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The first day of December!
Somehow, that feels like Christmas. Last year I had a wall-calender with chocolate pieces that I started eating on right about now. Not this year. I'm taking the healthier route. I still haven't gone up past 85 kg despite excessive lack of exercise (I used to be a hundred), but that's an added 5 kg since summer. I feel it. In my back, in my bones, in my body, in my less positive intake of food. In my weary mornings... but maybe it's just that time of the year. The tired time.
Winter sure is a bleak and dreary time.
Some days more than others, but none as bleak and dreary as today! The sun sank down... whenever. It didn't feel like it rose at all behind its cover of cloud, and eventually a soft snow began to fall that stung the skin.
I took a walk with a buddy, over a bridge, and the wind howled and numbed our skin. The bridge went on forever. We were happy to get on the train and be on our way again, looking through our reflections at the surrounding darkness. Winter... it sure is.
It's over eleven, and I still haven't done what I'm supposed to do today!! I guess I do have time, but it just feels like... time flies, you know? An hour passed and I'm still in my morning routine, writing stuff, responding, commenting, all of those things that seem to take up such a large portion of our lives. And do we really need to do them? Even more importantly: do we want to do them? What's stopping us from logging off of Facebook right now and never going back on? Us. That's all. End rant.
And on with the day...
I'm going from zero to a hundred today.
I mean that metaphorically. I mean I'm starting small, but I'm going big. I'm up early, but I'm staying late. I haven't done much, but I'm doing stuff. I'm going to make greatness. I'm going to make things happen. I woke up motivated like I feel I can, and I can! I know I can. No matter how slow everything starts I know I can get further than anyone else, but maybe someday I'll need to clean my keyboard, because with water on it gets sticky, and slows me down.
Enter words. And so I will.
I woke up sort of heavy-headed today. Light-headed is a phrase you've heard of, I guess. Heavy-headed, I'm not sure anyone really uses that term outside our family. It's defined, as per us, as the onset of a headache. That dull ache that isn't quite an ache yet. That feeling you get if you sit in a stuffy room for two long, or don't drink enough, or tense up for so long it all gathers in the neck area and keeps the blood from properly circulating around your head. Like that.
I just got to write. I've just got to write something, because the days keep going by and I feel like I'm missing a ton of things. I feel like life is running away from me. I feel like I jot down all these tasks I'd like to, then when I don't get through the lists I sort of give up, and keep going, but not at a pace at which exhilaration drives me to go further, and do better, and do everything faster than I would ever have done it otherwise! But hey, it's winter; one of those days.
It's amazing how fast a hundred words amount sometimes. You just start writing and *poof*, there you are.
Without line breaks it goes even faster.
Some days I have something I really want to write about, but the words run out too fast as well, yet other days I never seem to reach the amount fast enough. I don't know what to write about. Like dead mackerel packed in a tomato sauce can: I'm stuck.
But if you fall down you better get up! Live a little - and more, because little's not enough! You should be living high! What's down?
They're building outside. Tearing things down, and building them up again. Blowing up the mountain, to fill it with concrete. Cutting down the trees to plant new ones. Shaving away the grass to change the formation of the ground, and make it grow again. They're digging, and probing around, and I don't dig it. I don't approve of planetscaping as we do. Forming the ground to meet our structures. Putting up grids. And blocks. And cages. And buildings where the forests used to grow, and rivers flow, and trees rise into a blissful blue. I don't like what we do.
Hmm so... lately I've been pondering the use of a great deal of things I do everyday. I skip the important things sometime, like breakfast (I'm skipping that today), and brushing my teeth in the morning, but I never skip the daily batch of words, or haiku, or submission voting, scouting, commenting, responding and e-mailing. All of that takes up a fair share of time too. I think, maybe... I'll skip a few of those things. On the weekend, maybe? Well maybe not. It was just a thought. They're routines for a reason but... I do think about it.
I burnt myself on a bowl of Quorn yesterday. Such a stupid thing to do, but I'm still kind of proud that I had the self-control to set the bowl down instead of dropping it even when I felt the burn. It was that kind of OH-SHIT-THIS-IS-GOING-TO-BLISTER kind of burn. But I passed the plate to the next guy by the table, and handed a spoon to my buddy (who asked for one) and proceeded to calmly hold my finger under water as long as I could. Still got a blister. Big one.
You know what? It's not so bad.
Even if you don't feel alright it's not so bad. You can still accomplish much, and if you can't, you can rest. You can let your mind wander. You can escape to another realm, and seek inspiration there, until you are willing to return to this one.
I fell asleep on the wrong side of bed yesterday, and I woke on the same side, but I realized if you turn the bed around the wrong side is the right side. There is no wrong. It's all in our heads, it is. Good morning.
The first solar-powered plane to fly over the globe... well, it just flew over the globe. It's the first solar-powered plane to do so, and I'm wondering if it's a passenger plane or no. It'd be easy to Google, but for now I'm content with wondering. Imagining, that maybe a time when all our planes are solar-powered may not be that far into the future after all! I seem to recall a non-passenger-plane with solar panels has been up in the skies for a long time. So maybe this is the real thing.
It's the thirteenth, but it's not a Friday, so as such it's not unlucky. At least that's what they claim, though as far as I recall this day wasn't all too lucky either. I didn't win the lottery. I didn't find a five hundred dollar bill scrapping around the sidewalk. I didn't get my reviews for the week done, either, or any of those other abundant tasks that await me. Lately it's too much. Lately: it's recent. I'm running around in circles, contemplating, doing, and then a good nights sleep... but it could've gone better.
Winter, I guess. Christmas. Soon.
Usually I try to finish up all my old projects - old and incomplete, before the New Year comes along, and with it the will to do new things, but this year I'm not sure I'll make it that far. Time flies, there's two weeks left, and I have WAY more than two weeks worth of projects. I guess I didn't start with them in time... but then again, haven't I been working with these same dues all of this past year? What am I spending my time on, really? Where do I wish to go, and where will I go...
It's always the day after. It's always in the future. Today is always in the past, when it fades away. Today is the day you cannot overcome, and yesterday is the day you cannot take back, and tomorrow is the day you can not reach. Like a snack with gluten in it. And yesterday is like a sun ray. And today is like a mountain, that stretches far, far, above me.
But this week... is full of opportunity. It's full of not just yesterdays and todays, but also tomorrows! Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow! And next week.
FireFox is bugging me with an update.
I should probably change my settings. There's probably a better way, than to have a notice pop-up at the most inopportune moments, like when I've been out on a walk and am fresh and ready to get some computer work done again, and there it is, update notice.
I suppose it times in a time when I am not active, because it never happens while I'm actually actively browsing, but what it doesn't understand is that if I'm not active, then I'm not here, and once I come back: time to work.
This last week flew by in a flash.
I wonder if Christmas time always felt this hectic, or if this year's an exception. As usual, I have a lot of projects I'd like to finish before the New Year arrives, but I also have a lot of routine tasks I work with every day that eat up most of my time. Did I last year? Did work take up as much time as it does now? Was my discipline better, then?
Maybe I'll catch up when the holiday sets in, though. Next week. Too soon. Two weeks, then it's over...
These damn headaches.
I need to do make some drastic change in my life to avoid them. Lately it's more than just once a week or two, it's one or two each week. I wake up with them. They get worse during the day. They distract me from mu dues and claim my mind time, and make me slow, and negative, and scared I may wake up feeling that way on a day that really matters. And maybe that's why. Tension. Stress. It's Christmas. Maybe it's that time.
I shouldn't take life so seriously. Slow down. Sleep well. Relax.Today.
Today's been a pretty good day so far, and the better it gets, the more I realize: the better it gets.
A cycle of good.
If you do one thing you felt like you needed to do you'll soon realize you've done a bundle of things, and you grow all the more excited for each one you complete, until you grow so excited you can't sleep, stay up all night, and wake up super-tired the next day and can't get anything done at all and there it rolls away, that cycle of good...
Better sleep tonight; keep cycling tomorrow.
Oh man. Time. It's just going... going somewhere, and I don't know where, and I fear life, I am so scared.
Oh man. Time. It's just going... going fine. Getting better. It's sublime. It just counts down. It goes on. Always cunning. Always strong. Always running. Never slowing. Never tired. Like a river... it's just flowing...
On and on.
Oh man. I could train for a million hours, and I'd grow buff, but then I'd grow tired, and move along. To the yonder... to whatever is beyond Earth! And be gone. Be gone. Oh man...
Time... it's just too strong.
One of my entries just got featured. :)
Nice. It's been a while. Lets me know someone's actually reading these things I write, sometimes, even if most of them really aren't worth that read - daily ramblings as they are. And that featured entry... why that particular entry? I've written better entries, is what I contemplated as I read through it once again on the front page.
I've written newer entries too. It was from 2012. Four years ago. Ancient. Time flies. To think... not that much has changed since then, and I'm still here, doing these day by day. Good day.
It's a mystery day today!
I don't know how it will go at all. I woke up, and the rest of it's yet to reveal itself to me. Hopefully it'll be amazing, but hoping is not enough, I'll need some doing as well. Some churning the motivation. Packing the willpower. Rising up through the smog that is in my head today so I can really see the light... it's not always easy, but I'll get there. Because I get it: what you make the world is all up to you. Don't take it for granted. Hold on. Let go. Hello.
A new day.
I start each of these with a new day.
Maybe because I start each of these on a new day?
But it feels tiresome. Used. The same routine, over and over, day in and day out.
Maybe I should write these on an old day? Travel back in time and see how I was doing then. Get in some extra batches that I know I missed, at the time when I wasn't at the computer to write them. I wouldn't risk running into my former self at all.
If I knew time travel... I'd use it well.
I wonder a bit about a bit of things, like how I'm feeling so good today after a week of going to bed way too late, and still waking up way too early each day. Don't I really need eight hours of sleep, as previously assumed? The mornings are heavy, but once I set the day into motion I adapt fast. Everything goes already. Moments later the day is done, and I am happy with what I have accomplished, and that's the way it's been all week, but mostly today. They're still building outside, but I stand tall. Waterfall.
Oh man, it's one of those slow days again. Slow not because I don't feel good, but because I just... can't seem to get anywhere. Can't seem to do anything. Can't seem to gain momentum and speed and be efficient in any of the tasks I pick up. I'm sure you recognize the feeling. Just moving from one task to the next. Feeling like you want to start with something, but giving up and going off to do something else, and all the while, maybe all I really need to get going is a morning walk. Maybe it's that simple.
Time for some words again!
I hope today started better than the last day, because I didn't get much done back then. Maybe now. Maybe if I write this first post efficiently, then all the rest will follow, and maybe if I don't I will fail in everything. It's strange, how the most simple things make the world so fragile. Butterfly effect. Consequences of our actions. I write in bits and pieces before it seizes, because this is all I have to claim. No money, no fame, just lines that run away. Like a grimoire. I am the great eye.
It's one of those stressful days today. Guess I missed my morning mediation. Guess the relaxing sunshine walk didn't help (I kept fueling my expectations rather than letting them ebb out), and lunch wasn't the rejuvenating pause I wanted it to be either, but more of a time-consuming session of foodstuff that made me want to catch up all the more!! But it's still Christmas. I have one work day this week, and that is tomorrow, so there should be plenty of time to do all I want to do still. Problem is: I want to do so much!!
Just a few days left now. Before the New Year. Before all of this fades away and makes way for something... better, I hope.
I don't have time for everything I wish to have time for, but I'll just have to accept that. There's time for the more important things. There's time. And that's time wasted if I don't use it on things I enjoy, or things that help me, in the long run. Helping others? That's enjoyable too. And might help me, in the long run.
I guess what I'm saying is: good morning. I'm off to work today.
I thought I had a better beginning planned out for this one.For this post, as well as this New Year, but it came out of nowhere this time. As it usually does. All of a sudden you're standing at the steps of something new and you're not sure how to tackle it, and you wish you would've had time to prepare, and set your mind, and polish your body, and be in pristine condition when you arrived. But life does not give you that kind of luxury. It happens, so you'd better make the best of it. No regrets.
I've had a pretty amazingly efficient day today; especially amazing considering I didn't get out of bed until 11. But I guess we all need to just rest up sometimes, huh?
I felt good from the moment I woke up though, and the more I've done, the better I've felt. I didn't write either my one hundred words or daily haiku this morning either, which makes me wonder if this is a bad morning routine. Maybe doing that which I really need to do first is the way to about it, and save this for late(r) night.
Last day of the year.
I didn't have enough time to end it the way I wanted, and I don't feel as great today as I did yesterday, but for the New Year I will accept that, and make the best of use of my time regardless of how well all goes to plan. It goes in waves, like the waters in the ocean. Like the tide, like ebb and flow. It comes and goes. The good the bad. The new the old. I'd like to say rest in peace to legends lost, this year.
And welcome, Brave New World.
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