01/01 Direct Link
Again, I feel as though I have to say something profound because this is the first post of 2016. I ended my 2015 with finishing Brave New World, which I have been meaning to read for the longest time. A good book but with a bleak outlook for society. I think we are steadily creeping toward a "brave new world" type of scenario, but bravery is sucked out. There will be no need for bravery in this world because there will be no situations in which one will need to be brave or fight the status quo. We'll be complacent.
01/02 Direct Link
Yesterday, I noticed an old-fashioned well in someone's yard. It made me think of a cool story idea. So many interesting stories have been written about wells, and they always have a magic element to them, like the wishing well. The story I'm thinking of putting a well in is religious, so I'm not sure that wishes will go over well, but I'll think of some way to get that into the story.†

If I had a nickel for every time someone said "no kidding" in response to something I say, I'd be rich. Wife of Captain Obvious, bitches.
01/03 Direct Link
New Year's resolutions are for creating a challenge for yourself. Last year, I made my goals so challenging that I got midway through March and gave up completely. I guess I've lasted longer on my goals than I have in previous years, but I think what I did wrong was give up too much for Lent. I had already given up a bunch for the New Year, and my spoiled self rebelled after Lent, so I went back and indulged in my own laziness. Sounds bad to admit that, but I should just make one goal and stick to it.
01/04 Direct Link
Waiting for my favorite YouTube personality to start posting videos again has my heart in a panic. It's weird how attached you can get to someone's sense of humor just by watching their videos or reading their posts or their Twitter feed. You really and truly do become a fan. I guess this would be seen as creepy if you literally followed the person around, but what's social media for? Normalizing the idolization and idealization of others. You gotta love it. I have nothing else to say. Still waiting for him to post a YouTube video... waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting...
01/05 Direct Link
I did a bad thing and started reading an argument on Tumblr. This one was about birth control and how it's supposedly the most awesome thing ever. You know, I guess it's not all that bad when you have horrible cramps and terrible mood swings and you just wanna get some dang relief because you have only two days out of the entire month when you feel halfway normal. But I believe that you should try other types of things before you resort to messing around with your hormones. It can create so much mess. To each her own anyway.
01/06 Direct Link
It's a meta-ful life. I finished the journal I've been writing in since August today, and it's made me a little bit melancholy, but at the same time, I'm always glad when I start a new journal so I can ruin it with my terrible handwriting. Then I realized that I was journaling about journaling, which is kind of meta. I like the word meta. I know a person whose name is Meta, and I think that's kind of neat. I wonder why her parents called her that, or maybe it's a name she gave herself. It's definitely unique.
01/07 Direct Link
If Jeb Bush's ego is the size of the moon, then Trump's must be the size of the sun, and Hillary's must be the size of the whole solar system. I wonder whose ego is as big as earth? Any of the other political candidates would be my guess. And now they're questioning whether Ted Cruz is really an American and can legitimately run for president. Too late for that, don't you think? I guess they're trying to get back at the "birthers" for questioning Obama's place of origin. We don't care where he came from. Just "return to sender."
01/08 Direct Link
I was watching a short film about how we need strong men to lead, to be fathers, to defend, to protect. Yes, we do need men. I know that there are so many men in my generation who are totally lost. My brother is one of them, and there are others out there. They don't know what they're doing with their lives. They are afraid to form relationships or speak out. I don't know why they feel this way, but we need to continue to empower our young boys and men so they can live up to their lifelong calling.
01/09 Direct Link
I had a dream that ISIS hacked into the computers where I worked, then all of a sudden, men in black robes started jumping out of the ceiling like in some action movie and taking everyone hostage. I was crouched in my cube with some ISIS assassin or thug, who was breathing nastily in my ear and I was wishing I had never turned my computer on that day. Like that would have stopped the attack. I wonder how much they were asking for ransom, but that wasn't part of the dream. Even so, it really freaked me out.
01/10 Direct Link
Yesterday, my word count goal was 1,000 words. That's not a lot. I can easily write 2,000 words on days that aren't workdays. So that's what I did. I wrote over 2,000 words without even thinking about it much. Those are the best writing days: when the words flow, you feel inspired, and you feel OK with putting your characters through hell and back because that's your job as a writer: to keep the reader interested. (Just used two colons in that sentence. Wonder if that's OK. Oh, well. Who cares? I found my new punctuation obsession.)
01/11 Direct Link
I just wrote a comment on someone's blog about how I think the worst part about writing is self-promotion. That's what I'm so hung up on. I'm going to be totally honest when I say this, but I don't really care about any other writers' work unless it's in a form I can pick up and read at the library. I might be burned out from reading so much bad stuff, but I don't know. If you request me to critique your work, I'll do it gladly, but I won't give out free feedback anymore. It's mostly a waste of time.
01/12 Direct Link
The first two letters of the word "goal" are "go." That's what makes a goal different from a wish. A wish has "passive" written all over it. You say "I wish that such-and-such would happen to me," and you sit back and wait for your wish to come true. With a goal, you actually go out and do something to achieve your dream. I realize that I work best when I have something (real or imaginary) pushing against me, forcing me to be better. This new thing they're rolling out at work just might be the push I need.
01/13 Direct Link
Speaking of goals, I need to find some way to improve my social skills. It's supposedly so easy. You take it one step at a time. Ask someone how their weekend was. But the thing is that you have to sound interested, and I am interested, but the question gets turned back around on me, and then suddenly, I wanna hide. Not that I do anything terrible on the weekend, but I have nothing to share. I read a good book. That's all I can really say. I guess that's all I have to say. It's the talking that counts.
01/14 Direct Link

So the computer decided it didnít want to be on the Internet the second I finished typing my 100 Words and hit submit. Thatís why Iím grateful for other sitesí auto save features. Anyway, I was writing about how Alan Rickman and David Bowie died, and the only thing I know them for is Harry Potter and Labyrinth, respectively. (Also, I just got to use ďrespectivelyĒ in a sentence and that always makes me feel awesome. Please ignore my pretentiousness.) There was also a terrorist attack in Indonesia (by ISIS, who else?), so I need to be praying for them.†

01/15 Direct Link
Puttin' books on my to-read list like a boss. There is (or maybe was) another Republican debate. I will see it eventually, but not at this moment. It's Friday night. Let's not let politics ruin it. I have to eat something. I have to sleep. I have to do human things that don't involve my brain. Would politics be one of them? I'm not sure.†

I might have said this before, but this is a warning: Never buy sticky notes from the dollar store. They will not stick to anything. They don't even want to stick to themselves.†
01/16 Direct Link
My friend wants to go to a theme park or something. I've never been a fan of roller coasters and have always been afraid of them. Water parks are more my thing. Getting really wet. Going insane and not worrying about anything. Like being a little kid again. Except when we went, there was my mom hovering over us with towels, worried as hell that we'd drip all over the car, get lost, get too crazy. Chill the hell out, mom, we're just kids. We can't always live like you're Hyacinth in Keeping Up Appearances. Not a place for children.
01/17 Direct Link
I dreamed I was in a CD store and they had the music I wanted, but it was in vinyl only, and I don't have a record player, so I couldn't get it. That's what happened at this CD store in real life. They used to have this awesome bin full of discount CDs for $3 or $4, and I'd always find good old-school grunge in there. But they got rid of the discount CD bin and added a ton of moldy-ass vinyl records. They also got rid of their band shirts and added RC cars and helicopters. Not going there again.
01/18 Direct Link
Life is realizing that you have a limited amount of time, so you do the most you can with the time that you have. Have fun in the time that you have. Spend your money in the time that you have. Help others in the time that you have. Show your love. Take a walk. Enjoy nature. All those cliche feel-good things that our pictures on Instagram and Pinterest say we do but we don't really do. We can't see the world through screens (and I'm speaking to myself when I say this). Write all you want. Live life.
01/19 Direct Link
When you read the work of a writer, you start to pick up on similarities between his works. It's like writers have recurring messages that won't get out of their head that they want to transmit to readers.

I dreamed that I was in something that looked like a Lady Gaga music video. A totally white room with a line of sinks like a hair salon, and a bunch of white metal chairs around a long white table. The king sat in one of the chairs. He was perfectly pale with brilliant blue eyes. But how did I know he was the king?
01/20 Direct Link
It's supposed to snow a lot where I live, so I may be trapped inside my house working from home. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but the ergonomics at home aren't as good as the ones at work. (I was going to say that the economics aren't as good, but that would be weird.)†

I am kind of sad that Ben Carson's campaign seems to be losing steam and he's not getting as good poll numbers. He seems like such a nice guy--as Sean Hannity said, he's too nice for politics. Too nice to be the president.
01/21 Direct Link
Unfinished business. A new recurring dream has popped up in my subconscious because I still feel as though I have unfinished business with certain people/persons. The dream is annoying because it's so realistic that I feel like some of the events in it happened in real life, then something in real life demonstrates to me that the stuff in the dream never happened. So I get disappointed.†

Sometimes I get jealous of people who go out on weekends. I mean, I could go out on weekends, but there's nowhere to go and I'm too lazy to plan. Stupid reason for jealousy.
01/22 Direct Link
Right now, there is an ice storm going on. Fortunately, the power's still on and the heat still works. Trees are coated in ice and hanging all over the road, leaning precariously close to the roofs of houses and cars, and shaking violently when it rains, throwing pieces of ice everywhere. Scary stuff. Makes me think of some YA dystopia novel where we live in a new ice age. I hear Washington, DC, is getting the worst of this storm. Maybe, just maybe, might it have something to do with all the smarmy politicians? The world may never know.†
01/23 Direct Link
The weather fun is supposed to continue, but I haven't seen a flake of snow yet. Just sleet. I have 1,000 words to write in my story, but I feel so far away from it. The last time I wrote was on Sunday, and I guess I have to write every day or at least every other day to feel connected to my story. I'm writing three different stories, but I'm not writing enough of them to feel any true attachment to them. I have to write for hours to feel connected, to feel immersed in the fictional world.
01/24 Direct Link
For some odd reason, my coffee tastes like battery acid. Perhaps the sugar hasn't fully absorbed or the cream is starting to go sour. (Speaking of which, I hate sour cream. Even on tacos.) Had epic productivity yesterday in terms of my latest WiP. I even gave it a working title that will probably be changed. I like to name everything I write after male biblical characters, so this will most likely change to fit that theme. Also, going to the Spanish Mass at 12 today because I am hoping the ice will melt off my car by then.†
01/25 Direct Link
In a way, NaNoWriMo took the solitude out of writing. It kind of bugs me when you're in a home region, and your ML sends you all these messages about write-ins and get togethers, and I'm just sitting here like, "The main reason I like writing is because it's something I can do alone. The last thing I want to do is turn something I love into a dreaded group activity." I know not everyone feels that way, and those write-ins might only be group procrastination sessions, but still. Makes me feel like I oughtta go just 'cause.
01/26 Direct Link
This is about to be a TMI post. Time of the month has arrived, and dang it's painful. Usually it's not so bad, and I thank the Lord every time that I'm not one of those people who is literally incapacitated by it. Even so, it's plain old not fun. Just wanna drink tea, curl up in bed, and wait till it's over.

Also, I don't like those euphemisms people have for the time of the month. Like "monthly visitor," "crimson tidal wave," "riding the cotton pony" and other dumb crap I've heard. Call it what it is: menstruation.†
01/27 Direct Link
I'm reading Harvest Home, which is super creepy and apparently had a TV miniseries based off it. From looking on IMDB, I can see that the miniseries got fairly good ratings. Doesn't make me want to see it, though. I'm weird in that I can't stand horror movies, but I really enjoy horror novels. I guess my own mental images aren't as gory or nasty as the ones in the books.†

One of my favorite coworkers is leaving. I'm happy for him that he's going into a new position, but it's sad knowing that I'll never work with him again.
01/28 Direct Link
Yet another GOP debate is coming on tonight, with or without Trump. I keep getting the feeling that he's trolling. That he's all of a sudden going to drop out of the race like "I fooled you! All you rednecks who went to my rallies!" And then we are going to be left with Ted Cruz against Hillary or Bernie. I think I'm at the point where I'd rather see Bernie win the Democratic nomination than Hillary. I'm tired of these dynasty politicians and the establishment. Ted Cruz seems like he's establishment even though everyone says that he is not.
01/29 Direct Link
I had my entire blog post for tomorrow (actually today--I'm writing on Saturday) all written and I forgot to forward it to myself, and now I can't get into my work inbox. I guess I could try to get to it from my phone; I used to be able to do that in past, but I'm thinking I won't be able to do that either. And I hate accessing stuff on my phone because the screen is so tiny and I don't like plucking out passwords. What a freakin' first world problem. Hope this isn't a bad omen for today.
01/30 Direct Link
I was thinking that it's Friday night, and I need to go out somewhere. Back when I had a boyfriend, Friday night was our time (sometimes it was Saturday night but whatever). Cuddle time or talk time or go out to a fast food place time. (We were broke.) And that's the only thing I really miss about a relationship. Being close enough to someone to be able to share all the mundane parts of life with them. Talking to the other person and knowing that they "get" you. It's so easy for some people to cultivate those relationships but not for me.
01/31 Direct Link
I saw Thursday's debate last night. My favorites are (1) Ben Carson (2) Jeb Bush (3) Chris Christie (4) Rand Paul. I know that Ben doesn't have the experience needed to be president, but I like him as a person. In truth, I'd probably vote for the GOP candidate most likely to defeat Hillary, but I'm not sure who that is yet. My first impression of Ted Cruz wasn't that great, and neither was my first impression of Marco Rubio. I still think Kasich is awesome, but he's so understated and somewhat generic. Still don't know what to think about Trump.