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I wanna start writing again. I’ve “...been too gone for too long” according to Randy Travis, oldies country singer/songwriter, in one of his classic tunes. Actually, I’ve been on “relationship hiatus” for the past few months, which allowed me next to NO free time. Well, I’ve come back to my senses and broken free from that bond, and I’m ready to tickle the ivories once again. (Guess it’s not really ivories, but you get the idea.) Now, will I be able to withstand and even overcome the pressures of having to write regularly? “I think I can...I think I can...”
You know, as I look at the date, I realize that yet another year is soon coming to a close. And I think to myself (pardon the old cliche that’s about to spring out at you), where has the time gone? Where have all the years gone, seemingly so quickly?? Time is such a provocative subject; we ponder it, we speculate about it, we are infatuated by it, and we have become possessed by it. It is a fascination that perplexes the mind, while stirring up the curiosity. An unfathomable, yet seductive, enigma. But where would we be without Time?
It’s a dawning of a new era for me. I’m on my way to becoming debt-free, I am back to being solo, and I have decided to start taking better care of myself, mentally, spiritually, and physically. I think my writing will be a wonderful anodyne on my journey of self improvement and self awareness. I’ve also resumed penning poetry; I’ll share some in upcoming posts. My approaching January birthday will be spent in Vegas with friends. It falls in the Chinese Year of the Rat, and that happens to be my Chinese astrological animal. 2008 will be MY YEAR!
When was the last time you watched A Charlie Brown Christmas? I watched it tonight; I’m afraid it didn’t touch me like it did when I was a child. Hmm...why not? I guess it’s because children are still supposed to be full of innocence. However, many of the things I see and hear about regularly (from credible sources, I might add—the children themselves!) contradict that statement. Many kids aren’t even close to being innocent, which, to me, is very sad. True, I know there are many who still are, but they aren’t the minority, are they? I hope not!!
Walking along, I find my truth...my truth in a spinning silver disk...my truth that says what you put out there--that’s what’s gonna come back to you. My truth that says all you have to do is
it and eventually it will come to you, but you have to be willing...open....and allowing.
I continue trekking along...inhaling the brisk, chill air...feeling the burning in my thighs...the passion to follow my truth resounds with every echoing footstep...I can desire, I can create, I can allow infinity into my experience! What a joy! Such a rebirth! Life after death accompanies appreciation...and more!
Isabel swished dreamily across the tile floor, barefoot and nimble. Her sheer cotton-candy pink skirts swirled playfully across her long, shapely calves as her hips sashayed toward the inviting cushions of the deep burgundy overstuffed sofa in the corner. As Isabel collapsed into the comfort of the soft cushions, a sense of reassurance passed across her body like a silk veil, and her eyelids slowly drooped into a tranquil sense of peace and stillness. She began to sleep. Once her breathing became steady and rhythmic, her eyelids began to dance to the visions appearing on the stage of her mind.
Tiny silver stars
no two alike--
floating from the sky
of soft, shimmering silver
across the land.
Covering the sleeping,
blanketing the weeping,
spreading good will and cheer
for the remainder of the year.
While nature naps and creatures rest
Mother Earth begins her quiet cultivating.
In her wintry closet she tills and toils,
So when the crocuses erupt
and the daffodils burst,
Her colorful palette will decorate
every verdant hill and hollow.
And no more will the
crystal feathers float
from the sky,
for Mother Earth
spreads her warm love
over the land.
I believe each of us is on this earth to learn lessons about goodness and life. Now what exactly do I mean by that? Well, I think we all have situations we endure, and we are supposed to be learning from them. Many people do not; they go into victim mode and lament about their misfortunes. On the contrary, other people reflect back on their supposed misfortunes and ponder what they learned and how they benefited. I think the latter is more of a healthy outlook, and this is the way I now choose to approach obstacles in my life.
Samuel twisted the coin around between his thumb and forefinger, slowly, calculatingly. “Should I toss it off to that miserable wretch?” he silently pondered. “Ah, look at the loathsome creature!” he mused. “He’s better off dead, but no one would give a rat’s behind enough to want to bury him. No matter anyhow, seeing as no one’d come to his funeral anyways.” Samuel plunked the quarter down at the bundle of shivering rags. “Merry Christmas old man!” Samuel’s dark eyes flashed, and he laughed mockingly as the pathetic pile of person grappled blindly,frantically for the solitary sparkling silver quarter. .
Tonight I received the Christmas cards I ordered. I was vain (or would that be proud) enough to order cards with a poem I wrote printed on the front. To my chagrin, the inside was blank. I wrote the following greeting inside 36 cards tonight: “Wishing you much joy throughout (later changed to ‘during’) the holiday season ~ and ~ (including the fancy marks) an abundance of blessings throughout the new year!! I prepared my cards, and I emailed my ex husband for his new address. He promptly replied. So I’ll be honored to confirm it—miracles actually DO happen!
What a weird date—December 11. What ever, of any significance at least, happened on this date in history? I mean, did you ever think about the actual date—what does it mean? Sort of like July 23 or April 3 or October 16. What kind of days are those?? Nothing much, I’m thinking. I know, I know...people were born on those days—but who?? And what more significance do those particular days hold? I mean, think of what magnanimous activities took place on such days as July 4 or December 7?? Earth-shattering, history-making events took place on those dates!!
“I’ve had enough,” Missy decided, resolutely. “He’s scammed enough from me already; I’m sick of being his sugar mama.” She tossed her brunette locks haughtily, took a deep breath, and headed into the adjoining room. Walter was sprawled out on the fawn-colored leather sofa, relaxing in front of the Sunday afternoon football game. He enjoyed the comforts of Missy’s home, even if it was provided to her by cash acquired from her previous marriage. “Walter, you’re gonna have to move on; I’m sick of paying for your lifestyle!” Missy cried. Walter stared at her in disbelief, while Missy inched closer.
He wasn’t afraid of her; she always ranted and raved about something. However, her movement at this very moment seemed a little unclear. Walter sensed something just wasn’t right. He felt around the sofa for the remote control; it was stuck between the cushions. He pulled it out, and as he did so, Missy pivoted toward him. Her hand was in the pocket of her powder-blue fleece; it appeared she was grasping something, and her jaw was clenched in anger. Will began to perspire nervously, wondering what had rattled her so this time. He’d gotten this lecture from her before...
...but he’d never seen such fury in her eyes. Missy repeated herself, this time in a more cold, monotonous tone. Walter stared at her blankly, wondering what he should do next. She was looming over him, and he could feel her rage burning deep holes into his heart. He really did love her, or was it the lifestyle and comfort she provided him that he loved? Suddenly he felt a sharp pain in his neck, a pain so acute he buckled over in agony. Missy stood over him like a still, silent statue, smiling at him in a queer manner.
He finally mustered enough strength to touch the back of his neck. Warm liquid was trickling down it, and his fingers traced the liquid back to a fleshy slit just below his hairline. He trembled in fear and moaned in anguish. Oh my God! She was serious this time, he thought deliriously. Missy, standing firm, continued to watch as Walter writhed in pain, the queer smile pasted across her face, resembling that of the Mona Lisa. “Are...are...are you gonna watch me suffer and die?” Will managed to gasp, between agonizing breaths. “You know...you never did take me seriously,” Missy replied.
Well, the old girl got one. It was the weirdest thing, and it happened in just about under a minute. I’m sitting at my computer in my bedroom, where I got new lavender carpet installed this past summer. China Doll, my fourteen-year-old cat, was hanging around my desk chair and meowing for me to give her some attention. I reached down and scratched her head a few times, but eventually she tired of it and left. I resumed my on-line card game. Suddenly I heard a scuffling in the corner behind the desk. I got up to investigate the situation.
Things were happening pretty quickly, and the corner scuffling became louder and more frantic. I half expected to see either China chasing after some phantom piece of dust or something, or I’d see Muffin dominating over a little gray mouse. Well, I was pleasantly surprised because as I looked beneath that desk, out dashed China Doll with a tail hanging from her mouth. She dropped her prize, batted it about for a moment, picked it up, and carried it off proudly. I was quite proud of the old girl; I didn’t think she still had it in her!! Most impressive!
So she took off like a flash into the kitchen with her trophy. She stopped by her water dish; for a moment I thought she was getting ready to drown the poor fellow! I decided to grab her, grab it (by the tail, of course), and throw it outside into the snow. So that’s exactly what I did. Amazingly enough, it went off quite smoothly, and all parties were satisfied. I didn’t do it for the mouse’s sake; I did it for old China’s health. I know she was just proud as a peacock to have gotten that little mouse.
I also know they carry disease, and she’s much more susceptible to picking up an illness, due to her older age. She’s never been the poster child of health; as a matter of fact, she had several health issues as a young cat. So I’ve given her the charmed, spoiled life, and I’d like to keep her hanging on just a while longer. She’s become rather gaunt this past year; sometimes she just feels like a bag of bones. So this little conquest just proves to me that old girl’s not quite ready to move on to kitty heaven! Phew!
“It’s late,” she muttered, checking her watch and shaking her head miserably. “I was supposed to be there already, and now everyone’s probably gone on without me.” Carolyn stopped short on the pavement and breathed deeply and slowly in an effort to pull her self together. Ever since she had gotten the hard-earned, long-awaited promotion, it seemed she rarely had time for herself. Now, as the holidays approached, employees had other plans besides working, and she was expected to cover for them. The promotion had provided a healthy raise, but she was having to compromise her social life in return.
Christmas...ponder it for a moment. What does it mean to you? Does it mean racing to the mall through masses of bodies to find the best sales? Does it mean having the best-decorated house on the entire block? Does it mean buying something for someone because you feel obligated? Does it mean spending a certain dollar amount on each person in your family, purchasing really expensive gifts just to impress them? Does it mean spending time with people whom you cannot stand, gorging yourself on high-caloric foods, zoning out to football and falling asleep in front of the TV afterwards?
Well, I’d like to say that my idea of Christmas is none of the aforementioned. I believe the media and the capitalistic nature of our country have swayed the masses to believe the almighty dollar is the key to our formerly religious holiday. Now it’s become a commercial mess, and the gimme-gimme-gimme attitude prevails. Everyone
to have the latest release of the hottest video game system available or the newest, most innovative cell phone, with all its bells and whistles. Or how about that pink laptop? You’ll be the envy of your college classmates, or so the ads claim.
Wow, has Christmas completely evolved! What ever happened to the days when people got together because they wanted to; they sang carols together, munched homemade, delicately-decorated sugar cookie stars, and just enjoyed the camaraderie of the season? When gift giving was more of a sideline, rather than the main attraction. When people ask me if I’m ready for Christmas, I never know how to reply, so I just say, “Is anybody ever ready?” This leaves it wide open, and they usually drop the subject as they’re left dumbfounded by my response. Christmas should be love; it should NOT be obligation.
I’m writing Christmas “rants”, in the spirit of the season. Recently I heard on the news that department stores and such were changing Santa’s trademark “Ho, ho, ho” to “Ha, ha, ha”. Why? Because the former suggests prostitution, which is all a result of the evolution of our English language. Can you believe that? That is one of the most ridiculous pieces of politically-correct crap I’ve heard yet! If I were a Santa who was given that mandate, not only would I say “Ho, ho, ho”, I’d add on a couple more colorful words, just for my employers—“Screw YOU!”
My idea of Christmas this year will be unorthodox. I will forego meeting with the relatives and doing the gift-exchange-excited-kids-yelling-“lookatwhatIgot!” -gorge-yourself-till-you-puke extravaganza. Instead, I will drive up to a little town west of Vail to visit with a friend who has estranged herself from her utterly dysfunctional family. I look forward to relaxing and being pampered at a wonderful nearby fine-dining restaurant, enjoying succulent steak and rich, intoxicating wine, and reveling in some intelligent conversation. The next day, we’ll hit the exhilarating powder on Vail Mountain! No preparation, no cleanup, and plenty of exercise! Now that’s what I call holiday cheer!
I had the best Christmas ever! I spent Christmas eve at my favorite bar & grille, hanging out with friends and watching the Denver Broncos clinch their losing season for this year. I went home at a decent hour because I was supposed to get up on Christmas morning, drive to Vail for a couple of days to visit a friend, and possibly do some skiing. Well, I woke up to a snowstorm, so in my opinion it put the kabosh (sp?) on those plans, and I was happy to stay home, relaxing the entire day. No commitments, no chaos.
I have decided to start my “List of 100 Memories”, starting from 100 and descending. One of the only “rules” for this list is to not repeat a memory. It’s a test to see how many varied memories I can come up with; I should never regard this as a task, but as a diversion, otherwise it will be forced, and that’s the last thing I want to do. Oh, and one other thing, I plan to do this with my students this next semester. It’ll be interesting to see how it goes. And, umm...my next post begins the list.
One thing I forgot to mention about “the rules”, and that is that the memories can be happy or sad; it doesn’t matter. Just remember one thing: appreciate those memories. And now we begin... 100. I remember my grandma wearing those costume jewelry pins on her heavy wool winter coats. She had a pin for every holiday, it seemed. I have a set that includes one of those pins—her Christmas set. It’s beautiful; I’ve restored it, and I wear it with pride in her memory. I get lots of compliments whenever I wear it. Some good memories from grandma...
99. I remember going to my friend Rhonda’s house to spend one summer evening when I lived in Illinois; her family was pretty poor and were quite liberal in comparison to mine. She was so excited that I was going to spend the night in her frilly yellow chiffon bed, but honestly, I was grossed out! It seems her mom rarely washed the linens, unlike mine. That was the worst night of sleep in all my childhood! I lay on my back, as still as could be, and dared not touch the bedspread; it’s stench and filth were unbearable.
98. I remember how shocked I was when I discovered Mark was somewhat bald!! This was back in my early post-divorce days, when I was back on the dating scene. I was attracted to him; I found out later he was many years younger than me, and that he was a girlfriend beater, but whatever. My story is that he always wore a ball cap, had an amazing smile, but after a few dates, when he took his cap off, I saw that he was bald! The scary thing is, he had a ponytail! I felt I’d been deceived.
97. I remember being at the summer home in Lily Lake, Wisconsin, and I was about four years old. We had some kind of well or something, and there was a rotting board placed over it. The thing measured something like two feet by two feet. Anyhow, I was warned to stay away from it, or I’d get into trouble. Well, I stumbled upon it (I’m sure I was already exercising my curious or rebellious self), and of course, I fell into it. I got into trouble, was spanked, and was sent to bed for the rest of the day.
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