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A Mystical Leaf of Sufi Afro Zen
Sitting in the dining area, incense burning, refrigerator humming, heater crackling, random cars passing by the area, the first day of December, henna in my beard, and my stomach is grumbling pretty much sums up the current moment now.
I took the red bulbs out of the light socket in the room which were geared towards my Red Pill Rabbit story for November.
I figured that since I made my fifty thousand word quota I should be rather content with that accomplishment.
Now I will enter another rabbit hole this month. Where will it take me? Only the Omniscient knows.
After I was done with my fifty thousand word novel entitled the Red Rabbit Hole, I wrote to myself
'now that I was quite familiar with the esoteric fire from without, it was now time to get acquainted with the esoteric fire from within. I was hoping that this time around that I would have a vision that was clear enough for me to act on. I felt like it was my only hope and where there is hope there is vision.'
I also stated to myself that The Red Pill Saga continues.
How deep does the rabbit hole go?
Going with the flow is about being aware and not on dwelling.
When I say dwell I am talking about that mindset that we tend to get ourselves in where we are too focused on things in our life that we cannot change.
An example of this would be dwelling on the past about how we should of did things differently and dwelling on the regrets of the past.
Or it could be getting all stressed out because you are dwelling on the future and being overly concerned about it while neglecting the very moment in which we live in.
Today's kakak's mom's birthday.
Am I going to call her or give her a card?
The answer to that question is no, and I don't know if she's back home or not.
In some ways I don't care, but I'm not going to say that I'm not concerned about her.
I had considered that if I really wanted to get my money back that I could take her to court, like how she had tried to take me to court to pay child support, when she was nowhere in the picture for ages and suddenly be the superhero 'Wonder Mom.'
I'm sitting at the kitchen table after eating a bowl of cereal while browsing through open internet pages that I can close down and thinking about what should I write about for today. I am also kind of feeling sleepy and thinking that I am better off getting some rest instead.
I want to minimalize my life of all the things that I have that I don't use or need. It's not a matter of me thinking that it would make me much happier, because I can already sense the peace and contentment in my life by thinking of it.
I moved the paper work stuff and scattered things that were on the floor out of my room to the living room.
I started to think about how I was going to get this done and had contemplated on dedicating eight hours towards it as though it was a nine to five job, but then something came to mind. The thought was that maybe it would not take eight hours.
I realized that the mere thought in my mind regarding accomplishing this goal taking for ever was actually a sabotage thought to my progress and the cause behind my procrastination.
I stopped at the grocery store to get the ingredients for the next chili dish I plan on making since we are running out of the lentil soup.
It looks like the new small teller bank is open now because they had some security guard standing outside of it.
I thought that if he got shot, would it have been worth the amount of money that was stolen or not stolen and would it have been worth the salary that he was making per hour.
No amount of wealth could equal up to your breathe in and breathe out life.
I skateboarded in my usual areas today; working on my nose manuals, varials, back side ollies to curbs, and towards getting my back side 180's a little bit higher.
I fell several times throughout the day and was so involved with my skateboarding that I did not want to come back home. I knew that I had to because I needed to prepare the black bean chili.
When I reached home I was exhausted and felt pain all over my body.
I soaked in a hot bath in the silence filled with Epsom salt while listening to some Shaman music.
It is mainly women who are saying that we need to stop being so controlling as men in our relationships with them.
In other words, stop being a man and don't tell me what to do.
Have you ever wondered why when you listen to women you suffer and she suffers too, because when men listen to women and comply to their wishes, their next complaint is where are all the men at to put them in their place.
They will cry and complain about this and wonder why they wind up single with a dildo as their best friend.
Before I started to do my writings for today I wanted to release a massive toxic inner dump which was a pile of collected bowel movements, before I moved on to another cosmonaut journey into meditation, making some peppermint tea and tidying up the room. Then I would be ready for writing and feeling more comfortable while doing so.
Of course there would be distractions such as the shadow that I was certain was another mouse because I had remembered that the last time I saw it, it ran in the same direction that I had seen it run in.
After laying down all of the steps and moves to avoid the traps of women then would come the part about fasting from women and what fasting from women really meant.
Part of it dealt with focusing the mind on man as being holy, religious, saintly, godly, angelic, intelligent, and mindful. It involved cultivating a righteous and virtuous mind.
Try being virtuous and see how women just flock to you like wild dear licking honey out of your hands.
Embrace the Yoga Flame principles.
Learn how to start embracing the good, the bad, and the ugly throughout your entire life.
I am somewhat content with coming to the conclusion that in truth I am more of a mystery to my self more than anything else.
My parents gave me a name when I was born. I didn't name myself.
My mom and dad told me about this world, and the indoctrination went further through the school systems as to what I should strive for in life and what I should become if I want to be successful.
If you step back and ask yourself the question, who am I, I am sure that you'll come up with some different answers.
Dream power was walking out of the room past midnight in the pure nude to pour water from the water bearers magical jug.
Dream power was meditating in the nude while realizing that this was the way that I came into this world.
I did not come into this world wearing a pair of socks, or a baby bottle in my hand.
For the first two years I would survive off of the breast milk from my mother's breast.
The dream is present, it is in the world when you awake and it is in the world when you sleep.
I was feeling nice and relaxed this morning with the apartment to myself. Of course I would tell myself to lay down a little bit more to get some rest which extended the hours. I took my bath at the last minute which is a bath that I would have liked to enjoy just a little while longer.
While in the bath I managed to shave my facial hairs minus the beard, and to shave my ball hairs with the disposable shaver. I think in the near future I will avoid the clippers when I'm cutting such a sensitive area.
While I was doing my prayers I found a certain part of me wanting to get the prayer over with and another part of me wanting to get upset that I had to work tonight wishing that I could just have one more night off without having to go to work instead of working at some company Christmas party and seeing my managerís face.
When I caught these thoughts going on in my mind I told myself that I will not anticipate the next moment but stay in the present moment and not mull over what I can not control.
There is a verse in the Quran that says "Say: If it be that your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your mates, or your kindred; the wealth that ye have gained; the commerce in which ye fear a decline: or the dwellings in which ye delight are dearer to you than Allah, or His Messenger, or the striving in His cause; then wait until Allah brings about His decision: and Allah guides not the rebellious.
I was thinking about this verse in relation to my wife and in relation to other things that I held dear in my personal life.
I think the mindset of nakedness as being something bad came from the advent of the Catholic and Christian churches as they moved away from being connected to Earth and towards being connected to a false god in the sky somewhere in heaven.
It has been stated that Adam and Hawa were both naked before being tricked by the serpent.
Even if the story was fabricated one truth that you can admit to is that we are born naked and eventually die naked because there is nothing in this world that we can take with us once we are dead.
I am still getting harassed with Mariaís texts, photographs, and telephone calls that I never answer.
This morning I sent her a text and lied stating that my wife had come back here to work out our marriage. I also told her that I had went up into the mountains to get away from the city and the people.
She was still talking about how she wanted to be with me and how she is always available and sent me a picture in her tacky outfit.
I was not impressed and really wanted her to leave me the fuck alone.
I felt myself go a bit deeper in my meditation, reaching a calmer state while listening to the sounds without and the thoughts running through my mind.
I placed a glass of water close to my feet and spilled it as I came out of half lotus pose.
I went beyond seven minutes in my meditation after the gong bells had sounded and didnít want to stop my meditation.
My strongest desire was to empty my mind of all branches of any philosophy, religion, who I thought I was, desires, wishes, women, urges, regrets, worries, and things that were named.
For the rest of the day I listened to just Arabic songs of various dialects that I felt I had a leaning towards. The songs led me to Urdu, ghazals, poems, and scriptures.
I had all kinds of ideas running through my head about being fluent in unexpected languages which were languages I never thought I'd be fluent in or would eventually have a leaning towards.
I listened to a spoken poem in Urdu or Farsi and realized that the way poetry is put together in one language cannot really equate to when you translate it into a different language.
I can understand why she did not want to get out of her car now. I had read her status update. One update talked about how amazing it was to have breast as though it was some kind of miracle.
It turns out that she had cancer and lost both of her breast and now she was about to get a new pair.
It would make sense why she would need a husband who was financially stable so that he could pay for all of her medical bills because she had not planned to pay for them all by herself.
I wrote a note to myself saying weíre constantly changing.
Within that change we should accept and be what we are in the present moment, or whatever that moment presents to us.
A large part of this thought process was based on what I read in Each Moment Is The Universe and how Katagiri gave his cigarette story on how he was trying to quit and that since he had already developed a habit of smoking in the past, the trace was still there so it was almost unavoidable at times to just quit in the manner that he wanted.
I don't know why I felt like I had to have a hot bath today. While I will admit that it was kind of cold this morning, I did enjoy breathing in the fresh cold air through my mouth and nose deep into my lungs and then seeing the breath vapors come out of both of my breathing apparatuses as I breathe the air out.
If you want to actually make a theme for today I would actually like to say that it should be based on the breath as I read the first principle in the Naqshbandi Sufi Path.
Today felt like one of the worst of many days in my life.
It started off with me getting off a twelve hour shift and trying to get a bunch of other errands done when I should have gone straight home to get some rest.
Instead I would be making a stop at the bank to withdrawal extra cash to send overseas for my spouse and sonís monthly expenses and school books for his upcoming school year.
Once I reached home I was mentally exhausted and felt like today was my day to die and that someone poisoned my coffee.
I recall wanting to look online about the many ways that people die on a daily basis. While on one hand it might sound slightly creepy, on the other hand while facing the facts that people do die every single day it should not sound so creepy at all.
One problem I think that we have as human beings is that we think we will live forever, or we think that we will die at a certain age without realizing that each night or day that we go to sleep could very well be the last time that we sleep.
My heart says call off and thatís only because I know that there will be enough coverage.
Iím not going to exaggerate when I say that I am experiencing a mixture of being super angry and holding all the anger in, that I feel betrayed, that I have been way too nice only to get walked on and stepped on behind my back, that it seems like I am more of a baby sitter babysitting children more than I feel like a man working with other men, depressed, over burdened with debt, the oppression of women, destitute, and worn down.
By changing the name of meditation to murqaba which is what I am really doing, completely directing the focus in a completely different direction that inspires me even more.
It was amazing on how changing a word by using another word that has deeper meaning how I instantly felt an effect deep within.
Try to think more in terms of zakat versus being stingy and complaining about helping. Know what the basic human traits are that really make you human.
Having a budget is closer to thinking how a financially rich businessman would be thinking and how he became successful.
The real silence that I'm speaking of more than I am about the actual practice of the silence which in my opinion is a higher form of intelligence unlike any famous speaker.
I say this because for many of us it is hard to just not talk, even if it's talking about sports, or the greatest sandwich that you ever had.
Who cares about sports teams and what kind of sandwich or dish that you had?
Especially when you were not offered any and will never be able to know what or how great that sandwich was or was not.
When you have random thoughts going through your head and you're not aware of the thoughts then there should not be any wander as to why people have mood swings; have ups and downs in their life.
However, when you start noticing the thoughts in your mind with full awareness you realize how thoughts can really be rather distractive.
If you want to keep a Yoga Poise of mind, focus on the breath as the first step of your practice, then expand that to the thoughts that are going through the streams of your mind like a cloud floating by.
After reading the part about having awareness of the transient nature of the worldly material things in this world I could not help but to think about what I had learned in Zen Buddhism which talks about the same exact thing in the deeper dimensional aspects of pure Tasawwuf.
Getting back to Zuhd, I could not help but to think about Minimalism because minimalism also entailed living with less material possessions and living a more simpler life.
For the person who practices zuhd they are known as a Zahid and it was something that I was becoming more interested in.
I just got out of the bathtub just now as it had been two days since I had taken a shower, based on me feeling that getting rest was more important.
I did not know that it would snow, but I did over hear a conversation between the passenger and the bus driver who almost drove past my bus stop without stopping.
Anyways I doubt I will be buying a new pair of shoes and will just to try to polish what I have now for now.
It is days like this that you wished you had a car instead.
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