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I started a new year in the arms of a [slightly] new boy...in the house of a [slightly] new friend...and my first taste of champagne. All in all, I would say it was a pretty awesome way to bring in 2010. I know I let my mind dwell in the past so much. This year, I want to live in the present for the future. The past month has been so full of life and laughter and love. Everything seems to be falling into place. If that's any indication for 2010, I say bring it on. I'm ready.
I haven't been able to fall asleep until 2-3 lately. Its annoying. But last night I was up because I was texting my boyfriend and my best friend and a potentially good match for her. I hate setting friends up. I'm always afraid if things go wrong, I'm going to lose one, if not both, friends involved along with their friends cause they think its my fault. I've been assured that they're both aware I'm a 3rd party, a bystander, and that they're potential relationship won't affect either friendship. So here's praying for no burnt bridges/regrets I guess.
2009 had a rough start but so far, it was the best year of my life. It just kept getting better as it went. Everything with my boyfriend has stayed perfect from the start. I have my best friend back and better than ever. My other best friend..well, he's coming around. The new year has treated me good so far. Friends, family, love...that's all I really need in life. I have high hopes for 2010. This is the first full year where I will be comfortable holding my own against the world. Nothing can hold me back now.
Sometimes you have to choose between being responsible and having fun. Its those times when being the responsible one sucks balls. As much as I wanted to just go hang out with my friends and watch volleyball and play cards at denny's for no reason, I knew I had made a commitment to my 'business' that I had to keep. Not to mention a New Year's resolution. If I don't take Mary Kay seriously, I'm not gonna get what I want from it. Right now though, I just don't know if its for me. I have a few months still.
First kisses are one of the best parts of any relationship. No matter how long ago it was or how many you've had, you remember those kisses. They last long after the feelings have changed or the other person is gone. No matter how good or bad, long or short, whether you want to remember them or not, you will. Sometimes those will be the only good memory you have of someone, maybe the only good memory...but they are some of the strongest. And I think the best first kiss of all is the last one you ever have.
I hate call in's. I hate my job, period. I wish I could figure out what the hell I wanna do with my life and stop wasting my time at a shitty part time job that will never pay more than minimum wage forces them to. I'm sick of wasting time getting ready for shifts they don't need me for when I'm sure they will or not getting ready then finding out I will have to go. Their policies suck. Their shit is too expensive. But somewhere between the $100 jeans and $80 sweaters, I get $7.30 an hour.
I was thinking about the ripple effect again today. How changing how anything happened in my past would have some catastrophic effect on my present. I would gladly relive the worst moments of my life a million times as long as everything ended up where it is today. I am happier than I ever thought I could be and there are no signs of this stopping. I want to find more beauty in things as they happen instead of in hindsight. Tonight, I stopped on the way home and took a picture of snow falling past a street light. Perfect =]
My ankles hurt and my leg muscles kill. What a wonderful feeling. Last year, I could barely get around the ice rink once without falling. And if I did make it, there was alot of bobbing involved everytime I felt myself lose balance. It was ridiculous. But tonight was apparently my night on the ice. I didn't fall once. I actually got some speed. The only time I almost fell was because I was jacking around trying to spin and I still managed to keep myself up. Little things like this make me want to give old things another chance.
I wrote all 100 words then realized he didn't deserve to be permanently enshrined here. Karma is a bitch. He'll get his. I just have to wait.
I don't want to give up my social life once spring semester starts. I've gotten so used to just going and hanging out with people whenever I want until whenever I wanna come. Having to be home at a decent hour to sleep or having to stay home to do a paper sounds so gross right now. I plan to get the most out of every last minute of winter break.
After admiring the BMW convertible I pulled in next to in the parking garage, I hit it with my door. Oops. Work went from "I'm bored.." to "OMFG STOP TOUCHING SHIT!" in five seconds flat. I got creeped on. Then I found out my favorite manager's last day was over the weekend. FML.
But in the middle of folding a pile of sweaters, I looked up and saw a guy walking toward me. I thought he looked alot like Jimmy. Until I realized it was Jimmy. I've never smiled that big. Especially in the middle of a shift.
So much for Dad never finding out about that speeding ticket. Thank you State Farm and goodbye safe driver discount. Fuck.
I am now signed up for seventeen credit hours this semester. Five weeks of Stress Management should be helpful. And I can't wait for Zumba<3.
I waste my mornings. And it annoys me. But its so nice to just wake up and not do anything for a few hours. I guess I could just keep sleeping but I feel completely unproductive then. How dumb is that.
Completely ADD 100 Words. Love it.
Wow. How can a song hit so close to home the first time you've ever listened to it? You hear your life in someone else's words and realize that other people have been through exactly what you've been through. You're not alone. You're not the only one who's been hurt or loved or alone or happy. Someone you've never met completely understands the emotions that are running through you. Has been through it too. Maybe a slight variation of your situation but maybe exactly the same. What a trippy realization. Maybe we should learn to open up to others more.
Why do we put ourselves through shit we don't need to be going through? We get so upset about things that have already happened or we can't change but then we don't do shit about situations we still have control of. Stop wasting your time on people who just keep hurting you. Be happy that the person you are with is better than the person you were with. Live your life day to day and enjoy the now. We all need to just push the negative out of our lives and start being happier. Don't we owe ourselves that much?
Me having self-control? That's a new one. What happened to the days when I'd flip out at the drop of a hat cause you looked at me or my friends weird? When I'd be in your face the second something nasty about us came out of your mouth? Maybe this is part of growing up and maturing. It takes too much effort to prove to a stupid person that they're stupid. Plus, this isn't my fight. Not yet at least. I'll bite my tongue for now. I'm actually proud of how much more control I have over myself now.
I didn't expect to be so happy when you finally gave your approval of him/us. It would've been fine with me if you never did because it wouldn't change a thing. But now that you have, something in me feels just a little bit lighter. I know its hard for you to see me happy with someone else...all smiles with my arms wrapped around them...but I appreciate you seeing just how happy I am and acknowledging that he's the reason. I want you to be as happy as I am but right now, I'm afraid you're settling.
My new theory: you can't love someone unless you love their laugh. I was thinking about my ex's and their laughs. I remember thinking some were cute or goofy. But I don't remember ever just loving hearing one of them laugh. And now, their laughs mostly annoy me the rare times I hear them. But his laugh...its so different from that. I love hearing him laugh and when he laughs, I can't help but laugh too. Its not forced or awkward. His laugh just makes me happy. So far, no one has really disagreed with my theory. We'll see.
Today is my best friend's 18th birthday. And by best friend, I mean "baby sister". When I turned 18, it didn't affect me half as much as I thought it would. Maybe because I don't smoke or vote and those are the only big changes at that age. Her turning 18 though...that is throwing me off. My baby sister is an "adult" now. She's graduating high school soon. Talking about colleges and majors with me. I'm giving her advice on books and scheduling. When did this happen? When did we grow up? And how do i make it stop?
I start my spring semester tomorrow. I refuse to do anything that takes more mental capacity than walking, eating, and texting. Tomorrow I start a sixteen credit hour semester. I only have books for two of my classes so far. And I work from five to ten. Its gonna be a long day.
I forgot how nice it was to talk to someone on the phone before bed every night. Who makes me really happy. I don't know why I'm still surprised by how sweet and different he is but I am. Its a nice change of pace.
Stupid 9am Film Appreciation...I didn't know it didn't start until February 23rd. I went to bed early which made my body think 6 am was an awesome time to wake up. I half slept until around 715. Took a shower. Got ready. Got here and realized I won't have to be here until 11 on Tuesday and Thursday for a while.
So now I'm in the library until my English 162 class starts at 11. Should go check out prices on books but I know that's just gonna ruin my day even more. Stupid books. Stupid school.
2nd first day of classes. Bought the wrong book for CivII. But I know two people in that class (one being my cousin). Humanities doesn't seem bad and a girl I'm friends with is in it too. Personality Theories seems like a blast. So far that's the only class I don't know anyone in but I talked to a group of people who seemed really fun. Stress Management is gonna be cake and a girl from volleyball last semester is there with me. $127 for a used book is ridiculous. But this is going to be a pretty good semester.
I never realized how little we had talked until today. I didn't know anything about you but now I understand why you were how you were. Your attitude has changed so much in the past few months. I like who are now much better than who you were when I first started hanging out with you. Try not to lose this new-ish you regardless of what happens.
I'm hoping my classes don't kill me. But I'm allowed/encouraged, to sleep in stress management. Sweet.
Why do line breaks count as words? How dumb is that?
We've been dating for eleven months. Without being overly cliche, it really does feel like it was just yesterday. Maybe its because we never fight and we're always laughing and hours just fly by like seconds when I'm with you. I still remember the first time I met you and the first time I came out to see you. How every time I turned around, you showed me just how different you were from every other guy I've ever known. You still surprise me sometimes. My life has been so much better since you've been around. And I like that.
Eighty-five dollars for a textbook is stupid. Then come summer they'll buy it back for like $30. This whole system is a bunch of crap. I miss high school when the only time you had to pay for your book was because your car/locker/room/dog ate it or your friend drew something dirty on it in pen or marker.
I still don't like that line breaks count as words by the way.
I have never laughed with anyone like I do when I'm with him. I think that says a lot about us.
I have never come home unhappy from a shopping date with my best friend. No matter what responsibilities I had to shove off, spending half a day talking/laughing/trying on clothes I'm not gonna buy is the best therapy in the world. And we talk about/laugh at/try on everything. Those car rides are always filled with conversations and music.
I'll never forget the ride when I told her he hit me. How she turned sideways to yell at me for hiding it. How good it felt to finally tell someone I knew would believe me.
One of my classes didn't meet today which gave me an hour to chill and talk to my cousin. Positive. Someone in this row of chairs is bouncing their leg and making me crazy. Negative. I have a rice krispie treat in my purse. Positive. The new printer system blows. Negative. I know/recognize alot of people walking around campus. Positive.
Personality Theories is making me really want to major in psychology again. I love dissecting why people act the way they do. Maybe I can make it a minor. That still leaves me without a major though.
I can do this. I just have to want it. I need to get over my "public speaking" issue. Sitting down with the girls and showing them the products was so easy and fun for me. I just have to keep that mentality in every class I do. I was so excited to see them so happy about what they bought. And to have a few dollars in my pocket because of it. I did the math of how much I owe myself from all my sales. It would probably cover the trip to Texas if I don't drive alone.
Blue crabs. Dropping of the cod. Defication. Toddler masturbation. Drugs. My classes/professors are so strange but I really like them.
I don't know what I'm gonna do when I finally get you on the phone. I know what I have to say. I just don't know what I'm actually going to say once I get you on the phone. How do I even approach that? Its always been blunt honesty with you but this is kind of huge. I don't know which is the lesser of two evils. I just want you to think this all through.
I remember doing these "relaxation" and "guidance" tapes at retreats in grade school and high school. I thought they were a huge load of crap. "Imagine you're in a grassy field, walking with the Lord". No. I'm gonna nestle my face into my arm and try to sleep through your bullshit. Not that I don't believe in God. I do. Its just that I dropped that imaginary friend thing a long time ago. I pray occasionally. Go to church rarely. But I do believe in God. Anyway, where I was going with this...the "power nap" in Stress Management...awesomeeee.
Everybody and their brother is getting a new tattoo. Its making me batshit crazy. I went tonight to get a price/opinion on my cross. Two hundred dollars. Minimum. But I have a serious loyalty to people who do good work for me. I keep the same hair stylist til they quit or move. I've only had one Mary Kay rep up until I started selling it myself. Only one guy gets to put needles til me until I want something other than lobes. And I will only ever get a tattoo from Dewey. So, two hundred+ dollars it is.
Promethesus and Bob. Life with Loopy. Action League Now. Rocko's Modern Life. Oh my god I miss old cartoons. New cartoons blow and I hate all the digital animation of Disney movies now. I love watching my old shitty vhs tapes. I love the faded colors.
I can't believe I got no hours at work this week. How stupid is that. But Mary Kay did pick up a bit. I'm feeling really excited about it again and I like it. I might have a new recruit and alot of new customers. Maybe I can even quit Abercrombie soon.
Well, today would've completely sucked had it not been for getting to see my boyfriend and a few friends after work. That whole group just cracks me up.
But girls are stupid. Myself included, just not as much. I love the girls who get mad that I'm good friends with their boyfriends [before/after they've met] and refuse to accept that maybe [omg!] I have only ever been and will only ever be friends with them. Then, after getting mad, they ask me for help with their relationship issues or gift ideas. Stop being psycho, insecure, jealous bitches.
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