09/01 Direct Link
oooooooooooooh! A brand new month - - - - - - - stretching with energy and joy at the beginning of the bright, crisp feelings that come with the cooler days - even cooler nights and sparkling blue sky above. Clouds appear much brighter (in my mind only?) and nearly sparkle against the sky - - - beckoning me out into the air again, no need for air conditioning or heater, perhaps a cardigan tucked close by.

Not yet, glancing at the current temperature, noon here and 90 degrees, but close - close enough to take a deep breath of relief and look around the nearest corner into this delicious season: Autumn.
09/02 Direct Link
My daughter's high school friend died yesterday. It was a brutal home invasion murder that took place in another state.  She and everyone he knew is in shock. The reaching out to one another, the shared agony is important to them now. He was everyone's friend -- active in high school in everything from the football team to the award winning singing ensemble. Senseless. Unexpected. Frightening. Only 31. Why him? The news stories are making it worse. His first name (which he didn't use) is causing his friends to lash out: DON'T USE THAT NAME - HE HATED IT! 
09/03 Direct Link
I've had a series of conversations recently with a person who lives thousands of miles away. It has been some time since we've connected, but time and distance are of no importance. We've known one another for years and pick up where we left off. We dip into random topics: experiences, books, music, science..anything one or the other happens to be thinking about. It's a free form adventure and one we've both come to enjoy. Today i randomly selected a book from the pile and began to read aloud at his request. Random is the operative word.
09/04 Direct Link
Five am. Twenty degrees cooler than when I went to sleep. Dark outside. Windows up to cool the house. Dog beside me on her rug. Sipping yesterday's coffee heated in the microwave. Fan used yesterday to make it bearable still running, but unnecessary now. Long weekend starting. Invitation to go swimming. Nothing else on the horizon. E-mail inviting me to call about a job. Followed up on that just because and for no other reason. Dead end. Not doing that again. The recruiter didn't like that. Eating up her precious time. So what. She'd contacted me not the reverse.
09/05 Direct Link
Still undecided, I continue to write. Random thoughts about equally random topics.

Does this make my writing any less real? or valuable? Ahhh.. but that would be a subjective judgement - as all judgements are - but then, it is mine that matters regarding my writing so the subjective becomes redundant.
A man died in his home across the street. HIs family (I assume) have been busy at work for days, clearing out his things onto the front grass. A small apartment, so much inside now spilling out into the sunlight. Is this what we become? Stuff on the grass?  
09/06 Direct Link
If you were to write a novel, what would it be about?

You know how i am about nonfiction. Human condition stuff.

I know about your nonfiction. That's why i asked you about a fictional novel!

It would be about............, i'll get back to you on that. Later today.

It will come to you when you're not thinking about it Your unconscious, you know.

Yes. It will come to me quickly. When i'm in the bath. That works always. i often scramble out before I've scarcely gotten in.

Your thinking place.

It doesn't work with the shower.

Of course not.
09/07 Direct Link
And it did come to me - the setting, the purpose. Much to be decided. Point of view mostly. This could be a stage play, but it may be more suitable for novel format. Or perhaps short stories allowing the point of view to move from person to person. I've read books where chapters are devoted to different characters. This is excellent because I could have perhaps three points of view on one event or topic. This would hang together well and still be varied enough. As a reader, there are some characters I relate better to than others. 
09/08 Direct Link
Tired - had sleep but feel as if i haven't. First week of september - gone. Energy lagging. Don't like this at all. I was becoming accustomed to the increased energy and fear i may be going backwards. Sipping coffee. Not helping. Bed beckoning. Ignoring. Bath maybe. Tends to shift my focus. Humidity adding to the malaise. Fan humming beside me without much impact. Dog asleep on the rug nearby. University student swings up on her bike, adjusting short jeans skirt and rides past my view, silently. Not even the cats this morning. Not mine - the neighbor's. They've claimed me, however. Sleep?
09/09 Direct Link

I'm in the midst many projects: knitting baby gift (a hooded cape in a lucious bamboo yarn in a color called berry frappe ), locating a van to convert to a mini-camper, researching side window kits for aforementioned van, finding yarn for a teenage gift (ear flap hat with long ties, requested color is bright purple), finding a table or table top at thrift store to use for base for mosaic tiled scrabble board (this is going to be a fun one!), looking at tiles for aforementioned table top, researching marketing vehicles for new side business venture I'm considering. 

09/10 Direct Link
And the projects continue to build. Trip to coast may be postponed in favor of one to philadelphia. book and table set aside in favor of baby knitting project(s). (when did this become a to do list vs actual writinig?)

One would think, when reading this, that i have no idea of happenings outside of these minute noted activities, but rest assured i follow world politics and natural occurrences with constant interest and intensity. Perhaps i'm weary of discussing them right now - so much, so fast. sting is singing "like a snowball down a mountain" at the moment - exactly!
09/11 Direct Link

While listening to Shostakovich I made the tactical error of looking up his biography. Does one's affiliation with the communist party and his tearful disavowel, showing this man to be a deeply troubled and perhaps psychotic man, have an impact on the beauty of his music? Of course not.

His music is the same, with or without this background. I am the one who made the shift after the reading. I won't watch Woody Allen or Mel Gibson but my not watching doesn't change their work. Who they are, however, does CREATE their work. And so this cycles back around.

09/12 Direct Link
Holy shit - i just lost my entire entry. just like that. I was cutting away a portion that was overkill and now..  sadly. .that's all i have.. sitting there grinning at me from the clipboard.  damn damn damn damn damn.

So that's what i get for the lazy. I used to meticulously type into a word document, carefully check the word count. transfer here and then check word count again.  I realized this was beyond anal so my new way with this new phase of writing has been simply - type, check, one edit and send. Yeah right!
09/13 Direct Link

I've silenced the voices of NPR and opened my ocean waves file. 

My friend told me about a couple he knew who had planned to sail around the world.They spent fifteen years creating a most beautiful sailing vessel - crafted from fine wood salvaged from passenger railroad cars. Near completion, the wife became ill. She recovered only to have the husband fall ill. They each recovered but their set backs caused them to pause and reconsider their plan.

They sold their vessel and used the proceeds to purchase a small retirement cottage.  So many thoughts here.

09/14 Direct Link
Schedules are anathema to me. This makes it difficult to commit to anything except an impromptu activity. While I do manage to slip into a routine, before long, restlessness finds me.

I consider taking classes, marketing business services, meeting friends for dinner - but no.

Travel with no specific destination appeals to me. It did in the 70s and it does now. The going is the draw rather than the getting somewhere.

I've been playing with this. My first plan was to get an RV and do that. I soon discarded that in favor of a mini camper. I'm still there.

09/15 Direct Link
Ahhh I see it's after midnight because I've just now settled down to write my 15th entry and it's showing the 16th also available to write.

I woke at my usual three a.m. this morning but managed to slip back to sleep for a few more hours, thus the awake at midnight surprise.

Today it was 90 degrees.There are three tropical storms stirring up the Atlantic. Weather patterns have changed and nothing should be a surprise now. Earthquakes, hurricanes, mining disasters, pipeline explosions, tornados, floods, infrastructure falling to ruins. We've not even appoached winter yet!
09/16 Direct Link
2010 is quickly moving up in the charts as a favorite year - or is it my own personal age that's scoring such high marks???

A few months ago I wrote here that I could feel a shift taking place, gradual then. Shifts are not meant to be complete - they are a process and I'm enjoying this process in clear but also nuanced ways.

A reawakening is taking place. My cancer diagnosis (and treatment) was five years ago. I was shocked then into valuing each new day, however fatigue and depression kept me from acting on my new life. Until now.
09/17 Direct Link
I need to buy a new coffee pot because my bells and whistles one seems to be attracting ANTS! Yes. YES. YES. ANTS. Tiny ones. They appeared on my counter one day and I cleared them away without giving another thought.

The next morning, back they were. I did the same routine as the day before but this time started to take notice.

Then at night - there they were again. tiny ones. tiny ants.

I discovered they were attracted to the metal plate underneath the coffee pot. I cleaned it before placing it on a folded cloth. 
09/18 Direct Link

Then - much to my horror, I found the entire surface of the pot COVERED with tiny ants. I cleaned the surface, looked inside, saw nothing and poured the water. As it rose, i saw tiny brown specks - bits of ground coffee?  


ANTS, inside!  

I grabbed the damn thing, shoved it into a plastic bag. I shoved that into another plastic bag and yes into another. I took it out to the trash. Shuddering!  Expensive toss away? but.. but.. it would always mean ants to me. not doing that.. Nope.   

09/19 Direct Link
Today was magificent. Up early to drive to the sand dunes. The steep incline climb made it all the more mysterious and the distance across the sand to the second dune again added to the allurem - knowing the water, blue against the sky and the sand, would be waiting there.

I took a moment and reclined there in the sand, the breeze blowing it over me brought to mind desert crossings, and the deaths of brave men, women and children, seeking the border to their north in search of a better life - and the dangers they confront in this effort.
09/20 Direct Link
I'm back today and trying to catch up to my where I was three days ago. I've managed to finesse myself into having another today, tomorrow, which will then be followed by a repeat of day before yesterday and yesterday. This will take me all the way to Friday!

Busy is wonderful when it's my own busy and not the busy that comes with what is considered to be the "daily grind."

Today was filled with planned to dos but I only managed three: groceries, bank & car wash. Left undone: new coffee pot (old one ... well.. is no more)
09/21 Direct Link
I have considered not writing here any longer. I've been out of town a lot and have missed days. The art of this to me is the daily writing. I don't like catching up. It seems false to me somehow, to put an entry on the wrong day. I know this makes no difference because writing is writing, and while some of my writing has journal similarities, it certainly isn't a daily log of what i'm doing or have done or plan to do.

I've made up four of the missing entries, and now am working on the remaining two.
09/22 Direct Link
This entry will catch me up to the present. I started with the lastest two and then went back to the first missing two. These two (21 & 22) are more innocuous and thus the topic i'm selected is as well.

I've stopped listening to the NPR talk shows this month. I simply seem to have lost interest in the minutae of each topic. I'm back to WEMU and of course, while this is the best music station I've ever discovered, it is disconcerting to hear Michigan weather and forget it's not my own.

At least it's not winter yet!
09/23 Direct Link
I drove to the outer banks twice this week - many hours in the car punctuated by the what i dids when i got there.

The first trip was for fun: miniature golf, operetta theatre (University level version of Gilbert & Sullivan selections), aquarium complete with science on the sphere exhibit, miniature golf, climb to the top of Jockey's Ridge, wandering about on the waterfront - that sort of thing.

The second was a scheduled prison visit: sushi bar dinner, drive to Cape Hattaras, extracting sand burrs from dog's feet, glorious sun set -  white then gold then rose-red.  
09/24 Direct Link
I'm questing again!

Quests keep us energized. (Chuckling here because these quests are merely shopping/accruing quests but fun nonetheless.)

Quest #1: Digital camera. Price range: $200.
Quest #2: Children's book from the seventies: Odd Jobs
Quest #3: USB radio for my vehicle
Quest #4: Soft pants to for gym work outs
Quest #5: New playlist for workouts

That's not so bad. I've found the book on ebay and purchased it for $1.75 plus postage of $4.00. I also found the pants and snapped up two pair. Seven bucks a piece.  Only two left. The camera & radio still remain. 
09/25 Direct Link
I've been on the road for the better part of this week and have gotten woefully behind in my 100 words writing.

Question then: do I give it up for the month? Give it up entirely? Go back and do the entries I've missed? Move ahead through the current ones and not complete the batch?

None of this matters. This is something I do for myself. I have no goal set forth regarding completion because this is experiential for me - not end driven.

I'll do this one day at a time and see where it leads. Read that again. Truth.
09/26 Direct Link
I bought a camera today! Just like that!

The last camera I bought was at least thirty years ago. It was a wonderful Pentax 33mm. The zoom lense and I saw the world as never before.

I did buy my daughter a digital camera because she was doing photo journalism and I wanted to start her off with a good camera. It was a top of the line sony.

Now she rarely uses it, reaching for her phone for the quick shots.  No matter, I'm comforted in knowing that if she needs it for a project, it's there.  
09/27 Direct Link

I have long wished for a good camera - one to grab for the unexpected.  I've missed photographing breathtaking moments, even graduations - lamely buying a toss away, never developed.

When I recently went to the islands of my state, I borrowed a camera. That did it. It only worked on "portrait" and the glorious colors changed from reds to yellows (to my horror). (That was the Gilbert & Sullivan play!)

Never again. I bought a marvelous little digital camera with 16x zoom. We are going to be companions from now forward. My new life. My new camera. Lovely changes.

09/28 Direct Link
I'm joining a gym today!

I'm doing this with great anticipation.

This isn't about weight loss or discipline.
This is about strengthening my body. 
My current level of weakness scares me.

It scares the hell out of me when I can't get up from a low, soft chair without holding on to something.

It scares the hell out of me when climbing a flight of stairs becomes a full out challenge!

I'm paying now for abusing my knees over the years.
This is my life and time I took an active role in it!

Resolve + Music.
09/29 Direct Link
I've scheduled a mammogram for later today.

It's past due - by nearly a year. Maybe six months. The results for that are instantaneous - well nearly so.

I remember the sitting, not dressed yet, while they review the scans. I also remember the tears of relief when the doctor came in to tell me it was clear.

I also remember when it wasn't. When they asked for permission to contact my primary care doc to write the order for the ultrasound. And then the surgeon. And then the oncologist for chemo. And then the radiation.

I dialed the phone - and remembered.
09/30 Direct Link
I learned my cancer has not returned based on mammogram technology. On the same day, I learned that my sister has a new tumor in her lung.

Many years ago, thirty - I learned I was pregnant.  Within days of learning this, my sister (now deceased) was  diagnosed with what was to be her first cancer.

Years later, when my cancer was diagnosed, it was not unexpected. Mine, treatable. Theirs, not. While I dealt with surgery and chemotherapy and radiation therapy, my sister, a continent away was dealing with a new tumor in her lung.