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Today, I became 25 years old. Yeah, this is lunar new year's day. I've been at home with my mother. Doing nothing but eating junk food- sliced fish, rice cake soup, 2 oranges , a pea, coffee, and rib I was really surprized that I could eat all. I feel myself as fat Bridget Jones. I'm a pig now. As usual, I spent holidays with my old friend TV. After tomorrow, I'll have to be a normal...That means I have to go institute, reading books, do my job. I don't know the feeling exactly whether it is good or bad.
That seems to began when he was 20. He started drinking, meeting girls and several part time job. He is 27 now. But he has no job but a lot of debt. Finally, he couldn¡¯t make it. The money was pop out, My parents had to pay back. They want him to be a good son. Though he didn¡¯t do like that. At first, I felt pathetic and I really sorry because I couldn¡¯t anything for him. But I¡¯m angry too. Why he doesn¡¯t talk heart to heart, Why he needed that much money, why he goes out at midnight?
I went to holy family¡¯s hospital. Today, my thyroid inspection result will come. They said that I need to bring my parents. My mother and I ate lunch, went there. Doctor Sung said it turned out ¡®cancer¡¯. I had to got an operation, staying several day, and I need to get radioactive treatment too. I entered a room. The room has 8 beds. It was crowded. So I couldn't feel cozy. My bed was the nearest to the window. That was only good thing. But without it, There¡¯s nothing good. Tomorrow morning, I'll get a surgery. Terrible, terrible, terrible! Shit!
I got a surgery in a hospital. My doctor said I had 2 mass and a cancer. The name of the disease is ¡°malignant neoplasm of thyroid gland¡±. I heard the time is morning, but I had to wait till 4 pm. I changed to strange fabric. Sitting in a small wheel chair, then lying a cold bed. The operation room was too cold. But I couldn¡¯t do anything. In a hospital, a patient is a thing, not a human. They tied me to the bed tight, injected anesthetic. Soon I felt coldness, dizziness. Then, I couldn¡¯t remember at all.
I spited a lot. The doctor said it is essential, so I tried to do a lot. My throat often felt heart. I had a headache. My pillow was thick , It made my head uneasy .But I was better than yesterday. Many friends dropped to me. I was happy. My parents were happy too. They and I both didn¡¯t know that I have such a many friends. I felt like a celebrity. I¡¯m rich. Because they left some fruits. I think it¡¯ll take long time to eat all. They also gave me a mug cup, water tissue, tea pot.
I was discharged from hospital. In the morning head doctor asked me ¡°Do you wanna go home?¡± I answered ¡°yes¡±. I felt good. After a nurse injected last bottle of drug, I changed my clothes. But I¡¯d a bad news. I needed a health examination card, but hospital said that they couldn¡¯t do today. So I¡¯d to go home first, move to other hospital to get it. But the hospital was small they didn¡¯t deal with it. Second I moved to another. At last I could have an examination. But the process was really really bugging. Therefore I was exhausted.
I slept whole day. My mother ordered healthy materials. My throat is itching and heart sometimes. A big bandage is also attached on my neck. I realized how wonderful to be healthy. I asked my mother some copies and some photos. At evening, Eun-kyoung called me out. I was happy to go, but Jemulpo has long distance from here. My mother didn¡¯t want me to out. So I called her back and cancelled an appointment. Still my throat¡¯s burning and sore. I can¡¯t look up either. At night a friend gave a strange message. That made my brain puzzled too.
When you¡¯re in trouble, call me. I want to be a person who helps that time. It seems like romantic, but I was embarrassed. Because, I¡¯m not interested in him. He¡¯s been a friend. He¡¯s comfortable, easygoing. However, a friend. Those words made my brain puzzled. How can I get through it? Why men who I like never say that words, I mean, always my ideal type doesn¡¯t like me. But men, I dislike always rush to me. I hate it. Often, I sigh, my fate and me. I¡¯m not like a person who fit ¡®romantic¡¯ , ¡®love¡¯ or ¡®easy¡¯.
I was sick. My ass is itching much. At night I couldn¡¯t sleep well. From night it was painful. In the morning, I told my mother. Thank mom, Mom was only person to talk about ¡®my ass problem¡¯. She diagnosed the trouble come from my habit in the toilet. Because I haven¡¯t eat much, though I have been in the restroom. Then she got some pills. I was thanked to mom. Sometimes she¡¯s bugging. Because she talk and talk again, like a broken radio. But often she is my best friend. Today she was the best therapist in the world.
I went to hospital again. My doctor said I need several extra days in this week. But I couldn¡¯t. Sighing, he suggested to me back to hospital after training-ship will be ended. I was upset. He didn¡¯t tell me exactly about after treatment. How many days it takes or how is painful. He just said I need after treatment. But I couldn¡¯t say anything. I was pressed by the doctor¡¯s power. I was a little tiny creature. I said ¡°Thank you¡±. He must be gifted to scare patients. I couldn¡¯t attend the training-ship for the appointment. That made me worse.
This is second day of English teachers¡¯ training-ship. Its schedule urged to change to me. I woke up at dawn. Sky was still dark. I washed my face, put my make-up on. It felt ten years ago. Because I didn¡¯t need to be make-up on, I have used just a few cosmetics. After putting my make-up on, I got dressed. I chose grey pull-over, wore uncomfortable pants, I went out to take a bus. It was too cold. Bus was didn¡¯t come soon, I felt my toes are being frozen. The cold wind was washing my head. That was 6:40.
This is 3rd. day of training-ship for English teachers. I like almost of them. I like the cold weather, meals and the people. I¡¯ve got used to it. Today¡¯s event was fantastic. It didn¡¯t mean that was exotic, but it¡¯s definitely useful. I had a lot of time to think about teaching. Also, to be a good teacher, I¡¯d better to study more. At afternoon, I could watch the grand prize presentation in English education software contest. The teacher who made it was Choi Dong-Suk. I surprised that he was our school senior. And I was proud of him.
As yesterday, I woke up 6 O¡¯clock. I needed to sleep more but I recall an officer¡¯s. ¡° If you miss another day, you¡¯ll be in trouble.¡± So I got up with groun. I took a subway. On my way to Incheon Education institute, I met some friends by chance. I used to hide from them. However, today is different. Before them, I greeted them. I felt my confidence is alive. Moreover it began to spring out!! The difference between past and now is talking to me. ¡°Yes, go ahead. Try harder. Keep confidence. Those are going to make happy¡±.
I, once, gave a Valentine. I was, never, given a candy on White-day. Unfortunately, giving a valentine and chocolate, I dumped a boy. It is natural not to having candy next month. I met 2 boys in my whole life. I broke up the first one on February 14. And the other one I was parted on February 12. I didn¡¯t need to prepare big chocolate basket. I had no regret. But sometimes I feel disappoint for that. Whenever that feeling comes across my mind, I used to dreaming. One day I might have a fair man. I believe it
The 15th of the first lunar month. That¡¯ll be for the Korean holiday ¡®Dae-bo-rum¡¯. I forgot to see the full moon and wishing good luck. Because yesterday was vallentine¡¯s day, everybody forgot about ¡®Dae-bo-rum¡¯. I remembered eating walnuts and penuts. ¡®Dae-bo-rum¡¯ is the holiday which people sells their ¡®cold¡¯. My mother told me that I can sell it to someone, but originally I had to sell out to a dog. I thought some traditions are interesting. Comparing valentine¡¯s day with ¡®Dae-bo-rum¡¯, I felt sorry that foreign holiday¡¯s victory. Some holidays our own will be faded away. I worried about it.
I went private tutoring. I scheduled 4 O¡¯clock. But my student asked me to change to 3 O¡¯clock. I went out 2 O¡¯clock. It has long time passed, I felt strange. But after starting teaching, I felt good. However, I realized my throat is¡¯t full recovered. I had sore throat. He doesn¡¯t know I¡¯m a graduate. I hesitated whether tell him the truth or not. I decided not to tell him. After this month, my tutoring job will be finished. My life is changing. I¡¯ll be a teacher in a month or 2 months, I¡¯ll never back to the past.
The second week of training for English teacher was begun. That means the boring days will remain 1 week more. I woke up 6 O¡¯clock, washed my face and put my make up on. But it wasn¡¯t good. So I felt terrible. Then I waited for my bus in the dark. And the next waited for a subway. Finally I took my bus to Young-jong-do. On my way to the training center, I felt uneasy however I tried to have some sleep. When I got up at the training center, I felt uncomfortable. Moreover, the meal was to poor. Shit.
It is unbelievable. I didn¡¯t know all. On my way to home, there¡¯s several people standing in front of the TV. I came closer to see what happened. I guessed there would be soccer game. But TV shows Dae-gu subway conflagration. I didn¡¯t think serious. But after seeing news at home, It scared me. It could happen in my place. It is told that about 140 people died in flame. A suspect confessed what he did. He had mental disorder as well as physical one. He fired on chemical box, the fire began to burn everything. Passengers couldn¡¯t get out.
The Dae-gu conflagration turned out to be an incendiarism. The suspect person wanted to suicide at first. But he confessed he didn¡¯t want to die alone. The story about victims made me sad. There are lots of stories which is unfolding. They were sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, husbands and wives. One middle aged psycho deprived them. I feel sorry for them. I was in the island, reading Anne of green gables, I had no idea about that fire catastrophe. When I was having fun, they were dying.The news said firefighters dare to enter the underground with just one hand light.
Spring¡¯s coming. My mother and I were shopping at E-mart, we saw a lot of pretty clothes one the rag. So I felt sorry. Because she didn¡¯t buy any clothes for me at all. She said ¡°Soon you¡¯re going to be a teacher, then they¡¯ll useless.¡± And she bought her blue sweater. She said again. I just said ¡°Yes, I rather buy some suit¡± But inner voice said ¡®they¡¯re not my style. I want to buy that pretty shirts, jeans and skirts. Please give me some money. This is spring. Everybody¡¯s wearing them. But I¡¯m a girl of Winter world.¡±
I was hanging out Nam-yi. She was our study group member. She attended English Teacher¡¯s Exam. She is hardworking person and She studied hard of course. But she made some mistakes at that time. Thus, she couldn¡¯t make it. She is industrious; I have learned a number of lesson from her. Unlike me, she is trying to be positive. Though she broke up with her boyfriend. But she looks good. So I sometimes look back mine. Then I feel embarrassed. I saw her in front of Korean restaurant. She just had 400 won, I treated her. The dish was delicious.
Then we went to a mall. We had a long window shopping. At the top floor, there are 2 karaoke rooms. Those are unique. I had some coins. She and I entered into one of them. The singing machine was really good. I chose my favorite song as well as she did. We were totally satisfied with it. Getting out of the mall, we dropped by a shoes shop. That was interesting too. When I hanging out with her. I¡¯ve found similarities which she and I have. That makes the event funny. I like her. I want to help her.
¡°I¡¯m a principal of a junior high school. One of our English teachers got an accident, we need a teacher. If you like, you would teach in advance.¡± I asked ¡°How long can I be there? And I need to know when can I start?¡± He said ¡°From 3rd of March. And it takes 2 months at least.¡± I replied ¡°I¡¯m awfully sorry but I can¡¯t. I have some work to do on March. But thank you for calling.¡± I know I will not able to do. Due to my disease, I have to go to hospital. I felt sorry.
New room wasn¡¯t cozy and comfortable, I couldn¡¯t sleep well. I woke up 6:40. The whole body is aching. Arms, knees, and shoulders tingle too. On TV, the news of Dae-gu arson is shown. The people in there is crying and screaming due to their loss. The citizens also come and go with chrysanthemums. The last week of February is beginning with pain. As a Korean, I¡¯m feeling sad from the pathetic scene. But we who left in this world have to plan left lives. Today, I have a reservation with my doctor. I wish I would finish the treatment.
More and more, day by day, text by text, I am getting sick and tired of internet. I remembered it has been useful and fun. But now it gives fretfulness. I have being written some on my bulletin board. It is good way to be intimate. People began to understand by it. And I liked it and enjoyed it. They used to see my daily routine though my eyes. But I didn¡¯t have any idea that they will predict by only the text. Sometimes, they tell me ¡°You were sad, aren¡¯t you?¡± ¡°You were going to go somewhere, right?¡±
Now I am stuck of it. In fact, they are not my genuine friends. Genuine friends know real me though they don¡¯t even touch my feeling. But ¡®they¡¯ touches a lot. I don¡¯t like their being. Some of their reply makes me crazy. Whenever I hear their know-it-all action for me, I want to cry ¡°Stop!!! That¡¯s enough!¡± ¡°I¡¯m not kind of a person who you¡¯re expect or judging¡± ¡°Why do you say like know-it-all?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t need your advice¡± But, feeling heavy in the chest I never said like above. Since I¡¯ve maden myself eagerly once, twice or many.
David is a Canadian instructor in BCM who had taught me for a while. I had liked his class. The conversation class was for beginners¡¯ was easy for me. So I could learn or investigate his actions and words. I tried not to dominate the class but I love to brag, more or less I used to lead the others. But he sometimes looked at me weird. At that time, the accident of 2 girls was a hot issue. I made a mistake. I should have told ¡®accident¡¯. But I was angry as many others did. So I said ¡®murder¡¯.
Then, suddenly, he turned his chair and gave his objection. I thought he would understand the principle of conversation that must not interrupted. Being scared, I couldn¡¯t defense. I admit my error but there¡¯s no escape. Always he acts like the radicals. He turns the conservatives, all of a sudden, especially me. He said ¡°That¡¯s boring¡± So I changed my answer funny, several times, he said ¡°Are you kidding? That is really rude. Do you mean it exactly?¡± He stared me. He regarded me as a person who has abnormal mentality. I was so embarrassed. I¡¯d rather die of shame.
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