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04/01 Direct Link
April April!

That's how we say it in Swedish when we fool someone, but I'm not doing so here, just making you aware. Yes you are in the clear. Have no fear. I may be joculatively bad rhyming but timing is drawing near.

So this day what do we do huh? Move to another view a? Curtain you can lean into and let dues float out your cuckoo huh? I mean that as in brain. I mean that I'm just sayin'. I mean that I'm just playin' today, as my brainwaves stray, maybe a mixtapes due, just like this haiku:

Welcome to April,
And in just a few months now,
Welcome too to June.
04/02 Direct Link
I could've managed the first of April a bit better, looking back. :) Was at work, was tired, wrote up the daily words in a rush and moved onto other things... I slept better yesterday, feel better today, am currently drinking a cup of coffee too but feeling like I might not really need it...

Though words don't come as easily to me today either. Seems it might take a while before they really come back again. Before I'm as fluent as I'm truant, and moving like I'm... fluent. Wielding shirts covered in tulips cause I do love summer too it's...

Nice.
04/03 Direct Link
Been out in the wild! In the garden. In the greenery. Sweeping leaves. Shuttling wood. Chilling. Seeping in the sunshine. It's now closing in on afternoon and I'm back home feeling better than ever. Full of life and energy. Ready to do whatever it is to I need to do by the computer, but before I do that maybe change the winter tires and clean the car... feeling pretty good about everything right now! Yesterday I was slow and sluggish, but even though I got up earlier than I'm used to today it's been great. And I suppose this goes to say: I'm living the wrong way. Gotta get out more still. To nature. To be in tune with all.
04/04 Direct Link
May the force be with you? Too early? Wait?

I think I forgot how to write somewhere. Sometime. Not sure when or where. Somewhere along the line it became too much and turned to a burden. Or turned into something I don't renew myself with, but just keep mauling on with in regard to the same old topics. When I actually do then it does feel useful.

Writing tips: To myself. Pre mortem. Like right now. Try something new each day. Write on a topic you aren't used to writing on. Learn new things. Read the dictionary. Let's start now.
04/05 Direct Link
Walked around in a snowstorm today.

A cousin came over for a rare walk, and we toured the golf course, cause nobody else would've dared go out in this kind of weather.

After a weekend of summer it was a savage twist, but cool too, revisiting the same walk as we took yesterday, over a nature reserve by the lake, everything white instead of green, the surface squeaky and bleak beneath our feet...

Nothing like a cool winter retreat. Or a warm summer one.

And I can't wait for the latter! Add some grapes to my platter. Lose some weight so I banter. Become undone.
04/06 Direct Link
Back to work again. Work work work work work again. Not twerk. Not twerk twerk twerk twerk twerk again. Just go berserk berserk berserk berserk again. That's my motto. Not to win the lotto. Just get out my grotto and go full throttle like I've got to become the one.

It's been a pretty good day yo. Feeling like either Tony or Yayo. Feeling like Al Capone in his heyday. Hey hey. I'm great yo. I'll see you later like an escaper. I'm not a realtor so I need to savor.

What I have. And life is not all good but not: all bad.
04/07 Direct Link
What a busy week it's been...

I don't know if it really has been but... feels like it as I type this up. Feels like I have my own wife and cubs. Feels like I'm living more than a life in a rut.

Or a whole other kind of rut life. I've been stuck in my nut guys. Gotta bust a nut and get up/fly. Like the nut was an egg and I'm a... flamingo.

Playing bingo with my lingo. Sometimes I win, but sometimes it has been slow. Riding around in a van or a Pinto.

Stint yo.
04/08 Direct Link
Number nine always comes with that one particular connotation. That of the mysterious beast in Parasite Eve 2. The loyal and true. The more you get to know him. He might give an off first impression, but when the story's all over... well, maybe he wasn't the villain after all.

Maybe you'd better not read this if you want to play the game though.

And yes, maybe you wonder why I'm writing about number nine on the eighth of April.

It's because the ninth is tomorrow.

And if that doesn't make sense to you: that I'm ahead of my time.
04/09 Direct Link
I thought I'd just skipped a day here. A mere day. One or two, maybe. Maybe two. Then a full working week later...

I guess time moves faster than you expect it to if you don't do as much as you expect to do. Or do the things you expect to do. I think yes it's true.

But today I'm doing good things so I suggest you move, too. To the place you want to be. To whatever you want to prove, that you can be. That you can breath. That you can flee. That you can feel. Like you are free.

You'd better move.
04/10 Direct Link
How many days have I posted about home many days I have posted about how many days?

I think I'll stop now, because how many ways? Can I drop down. Can I drop sound. Can I drop a freestyle with a hot bar. I've done a lot yeah, and I have got far. And now I've got three bikes, and I have got cars. I've got a lot in life, all but a house yeah. Or the money to buy dinner and eat out yeah. Or a wife, or a relationship where I'm a spouse yeah (same thing).

But some day I will have those things and then maybe doubt clears.
04/11 Direct Link
Walking Dead. We're like them in a lot of ways aren't we? Not really alive, but not really dead either... oh you were thinking of the living people in the Walking Dead? Not sure about that. They seem to bicker a bit more than we do. Fight a bit more. Live a different kind of life. Not sure that's the life I'd ever lead, but if I did have a need...

Maybe you can use it to fuel your wellbeing though. The show. Watch it and realize that life's not so bad as it is after all.

Get to it.
04/12 Direct Link
Don't spend your weekend binge watching TV shows. Ain't worth it.

I watched through the eighth season of Walking Dead and then some the last couple of days, and the first half of it felt like a waste of time entirely when it was over. Felt like I might've seen it before and somehow managed to scrape it from memory... the final showdown's both a spectacular finish and a disappointment.

But the weekend's gone now and I don't feel I spent my time the best way I could've. Didn't make the one phone call I'd planned to either. Finna do it today.
04/13 Direct Link
Thirteenth hmm... didn't realize it was such a day today.

Not that I correlate it to bad luck these days. The opposite, I try. Though it's still a number that jumps out at you a bit. Reminds you there is superstition. Makes you wonder if maybe something is bound to happen after all. I think I'll tackle a scratch card that's been lying around since Easter though on the premise it may actually be a lucky number; challenge superstition in that one regard.

Otherwise the day started a bit late, but I am here and I am wide awake. Let's go.
04/14 Direct Link
One more day, one more post...

I'm listening to some Joe Rogan right now, striving to be efficient both in consuming and in creating. Trying to respond to a bundle of posts and catch up on social media as well. I feel like we get sidetracked in life all too easily. All the things I do: do I need to too? Could I better effectivize my every day strategy?

I know I could. First step: better computer. Second step: better Internet connection. Third step: better me. Routines. Exercise. All the things I know I need yet still don't care for.
04/15 Direct Link
I signed up for some radical newsletters, and it's getting tiresome to get them. Am I in denial for not reading them fully, or am I delusional for signing up for them in the first place; feeling like there's some worth to getting a differing view, in that maybe it may better you, and enrichen your perspective on the world?

All it seems to do is make it darker. The news on all that's not good seems to just lead to not good places, and so it goes, on and on, worse and worse. Though mainstream's no better. Just different.

Ignorance is bliss, but what is knowledge for the worthy? Wonder what streams it's best to take in. For you; for the world.
04/16 Direct Link
I'm giving myself four minutes with this one.

Don't know how much time I usually spend on these, but after this one at least I'll know if that's enough or no. If it feels like less than usual. I imagine I might occasionally write these in less than a minute, but maybe that's not the norm.

I probably stall a bit; consider what I want to say. Let my mind churn a bit as to come up with the ideal paragraphics and what have you not.

So, this just took one minute after all, and another for editing.

Good day.
04/17 Direct Link
It seems the stress from yesterday carried over.

The working week didn't end the perfect way, and thus there was something left over. Something I had to take care of before I felt content today.

A couple of e-mail tests, after a certain issue with an overloaded external email server we had to set up to get around this other somewhat superficial but also important issue... and that's where we're at right now.

It's not overloaded today. Tests went well. I shall try to disconnect the rest of this weekend and work on some dues of my own then; start anew on Monday.

10-4.
04/18 Direct Link
It's amazing what a jog can do for you!

First one of the year yesterday - and then some.

It felt cumbersome as shit. My legs were giving up at me. My mouth was dry. The sun was blistering. I didn't want to take another step... but I made it home, drank some water, lay down on the floor and sweated profoundly, took a shower, ate a good meal, and for the rest of the day I felt FANTASTIC.

Felt like I could stay awake all night too though. That part: not as good.

Today I have a mild headache coming on, but apart from that I feel the effects of yesterday lingering. A sense of wellness. A sense of betterment. A sense that. my body's been oiled in properly.

The machine's working yet again.
04/19 Direct Link
I'm on a roll today. :)

Well may roll's overplaying it. More like stroll. More like two. More like bound to be a third before the day's over.

Drove out with a cousin to the Frisbee golf course in Bålsta earlier today - first time there - and had a great game. Took a walk after that. Drove him home, got back, helped a neighbor with a clothesline, took another walk with my mom, and I've been by the computer a bit since; still feeling great. Instilled in me a sense of calm and focus, the outing did...

What a contrast to yesterday! Hoping tomorrow keeps up with this trend.
04/20 Direct Link
I gotta write! Cause I got a lot of fright. Lot of stress. So I do what I do best. Procrastinate. Cause you know you can't create if you're that late? Do you relate? Do you lack faith?

I'm on a journey to find something I believe in cause I'm tired of grieving... go through this life and find a meaning. I've tried to see him. The deity up in the clouds but I see reason. Instead. When I'm awake or when I sleep in. My bed.

But maybe some day I will get spiritual... and feel it all. Looking forward to less bitter tomorrows.

Peace out.
04/21 Direct Link
It takes time to do things. But last night (this night, actually, I skipped this day yesterday) when I got stuck on Team Coco (that's Conan's online haven - multi-million dollar empire manifested online) I realized - about an hour in - that you can spend time on the most superfluous things so easily! Where does the time go. I don't know yo... but I do know.

It goes to tiredness. When you should sleep; when you should exercise; when you should take a break. But push yourself a little further because you have things to do, yet just don't have energy.

No Conan clips tonight though... right? Guess we shall see.
04/22 Direct Link
Was just going to check my email, and NG, and write a daily haiku real quick before I got started on the more imperative tasks of the day... oh I checked in with work real quick too, fortunately no new dues there, but about an hour later I'm still dabbling in these secondary dues. They take time they do. Fetched my cup of coffee for the day just now and feel a little invigorated more so than stressed when I plow through the last of them though... just a couple emails. Just a couple account transfers too. Just a bit more...
04/23 Direct Link
Bara Bara.

In pieces. To scatter. Not in order.

Buggy's special move.

In Swedish: only only. If you only only. Only only do. What you do for you. What is true and pure. What can you see through...

I'm not totally overjoyed today but I am in a joy. I wrote a good haiku for BananaBreadBoi.

I'm coy. I'm smug. I'm still looking for love and hugs but... one less thing in the world that bugs me.

You're strong if you're loved though. Lonely if you're hug free.

The waters used to be clear.

War is so... muddy.

Mud deep. I keep secrets.

Above me.
04/24 Direct Link
Ahhh tiredness.

If I didn't get to sleep so late I know I wouldn't have all that much of this, but I do, for some reason. I just do.

For a week or so I was having a rush, where I was getting to bed earlier, and waking up earlier, and feeling like all things were heading the right way. Yet it seems they weren't really...

I'm in that rush again though now. It's just a different kind. Instead of going to bed at the right time I've been jogging, and eating healthier, and feeling better overall.

Just so goddamn tired. I stress. I don't get things done. I get easily distracted.

Gotta fix the bed thing too...
04/25 Direct Link
I watched Jump Street 21 again, and it was great, but not in the same ways as the last time I saw it.

I was laughing this time, but now rolling on the floor-like. I think my favorite part the first time I saw it was the cymbal thing, but this time that didn't even make me chuckle. Some of the more physical comedy I think you can really only laugh at once.

Then again I'm catching nuances that I don't think I did last time now, that I forget just as easily... small things. What things? Why can't I recall at all?

It's still a blast though. 21 Jump Street.
04/26 Direct Link
The days they flimmer by, hey!

Another weekend passed by with a few too few stray a smiles. It's been a good while but also with something always a gnawing at the back of my mind, that I hope I'll find time today for to sit back with and mind.

To get through. So let dues. Let them not pile. Take a step to. Face up to one. And say F U. And just do it. And feel blue when it's over, but fueling like mowers, and moving like doing is, truance the human bliss.

Yes. I've been distracted. I confess.
04/27 Direct Link
Here's another one of those free days I might have actually accomplished a fair bit with, but didn't, because that's just not what I seem to do with these free days... it's strange. The busier you are the more you acomplish.

Sort of. Not really.

I did go to an auction though. Planned to possibly at least place a bid on a piece of property, but the value skyrocketed way past the price I was expecting. Over 200% of the highest I'd considered going. over 300% of what I'd planned for. Probably more than the winning bidder planned for too...

Oh well. Maybe next time.
04/28 Direct Link
Damn these new months become old ones quick.

How do I maneuver? How do I make better routines stick? Is it only cause I write a hundred words and diary entries every day and I grow sick of it? Or is it something else? Something for self? Something for self? Something I can chill with and calm down a bit, and make alms with and calm my six!

I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, but there's bound to be something of value here. Something to make my day. And yours. All fours. All twos. Human views.

Off course.
04/29 Direct Link
Had a note for this morning. One due. One big thing to focus on. Just go through a quick morning routine thing and get to it.

Five hours later: still not done it.

I don't think I've distracted myself TOO much, but it's been over a week now that I've been trying to will myself to pull through on this one thing I know I should be finishing up...

No more excuses. No more todo lists. No more just waiting on the perfect time when day ends come up quick and time is strafing like my vacant mind...

Time to tame my day this time.
04/30 Direct Link
What a month man! I've been stressed out. The days have gone with a godforsaken speed, and I am standing at the brink of a new month with nothing but a biscuit in my hand. I stress eat. Take a risk and reprimand.

Tomorrow though. I'm going on a train. With a buddy. We're going against the grain. Mid-pandemic we're going on a short vacation, and will have a blast, hopefully. We'll make it last, hopefully. We'll make it a piece of the past to look back in on the future...

So as the month goes... hell man woes.