06/01 Direct Link
Thought Iíd give writing a shot. I do think itís a hoarder pastime. A lot of my stuff got lost when a computer dumped or evacuated or balked or was just plain evil. Evil is as evil does but I donít know what that means. It is one of those ingrained catechism phrases, I guess. Havenít been here for a few years but the red wine is still to my left and I still talk food. Chocolate and pomegranates. A friend that I made through the site passed away a while back. A good reason to run from the site.
06/02 Direct Link
Canít see without reading glasses so this is a half blind entry. Words are all blurred. My mind is blurred from the heat and fatique. In bed with the tv going. Just stories about someone killing someone and detectives trying to piece it all together. The ceiling fan is clicking and the fridge is humming and not much else is happening. Distracted by the tv. She went back to the lover who killed her husband in the driveway. I walk with a stick in case a large dog wants to threaten me. And a whistle. And dog biscuits. And
06/03 Direct Link
Decluttering. Downsizing. Clearing. Space. Time. Health. donít read anymore. No focus. clock is too loud. There is never no sound. Even in the mountains there was always a hum. There is no getting away. have no desire to get away. Donít even like to drive. Stillness. Leisurely walk is enough 5 times a day. In shade. Slow deterioration. Which is betterÖ an old apricot in the refrigerator or sun-dried? When is someone going to design comfortable clothes without seams and scratchy labels? Lousy gadgets. Lousy clothes. Lousy service. The older you get the more ridiculous everything seems.
06/04 Direct Link
i don't know what day it is. have no time to write. too much time spent on trying to return refrigerator. high hum. can't sleep. nothing is better. only worse. want no noise but even in the mountains there was a high hum. life is great but shitty at the same time. want simplicity but nothing is anymore. complications. have no time. shoot. shoot. rushing. how many letters? behind. why. even dreams are behind. old stuff. recycled. and we don't even know that the people in our dreams have been dead for years. what is that? over and over again
06/05 Direct Link
the 5th needs an entry so i'll take the 5th. you have the right to remain silent. you have the right of way. you have the way of tao. my dog looks like the taco bell dog but i'm not supposed to make that reference because it is politically incorrect. bill maher. bill mahr. pay more. kmart. get smart. and is she the one who married ringo? bingo. scrabble. cheez-its. i like the bigger ones best. the low fat ones aren't as tasty. i know this is hasty but i have no time and now i've run out of
06/06 Direct Link
i actually have nothing to write about. judge judy is on tv. i had my new refigerator picked up. too loud. the dog is sleeping. i ate kettle corn. judge judy is yelling. i have dead flowers that need to be discarded. i missed a dance class. i need more wine. only red. maybe i should cook some fish. yes, judge judy, i need a better car. mine has something like 150,000 miles but maybe more. i can't keep track. i have jokes on the side of my old refrigerator. the dog thinks he's going to the vet for
06/07 Direct Link
i've lost my waist but the scale says i weigh 95.6. it goes up to 99 every few days. i'm probably 104. for a short person that is a lot. i can lift and move bookcases, beds, refrigerators, tables, couches, boxes of books, anything you can think of. the trick is to use your legs, and wood planks, blankets, millimeter by millimeter twists and turns. but one shoulder is bothering me and the opposite arm, and all my veins show through my skin throughout my body making me look like an alien. if i were young i would care
06/08 Direct Link
why is it that we don't know people in dreams are dead? night after night they are showing old prints of victorian looking people without speaking, or they just line up smiling, or they start out as parrots and suddenly tell us their names and are human, or the ex who passed away is our current boyfriend. non of it makes sense. sometimes there is a connection. a rational or somewhat rational connection. before hearing about my cousin's health trouble, her parents came in a dream. they are deceased and i don't usually dream about them. the mother came again
06/09 Direct Link
i have to sing to the dog every night. nonsensical songs. he'll be on his back and i have to rock him. he slowly closes his eyes. the neighbor had a crow sitting on her bench. i asked, "is that a bird?" "a crow," she said. her dogs .. terriers are always up there on the balcony barking down. they don't bother the crow. i heard him caw down to us tonight. the dog and me. the dogs were inside. i have a tennis racket now to ward off big dogs. aka cesar millan. i might like the stick better though
06/10 Direct Link
too hot. no time. can't catch up. nothing to say. scary dreams. yell myself awake. will try to fill up with words until the month is done. have no real urge to be expressive so don't know what i'm doing on the site. like the word meter, though. 48. feel bad for young people stuck in non-creative jobs. they should be out and old people who are too tired to be creative could fill those boring fields of repetitive go nowhere motion. but i like to sleep in the morning and take my time all day puttering, shuffling, dabbling
06/11 Direct Link
why is someone always being murdered in my dreams. i hardly watch those programs on tv. and someone stole my bicycle in my dream and i caught him and subdued him and yelled for help. he was kind of fat. but i overpowered him somehow without thinking. i was in a strange city and needed that bike for transportation. many of my dreams are movies. which i hardly watch. i don't read much anymore either. the computer has rewired my brain making me like a kid with a.d.d. or a.d.h.t. or whatever those disorders are
06/12 Direct Link
i always peek at facebook and the friends who rant about who a friend is and who a friend isn't always confuse me. i never feel that anyone is ever against me. i must be lucky. if anyone doesn't like me i never know. i just always like people. i guess though something must be going on in my head that i don't know about because of my yelling dreams. i did think that years ago my ex was wanting to somehow get me to die. strangulation or accident in the forest. i still always liked him though. i must
06/13 Direct Link
too much time on the computer. what is the high pitched hum always hovering around in the air. i can't stand it. i want quiet but there never is. even in the forest there are hums. i wonder if there are hums out in the middle of the ocean? we are ruining the earth. i wonder if there are hums down inside the earth? because of hums i like to live near traffic so that the sound of cars drown out hums. i had a boyfriend once who made me aware of the traffic sounds which i had never noticed
06/14 Direct Link
had a movie dream but since i had no time earlier to write it down it is gone. scary or eerie dream with a long storyline. could have filled up 100 words. there must have been someone trying to kill me again. maybe i'm trying to shut myself up from writing on the site...subconsciously. was i in an old house? relatives who have died? it was something weird. shoot. should have just written a couple of hints to remind myself. i'm waiting for it to pop out all of a will when there is no pen handy
06/15 Direct Link
i don't know how the days can pile up like this. 3 days go by like 1. can't fit everything in. i heard my current boyfriend tell a friend that he gets bored sometimes. i can't understand that. and the comment makes me want to run. there is not enough time to get bored. he must be on a different track? i'm speeded up and he's slowed down? seems to be no real compatibility in this world. i think everyone fakes it. every day with other people is a hit and miss. love my down time. quiet except for the
06/16 Direct Link
love my red wine. 2 glasses every night. darker the better. drink it with anything. tempted to try it with a doggie treat, but haven't yet. if doggie treats don't kill a dog but grapes and raisins can ruin their kidneys then i should someday try a treat. milkbone or one of those small brown soft things. not salmon, but chicken or beef. although i like people salmon. don't know what happened to me. my eyebrows are almost gone. the boyfriend says every old picture of me looks like a different person. true. he is the same aged young person
06/17 Direct Link
i don't believe in being personal. unless incognito. these days one needs to be careful. someone is always wanting to attack. i don't think the way dr. laura thinks. i listen to her but can't understand a lot of it. all the unpaid whore stuff. why is it that people commit for life to somebody? and you're supposed to cut off a son if he lives with a girl? i don't know. the whole marry thing is more than i can comprehend. there is so much stuff in this world that is confusing. and the clutter in my closet is
06/18 Direct Link
he was upset because he almost had an apartment close by. i said lets go to my other place. father and son in the truck/car waiting for me. i was packing wine, cantaloupe and taking too long. did i need glasses, plates, etc.? then my aunt called needing a code for an employee for payroll. i was taking too long but yelled out for him when i saw him driving off. he stopped surprisingly smiling. i don't work anymore i told him but had this stuff i had to do. woke up. he's passed away. so is my aunt.
06/19 Direct Link
the 18th seemed to string along forever? something to do with paul mccartney? can't figure out when one day ends and the other begins. not sure what day it is at the moment. my days get all chopped up. this will be my last month for a while. i had a lot of entries but most of them disappeared. don't know where they went. probably supposed to write in the third person or something like that. just taking up space. don't believe in all this shit. don't know how i got started but it was a few years ago when
06/20 Direct Link
have to remember to get the laundry. after hours. eight o clock is the limit for this complex but it is one twenty one in the morning. i guess i am breaking the rules but i forgot the wet stuff in the washing machine so had to put it in the dryer. what time was it that i put it in? i forget. can't remember anything these days. the dog won't go out after dark because of the wild things. they won't get near me because i am more scary. i carry a stick during the day. and at night
06/21 Direct Link
paperwork and computer work .. all complicated .. refinance .. complicated. you need this you need that . paperwork gets shuffled.. just as the computer dumps stuff. i had so many entries on this site but they got dumped somewhere. try to refinance an underwater property. they ask you for paperwork over and over. string it out. i think they do want people to walk away so they can collect insurance money. they bet against us. my timing is always off. i sold and everything jumped up. i bought and everything dove down. i would rather be dirt poor and honest than rich and
06/22 Direct Link
just staring out at the red flowers on the trees. in an hour from now i won't remember what color the flowers are or whether or not the tree has flowers. i do remember that the grass has a big brown spot. i saw a funny insect walking around inside last night. i put him out. so fragile that he'd stick immediately on a spider web. today a feral cat had a mouse in his mouth. i want to feed the crows and get them to follow me around. that is my idea of fun. pigeons do it so why
06/23 Direct Link
in my movie dream i was in a foreign country with baguettes for money in a taxi after fleeing a building where i had installed blinds that collapsed with a lady sitting in them plummeting her to the ground many stories below. there's more to it but it's too long. the dog likes me to sing to him before he sleeps at night. i make up nonsense words and sounds. he doesn't know the difference. i can put him to sleep any time of the day or night. i'm fed up with a lot of stuff. boyfriend, banks, media, pettiness
06/24 Direct Link
dream. my cousin's hamster almost got gnawed on by a dog. i had to pry the dog's mouth open wider before it clamped down. i then put the hamster in a drawer so i could step out for a moment. then it was horrifying to come back to an open drawer. people were standing there and i asked but no one had opened it. no. the dog didn't show signs of fur or anything in or around his mouth. i was crying when my cousin came back. in real life my cousin just had surgery for cancer. she has been
06/25 Direct Link
so many tiny bats in my dream. but the boyfriend and i resolved our conflict. spent most of the day in the attic. just made the connection---bats----attic. decluttering. need to create a fantasy. a story about non-existent people. since i can't write about those around me. although. that would seem to be made-up. the real people. the real stories. drama, comedy, what is that french noir stuff? if i wrote real stuff it would seem to be fiction anyway. i think we make everything up as we go along, anyway. none of it real. all fantasy
06/26 Direct Link
trying to get a normal internet plan. salespeople just give you a bunch of hooey. seems most of the time people are out to take advantage. everything is screwy. the bullied bus lady just got indiegogo donations so far totaling 650,000 dollars. if she had stood up to the bullies their parents might have sued for 650,000 dollars. it's all nutty these days. i remember years ago grabbing a kid who was too wild during recess while i was interning or something. i got in trouble for touching a kid. oops gotta go something just came up and
06/27 Direct Link
i thought i already entered this. sometimes i thank for xmas gifts when it's a bday gift. all the holiday and presents days get too confusing. too many. and too many people to keep track of. i say pick one day for everything. happy this and that, sorry about this or that, toast to this or that special thing. just wrap it all up and get done with it. and all this computer stuff is too much already. i'm outta here again at the end of the month. can't keep checking this or that and rushing through everything. hells bells
06/28 Direct Link
this has to be quick. going out to dinner. have to try to fix up. next life i'm coming back as a tree. a tree that doesn't live for 400 years. that would be too annoying. maybe a short-lived tree. i wouldn't mind crows perching but the dog urine would get a little old. unless there are healing properties in it. i'd probably get stuck as a ficus dropping my leaves all the time. who could blame a ficus? no one knows what a ficus is saying while being manhandled until all the leaves are on the floor. yep
06/29 Direct Link
in my dream i had a country house with a separate cottage. i've seen that before in dreams. apparently i sold the house because my sister had a harassing call from the new owner who said i had let 3 months go by without clearing out. i was there with cousins and other people, so told everyone to ask me about items they'd like to take. that way i could get stuff out. later i was at a beach area with sharks swimming along the sand and 2 huge spiders were living under a stair. there's more but i forget
06/30 Direct Link
good. end of the month. can't do this everyday. not that i have better things to do. just don't have the mental capacity. i walk up the stairs several times a day but can't remember why. i have to make several trips in and out of the condo for forgotten stuff but who knows what it is. the day whizzes by and all i have time to do is drink a glass or two of wine and eat gluten-free chocolate cake with blackberries. i want pomegranate seeds but can't find any. that is my huge dilemma but can't spell?