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Mayday! Mayday! My love life is spinning out of control. Tumbling, rolling, flipping in midair. I search right and left, up and down for a parachute. When I see one, I instinctively reach out to grab for it, but to no avail. With each pull of the rip cord, nothing but the canopy twisted and flapping in the wind above me. I can feel the buffeting air tearing at my body as I spin, falling faster and faster. Will I ever grab a parachute that works or am I destined to continue falling, falling, falling without ever hitting the bottom?
She danced tonight. She is breathtakingly beautiful. She is ever so graceful and has amazing rhythm and timing. She just keeps getting better and better. My little angel all grown up. She has become such a beautiful young woman. I was so filled with pride and joy watching her dance tonight. My eyes filled with tears as I watched her move across the stage. Her golden long hair and ruby red lips were the most beautiful of all. I have to pinch myself sometimes to make sure I didn't dream her up. My Missy...I love you so very much!!!
Ex had a stroke last October. He very nearly died. Missy called and I rushed to the hospital. We were all consoling each other over the tragedy. Two-Face Bitch was on her best behavior. She hugged me hard every time I saw her at the hospital. Naturally I was there quite frequently and began to taper off my visits as his condition improved. No sooner had I begun to cut back, I received calls from 2 family members requesting that I stay away and that my presence in the family was no longer desired. What the Fuck??? Bite my ass!!!
The birds and the bees: Bees fly from flower to flower, sucking up the sweet nectar until they are full and then move on to the next flower. The flowers just move to the cool spring breeze, looking ever so pretty, awaiting the next bee. So, bees have had many, many flowers in their lifetime. But what of the flowers? They have had many, many bees in their lifetime. So, I ask you, how come it’s the flowers that get the bad reputation??? HUH??? I mean, the bees are never looked down upon. Why the flowers then??? Fuck the establishment!!!
Boss Lady and the sales crew are all gone to Vegas for a trade show. You know what they say about cats and mice? The mice will play. As I was lying on the leather couch in an upstairs office, the chatter from downstairs was disturbing my sleep. So I got up and walked over to the landing and yelled below, “Hey, can you guys keep it down. Someone’s trying to sleep up here!” Everyone busted up laughing. Three days of long lunches and goofing off. Good thing that I have no work in my office. Gotta love my job!
It is official. Ireland does not want to continue our friendship as it used to be. Why did we have to fall in fucking love in the first place??? It ruined everything!!! I miss our chats so bad that I don’t think I will ever get over this completely. When two people really care about each other, then there should be NOTHING that can destroy the bond they share. If it was so easy to stop talking to me and not miss me and not care about how it made me feel, was it worth the effort to begin with???
I wish I could smile. I haven’t smiled in a while. It makes me sad. I’m not an unhappy person in fact, I am almost always happy and laughing and smiling. Not lately. The smile has disappeared and has been replaced by the saddest, most depressing face I have ever worn. Why can’t I just snap out of it??? Why has this got me so down??? Why did I let it get out of control??? Why did I let it go as far as it did??? Maybe we would still friends. I don’t think I can take much more disappointment.
Ok…fish…it’s time to snap out of it!!! You must gain control of your emotions. You must stop wishing for things to be different when they simply are not going to be. You must move on and leave disappointments and heartache behind. You must get a grip and hold your head high and say fuck it! You must stop letting things get to you so deeply. You must stop wasting your precious time crying over spilt milk. Get off your ass and get moving. Time is flying by and you’re sitting there crying like a stupid little baby! MOVE!!!
I threw a party today. It was a pity party for me. I sat and watched the ultimate gut-wrenching, heart-crushing movie “Bridges of Madison County.” After that, I whined about how I was never going to find that kind of love. I cried about how the only man who ever truly fell in love with me was a total loser. He still tries to call my cell phone collect from jail. I wanted to know WHY I still don’t have anyone special in my life after five years. I moaned, and sobbed, and cried and then got over it. Done!
Ah, Mother’s Day!!! The Prodigal Son phoned last night and says, “Hey…isn’t tomorrow Mother’s Day?” I say, “Yes it is.” He says, “Well, this is your call…don’t expect one tomorrow!” You gotta love him! Missy stopped by with a card and a gift and took me out for lunch. You gotta love her! We had a very nice “girl talk” chat. It’s hard to believe my little babies are all grown up now. I listened intently as she spun her tales of loves lost and disappointment. I must say, she handles it with more maturity than her Ma!!!
I hate Mondays!!! Mondays remind me that I have to work for a living. Mondays remind me that the weekend is over. Mondays remind me that my life is not my own. Mondays remind me I haven’t won the lottery yet. I wish I could find a way to like Mondays. Mondays are such a drag. Mondays run at a slow pace and the clock seems to move along in slow motion. The only way I could ever begin to like Mondays is if by some stroke of unimaginable luck, I did indeed win the lottery. That would be SWEET!!!
I did it. I placed an ad on Craig’s List. As expected, my mailbox was full within fifteen minutes. It was a chore to sort them all out. I only received one that was nasty and mean spirited. He sent me an email laden with fuck, cunt, bitch, etc. I replied, “Guess what? I don’t give a fuck what you think! Hope you had fun…ASSHOLE! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!” To which he replied, “Wanna have sex?” Hahahahahahahahahahahaha…he was messing with the wrong chick if he thought it was going to bother me.
Ireland and I have made up! I am so happy about that. I couldn’t stand the thought of him sitting in Ireland hating me. Losing friendships is hard enough. Losing one of the best friends you’ve ever had is devastating. I will never do anything to mess up our friendship again. I am over the idea that we might ever meet. I just want to have our chats again. I just want to have our laughs again. I just want to play poker again. I just want our friendship to continue as it did before the “blow up.” Nuff said.
The Good News: I met a man. A very nice man. We were supposed to hit a bucket of balls at the driving range. We never even swung a club. We were too busy chatting, laughing and getting to know each other. Instead, we hopped over to the club for burgers and more beer. The conversation was lively and flowed quite naturally. When we parted, I moved in for a hug and he moved in for a quick kiss on the lips. Just a peck…but oh so nice! This date went better than all of my dates so far.
The Bad News: Can I not get one break from the Universe??? I got the long e-mail disclosure today. He’s married!!! He poured his heart out and I read what he had to say. Lucky for him, I wasn’t kidding in my ad when I said I was non-judgmental and open-minded. I thought about it. I mulled over the whole scenario. I have had so much of the younger single men “let’s just have fun in the sack” and no dating. He’s looking for something deeper than the sex…a RELATIONSHIP. He actually wants to DATE me! Wonders never cease!
The Bitch is Back!!! What a fun day today! I received a call from Jules…the gang would be at The Irish Pub for the horse race. I learned upon my arrival there that if the filly won it would be the first time a female horse had won in 85 years! So, who do you think I was rooting for??? I had no money on it…just my feminine persuasion. And she led the race all the way and won!!! The ladies in the house had a round of drinks purchased for them by an anonymous source. Sweet victory!
I am strongly considering beginning a red hot passionate love affair with a married man. He’s just too good to let slip away over technicalities. He’s just a couple of years older than me. He’s in a passionless, sexless marriage. I have many married men friends I have heard the same thing from. I actually feel sorry for them. Why don’t wives realize that their husbands need that kind of intimacy? If they don’t get it, they’ll look elsewhere. My husband always got sex, even though the relationship was dead. He actually wants more. He's looking for the feelings too.
We met again today and decided to go have a couple of cocktails at Happy Hour at a local watering hole. Again, the conversation was lively and easy. He is so comfortable to talk with. We laughed and had a great time. When we arrived back at my place, he pulled me in for the first kiss. It was very passionate and he was so cute standing there with that blonde hair and those blue eyes twinkling. Fuck making him wait any longer! So, we made hot, passionate love. He put all my younger lovers to shame! Monday afternoon delight!
I have come to the distinct conclusion that married men make better lovers. Think about it. They are not getting it at home and when they do get it, they go all out. They are more thoughtful and certainly more appreciative. They are passionate to the max. They are so starved for what they have been missing in their marriage that they will treat you like a queen because they are so thankful for the attention you are giving them. They will come back over and over because it’s much easier to see one woman than try to juggle many.
I have lived in California for over half my adult life. I lived the other half in the wood covered south where snakes are commonplace. I realize that California has its share of snakes (no, I’m not talking about the two-legged kind), but I have rarely had a run-in with one. Enter exhibit number one. A snake decided to pay us a visit, much to the screams of our resident office gal. Thinking I would find a small garden snake downstairs, I rushed down to find a rather large garden snake. The boys captured it and released outside…Thank God!!!
Just one more day before our holiday weekend. I live for these weekends. I am so overdrawn on my vacation days due to broken feet, broken ribs, exes having strokes, etc. that I have been out of days for this year since last year. Now, I’m using days for next year for this year. So, I am being ever so diligent taking time-off this year. Next year I will have days for time off again…finally. Until then, I fucking live for the holidays! Only four more full weeks until the 4th of July holiday weekend! The countdown begins again.
The Boss Lady let us go early today. I was out the door by 2:00 p.m. Yipppppppeeeeeeeeeee!!! I decided that what I needed to do with my afternoon was hit golf balls. So, I moseyed on over to the driving range and whacked at a large bucket. Afterwards, I headed over to the club for a burger and beers. I got into a lovely conversation with a couple at the bar. When I arrived home, I realized my house keys were not on my key chain. Drove all the way back, looked everywhere and found them in my trunk! Hallelujah!!!
Today I took the short walk to the pier. The sun was shining and it was a beautiful day! I walked to the end of the pier. I watched the fishermen tend to their lines with great care. As I walked back down, I noticed a pole bent over and jerking up and down, indicating that there was something on the end of the line. I stopped and watched. A stingray had just fallen off the hook. I stopped at the restaurant/bar on the pier and had clam chowder and beer. A great way to start my three day weekend!
She was busy. She called and said “Come on over…I’m organizing my bedroom.” I arrived to the sound of religious jargon spilling from the radio, Half-pint was busily moving her vast array of stuff around, dusting, chatting. I was drinking vodka and tonics and eventually got bored. (Honestly, was bored right off the bat!) “Roomie’s at the pub down the street,” she said. Bingo!!! I walked down to find Roomie at the bar and a kickass live band playing. I enjoyed the rest of the afternoon people watching and listening to the music. Day two of vacation was excellent!!!
Memorial Day has arrived! No getting up early to be in my office by 7 a.m. Sleeping in with Bo is a treat that I enjoy every time I can have a day off work. I eventually rise from my slumber, have some coffee, a smoke, and (when I’m lucky) a toke. I decide to go back to the pier for the long walk. I get a buzz from Half-pint. Party in the harbor at a friend’s boat! I hoof it back down to the car, arrive late afternoon and spend another great time having fun in the sun. PRICELESS!!!
The Boss Lady was in a particularly low mood today. She arrived at my door to chastise me and tell me that it is my job to call customers first thing every morning to collect money. Hello??? Haven’t I been doing that for days now? Haven’t I succeeded in getting some big money coming in that is not even due??? Sometimes she just has to bitch about something. And like a miracle my phone rang just after to put a big smile on my face. Blondie called to say hello and check in for our date tomorrow. It is on!!!
Blondie, without a doubt, is the best lover that I have ever had the pleasure of experiencing. I always have the best damn time when we are together. We chat and tell stories and laugh gleefully. We get along so well, it’s almost scary. And when the date turns to the bedroom…all I can say is OH MY GOD!!! And I say it a LOT in the bedroom. He is the yin to my yang. It is like we are one person in two bodies. We get each other, which makes what happens in the bedroom even more electrifying.
It looks like my boarding house will be open for business again soon. Detroit rang me up this morning. He needs a place to stay for a couple of weeks. Since the Prodigal Son moved out, I have the room to let a friend crash for a little while. It will be nice to have the company and we haven’t hung out together in a while. He will just have to make himself scarce if Blondie and I have another date during his stay. It will be a little inconvenient, but I can’t say no to a friend in need.
The wind was whipping at her face as she baited her hook. She would put the hook in the water, the fish would nibble at the anchovy guts, and then she would pull it out again to add more bait. She repeated this until finally, she had hooked a fish. She could tell that this was not one of the babies she was so used to catching. This one was heavier and fighting hard. When she reeled the fish to the surface, she could see that she had caught a 13 inch Bass. She squealed with delight at her catch!
Big M was trying to butter me up last night. I cut off the intimate contact a few months ago. Platonic friends only! So, he snuggles with me on the couch and has his arm around me. It felt good as a friend…everyone needs a little comfort every now and then. He looked at me and gave me a tender little kiss. I said no. He looked a little hurt. I can’t possibly tell him about Blondie, but I am not going to have sex with him. I am saving all my sexual energy for my dirty little secret…
Thefish’s Boarding House is open for business again. Just when I was all alone, a friend needs a roof. How can I say no? I would never turn down a friend’s request to crash on my couch. Detroit is still trying to get on his feet since he lost his job. We used to work together until he was laid off. We’ve remained friends and he has been moving around. He is still looking for steady work, but still plays his music as venues periodically. He can help me with groceries and rent. One drawback: I can’t run around naked!
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