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Husband felt baby move today. It was an actual movement, not just those little "bubbles" but a kick (or a punch--I can't tell the difference yet). He looked shocked. I'm supposed to go get baby stuff today or at least another pair of maternity pants. Maybe I will finally use whatever is left on the stupid Visa gift card I have before it expires. I don't know why I hang onto those cards so long. Sometimes I hate that I am so much like my mother, but I had no one else to be like. No other female relatives, really.
This scandal has started to drive me crazy. The Church won't be broken from without but from within. How can we recognize the corruption when we are so close to it. I would never know if my own parish priest was one of the "bad guys." I would never know it if my own bishop was. So I must pray and even so, give them respect because they are men of God, but if they speak wrongly, I must not stay silent. We are all being given the opportunity to be heroes and heroines of our faith. Let's not waste it.
Well, at least my water bill was cheap this month. Got the new rent payment and it didn't freak me out that bad. But next year it's going to be almost impossible, with the baby and all. Those tiny creatures are expensive. I felt him kicking around last night, but I have no idea if he is actually kicking or punching.
I renewed my WordPress domain. It's the last year I'll be doing it because I can't justify the cost next year, again due to baby. I highly doubt I will have time to blog much, but I'll keep the blog up for posterity.
Just remembered that I neglected to clean my poor little microwave. My work computer got fried today somehow, but they managed to fix it. I don't know what the hell it was. The baby is moving around quite a bit, but I think he is slowly squishing my innards and stomach as they don't seem to want to digest the way they used to. This is not that fun. But when he is born, everything will move back into place. Then back to the chart I go. It's going to be a million times harder than it was the first time.
Weight gain. I hate reading these articles about pregnancy because I freak out that I'm not doing enough or gaining enough weight or doing enough exercise or whatever. But I figure that if the baby is healthy (and he is), it's all fine. Everybody is different. I don't think I have the body type to blow up like a whale and gain 40 pounds. I'm supposed to gain 28 to 40 pounds, but I doubt that happens. I think it's just a rule of thumb based on averages. There are people who gain 60 pounds and they started out overweight.
Too much work and not enough time, as usual. Someone mentioned yesterday that December needs to be 7 or 8 weeks long, so we can cram everything, including Christmas in, and still have extra time. Man, do I wish that was true. Nothing is agreeing with my stomach. I had chicken parmesan and it did a number on me. I have no idea why. Maybe I'm getting lactose intolerant in my "old age." I worry about the baby, if he is getting enough fat. I hate that I'm too skinny. And they expect me to gain weight. I think I gained 10 pounds.
You know what I don't understand? People who always have to go somewhere with someone. Like, they legitimately can't go anywhere alone. I'm not talking about those who have PTSD or something like that. I'm talking about people who just cannot be alone. They always have to be talking, they are not comfortable in their own company. That greatly bothers me. Alone time is healthy. I understand, yes, it's not healthy all the time, but still. It is equally unhealthy to be so dependent on other people. Like when women can't go to the bathroom by themselves. They have to go in a horde.
What do office workers want the most? Knowledge that their job is stable. A nice break room. Clean bathrooms. A gossip-free environment. Coworkers who are kind but not nosy. Raises.
I don't know what else. I can't think. It's a tad bit too early for thought without coffee. I just want to get out of here, but at the same time I don't. I wanted to stay home while he went to school. Was that too much to ask? Is any of this too much to ask?
I just don't know what to do. I feel bad about it.
Once again, I dreamed I was writing. I guess my subconscious wants me to write. An array of books sat in front of me, some of which I had written. I don't remember what any of the plots were, but they were small books, part of the same series. I thought I ought to do something about my writing.
I posted about the pregnancy to my blog. Does anyone care? I'm not sure. It is basically the last post I will ever write on there. Maybe I should start a new blog under a different cover. Write about anything I want.
Still working with the mechanical gaming keyboard. It is really nice, but it reminds me of a typewriter, and I think that is the idea. So each keystroke has more weight. Makes you feel like you're really accomplishing something, not unlike typing on a typewriter.
In other news, a hurricane is headed straight for us. At least my in-laws have a generator, so they invited us to come over if the power goes out for any extended period of time so we can take showers and not smell too bad. That was nice of them. Hoping it doesn't happen, though.
Today is the anniversary of 9/11, but everyone here is thinking about the newest potential tragedy, Hurricane Florence, which is headed straight for us. Supposed to be like Hurricane Fran, only worse. I remember Hurricane Floyd more than Fran, but maybe it's because I was older at the time. I realized this morning that they all start with "F" and "F" is the 6th letter of the alphabet, so 666. Freaky. But I doubt that means anything. Hurricane Matthew was worse than Floyd, I think, but I don't think I could compare them, again, because I was so young.
Hurricane is now going to move toward South Carolina... I'm worried about this one. Maybe it will turn out to be a bunch of nothing, just like when they start freaking out about snowstorms. Or it could be The End of the World As We Know It. I'm just glad that we didn't buy a house this year, but that's a risk you need to be willing to take. I have insurance. We are thinking of putting all our important writings high up in plastic bins so they won't get destroyed in case of flooding, but I personally don't care what happens to mine.
The hurricane has weakened to Category 2. Maybe it will weaken even more by the time it gets here. It looks like we are spared the worst of it so far, but you never know. It all depends on God's will, I suppose. "We are at the mercy of the storm." No, not really. You're at the mercy of God, who created the storm. But does he direct the storm's path? I know he could because he calmed the thunderstorm. Every time there is a natural disaster, people wonder if the chickens have finally come home to roost. I'm not sure.
The hurricane is here and so far it is just rain and wind, not different from any storm. But it is supposed to get worse. I'm trying to work, but it's hard to concentrate because I have gotten too many hours this week already and I feel like I'm overdone. My stomach isn't better, not really. I don't know what to do about it. This would be a very bad time to go to the ER. I doubt urgent care would take me if I end up having to go. The ob/gyn is closed. Please God, let it get better.
I think the hurricane is mostly away from us. I feel sorry for the beach counties that got the worst of it. I wonder if my favorite restaurant will be open so we can go there for dinner, and just typing that makes me feel bad. There was a family of five who lost their home that they just bought because a tree crashed into it. I hope they had insurance. (But I thought insurance was required when you bought a house?) We got a small leak in the apartment. I called the maintenance person, but who knows when he shows up.
I gave the mechanical keyboard to my husband (temporarily). I switched back to my old keyboard that's missing its "s" key, but I don't mind. This one is much quieter and I can make do with the missing key.
People are still being affected by the hurricane, but I believe the worst is over in our area. I didn't even think to check and see if McDonald's was open. Several areas near us looked as if they had lost power when we drove by. The traffic lights were off. It was minor chaos. It looked like the end of the world.
Everyone's back to work. I'm still working from home, thank God, because I have a class this evening. I have a trip on Tuesday, and I'm hoping that everything is OK and I still get to go.
Trying to get along with my mother-in-law. It's not that I don't like her per se. It's just that certain things she does get on my nerves. Or maybe I secretly wish I could be more like her. Be all bubbly and happy all the time, even when I don't really feel like it. Complain less.
I think complaining is a New York thing.
Going on another trip. Hopefully everything will go well. I like these trips because they are very low key and hopefully my ears won't pop like crazy. Also getting the flu shot today. What a day of excitement. I almost wish I could postpone it so I could go with my husband. I have no idea what he'll do all by himself.
I purposely scheduled the carpet cleaning guy to come today so I wouldn't be home and have to breathe in dangerous chemicals. That would not be a good idea when I'm pregnant, but I personally believe that there is no way NOT to expose a baby to chemicals.
Normally, I wouldn't stay at a hotel this fancy, but the only reason I'm here is because work paid for it. Usually I'd be at the Quality Inn, eating stale bagels for breakfast. I don't think this hotel even has complimentary breakfast.
Most memorable quote from the plane ride, spoken by a young child: These towns look so small! I don't think I'll fit.
Second most memorable quote, spoken (I think) by the child's brother: Is the pilot asleep?
Me: I sure as hell hope not!
It was a strange flight, but perhaps I'll get more amusement on the way back.
I forgot I hadn't written today, then kind of remembered. We had an argument today about communication. I am really good at written communication, but I suck at verbal communication. Maybe I ought to talk to people on the phone more, but perhaps I ought to do it less. I suppose it all depends on who you talk to. Some people want to just gossip and tell all your crap to others. There are certain people I don't tell stuff to because of that. I try to talk about my issues with only the people who matter, not those who don't care.
Happy St. Matthew's day! Too bad tax day isn't on this day. That would make a lot more sense. My nose is still messed up from the plane. I think that dry cabin air messed up my blood vessels. The good news is that it will go away soon.
I got some kind of grace of marriage today... or maybe I just feel serene because of pregnancy hormones. I am in a good position to let things go and stop worrying about them. Maybe I am focused on only one thing, and that's the one good thing I should focus on.
One day before our anniversary and I haven't thought of getting a gift. He is hard to shop for. You never know if the thing you get him is the thing he really wants, so you have to basically go with him, ask him to pick something out, and buy it for him. That seems to work best. Even asking him what he wants a few days in advance doesn't work because he always changes his mind, and by the time you get the thing he wants, he has lost interest in it and you can't return it to the store.
It's our first wedding anniversary, and we have defrosted the cake from the wedding and have to eat it per tradition. Let me be honest with you: that cake wasn't that great the first time around. I don't know if it will be good the second time around either. But who knows. We might be pleasantly surprised. I didn't really want fondant, but I went with it anyway because that was how it would be best to achieve the design that I wanted. Silly. I should have gotten a cake from Costco. Would have tasted better on the whole.
Now I have REO Speedwagon stuck in my head for some reason. I don't know why I wake up with certain songs in my head. Probably has something to do with the kind of dreams I had.
In more disgusting news, there was a roach crawling on the ceiling last night, then I looked up again and it wasn't there, so who knows where he might turn up next. I hate them so much. I think they are coming in from outside or maybe from the apartment next door. Sometimes I don't like living on the ground floor because of pests.
Was horrendously upset, so I went to bed at 2:30 or something like that. Tried every trick in the book to fall asleep, and I think I eventually got tired enough to sleep sitting up so heartburn wouldn't crawl back up my throat. So uncomfortable. I took one antacid pill, and it seemed to do the job. I'm getting afraid to take two. Don't want to hurt the baby with too many, but I'm sure he'd appreciate the calcium. I suppose I'll ask the doctor about it, but I don't know what else she will say other than to keep doing what I'm doing.
Ooh, he's gonna be pissed. I took away the computer. If it's going to be used as an instrument for evil, you really don't need it. If he needs a computer, he can go to the office and use the ones there. I think they're Macs, but they'll do the job.
I grew up with PCs and never really understood how to use Macs. Supposedly they are easier, but not if you didn't grow up with them. It's harder to hack them because of the lack of open-source software, or something like that.
I'll never get a Mac.
Baby is healthy, thank God. Everything is as it should be. I weigh 111 pounds, which I'm pretty sure is the most I have ever weighed in my life. Maybe it will all go away after I give birth, but I keep bigger boobs. Or something like that. Oh well. It'll be whatever it is. My husband's fears were eased. Most first-time labors last a long time, so he won't have to worry about a 30-minute drive to the hospital and me giving birth in the car. It's not like in the movies, when the woman gives birth in five minutes.
I am always trying to find my mirror image. That person who is like me. And I never find that person. I find people who have similar traits or who like similar things, but I never find the exact person I'm searching for who is like me... and that makes me happy to know that I really am unique. For some reason, I always question it. When I see all those girls who have the same handwriting, I question it. Are we perhaps all just alike, just products of our time? Or is there really some kind of difference there?
No computer this weekend and I'm only going on to pay bills and do my 100 Words. I had a dream last night that I had a BMW and that someone was throwing stuffed animals into a sewer. One of them was Elmo and I remember seeing the bright red body floating down a stream of nastiness down below. He fell into a gutter grate. Well, someone threw him, but I won't say who did it. I don't know why I had that dream. Then I was walking through a crowd of nudists, but they were old and wrinkled. Strange.
I kept having nightmares last night for some reason, but none of them were scary enough to keep me awake. Just dreams that left me with somewhat of a bad feeling. They faded quickly, so quickly that I don't remember what they were about except one had two guys in it which can never be good.
Last day of September. Never has a month gone by so fast. I guess they all will go by quick until the baby is born. I'm technically a mother, but these are the last few days of true "non-motherhood" before the real stuff happens.
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