REPORT A PROBLEM
All throughout the street laughter could be heard. Young children held the hand of their parents while swinging their plastic bag in the other. Some older children walked near their parents, yet not too close. They wanted the protection their parent had to offer without the embarrassment of being seen with their parent. I walked alone. No parent, no protection. The streets were safe as long as parents strolled with their children, but as soon as they were gone, the alleys turned dark and mysterious, the streets eerily empty. Without any parent there, to show protection, the world was evil.
We were perfect for each other. He made my life better, made it possible for me to get excited about another day. He was my better half, my soul mate even, but he had eyes for another. I couldn't compete with that and I didn't try. I knew that if i tried and failed, I would lose him forever. If I just stayed silently by his side, I could at least worship him and be near him. My mind often wandered when I was around him. Of things that could never be, of dreams I should never dream. Of him.
I longed to be part of that group. That group of girls who walked prouder than others, who had the aura of a leader, who were the icon of popularity. They didn't have problems like the rest of us, they were perfect. They never had a hair out of place. Their make up was so perfect it looked natural. Their slim figures never underweight, but never overweight either; they were simply perfect. As they walked across the campus, I realized that I would never be part of that, I couldn't. They would never accept me. I stood and walked away.
The cold was intense, but I didn't feel it. He sat so close to me, I could feel the heat coming from him. His scent was delicious. It smelled like musk and axe and other manly smells, mixed together, which would smell overwhelmingly disgusting, but it didn't. It blended so perfectly for him, his own personal scent. As I reveled in it, he sighed. "Its freezing! May you turn off the AC Mrs.?" I hid the AC control that I had in my hand. The colder it was, the closer he would get. "No. Now, what was I teaching you..."
Today's topic is "Left-Wing or Right-Wing." I hate government, with a passion. So instead of writing about the ideologies I might have that correspond to the left or right wing, I will be writing about birds. Birds have wings. They have two wings; one right wing one left wing. These wings work like hands. These hands, when damaged, make it impossible for the bird to fly. Without wings, a bird is defenseless, their purpose in life drained of its source, its point. I once saw a bird, lying on the ground. Dead. It was missing it's right wing.
I had the strangest dream today. You were in it. The sky was a purple hue, clashing with the dark blue moon. The path we walked through was empty. On one side of this path there was a forest. On the other the ocean. We walked the path, never going into the forest, but never in the clear view of the ocean. You were getting restless. You wanted to run. I stopped you from going into the forest. I stopped you from touching the sand. You grew frustrated, then mad at me. I grew upset. Then I let you go.
The whistle was heard. The workers all stood from their crouched positions, stretching their backs. The children began to climb the trees. This was my first time as a climber. I had always been scared of heights, but it was the only way my family would get paid. We all had to have a part. Climbers had it the easiest. I grabbed the trunk and began my ascend. The bark of the tree left scratches on my skin, but I persevered. When I reached the top, I could see the whole field. I sang the 'time to go home' tune.
You are everywhere. Who are you? What are you doing here? What is your purpose? When I wake, you are never there, but when I close my eyes, the image of you instantly pops up. I am never alone. When I look, I can't find you. When I see, you are always there. Is it my imagination? Are you real? Whenever I know you are there, I get a feeling like no other. I feel safe, protected. Whenever there is danger around, your presence intensifies. Are you here to protect me? Is it possible... Can you be... My Guardian Angel?
Last night was an epic fail. I had woken up with every intent to start and finish my homework. That is possibly the only reason I woke up so early, so I could have more "free time" before "homework time." At 8pm I had accomplished nothing. I had watched "Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging." That was the highlight of my day. The movie was from the UK, I believe, which made it more interesting. I still stayed up until around 5am. Doing what, I do not recall. Mostly surfing the net, watching movie, and napping. Homework was put aside completely.
Mr. Griffith. He's more than just your regular chemistry teacher. He is the Chemistry God. Throughout my entire 12 years in school, I have never met a teacher who has even come close to a fraction of the greatness that is Mr. Griffith. His teaching method is completely flawless. The notes are understandable by themselves. The Homework can only add to the understanding. And then, he goes and answers any questions you have from your homework, gives you real life examples AND emphasizes the lesson with a lab. His methods surpass all. It doesn't hurt that he's good looking either. :]
As soon as the door was closed, his expression changed. "We've got to go. Now!" he brusquely shouted. He grabbed my arm and dragged me toward the window. "Wh-What? Sweetie, are you okay?" I tried to peer at his face, but he was frantically searching around the room. "There's no time to explain! Just pack a few essentials! We need to leave! Go! Hurry!" He pushed me toward my closet. Perplexed, I did what I was told. There was banging on the door. "Open up, this is the police!" Grabbing my hand, we jumped out the window toward safety.
A man bumped into me on the busy claustrophobic streets. My purse went flying into the air. Stunned, I watched in slow motion as it flipped over in midair and deposited all its contents on the sidewalk. Each item fell onto the floor with a crack. Crack, crack, crack. Everything that could be broken was broken. Everything that might be lost was lost. The throng of people that walked the streets walked on, not even sparing a glancing. I saw a few people bend down and retrieve items, but they did not return them to me. I just watched, horrified.
Secrets. I have so many secrets, I can't even begin to name them. Some are not even my secrets. There is no one secret of mine that would cause riots or create and unstable environment; most of my secrets are just personal. One of my most devastating secrets is that I'm in love with my gay friend. This is the first time that I have even personally admitted to it, but it is true. My friend mentioned here is not anyone anyone knows. He is long gone, no longer in this area, but I believe that he is the one.
My first time. I think I'm probably the only one that hasn't had sex out of the entire school. I'm being overdramatic, but that's how I feel. Most of my friends have someone they could have sex with, and even the few who don't have already done 'it.' I think I'm just waiting for that special someone? Maybe; I don't even know. But someday, somewhere, somehow, with someone (hopefully), it will not be my 'first time' but my seven hundred twenty fifth time. That is a huge number. Sounds fun. Until then, until
, I will just wait my turn.
Once upon a time, there lived a girl who was scared of everything. This girl lived all by herself in a tower, locked away by her parents in order to protect her. The parents, depressed about their only child, thought that this would be the only way that she would feel safe. They wanted to be good parents, wanted to make this girl happy, so they gave her up and placed her in a tower. The walls of her room where white. She had no bed, no clothes, nothing. She lived in a bare room, just she, herself, and her.
Pet peeves. I have a pet. His name is Peeves. He follows me where ever I go. He's there when I need him, he's there when I don't, but his presence is always welcome. He doesn't eat. He doesn't speak. He just follows me around. I know when he's angry, I know when he's happy and I know that he is lonely. He's shy and sly. He's smart and cunning In my dreams he speaks, but in reality he is never there. I turn to look at him, but he disappears, but his presence presides. Peeves is unnatural; an anomaly.
I had killed someone. I was a murderer. Surrounded by trees I sensed the air turn sour at my crime against nature. The moonlight above shone a limelight straight to the body, framing it with a translucent light. The wind howled at my doing, screaming. "Help! Murder! Murder!" it yowled. An owl overhead hooted; "Hoo!" will come and proclaim justice? "Hoo!" will find this tattered body, destroyed completely? "Hoo! Hoo!" Everyone was against me. I ran. "I'm sorry! It was an accident!" Roots tripped me, branches tried to stop me. The universe knew I was lying, and they wanted revenge.
Never say never. I want you. I always have. I remember the first time I heard of your name. My ex had talked to your ex, "He's your boyfriend? That guy?" My ex sounded incredulous. I knew he wanted your ex, and he didn't care about you, or me. When I first met you, I was in love. I loved you. I wanted you. I want you. I would have tried to get you if it wasn't for your ex. And when you were finally free from her clutches, I rejoiced. But alas, it was pointless. You didn't want me.
My breath comes in rattling gasps. My legs scalded from the exertion, buckle under my weight. I'm on my knees now. Tears run down my face as I try to bring fresh air into my burning lungs. It is over. My arms feel weak and feeble. I just want it to end. The pain, the struggle is too much. I let my arms give away and now lay completely on the floor. The air is cooler down here. All my muscles have stopped working. No thought crosses my mind in my state of limbo. I had reached my ultimate limit.
My footsteps echo across the asphalt. It's late. The Cheshire moon smiles at me from above, grinning madly. My eyes scan my surroundings. I am in a parking lot. There's only one car in the lot; I hope it's mines. The key fits. I stumble in, shaking. The car feels foreign. I start the engine. The radio plays a station I've never heard. There's a note on the dashboard. "Sorry love! I'll meet you for dinner. CALL ME! - Nathan." I don't know who this is. I don't remember. I don't know where I am; I don't know who I am.
Twilight settled over the Earth as we lay on our backs on the roof of your house. I loved being around you, even if you didn't notice me. I listened to the way your breathing deepened. The slow rhythm lulled me to sleep. That's when it happened. The first firework of the night. You woke with a start, glancing around. Then your gaze fell upon me. I stared at your beautiful eyes, lost in the depth of them, a glimpse of your soul. You saw right through me though. Then you turned to your other side, back to your girlfriend.
If only I would have asked. If only you would have answered. If only I would have turned. If only you would have yelled. If only I would have seen you. If only you would have had seen me. If only you weren't this way. If only I was. If only we had more time. If only it was enough. If only I would have said no. If only I would have ended it earlier. If only I would have had the guts. If only you would've been here. If only you had loved me. If only I wouldn't have.
I pressed the elevator button for the 35th floor. I knew things didn't have to end this way, but it was a simple enough solution. 3rd floor. I was just one person, insignificant in this infinite world. 9th floor. I would be just one more statistic. 15th floor. There would be less problems with me gone, no one to get in your way. 21st floor. I love you too much to cause you any more pain. 27th floor. Tonight I will end it. 33rd floor. Goodbye. 35th floor. I got off the elevator, went to the nearest window, and jumped.
I dream of a land of milk and honey. Where it rains dollar bills from the sky, gently cascading downwards. Where the houses are made of gingerbread, and the doorknobs are made of gummy treats. The trees are made of chocolate, with mint chocolate leaves. There's no fighting, because everyone is equal. No one wants power, they are all easily content. Everything is edible, yet there's no such thing as a cavity here, there's no such thing as a doctor. We live in peace, in harmony, in sync. As the pink blossom sun sets, we sleep in our marshmallow beds.
My eyes flew open. It was around midnight, as I lay on my soft plush bed, scared. The only sound besides my heavy breathing was a soft creaking somewhere in the living room. The footsteps stopped, as if sensing my alertness. I held my breath. Then I heard the footsteps follow an invisible path towards me. The sound they made got louder with each step. I was paralyzed with fear. I tried to mimic deep sleep, but the footsteps continued. Straight towards my form. I closed my eyes. I sensed the figure looming over me. I waited for my death.
His eyes were the first thing I noticed. They were not your typical brown, green or blue. I had often fantasized about blue eyes, but his eyes surpassed any fantasy. They were beautiful. They were like a rainbow. They were mostly blue gray, with a green layer. But the iris was gold yellow. I loved rainbows, and that is what his eyes reminded me of. Rainbows. I could get lost in the beauty of them forever. The problem was that his eyes were never focused on me. I cataloged the colors when he glimpsed my way that one, single time.
My entire leg was now numb. As I crouched under the window sill of the house, I felt the snow crawl from my toes to my legs. I could hear laughter from inside the house. They had a fireplace. The window was blurry, foggy, from the heat coming from inside. I clung to this heat. It was the only thing keeping my upper half from freezing. My tattered clothing had so many holes that it felt as if I was wearing nothing at all. This is how I spent my Christmas Eve, leeching off the heat of someone's warm window.
The floor boards of the attic were covered in a thin layer of dust, but besides that the room was empty. The house which had been abandoned many years previous, had long since given up hope that someday this house would be a home again. One day, the window of the attic burst open. The wind, rushed in. It began to stir the house, stir the silent dust that had lay dormant. The dust and wind danced through the night. They twisted and turned and moved intricately to their own music, their own symphony. The house glowed, happy once more.
My body broke the water's surface. I closed my eyes in panic. It was a mistake. As I opened my eyes I discovered I was very deep under. The currents rolled me over and over so much that I did not know what way was up anymore. My worst nightmare had come true. My lungs were fighting their hardest, trying to get some oxygen into my body, but there was none. I had held my breath but now it was too much. I had to let go. I did. Water entered my mouth, my lungs. I let it consume me.
"Don't forget that I'm the one keeping you on the market!" he yelled as he shoved me inside my apartment, distractedly counting the money I had earned. I fell hard on the floor. I slammed the door and headed for the restroom. I looked at the face in the mirror. This face used to be pretty. This life had once held a purpose. These once captivating eyes were now hollow and damaged. The face I now saw was old, marred and used. I threw an empty vodka bottle at the mirror. It shattered into pieces, reflecting millions of warped faces.
The Tip Jar