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How many times do I have to tell my kids to clean up after themselves? Still, when I turn around there are toys all over the floor and garbage all over the toys! What is so hard about throwing a lollipop wrapper in the garbage instead of leaving it on the kitchen counter? Please, someone tell me! I can threaten them with their lives, but it does no good. Have you ever stepped on a fully armed army man, barefoot at three oíclock in the morning? I have discovered a newer, more colorful vocabulary because of situations such as this!
A list of items you can find on my desk at work, if you were wondering: An empty Diet Dr. Pepper can, an empty water bottle, pictures of my three kids, a ďpaidĒ stamp, staple removers, one notary stamp, my iPod and speakers, a glue stick, pens, pencils, sharpies, notepad cube, lipstick, head phones, copy paper, letter head, ďsign hereĒ stickers, employee directories, scissors, a box of Sweet Tarts, compact, desk calendar, nail file, correction tape, letter openers, spiral notebooks, envelopes, compact discs, a calculator, a silver angel, a jar of sand, post-it notes, thumb tacks, rulers, magnets, wall calendar.
- Only those who risk going too far will ever know how far they can go.
- A smile is contagious; be a carrier.
- The best thing to do behind a friends back is pat it.
- If you think youíre too small to make a difference, you havenít been in bed with a mosquito.
- The best way to forget your own problems is to help someone else solve theirs.
- Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge.
- You canít base your life on other peopleís expectations.
- The only people you should ever want to get ďevenĒ with are those who have helped you.
Dear Boss: Iím concerned with the fact that I am doing the monthly dealer letter while my other co-worker is doing the ďcontestĒ letter. I have to track the contest standings and do all the payouts and finalization of the contest, so why are we involving her in this? Why can she not handle the monthly dealer letter? What exactly does she handle?
Why are we even discussing additional head count for an administrative assistant? Seems to me if the workload was distributed evenly there would be no problem. But hey, we all know how much my opinion matters.
I really hate working. I remember my mom always joking around saying ďWhy canít I be rich instead of good lookingĒ. Amen to that! I wish I could find a job where I could get paid tons of money, but never have to leave my house. I donít mean to be antisocial, people just drive me crazy sometimes! Is it wrong to want to slap one of your co-workers? How about two? Maybe itís me, I donít know. All I do know is I donít mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is a bitch!
Why do people feel the need to be rude? If something is bothering you, canít you just say it politely? Why do we feel the need to instantly have a chip on our shoulder before we even know what the other person is thinking? This happened to me today. Someone jumped all over me for something I thought was right. Now Iím going to have a shitty day. Things like that get to me. I am always worried about what other people think. I should only be concerned with what my family and friends think, but I canít help it.
Hereís something different. Heís going fishing again. And guess where I remain? Thatís right, stuck here, with the kids, by myself, left to yearn for the earlier years when I had a life; when I had fun on Friday nights.
Now, I wouldnít say it isnít fun to be home with a two and five year old (the thirteen year old is spending the night at a friends), but thereís gotta be something more! When is it my turn to go out with the girls and he gets to stay home, cook dinners, give baths and get them to bed?
I love to drink. I drink every night and sometimes, when I wake up, I wonder what happened the night before. I keep telling myself thereís no issue because it doesnít affect my day to day activities, such as working or driving. I get home from work, the kids are all screaming and carrying on, heís not doing anything about it, so why should I? I crack open a Miller and relax in front of the TV and let the night happen. Is this a problem? I donít think it is a problemÖthen why do I keep
I feel like Iím in a rut. I need to snap out of it. Everyday comes, my alarm goes off, and I just want to die. I start looking for any excuse to call in sick to work, but then realize I have no vacation or sick time left because Iíve used it all during this rut Iíve been in. Should I take stress leave? Iím not a pussy, I can figure a way through this just like every other time I feel the world crashing down around me. I hate going through it alone, but Iím not telling anyone.
There is no more money. I am scared. I have been selling anything worth anything, but itís not enough. How did it get this bad? What are we going to do? I need some sort of miracle in the form of cash to be left at my doorstep when I get home tonight. Iíll have to start selling DVDs. We have too many as it is. I might as well get rid of them. Pull the ones we rarely watch and put them on Ebay. Why not, no one will miss them and it will help with our money problems.
I do not want to be responsible, I want to do what I want to do! I want to sleep until noon and not shower for two days. I want to throw all my bills in the garbage and play on the computer all day. I donít want to clean the house, do the dishes or take out the garbage. But I donít have a choice, that all went out the window when I was 19 and the little stick I peed on turned blue. Now I have three kids relying on me to be an adult and it sucks!
There is nothing better than the perfect sandwich. Just enough meat, the perfect amount of condiments, a couple slices of yummy cheese, perhaps some lettuce or tomato...Yum! Then, the clincher, the bread. Is there anything more glorious than bread? Soft, fresh bread has got to be the ultimate aphrodisiac. Even the harder type breads are great! All you have to do is feed me a perfect sandwich, and I will follow you anywhere! I have no favorite, Iím eating roast beef right now and I am the happiest I have been all day. What the hellís the matter with me?
Sometimes I feel like everyone is talking about me. Iím so insecure. I see a group of people talking and I immediately feel like they are talking about what Iím wearing or what I said earlier in the day or how bad my hair looks today. I usually walk by and make a joke (thatís my defense mechanism). They all laugh, but when they go right back to whispering I wonder if they are talking about the joke I just made. Why does this happen? I think I need a therapist! That or a stiff drink; that sounds even better!
I donít want to go in. I ask my husband if he want to skip work with me. He does! We both call our bosses saying the little one is sick. The truth is, weíre both just sick; sick of the monotony. How can we spice up our lives with no money and three children? We hang out at home with our daughter. Our two boys are at school. I have to go pick them up later. Until then, I enjoy my time with him.
His friend calls and wants to go fishing. It is now just me and her.
Man I love Saturday! Sleep until the kids wake me. Make breakfast for my family, or, if Iím not feeling in the mood, we can all go get something to eat at the diner down the street. We hang out at home and each do our own thing. Stay up late watching movies or playing on the computer, knowing there is still one more day of the weekend left. The only thing that sucks about Saturday is that when itís over, itís Sunday. The day before going back to work. I am not happy anymore. Someone make me happy again.
There it goes. I saw it run behind the couch. The little mouse that has escaped every damn trap known to man. Why can we not catch this thing? It is so disgusting. The dog is going crazy trying to get it. Get out of my house you disgusting little mouse. Who invited you? Why did you choose my house to invade? What makes you so illusive and difficult to catch? Iím having a party next weekend so you better be gone by then. After you are caught, youíll be stuffed and mounted on my wall. I need a cat!
Cars fly by. Trees fly by. I do not have time to look at them. I am in a daze. I am so tired and driving in my car. Probably not a good combination, but I have to go to work.
I called in sick on Friday so doing it on Monday would not go over very well. I turn at the same lights, I park in the same spot, I lug my overweight body into the office and sit in my chair just like I do every other day of the week. There has got to be something more.
She wonít shut up! All she talks about is how much work she does. No one can stand the girl, yet she gets away with doing nothing all day. I have to turn my iPod up to drown out the noise coming from her. Why do we reward mediocrity? I am so sick of her. They need to do something about her soon or someone may stick a pair of scissors in her eye. She pawns everything she is assigned to do off on someone else. And they do it! I donít get it. I donít think I ever will.
I log on to write my 100 words everyday and realize, sometimes I donít have much to write about. The same things happen in my life everyday. I wake up, fix lunches, drop the kids off at the sitter, drive to work, and sit at my desk waiting to go home. Occasionally I get gas or run to the grocery store, but for the most part itís the same monotonous thing day in and day out. How can I keep writing about the same thing every day? People arenít going to want to read about how boring my life is.
The phone rings again. Itís someone needing my help to bail them out of some issues they have at one of their stores. And, of course, I help them. This goes on all day. Me helping the individuals who are being paid a ton of money, while I get paid barely enough to eek by on. Bonuses come and bonuses go for these people. They receive their money and never once offer to give any to me, the person who helped them throughout the months and weeks. It really takes a toll on me. It makes me hate this place.
I want him. Every day I want him more. He comes to my desk and I pretend I donít. I think he knows it too. But weíre both married. We were stupid when we were younger. If we worked on it back then, we would be together now. Instead we have each gone our separate ways; created our own families without each other. We were hot back then. We couldnít keep our hands off each other if we were in the same room. I long for his touch again. I need to have him one more time. One more time.
I am still thinking about him. After making eye contact with him at Fridayís luncheon and him winking at me, heís on my mind. I hate feeling like this. Iím too old to feel like this. This is how a single girl in her 20ís is suppose to feel when the hot guy across the room catches her eye. This is not how a 32 year old married mother of three should be feeling. I just need to get through this weekend so I can see him again. Maybe the feelings will be gone on Monday. God, I hope so.
Do I really have to go to this party? There is going to be a million kids there and Iím going to be the only one chasing after mine. He will just grab a beer and sit and bullshit with his friends. He wonít even bother asking if I need anything. Iíll be ready to leave ten minutes after we arrive. Then heíll get pissed because ďYou canít ever relax and have funĒ. Whatever, if it were my friendís house we were at, you can bet your ass I would be having fun (just like I used to). Life sucks.
He wants me too! Heís been up here twice to talk to me and it is only nine in the morning. Do I act on this? No way, I canít. Thatíd be just way to crazy. What if he acts on it? Do I reciprocate? I know I want to. I just donít know if I should. No one would ever find out. We are both married and are not looking to split up our homes. We could do it one time and get it out of our systems. What am I talking about? I need to seek therapy, right?
The boy is sick. I am home with him. Iím sure my boss just loved hearing that. Especially since he is getting ready to head off to San Diego for the dealer meeting. I have no sick time or vacation time left this year. Isnít that just great? Iím sure he loved that even more. But what am I going to do? Leave a five year old home by himself? Or make him go to school when his throat kept him up all night crying? They can kiss my fat ass if they think I am going to do that!
Home again. The doctor told me if he was not any better today to bring him in. So I did. I waited in the God forsaken waiting room of that office for an hour before we got to go into a room. Then we waited another 30 minutes for the doctor to come see us. All the kids in the waiting room were sick. Thatís just great. Spread those diseases! The strep test came back negative. He can return to school, and I can return to my wonderful world of full-time employment! Oh joy. Wait. Why is my daughter coughing?
Third time is a charm! The little one is sick. I swear itís from waiting in that disease filled doctorís office for an hour yesterday! I should make him pay me for another day off. She has a bad cough. Nothing like what the boy had. Weird. Oh well, weird is the story of my life! That and the fact we have no money to pay the doctor. Thatís why she is going to take the medicine the doctor gave me for the boy yesterday. Improvisation! Thatís the key to success, right? That or Iíll start bouncing checks. Boing, Boing!
Back to work today. Did anyone do anything while I was gone? My email and voice mail are full and my inbox is overflowing! Jesus Christ, I donít get it. Now Iím completely overwhelmed and totally pissed off. And if another person comes up and asks me how my kids are, Iím going to shove a letter opener up their ass! If you were really concerned, why didnít you help me out by sorting my mail or answering the fucking phone? Give me a break. Iím off for three days and have 3 weeks worth of shit to go through.
Another boring Saturday! At least I am not at work though. I have to figure out how to buy food and snacks for the Mary Kay party I am having for my friends tomorrow. I have no money so it may be tricky. The credit cards are maxed out again! Gee, thereís something different. I had to borrow money from my mother, but that wonít be here for a few days. I donít know if I can hold off my husbandís requests to buy things much longer. Pretty soon Iíll have to tell him. Lord, give me strength! Iím begging!
Had the Mary Kay party. I scrounged up enough dough to buy some pop and a snack tray. Everyone seemed fine with the small selections of treats. I had a lot of purchases from my party and got a bunch of fun stuff for free for hosting. Thatís always a plus. I am still trying to figure out a way to get through this week with a negative balance in my checking account. I can not let my husband find out. He will kill me. Then heíll find out all about the credit card debt I put us in. Shit!
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