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One time, my cat infested me with little tiny ticks that were just a wee bit bigger than the periods in this writing. They bit me and clung to me and were generally the worst little buggers ever. Their bites itched about ten times worse than a bite from a normal sized tick and about ten thousand times worse than mosquito bites. Just when I thought I had pried them all off, more seemed to just appear out of thin air. The bites itched for a really long time, no matter how much calamine lotion I put on - so annoying!
There's a few people I want to say this to - but I really don't have many enemies. There are a few people I just want to slap because they're always so silly and act so stupid, but other times, it's amusing to watch their antics and thank God I'm no longer that immature. Hopefully. It's repugnant to watch them and imagine that I was once that ridiculous and embarrassing to be around. OK, you people are 22-19 years old. It's time you grew the hell up and started thinking into the future for more than five minutes!
I have never been on a boat (wow, I immediately thought of that Lonely Island song where they were making fun of T-Pain's Autotuned voice). I don't think I'd ever want to be on a boat. Out of all the transportation options out there, I'd rather take a car or a train. I love long car rides, especially if I have good music to listen to. I don't like the plane too much because my ears pop and it generally feels like torture - I get really affected by the pressure. I want to ride in a car now.
I am searching for happiness. All I want is a good and simple life with just enough money to take care of what I need. I don't need or want many material things. I don't really care if I get married or not. I want to live by myself with just one cat and a steady job as an editor or writer somewhere. I need to live close by a church. I don't need many friends. I'll only be satisfied when I attain this level of happy stasis. Until then, I'll be searching forever, but hopefully I will settle down.
There is a certain guy I miss - I wish he and I could have a secret encounter. At all times during the day, I catch myself having the most unrealistic daydreams about him. I have to mentally slap myself all the time to stop them. It's been so long since I've had a crush on anyone - and I wouldn't even consider this a crush, since it's about as hopeless as having a crush on a celebrity. Still, it doesn't stop my mind from going off on tangents every time I hear something even vaguely related to this certain guy.
Secret Fetish (Cary)
Haha. As if I will ever reveal my secret fetish - wait! I don't even have one, I swear! If this is a sexual thing, that is. I do missionary. That's it. No creepy kinky shit. If you knew me, you'd think otherwise, but I promise. I'm normal and boring in the sack just like everyone else. But if you're talking about another kind of secret fetish... I really like cheese. Honestly. Almost everything I eat has to have cheese on it or with it in some form. I cannot live without cheese. I'd literally die without it.
It's impossible to have any secrets at my house. I have two little sisters and they can find out anything. They're twins and so nosy that if they cared and wanted to, they could find out all the secrets of the universe in five seconds flat. They could find out all the celebrity gossip that people are dying to know - is Lady Gaga really a transvestite? - and spit it back out to the press. I hope my little sisters become international spies, but they're good at finding things out, but not at keeping them quiet and to themselves.
I need to be calmed down. Every day I have to tell myself to "chill the fuck out" and "calm the fuck down." It's ridiculous. I keep telling myself that I'll be calm once I get my midterms over - and that will happen at approximately 11:20 today. Maybe once I'm on spring break (just one more week) I'll finally be able to relax a little before I get into the stressful land of searching for a job and just trying to start setting my adult life in order. Things are going to change and it's going to be fast.
It's been too long - the sweet seduction of a guy... I miss it, but at the same time I'm incredibly relieved that I didn't jump the gun before everything was figured out. So happy. Every day I thank God that I did not fall into seduction. I am praying and hoping that everything will fall into place after this because it's the one thing I just can't get out of my head. But... they are young and they are jumping the gun. Who gets engaged after dating for almost 2 weeks? Only my ex... so desperate. Hope it works out.
I don't get angry that much anymore (knock on wood). My "anger" usually comes out in jealousy. Jealousy is essentially my anger. If I ever appear angry, it's usually because I'm feeling jealousy in some form or other. Then, there are those weird emotions where you can swear you're angry, but something comes around and you bounce right back. Rather than getting angry, I just get either sad or jealous. I have righteous anger, but that's not the same thing as seeing red - at least not to me. Righteous anger is a good kind of anger because it's right.
When I get sad, (I try to be awesome instead) I sit in my room and just cry until I feel like I can get over it. I hate having people see me cry. I used to cry all the time, usually over stupid stuff with my ex, but now that we've broken up, I don't really cry anymore. It's not the same type of tears. The last time I cried was Saturday, when I fell and hurt my knee - like a little kid, I know. I'd rather cry over a physical injury than abuse to my heart, though.
I admit. I can be awfully selfish a lot of the time. It's probably one of the reasons why I can never stay in a relationship for a really long time. I just want too much for myself and hardly ever think of the other person. Even so, I can't give up on guys. I go after them like the positive end of a magnet attracting to the negative end. I can't help it. It just happens. I charm them and they follow me where I go. It's perfect... until I start acting selfish again. They dump me...
They're my precious children. I'm sensitive to their needs. They don't know how hard I work for them and how much it hurts when I can't get them what they want. I should blame myself, but I blame my ex-husband. It's his fault that these children are not all they can be. If only he hadn't left, but at the same time, I understand his reasoning. However, I will hold this grudge forever. I loved that man. The kids adored him. They will never forgive him for leaving, especially now, after what he's done to their futures.
Seul Choix (Nathan)
I read about the
eul Choix lighthouse after a careful Google search. To be perfectly honest, I'm not really into lighthouses or any place high up, for that matter. I'm scared of heights, ever since that time when my mother brought me to the top of the Empire State Building when I must have been four or five. It just looked like such a long way down... I do like the feeling of safety that a lighthouse must have - to be out at sea and see the beacon of the lighthouse must be a real comfort.
Seven Deadly Sins (Ethan)
Don't ask me to list the seven deadly sins. I couldn't tell you. I don't care much about sinning. I don't pay attention to whether the things I do are sins or not. If they feel good to me, then it's a go in my book. I don't believe in hell. If anything, this experience on earth is hell, and after suffering through it for our whole lives, we should automatically be able to get into heaven; that is, if it even exists. If heaven existed, it would be somewhat like a Dicks' Sporting Goods store.
Ever since I turned about fifteen or sixteen, sex has been what's always on my mind. I can't shut it off, even though I can try. I lost my virginity at seventeen to a girl named Ally. She was a friend of one of my friends and was probably fucking him too. When I learned she was the whore of her school, I was ashamed, but it didn't stop me from having sex with her. By then, it was almost an addiction and I couldn't stop. She was available and willing and I was horny. Add them up.
Sex, Drugs, and Rock ‘n’ Roll (Sam)
That was the culture of the sixties. I want to say that it's not the culture of today, but that would be like lying. Sex is always going to be a factor; that's a no-brainer. Drugs... everyone's telling us drugs are bad, and we know they're bad, but there's still that idiot that's going to be into drugs anyway. Rock 'n' Roll is nice, but now it's more like mainstream pop and other fake Autotuned crap. Now, I suppose our culture is more like Sex, Self-Indulgence, and Autotune. I'm so funny.
The first person who ever told me I was sexy was Ally - a girl. I don't like the way she used me, but that won't stop me from loving her. She was my first real friend and I know she never meant to do the bad things she did. I wish I could sit down with her and have a heart-to-heart talk about all this. So much has happened in the past three years. Too much. I can't wait to get it all out in the open and stop hiding things. There's a reason for it.
I used to pretend my shadow was my best friend when I was a kid. He'd only come out at certain times of the day and he could shape-shift. He'd sometimes be bigger than me, or tall and skinny, or short and wide - and in my imagination, he could even change into the shape of a tree or a dog or anything I could think of. My siblings and I used to play with our shadows and with each others' shadows so much that the other kids in the neighborhood thought we were weird. It is odd...
Shall We Dance? (Maxine)
Dance? Are you kidding me? I'll never dance. It's not that I can't dance, it's just that I look like a fool doing it. I'll never do any kind of dancing; break dancing, ballroom dancing, slow dancing, you name it, I won't do it. I can dance OK from what everyone says, but I still feel like an idiot. I'd be the person at the party getting rapidly drunk, or at least pretending to be drunk - just acting like an idiot so other idiots won't ask me to dance. Seriously. Never ask me about dancing again.
Shikata Ga Nai (Peter)
Apparently means "it can't be helped" or "nothing can be done about it." I get that feeling a lot of the time. Rachel. I saw her waiting at the traffic light, for the pedestrian crosswalk signal to come on. I can't help that I love her. I saw her walking across the street. She must have lost patience, because she was darting in between cars and they were honking. I watched her with a pounding heart. I'd kill if something bad happened to her. I wanted to run across the street with her and grab her.
Yes, you were right all along and I should have listened to you. I didn't listen because you were younger than me - but I didn't realize that I was currently going through stupid mode and nothing you could have said would have made me change my mind. I wish I could go back in time and slap myself in the face - maybe I would have listened to you then. Oh, well. What's done is done and what's past is past. I can only realize it and not make the same stupid mistake twice. I won't be stupid again.
I can't stay in a shower too long unless the water is a decent temperature and/or a window or door is open. I will pass out and it's not a pleasant experience. I used to be able to stay in the shower for a pretty long time, and now it's just difficult for me to stay in there for more than 15 minutes. It's rather irritating. I wish I was normal, but I don't think there is one strict definition of that word; it's all very subjective - so we are all quite odd in our own little ways.
I only have one sibling - my younger brother. I love the kid, I really do. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a sister, either younger or older. I often wonder what it would be like to have an older brother. I think that would be all right - if I was younger, he could drive me places and I could hang out with his hot friends (you know all those teen movie cliches). If I had an older sister she could help me get through the minefield that is life - or at least give me some advice.
Sick in Bed
Because of the swine flu, we could not receive the blood of Christ in the communion at church. The precaution is being lifted this coming Sunday and Saturday, so we will once again be able to take both species of the Eucharist. Why they call it species, I have no idea. Probably means something like "types" or "kinds" in Latin. That ancient, dead, zombie language is something like my obsession. I am also quite obsessed with the way people with Northern accents say "horse." I do not know why. I am just really random this year, I guess.
Sick in the Head
I've been called crazy many times in my life. In high school, one of my friends called me "psychotic." I'm pretty sure she meant it as a joke. I acted pretty crazy in high school, as most teenagers will do to get attention. Now that I'm in college, I've calmed down, but like many college students, I worry about how my sanity will hold up - especially since final exams, papers, and graduation are coming up. I can't believe I'll officially be finished with school in May! It feels like just yesterday, I was in kindergarten. Time flies...
People say I breathe like some kind of loud farm animal. I have asthma. I don't know why they pick on me without even knowing anything about me. Dumbasses. I'm really not any better. I talk about people behind their backs all the time, but usually in a funny way - like just playfully making fun of them. I don't mean for it to be cruel... but then again, my bullies probably don't mean to be cruel either. Why is the human race so full of hypocritical losers? I wish I could just go away from all of them.
Peter is the silence. There is silence in his stare, in his embrace. Even when he speaks, he is still silent. His words are not expressive at all; they are only empty, full of nothing but air. His presence in a room is silence, even though he is a loud person, especially in the way he dresses. He communicates with me through the silence of a look, through the silence of my heart and he loves me because I am silent and not loud like the rest of the world. There is so much I want to say.
I love Christmas music - but only from December 1 - December 25. I don't like stores that play it before Thanksgiving is even over. Religious Christmas music (like "Silent Night") is my favorite. I don't care for songs like "Jingle Bell Rock" or any of the ones about Santa Claus. Children should be taught that Christmas is about Jesus and not about Santa Claus and getting presents.
On a random note, yet related to Christmas, I wondered why some atheists celebrate Christmas when they don't believe in God or Jesus. I don't mean to offend, I want to know.
That's the name of a pretty song by Kenny G. If it's not too cliched, I want that to be the first song to be danced to at my wedding - or else, I want that to be the song for the father-daughter dance. It's a gorgeous song. I also like looking at silhouettes and shadows on the road, how they morph and change depending on the lighting or lack of lighting. They're so poetic, and right now, I need all the inspiration I can get, considering I'm supposed to be writing a poem about a house I lived in.
I don't go skulking around. When I walk, I just walk. I walk to get out my energy, to watch people, and just to feel alive. I think, now that the weather is finally warm, I will go walking around campus today, just to see what I can see. I also have to go to the library and check out some books to use in researching two papers I have due at the end of April.
Shout-out to 100Words: why are there always such difficult transitions between monthly batches? It's April 6, and I'm just now writing 3/31.
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