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Advent is upon us and Christmas is coming, so thus begins the madness of the biggest holiday. I have this debate with myself over whether Easter or Christmas is the more important Christian holiday. I personally like Easter better because it doesn't have as much materialism associated with it, but am beginning to think that Christmas is more important - after all, if Christ was never born, how could he have died for all our sins on Good Friday? But then again, Christ could have chosen not to die. But he did because he loves us and he fulfilled God's command.
And I get to listen to Christmas music now that it's officially the holiday season. None of that crappy secular music though, or religious songs sung by celebrities who are anything but religious. I could not listen to a Lady Gaga or a Mariah Carey Christmas album. Sorry - not my thing. A Josh Groban Christmas album I could stand; he doesn't seem to get himself into trouble like so many of these other outrageous celebrities these days. Gregorian chant is always a good choice for the holidays, or for any time, really. It is so soothing, mystical, and oddly powerful.
I am going to listen to the same Christmas songs over and over again on repeat so that they will stay in my head and help me with the Christmas spirit.
On a totally unrelated note, I got a new monitor at work and it's so bright and so huge that I'm having a hard time adjusting. I've adjusted the brightness so it's not so blinding, but it's a widescreen monitor, and I feel like I don't really need that. Oh, well - it's the standard monitor that everyone has. And I suppose monitors will only get bigger over time.
There are mosquitoes in December where I live. Seriously. This usually doesn't happen. I was sitting in my room trying to write and all of a sudden, I see this tiny winged creature floating through the air. Before the thought registered that it was a mosquito, it disappeared behind my monitor and I didn't see it again. I'm pretty sure it bit me several times throughout the night, so now I have to bear in mind that because there was one mosquito, there are probably many more others. And there are fleas in December, too. Oh, the fleas are horrible!
Some days, I'm just not in the best mood. This is one of those days. It might have something to do with the dream I had last night, which I will not recount here. Or it might have something to do with general thoughts that have been in my head. Or hormones. Blaming everything on PMS is a good strategy, and I'm pretty sure that's actually what I can blame this on. Usually, I'm in a fairly good mood. I would say I'm happy 90 to 95 percent of the time. I guess this is the 10 percent I'm not.
Depression hits hardest during the holidays. I guess it's because of all the nostalgia of holidays past and special times with people you may no longer have in your life. I get nostalgic at the holidays myself, and it's mostly because I've never had much of my family around for them. My family never travels, so it's just the four of us, and that's fine. But every now and again, I wish the extended family could all be together on the holidays; that would make me very happy. But we are scattered to the four winds, so it's not likely.
Most of the time, the work week seems to go pretty quickly. This one seems to be going on and on forever, probably because it's near the holidays. So far, it looks like I'll essentially have the office to myself on New Year's Eve and the day after Christmas. And that's a good thing, but if I run out of work, there won't be anyone around to point me to something to do. Oh, well. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
I am saddened by the world. I don't want to say anything much more than that.
I forgot to write on the 8th, so I'm really writing this on the 9th. Ha, I cheat. Anyway... I'm glad that I'm finally getting somewhere with my WiP. I go through periods of this: I love writing it, then I have writer's block and I can't stand to write a single word, then I love it again, so on and so forth, ad infinitum. (That might become my new favorite Latin phrase.) Now that whole "ownership" thing has come back into my head. Who owns the story? Me, who wrote it, or the guy who had the idea?
Back to the concept of ownership... if not for the single seed of an idea, then a story would not have been written. But if not for the writing, the story would remain just a single seed of an idea, worthless unless it's documented, recorded, and somehow set down. You cannot put copyright on ideas, but you can put it on a piece of writing that is physically there. So do I own the story since I wrote it? Or does he own the story because he had the initial idea that started it? It's a debate I wage constantly...
It feels funny being at work at the crack of dawn when nobody else is here. I suppose that's how it's going to feel on New Year's Eve. Most everyone is taking off that day, but I'm not. It'll be good to work on a day when nobody's around, as silly as that sounds. And the day after Christmas - St. Stephen's Day - most everyone is going to be gone then, too. I guess they'll all be taking down their Christmas decorations and playing with their new toys. I'm excited for the holidays and the new year. It'll be fun.
In December, pageviews on my site always drop off. I guess it's got something to do with holiday preparation, traveling, spending time with family... and that's all well and good. Getting off the Internet now and then is great. I personally love the days when I can avoid the computer entirely, but at the same time, I have this voice nagging at me that I've got to get back on and write or do something productive, whihc usually devolves into me mindlessly surfing sites like Tumblr, trying to remember why I got on the Internet in the first place. *sigh*
Society tells you that it is important to have a lot of friends, to meet up with those friends and go out and party and chill and have a few drinks.
Reality tells me that I have no energy, no incentive, and really no time to go out and see friends. First off, I have a grand total of one friend and, quite honestly, that's all the social interaction I need. I get enough of it at work.
I'd rather spend my Saturday writing than going out and socializing and catching up. In society's eyes, does that make me antisocial?
It's December 13. That means I have five full workdays left before Christmas break. The sad part is that I know I am an adult now; I don't want any kind of physical or material present for Christmas. I will just be content with some time off work to enjoy the things and people that I already do have in my life. I bought myself a Nintendo DS and some games last year and I am still playing with it like it is new; I barely have time for it, so I'll be happy to spend time with those games.
My heart is broken by the news of the shooting that happened at the elementary school in Connecticut. I don't know why these things keep happening. I have theories, and everyone has their own theory on why, but only God knows what the truth is. I think it has a lot to do with the decay of moral values. The liberal media will tell you that "moral values" never existed. But if each person was judged by his own morals, there would be no hell and no heaven, and quite possibly no God at all. Morality exists, to me, anyway.
I've always wondered what it would be like if you woke up in someone else's body, but with your own thoughts and memories. Like if I woke up in Kate Middleton's body. Or Taylor Swift's. Or someone as mundane as my next door neighbor. If you could have a day in their life, what would you do? Would you destroy their life? Change it for the better? I think that a lot of good (and evil) would be thrust upon the world if that were to happen; quite possibly more good and evil that already happen in our own bodies.
I don't like books where the author continually pushes a "hidden" agenda. I just finished a book like that and I read the reviews on Amazon to see if anyone else felt like the author was pushing an agenda, and yes, some people did agree with me, so I felt less alone in that regard. I hope that my writing doesn't feel like I'm trying to push some kind of agenda, and I hope that whoever ends up critiquing my story will let me know if they feel like it does. I'm not that type of writer. I don't preach.
I was writing a scene for my story and was reminded of Slipknot's music video for Vermilion Part 2, where the girl seems to blow away in the wind. It's sad, but in a way it makes you think about all the people you see every day who are dead inside - just husks walking around without any life. Yes, they may smile and laugh, but in reality there is nothing there. And you never know the pain these people are feeling until they leave the world. And even then... you may still never know. Philosophical for a Monday morning...
Only three more days until a four-day weekend and I'm excited. In other news, I had my phone for a little over a year and just recently, it's begun losing its charge. Why? I'm not sure. I haven't even dropped it once. I barely used it to begin with; it's not like the thing saw heavy use. If I have to pay for a new one, I'll get irritated. I'm thinking of not even having a phone anymore after that, but I guess I should still have one anyway, in case of an emergency. Enough about my phone now.
I thought I had written my 100 words for today. I guess not. I just realized I left my flash drive at work, but it's not that big a deal because I always keep a backup of my files. The terrible thing would be if I had dropped it on the floor and someone picked it up or threw it away by mistake. It is a cute little rubber things shaped like a panda, so I don't think someone would throw away something so cute, but there are crazy people out there. Boy, I can't wait until Friday. So excited!
I hope autistic people are not further stigmatized by the news reports of the Connecticut shooting that say the shooter had autism/Asperger's. I don't think he had that - well, he might have, but he probably had something else going on as well. Every person with autism/Asperger's I have ever known as never been inclined to hurt anyone. They are more likely to be the ones to get hurt or picked on. My best friend is autistic and I know for a fact he would never pick up a gun and go on a shooting rampage. It's so unlikely.
It's the last day of the world. What are you going to do to celebrate your last day? On Twitter, people have been posting confessions, mostly about stupid things. I posted a confession too, but I won't repeat it here. Not that it was a deep, dark confession, but that it was too silly to repost.
For the record, I don't believe the world is ending today; there's too much that can still happen. There has to be that whole big ending scene, with fires and floods and earthquakes and all your general apocalypse stereotypes. Then the world will end.
I have survived the end of the world! Best accomplishment of the year! /end sarcasm. Basically, I don't have anything to say right now, except I'm wondering why my outdoor cat is so mean when he's indoors, but when he's outdoors, he will come up to you and purr and rub up against your ankles and pick him up and pet him. But when he's inside, he turns into a hissing, spitting, nasty creature. I guess he feels trapped inside the house. And he starts destroying things and eating whatever he can find, whether it's alive or dead. Kinda scary.
I think I'm going to do a Nuzlocke Challenge on one of my Pokemon games... I just have yet to pick the game. Maybe on Sapphire. Or on Pearl. Not quite sure yet. I still have to beat the Elite Four on Fire Red (for some reason, my team is really weak) and I have to defeat the Elite Four on HeartGold, too. My team on there is not quite as weak, but they could still use more leveling. I have a freakin' Sudowoodo on my team, for heaven's sake. I don't know why I wanted her on my team.
Merry Christmas Eve! I had a very bizarre dream where my parents were trying to arrange a marriage between me and this guy who had been in jail since 1970, so many years before I was born! He was a total creep and the only reason they wanted me to marry him was because he was Italian. My whole family rode on this creepy elevator to the jail's basement, but I didn't want to go. I ran away and came upon a pregnant woman outside. She started to go into labor. I bet that has layers and layers of symbolism.
It's Christmas time once again. I went to midnight Mass and still managed to get up fairly early in the morning. (Obscenely early to some, and relatively late to others, but it doesn't matter.) I did not get any physical presents, really. I got a few, but they are not what matters. What matters most is spending the time with your family and friends and appreciating the things that you have. Why would you want more? This is America - we already have the things we truly need... food, air, shelter, water, clothing. It is not a time for selfish wants.
Something miraculous happened today; it was raining on the way to work, but it wasn't raining all that hard when I was actually driving. So I got to work and parked the car and got all my stuff out and started walking toward the building. The rain picked up, and just as I got under the awning, rain started pouring down and it's still pouring, so my timing was perfect! Little things like that make me happy. It's also the feast of St. Stephen, who was the first martyr. I think I might post about that on my blog later.
I hate being so tired my eyes can hardly focus. I'm one of those people who needs something like eight and a half or nine hours of sleep each night to be fully functional the next day. Eight doesn't cut it for me. I know a lot of people who brag about how they only need five or six hours, but they're the ones who chug Mountain Dew, coffee, and energy drinks throughout the day. I only have one cup of coffee in the morning and that gets me the spark I need. So that works well for me.
I realize that my blog doesn't get as many views when I post something of a religious nature or something about spirituality. I'm not mad about that, especially since I'm supposed to be writing about writing. I just find it funny. I think if I posted about politics, the same thing would likely happen. You don't discuss religion and politics unless you're sure that it would be polite to do so... and it rarely is. Unless you're on a forum. On forums, they debate anything, no holds barred, and it doesn't end well. Threads get locked and people get mad.
Sometimes I get the urge to talk in random accents for no reason at all. I talk in a Chinese/Asian accent all the time. Sometimes I start talking in a Russian or German or British accent. I don't do it to make fun of people; I just do it because it amuses me. American accents amuse me, too. I like listening to people with really heavy Northern or Southern accents; even my parents. They have Northern accents and I like to imitate those, too. I have no idea what kind of accent I have, or whether it's been imitated.
We are getting closer and closer to the year's end. Do you make resolutions? A lot of people make resolutions, many of them having something to do with weight loss or dieting or getting more exercise or eating healthy. But the more important question is: do you keep your resolutions? For the most part, I do. There was one resolution I made last year that turned out to be impossible for me to keep, what with my changing work situation and all. But other than that, I keep them. My resolutions help set the right path for the new year.
2012 was a good year. I can't complain at all. Things that would have been terrifyingly bad turned out for the best. I could try and break the whole year down into these 100 words, but I won't. That would be a herculean task. I got a new job. I shed my old boyfriend, but I still haven't shed the 8 years worth of memories that come with him. I don't know how I will do that; I think I might just throw out my old journals and all those things that remind me of him. Total erasure is best.
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