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Twas the night before New Year. i had to text someone. i HAD been texting someone before my unlimited texting service expired.
it's been more than a semester. i got the chance to know him better. i didn't fall for him at once. i was in love with a different guy for more than a year. i wanted to wait for him. but as 2007 ended, i began falling for THIS guy.
Twas the night before New Year when he asked me again about us. i had an answer, but i didnt say anything. blame the unlimited texting service then. :p
they say once you fall for someone, you can never really move on. you can never look at that person normally again, because once, that person made you fall hard.
cheesy as is it is, it's true. i've moved on and i'm really happy with the guy i'm with now. yet i will never ever be able to look at HIM through the eyes of just a friend.
he was a big part of my life. always contradicting me but always there for me. i am now at peace, and i know somehow, that he will always still be right here.
i used to say i will never smoke. i used to think smoking is a turn off. when i found out someone was smoking i used to act like it was such a big deal.
i don't anymore. maybe because as i realized that as i grew older, i met more people--most of them smokers but really cool people. and some old friends slowly became smokers. i realized, they're my friends whether they smoke or not.
"there is no moral issue in smoking." smoking does not dictate what or who a person is.i now smoke too. so what?
i was not used to failing. since i was a kid i got excellent grades in school. i got rewards-food,parties,money. i used to think grades were everything.
then came high school. i lived, i laughed, i enjoyed every minute of it. the first few low marks upset me until i slowly became used to it. the quiet, timid honor student became a loud and lazy rebel.
having low grades does not mean you haven't learned anything. i have had low,high,barely passing grades but i can assure you that i have learned a lot about LIFE.
if life was a fairytale, mine would be full of twists and turns. instead of an evil stepmother, i have an amazing one. my villains are grandparents who will do everything they can to take us from our father.
i'm not a damsel in distress with long golden locks and a large balloony skirt.i'm always in jeans and a ponytail and my castle is a computer shop.i do not dine under chandeliers, i sit on the floor a lot and i am not refined.
as for the prince? oh well. we never know. he's just somewhere out there.
i tried using reverse psychology to make her understand. for a split second i thought it worked. i was rejoicing inside, thinking that finally, things will be better. but no. she told me she knows that he makes me feel special but that she still doesn't like him.
why? according to her, there should always be a villain in every situation.in this case, her.you know what? i give up. i really give up. i know i can't change her mind. i'll just have to wait.
but seriously for me, she has no reason to be mad about this.
someone asked me last night what characteristics i look for in a guy. i said that it's hard to set standards for something like that because in the end, you'll find yourself falling for someone who is completely the opposite. when i was younger, i used to have this "Perfect Boyfriend Checklist." it consisted stuff like "has nice hair", "tall", "athletic", "can make me laugh", and other superficial stuff like that. now that i'm a college freshman, the list is narrowed down: naughty, witty,
and still someone who can always make me smile. ..oh, and he should be a gamer. :)
we are really funny together.
both gamers, both clumsy, both love to tease each other. who else would watch a movie and then get drenched with iced coffee and knock over the popcorn? who else would always get left behind by the jeepneys? we both have no sense of direction, we both laugh at everything and we both make the smallest stupidest mistakes. i'm only allowed to smoke one stick a day, and his maximum is five. we often argue about who's more addicted to computer games.we never ever run out of things to talk about.
and you know what? it feels right.
i am slowly becoming mad at her. i hate what she's doing to me. i hate it that she hates him without having any reason. i hate what she's doing because honestly, i think she's just hating for the sake of hating. 42
honestly, it hurts me whenever she says something about him. because she doesn't know him the way i do. it hurts because my other friends are happy for me, and they are really trying to get to know him. 41
she said i dont have to know the real reason. but i do.i have the right to know.
i feel guilty. maybe i don't show him how important and how special he is to me. this afternoon i didn't notice he was already there because i was busy playing.
he didn't have load anymore and i let him go and play dota with his friends but i didn't even text him to let him know what i was doing. he, on the other hand texts me even if i have no load.
i texted him when i wanted to go home. in less than 5 minutes, he came and then took me home. aw, i feel
you honestly have no idea how much you're hurting me. i thought you were trying to fill in the gap, but what's happening is this-you are making me mad.ON PURPOSE.i know you don't like him but i wish you'd stop insulting him in front of me. don't complain that i've changed, because you're the only one who says so.i can accept the fact that maybe you'll never be happy for me-but please. stop insulting.or at least with the unreasonable answers.
why does it always rain when we're together? at the cemetery, when we watched a movie, when we walked around the campus, when we went to his classmate's dorm and as we walked towards the jeepney stop.
i kidded that maybe we both had bad luck.i also told him that some people believe that when it rains, it really means blessings are pouring down on you. does this mean that we are always being blessed?
actually the truth is, i love walking in the rain. and with him walking beside me while it rained made it even more special.
i belong to the craziest, funniest, most brutal and yet most understanding and most accepting group of friends. i believe we are one unique group. we don't stay with one another every minute of everyday but when we're together, we
we don't have expectations from one another. we love one another for who we are.we support each other, we only wants what's best for each other. most of all, we don't have standards. we are composed of super different girls but the differences don't really matter anymore. we know we're there for each other all the way.
the thing with RPGs is that they have no real ending at all. that's basically why i have never been attracted to playing games like that-
RF, Rose Online, Ragnarok
why people love RPGs is beyond me.boris said because there's a goal and a story behind it.i couldn't care less.all i see them do is sit back as their characters battle with heroes.
out of boredom, we tried to play Perfect World. yes, it's an RPG. and surprise surprise, we became addicted.i still don't know what the goal or story is.or even if there really
a story.but i enjoy it.what a weirdo.
i used to blog everyday. i even had my own online barkada. after a while, it got boring. i don't know why. maybe it became like that real life became better.
it was fun when i met the writer. no awkward moments. because by reading my blog, they already know a lot about me. i think the bond between bloggers are amazing.
they say they are weirdos all over the internet who devote lots of time in front of computers. what most don't realize, is that they are one of them. I am one of them.you are one them.
sean kissed my cheek twice. sean is ced's four-year old nephew who loves me. i'm always the first one he looks for and he never wants to leave me. he calls me
he believes that i'm ced's girlfriend because ced's sister always tells him that. ced's mom believed too. i grew closer their family. i also became close to jet's family. they used to joke that i should choose between them. now i've already chosen and i don't regret my decision.
still, when sean kissed my cheek twice, i couldn't help but feel a little sad for him.
what if ced suddenly does something that makes me leave jet for him? or will make we want to? what will i do? my amigas have often asked me this.
i have always answered that i will NOT leave jet for that. first of all, i would've never agreed to be jet's girlfriend if i didn't love him. i'll always have something special for ced, but i do/ know we are better off like this.we're at peace/ finally-close friends once more.
when i made that big decision, i promised myself i would never regret it. and i
julie,my uncle's friend who is an electrical engineer in California blogged about me. she specializes in cellphones and she became fascinated with me.
she was amazed that i had my cellphone wherever i went. she was also shocked at how fast i texted, that i texted while eating, while talking, while in the car.. you get the idea. she was even more surprised to see me sleeping with my cellphone, waking up, texting and sleeping again. she took a picture of that.
i tried to explain that that behavior is normal in the philippines but she wouldn't believe me. :)
we fought. it was my fault.i didn't tell him my problem because i didn't want him to worry. then he said i was selfish beause i was keeping things to myself. i realized he was a bit hurt. he cared, he wanted to protect me but i wouldn't let him. serves me right. i really don't show him how special he is to me.he goes all out to show me he cares, and i don't do stuff for him in return. now i think i'm the most ungrateful girlfriend ever. i have to make it up to him.
of course we made up. i knew we would anyway. still i couldn't help worrying. but as aryan said, he wouldn't court me for a whole semester just to break up after a week.
he's like a kid. he wouldn't answer my calls so after trying to call him seven times, i let him be. i've finally met my match-someone like me, someone as stubborn as well.
text me in the afternoon. and it became okay soon enough. i did tell him i feel guilty and that i'm
going to make it up to him.
he pretended he was still mad. i think we were quite a sight. running around the campus, pushing each other, yelling,
and yet laughing.
he said he loves to see me mad because it's entertaining. yet the only thing that made me mad was because he was
pretending to be mad at me. and so we chased each other and teased each other until he dragged me back to the jeep.
it was tiring,but fun.and that event made me realize that i like him more than i thought because i
want him angry at me. :(
he brought me my Slurpee! i was surprised and very very pleased. i wasn't pleased just because i had Slurpee, but pleased because he remembered that he had promised.
he remembered even though we had a fake war last night. he remembered though i only mentioned it once. and to think that to buy that Slurpee, he had to go to 7/11 which is not even near the route going to area51 where i was waiting.
if he hadn't brought me Slurpee, it would have been okay. it was only a joke after all. but he remembered, and he bought. :)
"ikaw ay issue na tinubuan ng mukha,"
gosi laughed. i thought, now that its jet and me and ced and i are close again, there wouldn't be issues anymore.
boy am i wrong. ced and i were talking and gosi suddenly sings,
. i laughed it off but i felt uneasy. ced felt uneasy too because he suddenly walked away.
past is past. almost, but not quite? how many times do i have to say that i am happy with the way things turned out? i can look after ced and care for him, even as just a friend.
i hate it when i look up at the night sky and see no stars. i hate it when they jeepney drivers don't hear me yell at them to stop. i hate professors who like to extend. i hate it when kids on the street try to sell you something.
i hate it when you say something and then take it back. i hate it when you suddenly turn back on me and be chummy with the people you used to hate.i hate it when you say you hate him.
but i don't hate you.at least not yet.
he never ceases to surprise me. he took me to/ their house and introduced me to his grandmother, aunt and cat,MingMeng.on the way to their house, there were
of stars above.i've never seen such a night sky.
when we went back to grove,introduced me to his friends again. i felt so special. i can see that he's proud of me and he says he's sort of "showing me off." i laughed at that.
he borrowed his brother's motorcycle to take me home. when i finally walked through our gate, i looked up again.
hello to the handsome guy my age who lives right across the street from our house in manila, the guy with the fair skin and dimples and wavy dark hair and the character i see in my mind everytime someone mentions the words "first love". how the heck are you doing? how come after five years, here we are in the same subdivision and same street and i still catch glimpses of you whenever i'm here.i laugh when i see you as i remember how young we were then. i'm happy right now and i've changed a lot. how about you?
how many hearts have you broken since then?
(my amazing stepmother who's really bubbly, fun to be with, energetic, cool, open minded yet strict and who also makes the best meals ever; the woman i was first afraid to meet because i was expecting a fairy tale type of stepmother-evil and cunning; the woman who gives out the best hugs and never fails to make me happy; the woman i can talk to for hours and the woman who seems to understand a lot about her stepdaughter.)
I AM VERY LUCKY TO HAVE YOU.and i hope that you really dont have cancer.
anyeong haseyo(that's supposed to be the korean term for hello.did i spell that right?beats me.) to the korean guy sitting next to me inside the jeepney. yes you, the tall, lanky guy with some acne on your forehead. can you move a little? as you can see there's still some room beside you and it would help if you'd occupy that. first of all because i can't move and second, i happen to hate koreans who squirm a lot and who won't even give my fare to the driver.so please move your ass.NOW.
dear prof. macandog
do you honestly have any idea that you're ruining my life with your loooooong and boring discussions? are you aware that your voice is like a lullaby because it puts all your students to sleep? i don't think so.
to the guy who sits in front of me during NASC2
, please move your head a bit to the left. a bit more. more, please? or better yet, transfer to another seat. or cut your head off. thank you.
to the american girl sitting in front of pc12
, please pull your pants up.much thanks.
aryan cried this morning because of something janjan did. then this evening, katE cried because of something patrick did. (i'm not sure if it was because of patrick though. the point is she cried.)
i'm scared. i know there's no perfect relationship. i know that all couples fight from time to time. i keep wondering when that time will come. jet and i were kidding
"let's join the fad, let's fight too."
it was a joke, but i still kept thinking about it. i'm scared. i'm scared to be hurt.i wonder if i will be the one in tears.
in a month, you can learn the difference between friends who are just people you've known longer and friends who accept you for who you are. in a month, you can flunk so many quizzes. in a month, you can reach level 19 or higher in PW. in a month, you can fall in love with a person more and more as the days go by.
in thirty-one days, you can learn the distinct difference between friends and lovers, friends and "friends". in thirty-one days, someone close can hurt you real bad.
thirty-one days.goodbye january 2008. :)
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