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Some people are boa constrictors. They coil their massive pompus bodies around only what they know they can conquer. What happened to the concept of the everlasting free spirit? Reach out to feel the unfelt. Open your eyes to see the unseen. Shut up to hear the unsaid. New isn't dangerous it's life saving. Shed your precious safety zone and wrap your tethers around elephants and sky scrapers, around rainbows and dreams. You'll be amazed at what pretentiousness and conformity has lead you astray from. There are bigger preys out there, better flavors. Change is flavor. Spice something and live.
He's in the peacefulness of the dancing shadows of the canopy over a three o'clock Sunset Boulevard, he's in the innocence of a child's carefree chortle, he's the wise reminder from a friend that we are all different but not all wrong. He's in the distress of seeing promoted cosmetic plastic surgery, and blighted botox. He's in the questioning of authority and dictation. He's seven letters long for the seven sins and more divine than any god could ever be. He's choked on, tripped over, gnawed, spat upon, and maimed but without him you have nothing worth having. He's respect.
A sullen girl walks to the over hang of white lilies and summons death. All my velvet is crushed by the weight of this heavy heart. Lost between the sentences. Engulfed in flames don't get close to her She'll burn you like a wick on a candle Until you're exhausted like breaths, Beaten like her heart. Raw and exposed, freezing and rotten. Empty the prose onto the forgotten. Weather has changed and roses have wilted Locks were exchanged and passions went jilted. Shivering the shame from her mind she shed a tear and parted her lips. This isn't my goodbye.
I walked my dog today in my mandarin orange shoes. The sidewalk cracked at the seams with poppies. I remembered the sky from the dusk before golden red in hue as our topaz laughter pierced through our red lips, together we spelt sunset. Today like yesterday made me smile. Nothing special but everything wonderful about it. The way the birds danced, the way the clouds puffed, the way the sky didn't care what mood you were in but just kept on cheering blue and beautiful. It's crazy what you don't notice when you're covering yourself under an umbrella. Go outside.
Don't put life on hold for anything. Keep breathing, keep walking. and hold on to hope that all things will do the same. The best will catch up as the bad falter and lag. As I see it you have two choices: roll with the bunches or roll with the punches. Either way you have to keep on going. I'm all for second chances but I'm not going to call a time out to give it to you and I think everyone else should do the same. Only if they can catch up to you are they're worth a shot.
Porcelain doll rests on the shelf as dust beguiles her expression. Touched once and dropped n'er touched again but left to shattered memories. Cracked but not broken, the heart intact is seen as fragile though braced by bone. She's far from hollow. Unbreakable and beating, rosier at the cheeks, her look so mysterious is not at all meek but is dusted by a rotting chance that none will take to try to see beyond the veil of her porcelain face. The dust is not hers, the shelf is not hers, but where she is cast in mind by the fearful.
What I really need is intervention. There's a solid metal plate between me and the exit door. There's no other way out. I'm stuck in this dark room and the light bulb is flickering. I'll soon be in total darkness. I have no voice to call out for help. I have no hands to reach for anything or anyone. I am alone but everyone's watching me. There's no ceiling. It's like I'm a rat in a maze and they're all waiting for me to get lost. There's a faint echo in the background of someone screaming. I think it's me.
A domino fallen off cue. British nanny with a southern twang. Slip up on the chalk board, one and one equals chaos. First and fourth grader fight over dolly. Water ballon on the sidewalk. Tomatoes tossed on stage at the opera house. Bad time good time no time new time. Bubble gum in a dish. Too many wishes not enough gum. Fish fish is deaf. No empathy, no compassion. Passionate fury balls a flame. Paintball on the pinstripes. You dont get it, you just dont get it. Moods like a baseball bat. Swing and miss. Who wants a start over?
Crissed and crossed. Thoughts are lossed. No gas station for concentration. Stranded in the alley way. No tomorrow, faked today. Antlers smashed the overpass. No one here they're all in mass. Don't repent you've done no wrong. Don't give in to sirens' song. Missle fired, target missed as two tongues tangled and the loveless kissed. Both first empty then once filled one eye wandered as the other one killed. Look of death in glance encased. The eyes don't match as the strangers faced. Actions freeze the troubled heart, but the eyes can see they're far apart. Plucked plume. No bloom.
A good heart makes you vulnerable but never alone will you be. The Kind will find you and raise you up and take care of you, you'll see. In life we find those avenue which in their shadows lurk those few who may not mean to wound your heart, they're still the Jerk. I know you want them to understand and passionate with care You try to bear your soul to them Though that you shouldn't dare. You're beautiful so why expose Your heart to hearts untrue? When with your soul you'll truely see they know not what to do.
Having self respect is just about the best thing you can do for yourself. Who cares what they say about you? You're strong and you know who's looking back at you in the mirror. Life's what you make of it so don't let hurtful bastards tear down the sun. They're YOUR footprints down YOUR path so don't let anyone tell you where to step. Listen but think for yourself. You don't have to be a stiff prude but maintain civility and dignity. Fight the devil with a smile not a pitchfork. At least you know you're doing the right thing.
On today: Regardless of their impractically people insist of filling the dishwasher front to back. At some point after dinner parties people always gather in the kitchen to mingle. It takes 20 minutes minimum for adults to say goodbye. I only bite my pinky and my thumb nails on my right hand. Your grandfather feels it too. M&Ms have their own box. Distance does nothing to wane the sisterly bond. Persistence is highly underrated. Everyone has a story to tell. The people who can connect with everyone in the room amaze me the most. Friends're for hearts to feast on.
It's kind of like when you get a shard of splintered glass in your finger or when you cut yourself really fast like a paper cut. You don't notice it right away. You can feel it but you can't see anything so you don't know you've been cut until long after, when dirty things have burrowed their way into your veins and your skin puffs red with infection. "Oh, there it is," you say to yourself but by that time it's too late to fix it. Splinters come in all sizes, just put a band-aid on and hope you heal.
It's not that I don't know what I'm doing but that I don't know where I'm going. I like surprises so long as they're good ones and I wouldn't mind some reassurance. My head hurts again and I think too much to fall asleep at normal hours. I have no motivation. When's summer? Everything's becoming more like Jack Nickolson's Chinatown. I've stopped trying to make sense of it all and I'm in the process of letting go of things. Enter: Weird taste in mouth stop feel like a zombie stop brain on fire stop put out with orange juice stop
Of all my behaviors, my out and out shedding of my mind was the one that caused me the most grief and I never realized it before. I know now that I ought to test the waters before jumping in, learn more before revealing because sometimes the people you can trust are not the people you think are your friends and lovers, but the strangers you have yet to meet. A good place to start is with hello. If it ends there you know to move on. If you can feel something deeper keep swimming but beware of the sharks.
Nature's tangled tendrils spell out pruned pestilence Slivers of silver moon slip through uncombed canopy Thoughts progressing with broken headlights on icy highway Barbie Doll lipstick smiles smeared on white silk ski masks Cautious worker bee seeking radical breech and a honeyless hive Orange flash of construction worker vest braze the bumper as you speed on Walk don't walk and always ask how high A hapless child in drill sergeant apparel giving direction without ears Soundlessly the racket-maker drowns out the screaming Blind to the broken hearted humble hobos broken in not down Drug-eyed cut-short faith in life No punctuation
A little green around the edges. Cadavers strung up like mandolins. Cereal for dinner. Walked into the saloon with empty holsters. Dust jacket torn in two. Raw. Totally 80s Saturday night block. Jutting bone in a pink mound broken and squealing. Fast forward. A friendly face makes a home of this place. Sooner or later they'll get theirs or eventually you'll find something better to think about. Do it yourself for yourself. Narrowing street, widening car. Bumper to bumper all gone below par. Bowie eyes. Tender of heart make harder to tend. Time teller, this isn't how you say goodbye.
Over extended gazes looking for sensibility in the hopeless causes. A life pasted by and no heads were turned save for one, the questioner. Answers became the after dinner mints of conflict but the foul stench of unrest arose. Something quivered where my heart used to be, now a junk yard of wishful thinking and migraine expectations tossed like a house salad. Wayward greens of want, greed, and desire court the supple cherry-tomato-red of youthful passion. Saved for plaguing starvation, the empty lust has wilted. Left alone, I'm tired, I'm restless, I‘m leaving. There will be no more of this.
I'm spellbound by witch-hazel eyes. How gruesome to be lost without a name. I wonder what it feels like to be needed. I wonder what it looks like, that firecracker that's nestled deep inside you, invisible but ready to explode. I have to get it out of me or it'll burn me alive with its flaming outlet-free passion. I'm on manual focus now but all my negatives come out black. Perhaps there's a hole in my darkroom door. Perhaps I left the door ajar in earnest want of company but instead of a partnership all I got were soiled frames.
Anted up. Cards played. Chips cashed. Moving on. It's an epidemic of misunderstandings. A user manual on tape pigeon-holed with aggression, smashing the cookie jar filled with root canals. Hyperglycemic pounding of the restless brain. A sugarless sweetheart asks for more, no, demands more, no begins an epic adventure all for that cottage by the sea. Enough with low-carb caring and fat-free friends, and nothing but the meat, high in sodium, too much sauce, lots of cholesterol. Ateries clogged with sensitivity. Gluestick-fingers touch much but nothing will stick. Children frolic in my dreams with a single mother so it seems.
There's something about Moroccan skies that melts the bloom right off the rose. We're too alike you and I. Your army laughter and my owl ears bring only tears through the years. No more on this shore will your battleships rest. No more say I until I know the winds turned west. The rocks and thrashing waves do tell of sad times, bad times, and untimely hell. I begged you mercy with butterfly-kisses but despite the few hits the meanings were misses. You tell me hello through a friend from afar, do you think, honestly, this can mend a heart-scar?
My moment of clarity, my hatching if you will, came to me last night by way of acceptance. Doubt and a fear of failure stripped me bare and I stood naked in the eye of truth. My world became what I had always hated: real. There, red-teared with conflict, confusion, denial, and embarrassment I faced myself. Constantly in search of a face, I let fear-fed-failure disfigure reality into something of pain. The past, too long revisited, sleeps tonight. At 18 she takes her first steps. Strangers turned estranged. My hello has mellowed and I've opened my door. Self, meet world.
Nothing can prepare you for the dinosaur-breeds of ego-driven, house-mom prison, narrow-minded catechism of human life polluted upon this soil. How many sorrows must be dealt in the hand of charity? The Giving are accosted by the blatantly malicious. Is this what our mothers taught us, to take advantage of the earnestly caring and devoted soldiers of The Peaceful Life because you can get away with it? Strike them down you say, in vicious breaths, but what is it that you gain? Why must you scratch their eyes out when they see with their hearts? What makes them so threatening?
There are moments when I feel I am being led by the hand to some place I can't avoid. I wasn't going to go but I had a feeling there was someone there waiting for me. So I swallowed my pride and went with the mixed company to that house. I sat on the barstool in the corner and his hand brushed mine. Eyes met and smiles were exchanged. He listens and cares. Hours of natural conversation birthed a connection but still on edge from measures past. Fear cast aside for those soft-green eyes and gentle touch. I kissed him.
Old songs take new meanings as my universe melts to lyrics. My lavender breaths on a pillow of attraction open my eyes to dreams that lead me astray. Stay above the water. New is beautiful but take it slow. I have a heart made of sugar petals and a playful passion. The comforting company is absent from touch but not from heart; it awakens me. There is a vibrant longing for the possibility that this actualy might be as good as it feels. The door is open and there's room enough for two. Love me and I'll do the same.
Mauve shades. Closed. Latex. Stretch. Sterilized. Needle-mouth-spitting-numb-gums. Drool-sucker. Drill drill drill. Chimpmunk-cheeks. National Geographic on tornados. Mind wanders. Friday was really nice. I wonder if Mer's registered for my classes. It's really hot here. Why don't they have the blinds open and why purple? They have a bucket for everything, very orderly. I guess they have to be. Wow I can hold my mouth open for a long time. They should give me a lollypop, but I guess that would defeat the purpose of coming here in the first place. All done. Driving home. Mind wanders. Friday was really nice.
What happened to inhibitions and self control? It fell in a tub of peanut butter and chocolate ice cream. It fell into olive eyes. It fell into the soft wind and sunshine Three days later and I still don't know. What does right feel like? No more fear. That's it. I need to just go for it. I'm going for it. Yeah THAT'LL happen. I should just try it. If nothing else I can say I at least tried. Yeah. There we go. At least I'll know I have ambition. There's nothing wrong with assertion I just think too much.
I was only trying to help. How do the stubborn survive here if they don't have an ear for reason? Everything's an attack to them. I have no weapons. I come in peace. My words are plain, fair, honest, and true. When I say I think you are mistaken please don't take it as an insult. I merely point it out because I care. Fine. Fail! I tried. Excuse me for caring. I have a heart what can I do? Who spawns this intolerable ignorance, this narrow-mindedness, this self-centered, fear of giving that poisons our world? What happened to nice?
Grotesquely aggravating. This Waldorf salad (celery apples walnuts grapes) of a place leaves you hungry, very hungry. We're raindrops on the pavement. The smell of pollution burns my nose. Would you put that out please? We'll get cancer. I want something beautiful. I'm sick of narrow-minds. Look at the rode when you drive will ya? I'm disappointed that I can't expect more from people because I know if I do I'll just be disappointed. Catch me 22. No one else will. Don't be a walnut. Don't be a grape. Celery and apple probably aren't any better either. Be worth it.
You have taken my eyes and I won't ask for more. I will just tell you how things could be if only you could try to see through the eyes you have taken. The last day. Of school. Of this. Of that. And now the time has come for self fulfillment. I will eat more strawberries and learn that gui tar. I will write more, maybe finish that story, or better yet, start it. I will do what I put on that list. I will smile more. And things will be better. Patience. Respect. Understanding. Dedication. I'm gonna live now.
The Tip Jar