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BY Ma-Ray

11/01 Direct Link
I should be writing my nano, but so many things have come up that I can't keep my mind together to get anything else on screen, except for the worries on my mind. What to do? It's on my mind before I fall asleep, in dreams and nightmares, as I wake up, in my meditations. It's a big choice which before I stand. What to do? I feel confused, I've never taken a stand like that. Sure I stood behind my opinions. But never did I stand up against a big firm with more money to get more nasty lawyers.
11/02 Direct Link
To give my writing a new fresh impulse, I bought some books about angels. So I sure do want to read them. Off course I paid too much for my books, since I get discount at my work in the bookstore. But I did not want to wait that long, since we donīt have that much books in stock. I even got a book about angels helping to find a lover. I donīt really know what to think about it, but I saw when going through it swiftly that I gave a very detailed description about a couple of angels.
11/03 Direct Link
The note for this day was previously lost, so I had to write it anew. I told about the book I was reading and how I will use these daily notes to give some description. I mentioned the title was ĎThe Angelsí guide to datingí (or ĎVind je geliefde met engelení in Dutch.) The author is Laura Penn and the ISBN-code is 9789043909693 and itís a hardcover. The book looks nice in purplish. But I have no idea what I said to reach a word count of 100. Although Iím nearly there already. Not quite, but I will be nowÖ
11/04 Direct Link
The first chapter is about the angel energy of Mikhael. It says that if youíre in need for big support in hard times you can call on him. Iím in a situation that makes me confused and miserable right now, and feel unsafe and unprotected towards the world at the moment. Itís actually what I said to friends: Itís a good example of a situation in which I miss having a boyfriend. Deciding alone everything and taking a stand all by myself. I long for long conversations about every aspect of the problem and sticking together against the bad wolf.
11/05 Direct Link
Iīve been trying the angel-meditation, but halfway I fell asleep and woke up again in the middle of the night, with music playing loud. I just put the volume down, but it seems like an invisible force is turning it up again. Even my son woke up to go to the bad room and to crawl on the couch with me. So it was quite busy here just a while ago at 3 oīclock at night. But after a cup of warm milk with anise heīs back under his own sheets again. And the silence returned, beside the loud meditation-music.
11/06 Direct Link
I did the meditation again. First it guided me in a temple and then through the water of a inside swimming-pool. That was strange to be floating underwater talking with a guardian-angel. We both had a long white robe and our hair loose, so it was kind of a majestic sight. When I ask why we had to go underwater, he told me that it was just because the text in the book guided me there. It could be a effective way to wash of all the unwanted energies which been hanging on me, but it could well do without.
11/07 Direct Link
My guardian angel looked like Raphael in a meditation a long time ago. But he told me he wasnít Raphael. He was my personal guardian and Raphael had to watch over a lot of people. So he promised me to guide me to his name, by letting me bump into a particular name during the day. The name which came to me directly was Dabriёl. Thatís the guardian-angel of writers, on which my eye felt yesterday going through the book. But I was doubting and I asked his guidance. And so heís going to help me find my loved oneÖ
11/08 Direct Link
After that he guided me to Mikhael. He told me that he would assist me with my situation. I really have a problem with speaking out to people. He suggested to practice on my loved ones, but Iím tired of fighting with people I care about just so I can learn to speak my mind. Maybe Iím better of with a assertively course or haptonomy. And I also asked him if he could give me a sign in the shape of those feathers to let me know Iím making the right decision. Well he told, but I wanna be sure.
11/09 Direct Link
Electric equipment blocks the contact with angels, she says. With a ipod in your ears you canít hear angels whisper. But angels are telepathic she says. With a ipod in your ear one can hear the music for meditation better, I flowing deeper in myself with a headphone full of meditative music. And in these modern times there is no escaping electric equipment and I do not really believe it matters that much. It has to do with distraction though. Trying to make angelic conversation it is better to turn of the cell phone for a moment. Everything with devotion.
11/10 Direct Link
To name 10 things my guardian angel tells me I really love: angels, cats, my son and my mother, books, warm sunny weather, pretty natural views, beautiful men with long black hair, friendly contact and good conversation, writing and drawing, dreaming. Well thatís thirteen, but that doesnít matter. To name 10 things important to me: standing by your principles, but keeping open mind to new perspective. Getting your priorities in line, seeing the good in people but staying alert for the less pleasant. Family and friends, animals and nature, Taking the best of life with full respect of others. ElevenÖ
11/11 Direct Link
The book states that to obtain an healthy relationship you have to come in tune with yourself. Thatís why I havenít had a relationship for 3 1/2 years. I lost someone who really got deep in my soul and after that I had to crawl out of a depression and reinvent myself. Now that I feel Iíve been my actual self, Iím in need to share that with someone special. But I seem to bounch into all kinds of spiritual challenges and it seems they try to tell me: Once youíve grown, you get rewarded. But I need it now.
11/12 Direct Link
Being single is the best way to maintain your friendships, she says. I hope no one expects me to drop all friendly bands after a man has come into my life. I know it is very common to let it neglect when love takes up a lot of time, energy and thought, but I consciously spend a lot of time with my friends, to prevent that from happening. It took me a lot of time to get the special friends I have. Itís just that by time I always seem to lose them. And Iím always crushed when it happens.
11/13 Direct Link
And then she says a true thing: People are special if they are there for lifetime friendship or even when they just cross your path swiftly to leave your life again. I already wrote some time ago in my weblog, that I just have to learn to let go. Just as I had to let go of that man who moved my very being, felt as a soul-mate, but still wasnít there to stay. It crushed me for many years, all that single time. And now I have let go and ready to move on. Iím very sure of it.
11/14 Direct Link
The naughty angels move us to take impulsive actions. Treat ourself with specialties without feeling guilty. I have the habit to buy books when Iím down and out. But I think you have to be careful, that the naughty angels do not make such impulses into a addiction. Books can be very expensive indeed. Biking makes me happy, but itís too cold now. Not for the sake of sport, but too cold to truly enjoy. The list I made for things I love and are important arenít nearly complete. I can go on for hours and still wonít be done.
11/15 Direct Link
Chapter 2 introduces Raphael as the angel to determine your love-wishes. He is my favorite angel. His energy is so warm and loving. So here he is called like a best friend. Thatís how he feels indeed. I had my first meditation with him when I was 21 and he has been with me ever since. So I found it stunning to see my personal guardian angel resembling him so much. It might even me him anyway. Maybe I should have a meditation with my ipod in my ear. Maybe I can make better contact then. What do you think?
11/16 Direct Link
Now Raphael has to help me make a list of things I long for in a lover. Well first of all, a man. Like 1.87m long, gorgeous body and a handsome, sweet some what shy face. Black long here, light blue or green eyes, straight nose and kissing lips. Iíd like him wise and patient, but not all knowing or thinking he is. He should be able to coop with me. I can be a hand full to handle and sometimes not even without gloves. I love humor and having lots of fun together. Supportive and very good in bedÖ
11/17 Direct Link
I made my Raphael list again, but this time the complete version. That means that after I finish this chapter I may not change any of the points on that list. Itīs hard to make a list of all the things you want in a man. Do you point out that he may not be a alcoholic or use drugs? Or do you state for yourself that because you said he must be wise, he should be wise enough to stay away from that poison. Do I mind if you drinks or smokes a little? I do not know actually.
11/18 Direct Link
I stopped smoking about two years ago for the tenth time and I stopped drinking three months ago for the second time. No, Iím not an alcoholic and ainít counting days of soberness. My ex boyfriend used to drink a lot and was drunk about 5 days a week. One day I told him, if you wonít stop drinking, Iíll end this relationship. He stopped, so it didnít struck me fair for me to keep drinking if he couldnít. I didnít drink for 4 years. This time I stopped drinking because I want to life and eat healthy, without poison.
11/19 Direct Link
So I had to write a list and when I start dating men, I canít alter the points. If Iím dating and find out, I donít like men who fart during diner, I canít put it on the list. If I date a man whoís eyes are the darkest of brown. I canít take out the point of my weakness for light-colored eyes. So thatís the difficulty. Is this list complete? Not too less or too much? Problem is that I have this image in my head for about twelve years now, but how do I translate it in words
11/20 Direct Link
For now Iím going to visualize that man of my dreams. Or with other words: Iím going to bed and dream some pleasant dreams about a gorgeous man. By the way, I saw a pretty attractive man at work today. But he was looking at children books, so Iím assuming that he has children and therefore a wife. What doesnít have to be necessarily so, but it feels safe to do so. When I talked to my boss about it, I said: He saw me and said hi to me. So if he liked me too, he will be back.
11/21 Direct Link
I trust upon the fact that Raphael gave in enough hints by whispers in my mind to let me complete my list without missing something big and important to stand in the way of a wonderful relationship. I didnít made the list in order of importance though, as the book stated. Or was that another list? I admit I did read ahead in the book, when I couldnít keep up with the 100 words writing. Well, when I finished the book along with the 100 words scribbling, I sure will know the book through and through. At least I should...
11/22 Direct Link
So I now have to visualize that man I want to meet. Or better saidÖ the man I intend to meet. Well, I have been doing that since the age of 20 or so. Or at least, that is the first time I remembered. If some one would give me a piece of paper, and I could manifest my drawing talent, I could draw him in detail. If there would be a question , I could tell you how he would react in a particular situation. Thatís why Iím not into dating sites, he wouldnít be the type to register.
11/23 Direct Link
So if we visualize the man (or woman) of our dreams regularly with the intention of meeting him (or her), weíre pulling the person closer to us, because everything contents from energy. Well, Iíve been visualizing him for years now and I do intend to meet him one pretty fine day. I did meet a man one time, who looked almost exactly like the man of my dreams, but he had one major lack. It was almost like he didnít have a personality. He didnít shine or smile or looked into the world with joy. He also didnít notice me.
11/24 Direct Link
Letís just go to the next chapter and leave the list the list. There Gabriel is waiting to lead us to our goal, our man. Miss Penn says that Gabriel is a woman, but in my mind, Gabriel has always been a man. I always see all angels as man, except when sheís a twin soul. Like Ma-Ray, the twin soul of Raphael or Agea, the twin soul of Uriel. For the book and the subject it doesnít matter wether itís a man or a woman. But this notes are written from my perspective, so in that sense, itís important.
11/25 Direct Link
So Gabriel sends you in a particular direction and you can get the feeling to go somewhere or do something, without a clear reason. In that way Gabriel has send me before, about 3 Ĺ ago. I all of a sudden got the urge to not only go to a dating site, but even pay for it. I did meet a man and we got very involved. It didnít last, but the love ran very deep and I have very good memories of him. I wouldnít have wanted to miss that loving feeling and those precious memories for the world.
11/26 Direct Link
That does not mean though that I donít have to do anything anymore. Itís still up to me to find that person. But I doubt that in my case that is a problem. Although I donít go out much. I work al lot, go biking less then I would like and I go pretty much very neat places. With or without my son. So I donít know what more I have to do than to do what I am doing all along. Living my life and listen to the signs. One moment in time Gabriel will point me the way.
11/27 Direct Link
By the way. When I met my last lover, some very short before a raven crossed my path. My personal totem is the black panther, but the totem which indicates my love life is a raven. Last week another raven crossed my path. So I see that as a very clear sign that something will come up very soon. So I have all faith that Gabriel is already helping me. Only thing Iīm worried about is that I might not hear his whispers, or that I will not understand. Thatīs the only thing that is very unclear in the book.
11/28 Direct Link
In the meantime Iīve listened to the inner voice to call off my appointment tonight. No date, donīt worry. I have been working all day and I was suppose to go to a friend, who does my laundry, since my washing machine broke. But it was raining cats and dogs the moment I wanted to leave. Secondly I have kind of backache, so I assume itīs better to just stay home and relax ands write. Maybe do some meditation later on. Itīs just too bad my internet isnīt working again. I should call, they might answer, but Iīm too tired.
11/29 Direct Link
The author is also spending some lines on the subject of internet. She says a lot of people look down on online dating sites and the likes. Well, itís not that I look down on it, but I do have the experience that a lot of man are very desperate and/or pushy there. And it takes a lot of precious energy to filter that one nice man out of a email bomb from a hundred very irritated ones. So itís not something I do for fun a lot. Doesnít mean I wonít ever do it either. Depends on Gabrielís whisper.
11/30 Direct Link
Something else she claims that I donít buy nor understand, is the statement that twin souls or soul mates donít exist. The argument is that the change to meet that one Ďperfect-fití person is so small, that even the angels canít arrange it. But angels are miracle-workers, they can do anything. Better yet, previous chapter she claimed that visualizing your Ďdream maní, would bring him closer to you, till one day you meet and fall in love. If Raphael can do that for your visualization, Gabriel can do that for your twin soul. If they arenít one and the same.