. I sit inside this closed off room and let all the beauty remain unseen by my eyes. What am I doing? I did not come here to be closed off in a room reading words, pages, chapters from a book. I want to escape. Writing is my only way. I search through hundreds of pictures of nature online as Chapter 7 turns into Chapter 8. Suddenly, I find the urge to write. I never know what, but I always manage to come up with 100 words. I need to escape from this place. Nine more days.
10/20 Direct Link
I came to this school because I love to learn, honest. I could sit at home and read the same books I paid hundreds for here, but who would answer my questions? Google can only do so much.
Why this school though? It is small. I despise society and the judgmental views they place on today's youth. The smaller the school, the less you get to see these views. (Or so I thought...). Anyways, that is not the only reason. I could list them all, but I would exceed my 100 word limit.

Words written, never to be submitted...again.
10/21 Direct Link
As a child I had to adjust from falling asleep to the sound of crickets to falling asleep to the sound of cars and trains. Today it is much different. When we moved back into bum fuck Egypt, I learned to fall asleep in someone's arms. The background noise was inaudible, if not silent. I fell asleep to a man's heart beat. As I lay here tonight I must fall asleep to silence. No crickets, cars, trains or heartbeats. Yet, this is not silence at all. My thoughts of the past keep me awake. Dear mind, please let me sleep.
10/22 Direct Link
I am returning home in 5 days. As the day creeps closer, I begin to dread it more. Within a four days span, I will be seeing friends, family, teachers, and many more. During this time, I must also say my goodbyes to my brother. I support him, but this is hard for me. Watching my brother ship overseas to fight for what he believes in. He is so strong. Unfortunately, I am not ready for his departure. I guess it is something you can never be prepared for.

On a positive note, I will be getting a thanksgiving dinner.
10/23 Direct Link
A month ago I kissed you for the first time. We had just met, but I was drawn to you. I don't know how much of that was planned, but I'm sure it was more than what I thought. Now, a month later, I must ask you one thing. Is this what you had planned? A morning of bliss followed by an afternoon of studying. A girl who just can't get enough of you. One that would love to spend every last moment with you.

I don't think you thought this far ahead...I'm happy with the results. Are you?
10/24 Direct Link
I keep telling myself I won't fall for you. It's too late. I cannot convince my heart that this is not what I want. My mind keeps telling me that it is impossible to feel the way I do. I swore I would never let myself fall for somebody again. I swore that is was impossible to be happy again. I was wrong. My heart disagrees, fighting my mind the entire time. I'm not even with you right now and I jump every time the phone vibrates, a smile crossing my face when I see your name on the screen.
10/25 Direct Link
I just watched you walk away as the bus pulled out. I'm so excited that I am going home to see my friends and loved ones. At the same time I am temporarily leaving my friends here, and you of course. I just want one last kiss, but then I would want another, and another, and another...

On top of all of this emotion, I know that this will be the last time I see my brother for at least ten months, possibly longer. I need to stop thinking so negatively, It's tearing me apart.

This is all I know.
10/26 Direct Link
I sit here on this lonely bus, knowing there will be at least another four hours before there is a chance of another rider. Maybe someone to talk to on this lonesome road?

I have never hated this blackness before, only lit by small blue lights tracing the aisle. This is only the beginning. I wrap myself in your sweater to find some kind of happiness. The envelope sitting beside me keeps me going. It peaks my curiosity every now and then, until my mind wanders off again.

I wouldn't bother talking to a soul anyways. I want to disappear.
10/27 Direct Link
I have fallen for you...hard. Why do I feel no pain? It has never been like this before. You have made my dream world a reality. I'm so used to having my dream world crushed by reality. Maybe that will still happen, but something about you tells me it won't. You have proven to me that I can trust you.

Don't let me down. Keep showing me that you are nothing like the people of my past. Keep convincing me that you are what I have been looking for the last 18 years. Keep making me feel this way.
10/28 Direct Link
Smile.

Why smile? All I can do is smile when I'm around you. I never have to fake a smile, because I am always truly happy. I want you to be able to feel the same around me. I want your heart to race like mine does when you kiss me. I want your mind to fly a million different directions when your holding my hand, like mine does. I want you to think about me like I do you. I want to make you happy.

Even if all those specific things don't hold true, I want you to smile.
10/29 Direct Link
Safehouse!!!
Decorating starts at 10 am. I do not plan on being on time. I sleep in on the weekends and this event will prevent me from doing that. I hope it goes well or at least be worth my time.

Many hours later...
It was decent. Not worth my time, at least for me. That is okay though. I know what not to do next year. Maybe I can be a tour guide or a rover next year. That way I am still helping out, but I get to see the results of my labor.

Sounds like a plan. =]
10/30 Direct Link
I lost my phone.

It doesn't bother me that I only had the phone for a month. It doesn't bother me that somebody picked it up, because they obviously needed it more than me if they had to steal it. What bothers me the most is that I no longer have my sim card. Of course, I can go get a new, blank sim card at no charge, but nothing will be the same. With my other sim card gone, I have lost every single picture I had. All the memories my mind struggles to withhold were on there.

Gone.
10/31 Direct Link
I think this will be my last entry on 100 words. As much as I love to write, I think I will keep it to myself. I always end up writing them in my own folder hidden away on my computer and transferring them to 100 words when I feel like it. It will save me so much time to let them remain hidden away in a folder for my eyes only. Maybe his, but that is far from decided.
I am in my own world when I type, I don't need this site anymore. All I need is a computer.