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We got home to a notice of violation taped to the front of our house. Somebody must have complained about our RV and truck, which were parked for the winter on the side street across from our house. They weren't in anybody's driveway or anything like that, but...the notice said we had to move them or have them impounded. We made some calls and after the sticker shock wore off, we called our son and arranged to park it in his backyard. Which is on the other side of the state. If nothing else a good excuse to visit.
Woke up today feeling "under the weather" as they say. Funny expression. Kind of fits this rainy day. And my mood too. I'm not the type to sit around crying, but I do get the blues. Especially when I feel unappreciated by my kid. When you only have one child, they have a lot of power. And no matter how much you've loved them and done your best for them as a parent, they weren't impressed, take my word for it. You may not even know what you did wrong, but rest assured you did the "wrong" thing a lot.
I finally found a way to get my grandson a haircut. I paid him off with a trip to the game store. He found a haircut he liked in the books, and he looks like a million bucks with his new do. So it was a well-trimmed young man who took on the game store. We had to find games we both liked, so it took a thorough search. We were on the verge of burnout when we turned a corner on one more rack of games. It was the mother lode. We got two games there, one each.
Tre scolded me today. He is five and very wise and self-expressed. He feels that when his mother is sick, and laying in bed all day, she is not available to take care of him, and she needs her Mommy to take care of her. He pointed out to me that I'm a mother and I have a daughter and I need to take care of her when she is sick. Who else is going to do that he asked, besides you? He said he can't handle it anymore his mom sick and nobody to take care of them.
I don't know anybody who has the flu, but I do know a lot of people who are sick. My daughter has strep throat, my grandson is getting over bronchitis, and the rest of the world seems to have a cold. We seem to have missed it. Maybe we were in Florida when the contagion rolled through town. How lucky. Being on vacation when everybody else is catching the latest pesky bug going around. I made a commitment today to write the outline for my novel. In the next 12 days. I CAN DO IT!!
First night of our current run. Major stage fright. Brought lots of sugary snacks to the green room. Everybody has those wild eyes and first night jitters. Somehow we started to settle down when the audience started to show up. Mentally I trim my midriff and slim my legs, put a youthful glow in my cheeks and a bright light in my eyes. I forget that I am fifty nine years old. For the next few hours, I'm a very protected and innocent seventeen year old girl who idolizes her Papa and falls in love with the boy next door.
Stayed in bed all day resting, but still feel exhausted and the second night jitters don't seem to be much better than the first night jitters were. We had a good show last night. Everything clicked along like clockwork. Nobody seemed to miss a step. Kate is coming to the show tonight. When I'm not running the show through my mind, I'm playing a dumb little game on my cell phone. The more mindless the better. Connecting little colored shapes into rows of three. My thumbs are getting sore from pressing on the key pad. What a laugh. Brain dead.
Spent the day in bed again. The main event of my day was taking a bath. With horror in my heart I look at the black bags under my eyes. What the hell? All I've done is sleep and do the show. Just how much does acting take out of me anyway? EVERYTHING! It takes everything. Every night I die and bid an emotional farewell to the world and my young life. Every night I summon it up again. The crisis of the human tendency to live as if we have all the time in the world. Damn.
A day of rest. All day it snowed and I never left the house. In fact I never got dressed. Just watched movies in my pajamas. Never made the bed or cooked a meal. I'm completely worn out from doing the show. Richard rallied himself for Poetry class, and I was impressed. He said people were driving like they'd never seen snow before, sliding off the roads all over town. A good day to hide out inside. We've had too much of the white stuff to get excited about how pretty it looks. Just hope we don't have to shovel.
Tomorrow is my twentieth wedding anniversary. Not only is that a shock in and of itself, but I am totally unprepared. I don't even have a card for my husband. At this point in our marriage, we have given each other all the funny cards, the touching cards, and the home made cards, and all that's left is musical cards and we are running through those pretty fast too. I never know what to get him. Usually I just get him a gift certificate to his favorite bookstore, or I take him shopping and let him pick out his own gift.
Who knows where it will end? It keeps turning and twisting, like an old country road. It has branches like a tree, taking off at odd angles, going who knows where. Meandering. Searching. Pretty soon it is beyond me. Behind me and before me looks the same. Near and far become one place. And there is only one story to tell. One journey to take. One flowing of a great river that ends in the one ocean. Where one child is crying. Where one child is tugging on your sleeve. Where one child is calling your name. Are you hearing?
Dear President Obama, Today in Darfur the water trucks didn't come. The rice is running low. And people are getting a crazy look in their eyes. My mother put her arms around me, and her hands were shaking. She said I should stay close by. I started to feel afraid. But then I saw your picture on a wall nearby. You were smiling. And my father says you are a very powerful man. He says you are the most powerful man in the whole world. So I am thinking you will come to Darfur and help us. But please hurry.
Games! It is not a request. No no. Its a demand. An entitlement. I am here and you need to be playing games with me on this computer. Get it, Mom Mom? He doesn't say anything except one word, games. But it's all there in his tone of voice, the inclination of his five year old head, his body language. It all says I have no choice. Hey wait a minute, kid. I'm the grown up here. I'm in charge. Or am I? Well, maybe not. What if five year olds ran the world. We'd all have a lot more fun.
Saturday the movie "UFO Phil The Movie" opened in Spokane. It was made in Spokane by local Spokane filmmakers, writers and actors. The Magic Lantern Theatre opened its doors to accommodate the show. The Magic Lantern is our local movie house that has been mostly moth-balled for the past year, opening only during the Spokane International Film Festival. The scenes were familiar, the city was portrayed honestly, and the people were a cross-section of typical Spokanites and out of towners. It was surprisingly authentic, then, for a silly sci-fi fantasy about alien abductions and interventions on Mt. Spokane.
St. Patrick's. How come they are celebrating St. Patrick's Day on the 14th of March instead of the 17th? Is it because somebody has decided that all holidays must be celebrated on the weekend, rather than during the week, when it is more inconvenient? The parade seems so bizarre, and all the bars downtown giving their patrons green leprechaun hats. Green beer and green popcorn on the tables. And it isn't even St. Patrick's Day. St. Patrick's Day is next Tuesday. I remember my favorite St. Patrick's button. It said "God created whiskey so the Irish wouldn't rule the world."
When somebody just rips you a new one for no frigging reason, and then apologizes that they are just tired today...do you ever just laugh out loud? That's what I did today. I don't think it went over too well, but I couldn't help it. It just struck me as so funny that someone would be just nasty and then say oh, sorry I'm just so tired today...like being tired explains that kind of behavior? Like saying you're sorry makes it all okay? That's okay, I only come here to get yelled at!
To save money, we stored our trailer at a friend's farm. We backed into the spot. Snow and ice was on the ground, and about halfway back we hit a snag. So we piled straw under the truck tires and pushed on back. We pushed right on through. Never noticing that little ice berm back there under the trailer. In the process of backing into it, we broke the crap out of our plumbing. So now it's in the shop. The paid storage space would have been a bargain compared to the cost of the repairs. Talk about a backfire!
It's time for the Corbin Players comedy review again. So much has changed. Four of the scripts in the show are mine, and both Davids and Allen are represented too. It seems we are all writing scenes and skits. It's a nice break to get ready for the comedy shows. It's not as serious an undertaking as "Our Town" was. The scenes are short and funny and we also get to have fun doing them. We're just a group of people who write our own stuff and perform it together.
The first show went very well. Nice turnout, nice range of ages in the audience. The energy was better than it's ever been with this group of skits and scenes. Every piece came together with lovely pacing, good interaction and timing, and the energy was up. The audience caught the flow and soon they were having a great time. Lots of laughter and lots of applause. It's great when it's going well. We had another good show. I have faith in us that tomorrow will be another great show, and our well-deserved cast party afterward will be a fine time.
I'm wondering how the hell we will ever find our way around at Burning Man. There are nearly fifty thousand people spread out all over the playa in a huge semi-circle. There are street signs, but i imagine it is much easier to get lost than to find your way home. Not to mention it is over one hundred degrees typically during the day and pitch black dark at night. And we'll have to decide how to set up the poetry space at our trailer, so we don't have to be there all the time. And then there is...
and then there is the question of light. Light for the trailer and light for us to find our way home at night. We will need some good flashlights and plenty of batteries. I have ordered a couple of armbands to light us up individually, so we don't lose track of each other when we are out walking around. I understand there is a lot of drug use going on, not to mention wanton abuse of contemporary morality. So it sounds like fun, and I wonder if Richard is going to be a party pooper? Will just have to see.
I mean personally, speaking just for myself, I would probably enjoy a little recreational drug use. But being with Richard is going to put the kabbash on that. He is as straight as an arrow. Not only has he never used drugs, he doesn't want to. He even finds it weird when I attempt to have an out of body experience. He's afraid I won't come back and he'll end up with this vegetable to take care of. On the other hand, he is reliable and takes care of me even when I am not doing a good job myself.
Still I can't help but wonder when I am going to have another chance to drop acid. I still remember the two times I did when I was in my twenties. Especially the time in the Redwood forest. The sense of everything being alive, breathing and in motion was spectacular. I remember how the boundaries between different forms of life seemed to melt away, and everything was blending. There was a thrill that can't be described. And for natural beauty it was beyond compare. I would love to do that again. So when are they going to make it legal?
My hat for Burning Man is a Sorcerer's Apprentice hat from Disneyland. It has mouse ears. I've always loved it, though I hardly ever get to wear it. At Burning Man you do what you want to do, and as they say in New York, "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke." So I'm going to make myself a matching cape. Richard is going to make me a magic wand. It will be magic because I am magic. I'll give people Tarot readings and Reiki treatments. To hell with cynical and resigned. I'm leaving that shit home. Burn on.
It's a CATastrophe. My cat died. He crossed the road at the wrong moment and a car mowed him down. Poor little Rascal. He was an excellent cat, and I liked him better than any car I have ever seen. How is it that people hit a cat and they just drive on, leaving it there to be hit again and again by other cars and not one of them stops and moves the poor little fellow over to the curb and out of traffic. It's just goddamned disheartening is what it is. Did any of the drivers even notice?
I started the Adkins Diet three days ago, and this afternoon my metabolism switched on. I think it was switched off for the past several years. All of a sudden, the internal fire was lit and my body started burning. It's like waking up from a prolonged period of being half asleep. I've been nodding off in my life for several years now, ever since I stopped working. Time to wake up! Shake it off and get moving! Almost at once, I cranked up the volume on the radio and started dancing and singing. Holy shit and Oh my God!
My grandson told me he is angry at everybody all the time. It sure seems that way. He goes off over any little thing, yells at you about how angry he is and then covers his face and withdraws. Today he got in trouble with me because I told him he doesn't get to yell at us, he has to be polite. He immediately smarted off at me, so I turned around and gave him a bip (very lightly). He cried and then withdrew, and now he says he will never get over it. I sure hope that's not true.
When you live in Washington it goes like this. The east side is cold and the west side is warm. The east side gets snow and the west side gets rain. It's cloudy either way, but these are still important distinctions. Especially if you're from Washington. So yesterday we came over the pass to the west side, and it was sunny and nice in Spokane when we left. When we got to the west side, it was cloudy,which is normal, but then it started to snow. This is not normal. This is weird. It is not snowing in Spokane.
Spent the day at the Reptile Zoo. Got to watch the feeding process. Apart from how it is for the rats, mice and fish involved, it was fascinating to watch the snakes strike at their food as if at prey. "Eat the head first; eat the head first," Tre chanted as the King Cobra danced around its dinner, getting ready to strike. It wanted to be stroked and petted by its keeper, but it was all predator when it finally got around to swallowing that dead rat whole. The feeder had to be very careful not to get bitten, again.
I've started a new blog. It's my spiritual coming out party. I call it Soul Visions....not very original I know, but it expresses what I want my title of my blog to express. http://www.soulvisions.blogspot.com. I'm tired of hiding my true beliefs. All my life I have been a heretic while trying to fit into some established religion. In the last ten years or so, I've given that up. Instead I'm going with what I know, so it's a bit eclectic and somewhat sketchy, nothing like a developed system. But it's what I know and believe: soul visions.
Shit if I didn't wait too long. And now he's gone. I dreamed about him three days before he died. Got up the next morning and sent him a greeting card. Great timing, Rose! It arrived the day he died. How uncool is that? I knew for a long time that he was dying, even though nobody came right out and said that. He'd been sick a long time. He was stubborn, and he didn't stop working until he absolutely couldn't do it anymore. Personally I thought he should have gone on a big vacation. Should have taken a serious break.
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