02/01 Direct Link
Local diners watched on in surprise as the American woman strutted into the Chinese seafood restaurant with her daughter, exuding confidence that screams "I'm a single mother and proud of it, bitches!" She'd ordered "2 black pepper crabs - one for me and the other for my lovely girl" Yeah, the lovely girl with makeup too thick and a frown too ugly.
When the crabs arrived, everyone watched (UN)subtly in amusement as the two women scrunched their faces at the spiciness of the dish and downed their coconut juice as quickly as possible.

Feels like crabs in the mouth, eh? =)

02/02 Direct Link
Sampling ice-cream from three different parlors, playing pictionary-turned-charades, tekken 5, tekken 6, taiko drums, para para dancing, eating homemade cookies, cam-whoring, checking out new grounds, laughing at childhood photos, surfing facebook together while gossiping, laughing non-stop, stopping, dropping, rolling, making noise, catching up, having fun, saying goodbye before walking to the bus stop to take the bus home, making future plans to meet up next time, to swim, to mess around at the gym, to play arcade games, to eat more ice-cream and to upload the pictures taken(both funny and ugly) on facebook.
02/03 Direct Link
The heat from the blazing sun was searing every part of her body from flesh to bone. Huffing and puffing slightly, she cycled on, determined to meet the 42km mark she'd set for today. She'd already cycled 19km, and was more than semi-exhausted. As the merciless sun continued to shine on, sweat was dripping from her forehead to the bicycle handlebars; a very unsightly tanline was forming from the outline of her racerback tanktop like a giant tattoo. Still she went on, with a big mug of post-exercise thirst-quenching sugarcane juice as her only source of motivation.
02/04 Direct Link
The moment you said goodbye to him and left in the cab, you knew nothing was enough. You hadn't shared enough hugs, enough conversations, enough tears, enough cuddles, enough photos, enough quiet moments, enough jokes, enough kisses, enough laughter, enough time for him to leave now. And as you watch his figure shrink in the distance, you know everything would be different starting tomorrow, when he'd be away from the country for 22 months. Phone conversations would be your only source of communication then (he promised to call every night, if he could).
You pray hard for time to fly.
02/05 Direct Link
You know you're so close you're practically siblings when:
1) Your brother knows her, and her brother knows you.
2) Your brothers know each other and are best friends as well, so the 4 of you form a tight group.
3) You seldom meet up (maybe once a year), but when you do, you have tons to talk about.
4) No awkwardness. Just comfortable silence.
5) Your stayover activities are unplanned, and include rewatching episode after episode of 30 Rock or your favourite old-school series (Arrested Development!), laughing at old jokes (and making new ones), bitching, sleeping and stoning.
02/06 Direct Link
Here's one for them:

Lead on to keep our feelings strong and make me still believe our page's one and the same (though our ways will separate tonight.)
I said if I were to wait, some things just might change. You said you don't have the strength to fuel our burning flame.

- Speak to me.
- What can i say? We just live too far away.
- That's a shame that love can't make you stay.

Sweet thing, I hope you know I'm wondering where you are. You said, "This could work some day when we both know this is the end."

02/07 Direct Link
It is definitely one of the best mockumentaries I've ever seen. The characters, such awesomely dead-on parodies of the heavy metal music scene, were like a bunch of hilariously stupid twats making lousy attempts to take themselves and their music very seriously. The soundtrack never failed to make me crack up and sing-along to genius song lyrics like "Stop wasting my time; You know what I want; You know what I need; Or maybe you don't; Do I have to come right flat out and tell you everything?; Gimme some money"

Ladies and gentlemen, This is Spinal Tap.

02/08 Direct Link
The vicious cycle of punctuality(or lack of), explained:

A arrives 5 minutes early, only to find that B will be 10 minutes late and C is not even coming; D is not picking up the goddamn phone! B eventually arrives 20 minutes later than promised, leaving A standing there waiting for no one, looking like an idiot.

So for the next outing, A and D arrive 10 minutes late; this time, B and C are punctual. Seeing how they've all wasted their time, everyone decides to be at least 10 minutes late for all outings from then on.


02/09 Direct Link
Shaking like a dog shittin' razor blade, I'm waking up next to nothing after dreaming of you and me - I'm waking up all alone, waking up so relieved while you're taking your time with apologies, I'm making my plans for revenge, smoking the brains from my head, leaving the coal calling the kettle black, and orange, and red.
Oh, I've got a big fat fuckin' bone to pick with you my darling. In case you haven't heard I'm sick and tired of trying. I wish you would take my radio to bathe with you, plugged in and ready to fall.
02/10 Direct Link
Two years have passed since I gave up learning the guitar (after trying it out for a few weeks and finding out that my long nails need to be sacrificed.) and now here I am, ready to try it again. This time though, I'm skipping out on the basics (learning chords suck) and going straight to reading tabs and playing. Rather tough but it's always inspiring to hear the tune I'm playing start to sound more and more like the original song. So far, I've only learnt the intro to "Radio", but I'm still pretty stiff. Oh well. To PRACTICE!
02/11 Direct Link
1) Honey, there're things that I would do, but you're not one of them.
2) Seeing your facebook profile photo of your topless self? Not a good start to my day.
3) It's disturbing how you and your guy/girl look alike. Too disturbing.
4) Seriously, it's not cool when you jump from one friend to another just to suit your wants and needs at different times.
5) Facebook needs to allow more than 6 tags for a wall post!
6) Friends are like tissues to you - just blow and throw.
7) Acid reflux in the stomach is freaking fatal.
02/12 Direct Link
The 2nd last Swedish meatball, smothered with the thick creamy sauce, entered his mouth and he savoured the rich, well-blended meat mixture, biting slowly and letting the taste linger in his mouth for a little while longer before swallowing it morsel by morsel.

Sitting in the crowded IKEA restaurant café, he finally knew what heaven tasted like - a genius, smoky mixture of pork and beef rolled into a slightly uneven ball - simple, but sinful. He left his last meatball stagnant on the plate, focusing on the side dishes, leaving the best for last (and really looking forward to it.)

02/13 Direct Link
Well then, I guess that goes to show you just what I've been going through: More nights of waking up next to no one, more nights of emptiness beneath the covers, more nights of hugging my pillow that smelt of your shampoo, oh, and replaying memories of me and you.
So darling, sing this song for me and tell me how you'll never leave my side:

"I'll meet you at 7.",
"I miss you already.",
"Goodbye to you."

This last goodbye that I'll ever say to you... Replaying memories, I'm pretty sure you'd never leave my side, now would you?

02/14 Direct Link
As a tribute to Valentine's Day, I now present to you, dear readers(who probably don't read this anyway!), a week of 100 words of love/Vday-related nonsensical stuff!!

Step 1: Find the right guy

The key step towards a memorable Vday experience is of course to find the right guy. Quote Bridget Jones, never go for the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, people with girlfriends or wives, misogynists, megalomaniacs, chauvinists, emotional fuckwits or freeloaders, perverts.
Guys in the my NO list include: your girl friends' exes and guys who read my 100 words batch and found it cool.

02/15 Direct Link
We interrupt this 100 word batch to present to you: The 7-day guide to a memorable Valentine's Day!

Step 2: Make him want you!

Now that you've found the right guy (hopefully via the previous ultimately useless step [see Step 1 above]), you'll need to get his attention and of course, make him want to ask you out for Valentine's Day!

1) Groom yourself and dress well: Remember ladies, first impression counts!
2) Befriend him. Duh.
3) Smile. Eye contact. Very. Important.
4) Flirt, but be SUBTLE and cool.
5) Most importantly, be yourself. No one likes a faker.

02/16 Direct Link
And now, back to The 7-day guide to a memorable Valentine's Day!

Step 3: How to play hard to get(aka THE GAME) with the guy you want

1) Count to 3 (IN YOUR HEAD!) before answering him.
2) There's no "Yes" or "No". There's only "Maybe."
3) Ignore him occasionally.
4) Don't call him. Let him call you.
5) Don't pick up his calls immediately. Same goes for texts.
6) Be cute, playful, smart and witty.
7) Be like a yo-yo. Drive him insane with confusion!
8) Flirt with his friends.
9) Be cool.
10) Be confident.

02/17 Direct Link
Want him to get that (not-so-subtle) hint to ask you out? Then don't put down The 7-day guide to a memorable Valentine's Day and keep reading on to

Step 4: Getting him to ask you out

Alright, ladies! We're about halfway towards your dream Valentine's Day so don't back out! Here're a few tips you could try:

1. Stalk him. See what his interests are, and take interest in it.
2. Make it seem like HE's the initiator by asking "Are you asking me out?". Chances are he can't say no. ;)

(Don't believe a word I say.)

02/18 Direct Link
Step 5: Getting the right Valentine's Day gift!

Now that you've scored your date, it's time to find an appropriate present!
If he's:

Sporty: Get him a sports towel or something he can use for his hobby.
Sensitive: A mixtape always says a lot.

(The above step is actually useless as this Valentine's day date is probably your first date, and he may not have got you a gift, which may cause embarrassment and awkward silence. It is thus okay to ask him straight-out if he's got you a gift, or just prepare a small gift just in case.)

02/19 Direct Link
Step 6: How to rock your first date (And just so we're clear, there's no pun on the word "rock".)

Attire: Plan your outfit well - it needs to make a great impression and make you feel comfortable at the same time.

Conversation: Be a good listener and ask interesting questions (that means no "Yes/No" questions! Keep the conversation going!)

Manners: Don't forget these! Always be polite and respectful not only to your date, but to the people around you! (Unless you don't do that normally, in which case shame on you and you don't deserve a Valentine's Day date!)

02/20 Direct Link
If you'd been following the previous six useless steps faithfully, you've probably failed to score a date [:(]. And even if you did, you'd probably realize that it's already 20 February! Better luck next year, huh? -avoids the chair you just threw- Anyway, this may come in handy:

Step 7: Surviving Valentine's Day as a singleton!

1) Pamper yourself: Treat yourself to a manicure, pedicure or spa! Relaxing will help you forget that you're a sad singleton who can't score a date.

2) Take advantage: Order the Valentine's Day set for two and knock yourself out! There's more for you now!

02/21 Direct Link
"Hey," was all he could say, before she cut him off and gave him the biggest hug, taking in his familiar scent as much as she could before parting ways - something she'd been taking for granted in the past where they got to meet each other whenever they pleased.

- Do you think it'll be like this for the next two years - us meeting once a week to catch up before you'd have to go again?
- I don't know, dear, I wish it doesn't have to be like this, y'know.

"Me neither," was all she could say without choking on tears.

02/22 Direct Link
Cheesy song, I know, but I guess we all have moments like this:

Days feel like years when I'm alone - it's funny but I never thought that I'd need you there when I cried. And now I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me.
When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you, the face I came to know is out of sight and the words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it okay are gone. All I can say is I miss you so bloody much.

02/23 Direct Link
This is the moment that you know
That you told her that you loved her
But you don't.
I wanted to believe in all the words that I was speaking,
And every bite I gave that left a mark.
Then tiny vessels oozed into your neck and formed the bruises that you said you didn't want to fade.
But they did and so did I that day.

So one last time, then you'll go,
And we'll pretend that it meant so much more.
But it was vile and cheap.
You are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me.

02/24 Direct Link
Standing at the mirror, she saw IT. The worst nightmare of all women, the THING so significant Jenna Maroney had to record a song about it (which eventually became a chart-topper in Israel and Belgium!)

Yes, it's a MUFFIN-TOP.
-cue music-

My muffin-top is all that
Whole grainy, low-fat
I know you want a piece of that
But I just wanna dance.

Checkin' out my sweet hips
My sugarcoated cherry lips
I know you wanna get with this
But I'm just here to dance.

So if you can't shake your fakery
Then kiss my muffin-top!

02/25 Direct Link
Food that leave a weird taste in your mouth:

1) Garlic - duh?!
2) Marmite
3) Milk (both soya and chocolate)
4) Soft-boiled eggs
5) Hard-boiled eggs
6) Milo
7) Porridge
8) Yakult
9) Sour Cream
10) Baked potato (though I'd blame the sour cream!)

Worst things to do after eating above-mentioned food items:

1) Not brush your teeth
2) Not gargle
3) Not drink something that can help overlap the taste
4) Not even drink WATER!
5) Take a nap
6) Remain stagnant and not eat anything else
7) Make out with spouse
8) Have first kiss

02/26 Direct Link
Season 5 of Desperate Housewives started off with a huge bang (bang.): [SPOILER ALERT] I was yelling out in anger "WHAT THE HELL MIKE GOT KILLED OFF IN THE FIRST 10 MINUTES?!" only to realize that I was tricked (but Susan and Mike DID split grr!), I do not like how the teenage Scavo kids and Gabrielle's daughters look like, I think Gabrielle looked pretty in that no-frills simple look, Tom was still charming and cute as ever, Susan's new squeeze was kinda icky and Bree was kinda bitchy (but so was Katherine so let's call it even). Exciting!
02/27 Direct Link
Gripping the script tightly, she tried to read the lines dramatically in the best way possible. However, her rusty literature and interpreting skills, combined with her now weakened ability to dramatize and characterize on the spot (she'd not acted on stage for a year) didn't make her the best she could be for the character. She'd interpreted the scene and the character in the wrong way ("different", was what the director said diplomatically.) After another failed attempt, the director asked, "Is there any other roles you'd like to try?" And at that exact moment, she knew that she'd blew it.
02/28 Direct Link
"GAH! GOD!" She yelled out in pain as Dr Rocco Dynamite pulled out yet another comedone from her forehead. The previous removal of the pesky whiteheads on her nose didn't feel as painful as she'd had numbing cream applied to her nose and cheeks 30 minutes earlier. "Sorry," Dr Dynamite said, as he applied pressure with a stainless steel tweezer, "I just have to get rid of all these and you have so many!" She made a noise to show that she'd understood, dug her fingernails into her thighs and beared with the pain.

Beauty is never painless, my dear.