09/01 Direct Link

Have you ever seen a person with an ugly look on their face, like they're mad at the world and hate humanity?

When that person smiles, it's like heaven. Usually people like that have beautiful smiles, but they just don't show them enough.

That's why you should always treat others well; you never know what that other person may be going through. You never know how much one smile or a few kind words from you could brighten their day.

There's so much ugliness in the world. Let's not perpetuate it. Let's start with beauty - lots and lots of beauty.
09/02 Direct Link

It's a pickled Japanese fruit that's supposed to be really sour and salty. I've never had the pleasure of consuming one, but hey, I'd probably try it if I went to Japan.

Why would you go to a foreign country and not sample any of their native dishes?

Keep an open mind to new foods. What may look repulsive may taste delicious and may be very good for you.

The Japanese are known for their healthy diet - lots of fish and rice. Some people are squeamish about sushi, but again, it's well worth it!

Have a great day, lovely people!
09/03 Direct Link

It's easy to be embarrassed when you're in high school or middle school. I should have been more embarrassed over a lot of the stupid things I did when I was younger. I made a bad impression on a lot of people - not that it matters now, of course.

I wish I could go back in time and slap myself and say, "Don't you realize what an idiot you're being?"

My unabashed idiocy did show people that I wasn't quiet all the time and that I had a personality some of the time, but still... I'm embarrassed for my behavior.
09/04 Direct Link
Under the Rain

When I met you, I was under the rain
I'd been so used to it
and couldn't sense it anymore.
I would not know what sunshine was
if someone opened a window.
Light would burn my face
and I would question
the sun.

Under the rain is where it's
safe, and then you were there
in my vision.
I thought you were the sun.
Everything about you shone so
brilliant. You cast away the
clouds, sent them on their way

And so you took me home.
Your voice was home, so clear
like sunlight and I could not believe
the sunshine wanted so badly
to give me a shadow.
09/05 Direct Link
Under Your Blanket

Don't crawl under the covers with me, 'cause I'm a relentless tease! I'll drag you up and bring you straight back down - leave you crushed and frustrated...

but seriously. I do wish I had a boyfriend again sometimes. But at this point in my life, I still think I'm better off single and trying to find out who I am. We all need to love ourselves fully before we can love anyone else.

I'm 22. I've still got time before the biological clock starts ticking. Still plenty of time to find someone I can hide under blankets with.
09/06 Direct Link

What pisses me off...

people who make fun of my best friend, who has autism. I know that some of what he does is strange and can be easily misinterpreted. You may find some of what he does offensive.

Heck, I did too, when I first met him. But I tried to understand. When people act odd, there's usually a reason behind it. Autism is a legitimate reason.

Moral of the story: Don't pick on someone unless you understand what's going on with them. Try to understand first. That way, you won't misinterpret and there won't be any hard feelings.
09/07 Direct Link
If we were still dating, we would have been dating for 6 years today. I'm still glad we've broken up. It was the best decision I ever made - well, at least in my college years.

But I'm still waiting for the days when I know I'll feel guilty for breaking it off. I hope those days never come. I don't think I could handle them.

I'll admit it:

I'm terrible at communicating, I push others away, I'm introverted to the extreme - and I no longer believe in love.

You were too blind to see those things.

I don't hate you.

09/08 Direct Link

That's such a generic word. I have nothing to write for it. Well, to be honest, things are coming to mind, but I just can't pick one to focus on. Then kill the prompt.

I broke down. I'm currently reading The Host by Stephenie Meyer, hoping that it will be better than the Twilight series. So far, it's really science-fictionish and I'm not into that genre, but it's OK.

Huge book, by the way. The hardcover version I have is 619 pages. That's one hell of a time commitment, unless you're the type of person who zooms through books.
09/09 Direct Link

The number one thing that's irritating me right now is employers who don't get back to you after an interview.

They say they will. They tell you they'll get back with you within the next week, but two weeks go by and I hear no response.

I'd rather hear a rejection than not hear anything at all. That's just plain rude. It lowers my opinion of the company and its employees.

Oh, another thing: not getting any feedback on how you interviewed. I'd love to hear some unanimous feedback from all these companies I've interviewed with so far. But no.
09/10 Direct Link
Under Your Skin

When I was in seventh grade, I had no friends. By choice. I didn't want friends. I was a loner. I drew happiness from doing well in school and pleasing my teachers. (And laughing at all the middle school insanity that went on every day.)

I remember being suspicious of everyone. Nobody could be my friend because I never trusted them. I always thought they'd stab me in the back.

To this day, I don't know why I was so paranoid. Maybe, under my skin, there is a girl who wants friends.

Nope. Today I'm still a loner.
09/11 Direct Link
Unexpected Twist of Fate

OK, so today is September 11. It's been 9 years since the tragedy and I can still remember where I was when I heard about it.

I was in 8th grade, sitting in Algebra, which was getting ready to start. The TV was on, turned to CNN, as it always was, and I saw the plane smash into the building.

At first, I didn't think it was real. I thought it was some kind of... I don't know what I thought. I just couldn't believe it.

God bless all those whose families were involved in the tragedy.
09/12 Direct Link
Unexpected Visitor

To tell the truth, I'd rather have unexpected visitors randomly show up at my house than have a visit from someone planned.

With an unexpected visitor, you have to let them in. You can't worry about whether your house is clean or dirty.

When you expect visitors, you might spend time stressing out about their visit - you might go crazy trying to clean and plan and put things in order - you invest a lot of time.

The beauty of unexpected visits, especially from good friends, is that they bring sudden joy into your life.

Hey, I really like surprises.
09/13 Direct Link

My friend has a huge crush on me that we both know about. Unfortunately, I have absolutely nothing for him in terms of romantic feelings.

He keeps dreaming about me.

I rarely dream about him.

I keep unexpectedly having dreams about guys I used to know way back when - in middle school, in elementary school - and it makes me wonder what they're up to now.

I don't have Facebook because there's nobody I really care to keep in touch with, so I can't look them up there. (I wouldn't really want to, anyway.)

But still, I do wonder about them.
09/14 Direct Link

It's not that I have a hard time forgiving people. I just have a hard time liking them again after I've forgiven them. Maybe that means I haven't really forgiven them at all.

I really miss having a girl friend. She was the only real girl friend I ever had, and she never really liked me.

"She hated you." - Words from another girl friend, and yes, there was that emphasis on the word hated.

If only the boyfriend (now ex) hadn't gotten in the way. If only she hadn't been after him...

maybe I could forgive her and be friends.
09/15 Direct Link

Ah, men in uniform! Out of the four "boyfriends" I've had in my lifetime, three of them wore uniforms, for one reason or another. The only one who didn't was K., who had no school spirit and wasn't patriotic at all.

I think, if I wasn't 5'3" and 90 pounds with a screwed-up right leg, I'd join the military. Put on the uniform and do some service to my country. Maybe I'd learn whatever language they speak in Afghanistan, then go over and be a translator - at least it's something to do with languages.

My job prospects aren't good.
09/16 Direct Link

I keep thinking about that article in the news recently about Stephen Hawking and his new book, The Grand Design. The thought that someone as intelligent as Hawking just announced that "the universe can and will create itself out of nothing" is scary to me.

But then again, God is a mystery. Nobody knows or can know anything about him. Not even Hawking. Not Bill Gates, not Noam Chomsky, not even the smartest person in the world.

Maybe we're probing too far with all this scientific research. Maybe it's just too much for us.
09/17 Direct Link

You said you were a lesbian. Now that I think about it, you did act effeminate. You weren't the typical guy.

You wore eyeliner, you wore nail polish, and you gossiped and giggled like a girl.

You disgust me. You're a man. Act like it. I keep thinking of you, shaking my head in disgust. I keep dreaming of you, the way your voice would get all soft like a woman's.

I don't think you know what you are. You're unnecessary to me now, so I'm going to try not to care.

It's hard when I keep dreaming about you.
09/18 Direct Link
Up A Lazy River With Me

^ What the heck? Are those song lyrics?

Whatever. I don't feel like turning to Google for yet another answer to a question.

I think we've all become far too dependent on Google. As a matter of fact, we've become too dependent on computers.

I'm not advocating shutting everything off - good heavens, the world would stop!

But just shutting the computer/cell phone/laptop off for an hour or two every day...

I think that might make a little bit of difference. It sounds cliche, but we should read a book or take a walk.
09/19 Direct Link
Up Yours, Baby

The middle finger. I didn't really know what it meant until 10th grade. I mean, I knew it was rude, of course, and I knew I should never do it, but that was before I started hanging out with a certain group of people.

I had the worst judgment when I was in 10th, 11th and 12th grades. I think I was honestly smarter as a high school freshman. That was before high school really brought me down and made me feel stupid.

Thinking back, it doesn't matter now. None of it does. I'm glad I got through.
09/20 Direct Link
Urge To Kill Rising

There are only a few people at whom I am capable of getting so mad I feel like I could kill them.

My ex (you hear about him a lot on this "blog") - I haven't seen him since January and haven't heard from him since July, but he still makes me incredibly angry.

My ex best friend (you hear a lot about her, too) - Haven't seen her in well over a year because she was too cowardly to say her hateful words about me to my face.

I'm working on forgiving them. They should forgive me, too.
09/21 Direct Link

I thought I had found utopia in 2004, when I was 15/16. You can't be truly happy at that age because it's still too young to know who you are - or maybe that's just me.

But at any rate, I had found a happy point in my life where I was content with things. I had all the friends I could handle at one time, my grades were good, I had a way to communicate with people over the summer, and I had confidence.

I was single. Single was always much happier for me than being in a relationship.
09/22 Direct Link

The best part about vacation is coming home after vacation. Two years ago, I spent a week in California with my uncle and some other relatives.

The main reason I was so glad to be home was because I wasn't used to the California weather. It was nice weather, but it would have taken me more than week to get used to.

The other reason... the plane ride really affected my ears and I was essentially deaf the entire trip. Even today, when I'm riding down a steep hill in the car, my ears still pop. They're that sensitive now.
09/23 Direct Link

I think we all have moments when we wish we could disappear into nothingness. Maybe because we've been embarrassed, maybe because there's been an awkward moment, maybe we've just said something totally obvious.

Ever since I've vanished from Facebook, only two of my friends from there have bothered to find me elsewhere or keep in touch with me at all.

Granted, most of your Facebook "friends" aren't really your friends. Only about 5% of them are people who actually care about you. And we should never take those people for granted.

We shouldn't want to vanish from them for long.
09/24 Direct Link

When I was a little girl (about 7-8 years old), my favorite stuffed animal was a black dog named Velvet. I named him Velvet probably because his fur was softer than the fur of any stuffed animal I had ever owned before.

Stuffed animals were probably my favorite toys growing up. I liked anything to do with dogs. I collected gemstones and rocks. I was fascinated with them (still am today).

I don't have much of a CD collection, especially compared to some people I know, but that's not the point. The point is to enjoy what you have.
09/25 Direct Link

It was a moment of victory... graduating at the top of my class. I would have been a valedictorian, if only I hadn't spent two years at community college first.

But technically, I am a valedictorian of my class at my alma mater. And what do I have to show for it? No job yet, a whole stack of unpublished writing, and over a thousand unpublished poems.

Some writer out there said "nothing stinks like a pile of unpublished writing" and it's true. I don't like walking into my room and breathing in the decay.

Let's get this stuff published.
09/26 Direct Link

"Vile" is one of those words I wish I remembered to use more in everyday conversation. It's an anagram of "live" and "evil," which I find interesting.

Anagrams have always intrigued me. I'd spend hours in high school when I was bored in class or something writing out peoples' names on sheets of paper and rearranging them until they said something interesting.

It was always hard to do with names like Zac. What do you do with the Z? Or names like Quincy. What happens to the Q?

If I had the time, I'd probably still do anagrams today.
09/27 Direct Link

I try my best not to be a violent person. I'm not really given to anger. As a matter of fact, I'm scared to death when people get angry and I'll do near about anything to try and calm them down.

Violence is the by-product of anger, but there is also violence out of boredom or violence for the sake of being violent.

Another naive idealism, but why can't there be a medicine to get rid of angry thoughts and violence and jealousy and negativity? Why can't there be a cure for war?

Maybe, in the future there will...
09/28 Direct Link

I like reading the books in the Bible where there are prophetic visions. I like Ezekiel, Daniel, Revelations... and parts of John because the tone is so different than the other three Gospels.

But the great question is... do dreams mean anything? I think that certain dreams do and you know when you have a very powerful dream that yes, it does mean something.

I've had a few dreams come true before and not because I made them come true after having them; they were prophetic. That's why I do believe that God created dreams to tell us important things.
09/29 Direct Link

I've never been a vocal person. I am quiet.

Most people don't seem to trust quiet people - or think they have something to hide.

When I was out with my ex's family, they would always make some kind of comment about how quiet I was. It irritated me; they were never quiet. There was too much talking and too little listening in that house. I was always the listener.

Listening is valuable and something we should all learn to do better. It'll make us look less ignorant.

Quiet people aren't all that bad after all. We're just not as vocal.

09/30 Direct Link
Voices In My Head

That's a major theme of the story I'm in the middle of writing (actually the story I've been writing in some variation since 2004). My main character sleeps with her boyfriend and starts hearing the voices of all his past conquests in her head. It's a horrible torment and she never knows when she's going to hear the voices or when it will be quiet inside her head.

I think there's some wrestling theme song about the "voices in my head - they talk to me" or something. Wrestling makes me sick to my stomach; it's so fake.