BY thefish

02/01 Direct Link
January in 100 words: Trip to the airport, Champagne, good friends, Dracula informs that heís moving to Las Vegas, a couple of romps with Dracula to say goodbye, Missyís birthday, didnít get invited to her party, Daddyís new girlfriend SUCKS, party at Redís, San Diego and me on the floor of the office, Red and I no longer friends, still battling with the Prodigal Son to GET A JOB and GET OUT, Big is a friend, Big wants to be more than friends, decided to be celibate after Dracula left and San Diego came on to me. Thatís all folks!
02/02 Direct Link
Mr. Bo Jangles turned 3 years old today. I always seem to forget that his birthday is also Ground Hogís day. I watched the movie with Big M and took Bo for a walk by the beach. What a beautiful day it was for a walk! Big M is just a friend, but me thinks heís growing too sweet on me. I donít want to lose his friendship and I donít want to hurt him. But I absolutely donít want a boyfriend in his early 30ís, not working and still living at home with his mom. What do I do???
02/03 Direct Link
Super Bowl Sunday!!! What did I do??? When Big M left after having spent the better part of the weekend with me and the Prodigal Son headed out the door to go spend time with friends, I settled in on the couch with Bo nestled in my lap to watch the game. It was a rainy, cold day and I was extremely content sitting and watching the game all by myself. I have come to enjoy my quiet time alone. Iím not lonely at all. How could I be when Iíve got friends and children constantly vying for my time?
02/04 Direct Link
Red: You shouldnít have said what you said. You shouldnít have called me a Whore! It was a horrible thing to say to a friend. Because of that, Iím out the door. How can I remain friends with someone who would ever dream of calling me a Whore? That was the lowest blow and we will be friends no more. I am tired of you constantly shaking your finger at me with ridicule and correction. Youíre not my Mom!!! So next time you want to call someone a Whore, you should try looking in the mirror. Iím done with you!
02/05 Direct Link
I had a cold. My nose didnít want to work. I couldnít sleep. I called work and reported that I would be coming in late. When I arrived, Boss Lady took one look at me and sent me home. Whooohooooo!!! I love it when the Boss Lady sends me home. It doesnít feel like it was my decision. I get to play hooky with a clear conscious. I headed over to Big Mís since heís the only bum I know whoís not working so we were bums together. We just watched movies and drank vodka all afternoon. What a pair!!!
02/06 Direct Link
San Diego was at the party. I took Big M with me hoping it would keep me safe from any advances SD might lay on me. It didnít work. Before the night was over, he and I were just talking in the office, and then the next minute Iím naked on the floor and weíre going at it. Then Red decided it would be appropriate to call me a whore in front of the guests at the party. Twice!!! Once wasnít good enough. Did she humiliate SD in front of everyone? No. Thatís why we wonít be friends any longer.
02/07 Direct Link
I was at a local pub and I was about to leave when three men started chatting me up. One in particular was trying to introduce me to one of his buddies. I politely said hello. As I was leaving in my car, the one who did the introducing stopped me and asked for my number. I had to laugh. I wondered what his friend would think. He called for a few nights in a row. We talked for hours and then, suddenly, the calls stopped. We never even got to the first date. WTF? I will never understand men!
02/08 Direct Link
Another day off. I am so down in the dumps. Just didnít feel like getting out of bed this morning. Thank the Universe I have plenty of sick time and vacation time. I can take a day without it affecting my paycheck. I just stayed in all day. Watched boring TV all day. I have no money with which to go play. So, I just settled in and was lazy all day. Sometimes you just need a day to regroup and recharge. I needed it badly. I am getting so burned out with the Prodigal Son and his life habits.
02/09 Direct Link
My life is so different from when I first started writing 100 words. Where has the time gone? I was so happy when this all first started. I had money from the divorce. I had freedom from an unhappy marriage. I was going to school. I got this great job. I was so damn happy. I even bought a magnet for the fridge with a little frog on it and the words ďIím so Happy I could just Shit!Ē written across it. I donít feel that way now. Life has been taking a toll. Iím bone-weary just struggling to survive.
02/10 Direct Link
Thanks, Big M, for letting me cry on your shoulder tonight. I just donít think I can take much more. In all my life I have never had so little in my freezer. Four ice trays and four breaded chicken patties. Thatís it! I am eating whatever I can get my hands on. Sometimes itís only rice and butter for dinner. Iíve got tuna fish coming out of my ears. I donít even have relish with which to make it. I add hard boiled eggs and mayo and thatís all. I will be so glad when this bankruptcy is over.
02/11 Direct Link
I have decided to attend a singles mixer on Saturday night. The mixer is being sponsored by a free dating web-site I have been on for a couple of years. I have had a few dates from the site. Obviously, nothing ever panned out. I like the idea of a mixer because I like to meet people in person. It is so much easier to get a feel for chemistry in that setting. On paper, they always seem to look good, but when I meet them in person, the bubble bursts. I am looking forward to meeting men in person.
02/12 Direct Link
Boss Lady is the best boss I have ever had the pleasure to work with. Sheís a great boss. She is kind and caring to her employees. She has given me raises without my asking. In my lifetime, that has been something I have never seen. I usually have to ask and then the work comes back, No. I got a promotion because she had confidence in me. We get great time off. She is my shoulder and ear when I need a friend. Today, she brought in a care package of food for me. I just fucking love her.
02/13 Direct Link
Oh Happy Day!!! The Prodigal Son got a job. A full-time job making over ten bucks an hour. His first check will be more money than heís ever seen for a one weekís work. I canít wait until his checks start coming in. I cannot support him and me for one more day. I am struggling to survive myself, much less feeding and housing his lazy ass. Thank the Universe he got the job. I had given him until his birthday which is just a few days away or he would be homeless. thefish breathes a huge sigh of relief.
02/14 Direct Link
How did I get here? What happened to what my life was supposed to be right now? I was supposed to be married to a great husband, live in a great house, have great children and have a great life. Instead, I live by myself in a one-bedroom apartment struggling to meet my monthly expenses. My first-born son lives with me, sleeping in the living room most nights. He has no ambition in life. He has no zest or passion for life. My daughter lives with her dad and I hardly ever see her. Happy Fucking Valentineís Day to Me!!!
02/15 Direct Link
OK. I got over the Valentineís Day blahs. My friend, Big M, came over and made me dinner and we had a great night just watching movies. I am getting to like him more and more. He is growing on me like moss on a tree. He makes me laugh so hard. We have so much fun just hanging out together. He is a great kisser too. Iím just still on the fence about him. He is tall and cute and sweet. He can pick me up which is a real turn-on. We will wait and see where this goes.
02/16 Direct Link
She arrived at the affair wearing her black leather mini and a white lace blouse. She was the picture of bad girl meets good girl. The black high-heel boots completed the picture. Her hair was silken and straight hanging to the middle of her back. She smiled at everyone in her path. She made her way to a table and took a seat. Then the band started playing and she could not contain her joyful rhythm. She took to the dance floor and danced the night away. She danced as though no one was watching. She danced her cares away.
02/17 Direct Link
The day he was placed in my arms was the happiest day of my life. He was a beautiful baby. He was a perfect baby. As he grew, he was especially close to me. He would become a Mamaís boy. And, Oh, Mama, help me now. The Prodigal Son turned 24 today. Where has the time gone? He can be such a loving, gentle soul and then be a real asshole. I love them both. How can I not? How can I not love this wonderful boy? Yes, he has faults, but donít we all? Happy Birthday, my beautiful boy.
02/18 Direct Link
The dance went well. I met some nice people. I met one man that I had a lot of fun with talking and dancing. He surfs and made mention of the fact that he would teach me. Me??? Surfing??? I just canít see it. I love to watch the dudes surfing when I mosey on down to the beach. I am in awe at how balanced they are on that board bobbing in the water. I commented that I didnít think I could ever stand up. He commented that after watching me dance, he felt I would have no problem.
02/19 Direct Link
The job that the Prodigal Son started also ended on the same day. I was just more than a little down about that. Then a miracle happened. He was called into another job and this one is a winner. It pays $12.00 an hour to start and is close to home and is full time. Oh Happy Day! Just when I was ready to give up, the best thing happens. Isnít that the way it always is? He likes the job too. I couldnít be more pleased with the Universe right now. Someone pinch me because I think Iím dreaming.
02/20 Direct Link
Big M came over to help me lick my wounds. The Prodigal Son and I had a rough night last night. Huge fight. I talked with my mother, Big M and Half-Pint, all the while sobbing uncontrollably. I have such good friends. Big M has been bringing food over to eat. Tonight, he kissed me again. This time I was more responsive. We rolled around on my bed kissing up a storm. Thatís all. Just kissing. Truth be told? Heís probably the best kisser Iíve ever kissed. I think I could kiss him for hours without coming up for air.
02/21 Direct Link
I will not be having meaningless sex again. The next time I have sex, it will have to mean something to me and the party involved. I will not be having sex just for kicks and giggles. I am past all that now. I am ready to wait for the right one. How long will that be? I have no idea and I donít care. As long as it takes to find someone that it will mean as much to them as it does me. I have had enough casual sex to last me for the rest of my life.
02/22 Direct Link
It only took three weeks. It has only been three weeks since I said goodbye to Dracula and casual sex. I have been hesitant concerning Big M for a long time now. He has been waiting patiently for me to make a decision. I finally made that decision. What I had been looking for was right under my nose the whole time. We finally did it. It was sublime. He is such a wonderful, caring friend and now we have crossed the line. We are taking this very carefully. We donít want to wreck our friendship or hurt each other.
02/23 Direct Link
Today is the beginning of a four day weekend to celebrate my impending birthday. I canít believe that in just a couple of days that I will be two years away from the half century mark. I love to have time off work for vacation purposes. I have been planning this for a long time. Big M is still at my place helping to kick off the festivities. Oh, what a difference a day makes. Just a little over a week ago, I was crying hysterically in a deep funk. Today, I am as happy as a pig in slop!
02/24 Direct Link
Big M left at around noon today. I am so confused about what is happening with him. He is so damn sweet to me. He waits on me hand and foot. When he is in the kitchen, he wonít allow me to help. He sits with me and strokes my feet and legs. I am so afraid of falling completely in love with him. His is fourteen years my junior and I wonder if he would be satisfied for long being with an old biddy like me. How long would it be before he would rather be with someone younger?
02/25 Direct Link
I arrived at the Pub early. I was planning on staying only for the happy hour. Many of my friends came in. Many drinks were bought for me. I have a rule for my birthday Pub event. I donít ever have to pay a tab. My pals all know they have to buy me a drink on that day. One friend even brought me a Starbucks coffee mug and a copy of Amy Winehouseís CD that had just won a bunch of Grammies. I had a great time laughing and cutting up with my pals. Good start to my birthday.
02/26 Direct Link
This could possibly be one of the best birthdays I have ever had. It started after midnight when Big M suggested we drive over to our friendís house and raid the orange trees. We had just gone to bed and it would surely be an adventure. Naturally, we called to get permission. There was nobody at home and he said it would be fine as long as we were quiet. We bagged four bags of oranges. We then stopped at the beach where I swung on the swings and slid down the slide with adolescent abandon. I fucking loved it!!!
02/27 Direct Link
I noticed that after our initial first few times that Big M wasnít being quite as affectionate as he had been. He made a comment to me when we were at the park on my birthday that he wished that he had more respect for me. I told him that I didnít think we should have sex again until he can respect me more. He knows my past. He knows that I had decided to change my ways. I told him that Friday night meant something to me or I wouldnít have done it. The ball is in his court.
02/28 Direct Link
A few weeks ago, before Big M and I consummated our friendship, he was over just hanging out with me. When he visits, he usually spends the night. We had gone to bed, me in my pajamas and him in his t-shirt and shorts. He was teasing me and I said no. Bo was sitting on the bed and was licking himself as usual. Big M says to me, ďAt least somebodyís enjoying themselves tonight!Ē For one split second I thought, ďAre you planning on jacking off next to me tonight?Ē We busted up laughing. He was speaking of Bo.
02/29 Direct Link
He hasnít headed for the hills. I am amazed that he hasnít headed for the hills since we had our little talk. He has called me for the past couple of days. He called me yesterday to secure our plans for tonight. He arrived at my place early and called me from home. He said, ďHi, honey bunch. I just wanted to call and tell you I was home from my business trip.Ē I replied, ďOh, I am so glad youíre home. I missed you, pookie.Ē We busted up laughing. If this isnít the one, itíll break me, I fear.