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Dead Silence...nothing makes sense anymore, this sound of nothingness. If it were an image, it would be nothing but that of a blank page.
If it were a human, it would be a friend that was of distant memory.
But sometimes, sometimes, silence is golden, silence is necessary, because sound can be become the most quite annoying, and bitchy, and won't shut the fuck up!!!!
Silence can assist with the mind's clarity and help bring sanity to the soul who is often brothered by the crap sound brings.
Sound brings anger, hate, love, and negativity. Silence is defying.
I have many memories of sad moments, moments of sudden cries in the night, the night a place of mystery, a place with dangerous allurement.
The night, memories, messed together created one big circle of my existence. Without my purpose I cannot live life.
The purpose gives me a reason to breathe. No breath, no life. What is the true purpose to my existence?
Am I lonely? What is my self-worth? I can make myself live in state of depression. OR I can take my sword of conscience, and cut through my own lies, and choose to live life.
This pain in my heart,I am so tried of feeling this way, this rift in my soul won't leave me. It has become a part of me, it is my mask.
What can I do to remove this tainted red mark upon my breast?
I am tired of this pain, it's gravity pulls me down into a state of nothingness. I am crotched down in a fetal position and protecting my heart.
There is only an inch of life left in me. I'm fading away like a candle lit in a darken room.
Inhale unscented air thorough the instruments that make music with the sounds of exhaling.
Taking a in the moment, and excepting it for what it is and was. Pushing through the forest of denial, and taking in the hit of reality.
Burning my chest with it's smoke of realism, I cannot take in your negativity but I will take in your second hand fumes.
Tell me something reality, what makes you breathe?
Is your heart made of anguish, ever since hope forsake you?
We need her nourishment,you pushed her away and breathed out guilt for us to inhale.
Erupts within my heart and erupts words of rage.
I want my freedom, strip me from this place of lies, and deceit. Give me something to live for, show me my tomorrow.
So I may bellow out, my true fantasies, my sky sore with visions of endless lies. Lies, and deceit, for I have been betrayed.
I have been delivered to my sub-conscience, I have caged my sullen soul. Rage transforms me and turns me into a selfless dreamer.
What is here for me? My heart's soldiers no longer reside in me. My guard is down, I am broken.
My body is scared, I cannot allow u to enter here, until u can acknowledge my worth.
In this temple lies my heart. You're not allowed to place your fire on my oiled center, that burns the flame to awaken my desire.
Come to me in your purest form, bring your innocence, knowledge, your open mind and soul.
When u come, u must come correct. Leave your views on what society says a woman is, and come see the real thing.
I can free your mind, consume your hearts desire,I can make you become a better man.
Sudden worries, do not allow me to truly appreciate my humanity.
I running from lifeless people, who only live by sucking on the hope of other's.
My sword of knowledge ready to cut their shameless words that are used to break me down everyday. I am hurt, wounded, and scared.
As a charge towards the battle for peace, the light beyond the horizon is hope, she is here to help me towards victory.
My energy is fading from me, but I have one more thing in me that cannot be removed,I have my inner peace, and purpose.
Ringmaster yells orders, and the lions cease their natural instinct and become an act for the show.
"Step right up, step right up, come see the greatest show of the year!" Shouts the leader of this tainted show.
"We will show you things you have never seen, things that will be pleasing to the eye. Look at this woman from the wild lands of Africa. Look at her strange body.
They stare with cold pale eyes. I am cold, but strong. They're strange to me, their bodies fragile. I am hear on display because I am a different beauty.
Moments of thinking, random thoughts, that help the day to move on. I am constantly on the go in my life, trying to think about past times.
It takes a small moment to think of quick decisions to end bad times, but longer moments that consist of patience, gives a better outcome.
This is a moment of random thoughts, just letting the mind let it's self become free. I don't really think that anything that I am writing even makes sense, but it does help to know that I am thinking about what I feel about my own sub-conscience.
Beauty is skin deep.
I will not apologize.
I won't apologize for having a chocolate colored skin. I won't apologize for not having "good hair," Whatever the fuck that means.
There are many days when I truly feel sad for being on this Earth, as a black woman, but there are days that I have been very proud to be who I am.
I am a creative person, with an artistic soul. I have a strong personality, and strong aspirations. I don't need a society telling what I am supposed to be.
I am me, take it or leave it.
My heart is always deeply full of sorrow, I am so ambitious and always have many many ideas but sometimes I am so over excited that I end up laying in a fetal position consumed in my day dreams.
Then I am sadden when I watch people in a place where I would like to be. I need to push myself, if there is any other goal that I am going to this year, is to try not to let me own fears get in the way of my destiny.
This is the year I will be known.
Heart racing, and palms sweat, My mind is circled with thoughts of guilt, thoughts of depression.
Goals that once seemed approachable, seem to fade farther and farther away from me, I am in a state of nothingness.
I am not sure if I am going to pull through. I am the warrior knocked down on her last breath.
I know my strength is here in my heart, I need to pull through, become the person that I meant to be. I gather my strength, and pull my sword of wisdom and knowledge.
And strike the heart of the wicked.
The concept of today is very interesting
How many of us think of things that we could do this very minute to change a moment that will effect our lives for tomorrow?
There is this idea, that if we knew when we would leave this Earth, there are many things that we can do.
What about taking today by the horns, and showing what destiny has to offer and start on what you have presently, and doing something that can effect you now. If tomorrow is granted to you,you have been given an opportunity to share your worth.
I have always been at the back of the crowd. Always looking, and walking in the opposite direction.
I am like the female version of Benjamin Button, with the exception starting off 80 yrs old. Though I am still catching up to life.
At the same time I have been referred to as an old soul.
Perhaps I am going the opposite direction because I have already been that side of my destiny and now I want to see the beginning. Reacquaint myself with these things that have been forgotten or things I'd never got to do.
I guess I am rare person. I guess as a young woman there should have been somethings that I could or should have been doing.
An example would be relationships, I am so new when it comes to those sort of things. I an observant and a good listener, when it comes to everybody's relationships,I give advice because I have always been good about putting myself in other people's shoes.
But I guess being in the shoes doesn't make me aware of the situation, I have to walk in them to truly feel it.
Time to make changes.
Sometimes I am not sure about certain things to do in my life, I am ambitious but sometimes I do I am afraid to go the distance.
I don't know what I should or should not do. I am just frustrated about what I should do because I have some anxiety towards the whole thing. I think as a age older, the more distant I feel from my dreams.
I don't think I need to be doing these things, trust in my dream, trust in my desires. I don't even know what I should be doing anything any more.
A Piece of my Heart
I think sometimes I to often dedicate myself to things that I just cannot do. I don't understand why I put myself in positions that I am just not interested in.
I should just be honest and put my foot down. If my heart is not into it, I cannot dedicate myself into fully, and I don't it's fair to waste a creative energy.
Slowly but surely I think I would like to finally take a stance and learn to put my feet down and be stern. An artist heart can be fragile but strong.
The pain of nothingness
Sometimes I think I am just think I am a ball of emotional mess. That I cannot control my feelings. There are times that I really do need to constrain my fears and just go with the flow.
I think I bare pain to keep myself grounded, but that internal pain is harder to heal then a headache with Advil.
Sometimes I try to find healing in other artistic expressions, like music. That is my most popular tool, but sometimes it didn't even help.
I can heal myself, I just need to be strong, just breathe.
Today is a new day, skies are clear, and water of the ocean is dancing to a new tune. Peace is coming, as quite as country town day.
Today please leave your burden's aside, come with your pen of peace, and record your messages of love. We will become one, we will nothing else but human.
Today the revolution of love and hope has come, to bring a new light to the future. Let there togetherness and peace. Let freedom ring in all hearts of the captive.
Let joy into your heart and mind. Let your soul be fulfilled.
What is my contribution, to others and myself? In some ways life is about servitude, it's about helping one another.
Give with your whole heart, and mind. And things will come your way. The time has come to give whole heartedly. I feel that to complete myself I need to be helping other's, one focus at a time.
First goal in within helping artists, because our contribution is great! We help with the building of the country and through our gift the society, our nation, the world, in our history, our future, and our present.
Let the journey begin.
I have been thinking about communication. Communication is a strong thing, especially within our world there are so many ways to communicate with someone.
But at the same time, our recent ways of communication silence our voices. Think about it, when you are send a message thru email or chatting with someone online. There is no voice heard.
Our voices have been replaces by the sounds of small clicking. What are we trying to say, when we have many ways to communicate and we choose to silence our voices and use technology to tell us how we really feel.
Today words are absolutely nonsense, they will make no sense at all. Some sentences will make sense and some will not.
I am excessing my mind, trying to clear weird thoughts that I am having. I am tried of thinking or worrying and stuff. I am tried of trying to come up with solutions to calm my worries. I wish in my heart, that I can be more calm and know that things are ok.
In some ways I wish that we were decedents of Abel rather then Cain. We would be more faithful, and believe in faith stronger.
I wonder what the world would be like, if people just took a moment to think about their lives and how it effects others.
Regardless if you are religious or not, what we do now has an effect on our Earth.
People are often selfish, I understand the concept of "Do you." One cannot fully, give their whole heart unless, they are truly at peace. There has to be a way to divide the time we take in seeking peace for ourselves, while trying to help others.
Sometimes by assisting humanity, we can find the peace that we need.
Being health consciences is very important. Funny thing about being healthy other then it being good for your body, it's also good for your spirit and for the artist, the creative mind.
I have always believed that good food brings healing to the body and life. And that the human body was made to perfection, to be that of it's own healer. The purpose of medicine before was to heal assist the body of what it lacked.
Now the medicine today is to see how quickly the pain can be cured without truly sensing the real issue behind it.
I don't know
Sometimes I just don't know the risk I take it life. I am not being brave enough to seriously accomplish what I wish to accomplish.
I grow in fear of taking the next step, I guess that is how it has always been. So ambitious but afraid to go the extra mile.
What truly holds us back? When we truly begin to come terms with that in which we lack. Were we afraid to come out of our comfort zone. Every bird must leave the nest at some point in order to truly learn how to fly.
I have been thinking about what we like to consider as regret. Is regret that of which you wish you had not done? Or what you have yet achieved?
For me it is a little of both but more on the side of lack of achievement. But who am I truly trying to make achievements for? Myself or for someone to find me accepting in their eye? I do believe in the "DO YOU," concept but also helping others. There is also nothing wrong with acknowledgment.
My fear is to be completely forgotten. To have left without leaving inspiration.
This is a random thought on the subject of life, since this is one my 100 words write ups, it's not going to make a lot of sense.
I have been thinking about the purpose of life, and it means to us as a worldly society. Some of us seek the materialistic life, other take a humble journey. Some of us suffer, and some of us are able to live somewhat normal lives.
Some some it's to reproduce, and for other's it's to contribute. Some think of making a powerful statement. Other's prefer the comfort of security.
Life is complicated.
Been thinking loud and clear, why the hell I put myself in positions that I am not really into. Why do I keep friends that I don't really care for.
Or I should say don't really care for me. I have always been kind, and over excited by sharing happiness with other's or seeking other people's happiness.
My feelings are always hurt, and sometimes I take things to personal. But I will try my best to become stronger and in some ways I have. And I guess that can be a good thing. Sometimes it's good to be stronger.
Thinking and Wishing
Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I was a different person on the outside. If I were another culture. Would I be the same person, if one is an old soul, would the same personality come with the soul when placed in a new temple.
Sometimes I am sorry to be what I am, and other times I am quite proud. I try not to let cultural or society's vision of what makes me a perfect woman.
We are all instilled with an gift, and it's in the gift that makes us truly unique.
Challenges are good and great and give solace to those who are sensitive to motivate themselves to become better people. I would be one to say that I was always afraid of challenges, but now I except them like a amazon warrior excepts her battles.
It's important to strengthen one's mind and body with challenges of the world we live in. In society's conscience, and love's heart. Only within hope and respect and an open mind can we truly open ourselves to growth.
It can take a lot for a person, day by day. To deal with life's realities.
This is a thank you note to myself, this is a note to tell myself, that I am proud of myself for sticking to a challenge of writing almost everyday. For getting forward in pushing my artistic a ventures.
I think myself for being open to try new things and challenges and I pray that I will try to go a step forward to pursue more art in the future. I alone can really push myself.
So thank you, for the challenge to succeed. And giving me a creative purpose again. Here's to trying, now start over. Fresh!
The Tip Jar