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There was a blast of fireworks and a loud cheer emerged. She stood there mesmerized, but feeling numb; too numb for someone who has just crossed the border of one year to another. She could not figure out why she was so; to her it was just any normal day. Perhaps it was because the happy atmosphere did not penetrate into her veins, or maybe she was tired from all the busying these few days. She did not know. But what she did know was that she wanted to feel happy with the crowd and cheering with them as well.
The prospect of the sun rising again for the beginning of the new day just seemed to break my brittle heart. Will the environment be friendly such that I can adjust easily? How about the company of the boys, whom we RGS girls have had met for a long time? All the uncertainties, all the questions, yet none could be really settled till I face the thing tomorrow. Tomorrow; it seemed so near, yet so far away at the same time. When the 7.30am bell rings tomorrow, the show shall start, and my heart can then be put to rest.
It seemed like a tsunami, sending waves after waves of challenges for her. The first day of orientation went well, with her getting to know the people around her, as well as the school and its environment. However there was a constant nagging thought in the back of her mind, reminding her of her KI placement test early morning the next day. Oh how she began to regret not putting in more effort to prepare for it during the holidays. To think that she had to face the test so soon, yet all she could do was sigh. How tragic.
The KI placement test went better than expected, being unusually enjoyable to complete. Unfortunately due to the test I was not able to play the other spaghetti game. Our OG dinner went well, getting us to talk and bond ever more. Suddenly I'm beginning to get really attached to my OG. Got to know a few more people better today, and my good impression of them has just improved even more. I really love my OGLs too! Did not realize Jun Xiang (Alvin) is the vice-chairperson of basketball. Interesting. On a side note, I need to go hem my skirt!
Like a filled balloon with a hole, she suddenly felt the weight of herself on her legs. Slouching slightly more than usual and failing to work those muscles on her face to make an expression even vaguely resembling a smile, she felt so deflated, and with it, a whole lot more tired and lethargic. All the energy she had been expanding to the rest the past two days seemed to have run out, and even as she tried to be enthusiastic again, it took more effort than what she had left. Time started to pass especially painfully slowly for her.
Last day of orientation. It was no doubt tiring. Time seemed to fly past us so fast we hardly had much time to enjoy the last bit of orientation as a group together. O Nite! was a big success for us. Our group (Gelio) turned up glowing brightly in the dark due to the glow sticks. Its interesting how a group of us with such different personalities managed to come together to get such a wonderful group. More so, that spending four days with this bunch of people can etch such deep memories in my heart and mind. GELIO rocks.
My muscles are aching like I've just gone for a long exercise session. To think that all I did was orientation. Perhaps it was the war games on the fourth day. I definitely had fun though, and the aches are secondary to the many wonderful experiences. Even as Yi Wen feels bad about being so enthusiastic during war games when I partnered him, I feel happy that he was that way. Like what I always said, what anyone can get out of something depends on how much you put into it. For me, I'm glad I put in my best.
Answering phone calls, slacking and catching up with friends just gave me a brief glimpse of dream paradise. Seeing the smiles on faces, hearing the familiar voices, sharing experiences and feeling like you have been there yourself... the times we had that day was just wonderful. There were the irritating moments, the times when we were tired, the busy moments, but overall all of us went back with an extra glow around us, being immensely enriched and satisfied with the encounter. Oh, the miraculous things a meeting with friends can do far suppresses any drug or treatment mankind can create.
The way lives get intertwined with each other is just so interesting. It is as though all of us are chess pieces in someone's chess game, fated to meet, to interact and to share with each other. Perhaps we were pieces of jigsaw puzzles mixed in a big box, made to fit into different pictures depending which pieces decide to go together with which other pieces. Or perhaps we are like roads, diverging and converging together at different points in life. Either way round, I am glad to meet a bunch of nice friends on class. The future seems bright.
"Have confidence in yourself... for so long you have been living in their shadow, that's why."
The moment Michelle said this I felt like crying. Not because of the fact that I got advice from someone, but because from it I could tell that there was someone who trusted me, saw potential in me, and knew my plight very well. Finally, there was someone who finally understood all that I have gone through.
On another note, people seem to be very different online and in real life. If only Xue Hao and Yi Wen will be friendlier in real life..
Somehow things didn't go all that smoothly. Or maybe it is my brooding that makes things seem a lot darker than they really are. I feel like I am trying to clean a Chinese ink slab - the more you rub, the worse it gets. Either way round, everything is the past; my brooding would not change it. I just hope that people will keep an open-mind such that judgments aren't made too hastily. Hopefully, things will turn out for the better and go smoothly. To think that all we can do is pray and hope. The horrible feeling of helplessness...
Sometimes it just takes one incident to pull you out of your little word and see your pathetic life in a whole new bigger perspective. What was just an accident made me think about a number of things that have been bugging me all the time. I hope the sms-es will help. I'm worried. Unfortunately currently I'm extremely high I in the DiSC profile, and I need the reassurance. I need a reply, even if it is just to acknowledge that he read it. More so, I need to convince myself that I can continue the self-confidence I have now.
I wonder if I know what I am doing.
I seem to be taking a lot more things than expected. Everyone is talking about scaling down, yet I seem to be having a lot of commitments. The truth is, I don't even know which ones to pick, how to rank all of them in terms of my priority list. I am now the CT rep of my class (wow). Medical biology quizÃƒâ€šÃ¢â‚¬Ëœs trainer seemed to be speaking in Greek, and I felt really stupid after the hour of it. Bridge was nice with nice seniors. I don't mind it. How?
I feel tired. Still have not settled my priorities, and it is making me terribly confused. I'm probably going to continue ODAC and bridge. I'm also the class CT rep. How about medbioquiz? Should I go for the ODAC adventure race with Eddison even though I do not feel fit enough? All the questions are spinning in my mind, and I cannot seem to figure them out. What I do know is that I could do with a hug, and I want to give a hug to someone.
I am convinced that my CT form made me think too much.
It seems funny how distant we can be.
Maybe there never was a connection, us having different goals and moving in different directions. Perhaps we were not meant to be close. Still, it hurts to know that after four years of being together we still remain the same.
On the other hand, it's funny how rumors originate.
Goodness knows what happened, but the story that came out of a group of girls chatting was just so absurd I could have choked on my juice if not for the fact that I managed to swallow before I heard about the "plan-.
The plan never came.
Or rather, it never happened.
It is funny how sometimes words can have so much impact on someone. Yet words are often the start to actions, even though actions are harder to carry out than words are to be said. Like they say, some things are easier said than done.
However I guess this unbalances the whole status quo. Things are getting slightly awkward, but I hope this ceases.
Perhaps tomorrow everything will fall back in place again, and a perfect picture can be formed. For that's what I hope our friendship will be. Simply perfect.
Making the boys seated in front of us understand the concepts which came so naturally to us was not an easy feat, but nevertheless accomplishable with our immense patience and their cooperation. The result was satisfying.
Perhaps humans are more than just three dimensioned. For there are so many sides to a person, a three dimensional figure will not be able to showcase all these sides of a person. However, these many characteristics of a person seem to be like the numerous cuts to make a perfect diamond - each significant, and playing a big role to make a beautiful object.
As I try to finish all my work I set out to do, my eyelids seem to conform gravity more than usual, closing even though my mind strictly ordered to not do so. Suddenly after the eyelids give in to the forces of nature, the mind shuts down into a semi-conscious state, and the world around me disappears in a flash to open up to a world of my own. Now all that matters seems to be the mind and what is going around in it as I visit the one of the most popular places in the world - dreamland.
It's funny how fate can twist the paths of two completely random people and let them discover how the world is such a terribly small place. I was talking to Eric online when I realized how much we had in common, how our lives seemed to be so similar. The scary thing is the main difference - the way the two of us cope with what was happening to us. I guess that's what being optimistic for me can do. Hope that what I talked to him was helpful, because the world can be a better place. Only if we believe.
I am totally thankful of my dear friends, the ones that have been standing next to me since we've been friends, and still are. The ones that I know I can count on and vice versa. Even though the future might be a bit bleak in some areas, even though there are certain parts of my life that I am quite upset about, even though what will eventually happen might not be pleasant, I know that there is spark in my life to guide me through. Thank you emm, michong, eric, junhow, wu chean, sherman and florence. You guys rock.
Oh, the immense power of M&Ms. The moment we group 2A people started popping those coloured pieces of chocolate in our mouths we just could not stop. Not long after the sugar kicked in and we went into totally high spirits, making lots of noise and fooling around with cheers, songs and everything. Even though there were a few hiccups in the day, everything went right, especially when the M&Ms started having an effect on us! The best thing about it was the amount of M&Ms we had. Talk about high glucose levels in our bloods. We simply love it.
Its funny how even though we are blood related and everything conversation is so limited. Perhaps it is the infrequent gatherings we have. Or maybe it is just that the two of us cannot connect with each other. Either way round, it seems a little sad that even when we are alone, silence engulfs us. Somehow I want to get to know you better. You are a very interesting person, a person with many experiences and many things to share. Why we stay in silence, I do not know. Maybe it's time for us to communicate more, right dear cousin?
To think that I was someone who believed in being serious at the right times - I sure wasn't today.
ODAC interviews were something I did not really prepare for, but the worst part would be that it was so totally informal I was not as serious as I probably should have been. My responses were done with a smile, but I hope that my group leaders know the deep desire I have when it comes to getting into ODAC and being in touch with the outdoors again.
For if I don't get into ODAC, I don't know what I'll do.
I probably never felt so stupid in my life.
Medical Biology Quiz training left me feeling totally clueless. All the nerves, the blood vessels, the muscles... after awhile they seem to merge into a potion to intoxicate me to visit dreamland. The droning of the trainer seemed to turn into notes of a melodious lullaby, making my eyelids unusually heavy, and my head filled of fluffy clouds, unable to absorb what he is saying.
After the lesson, I came out more confused than ever, not understanding much. The other students were fine, so I guess it's just me. As usual.
What did I say about the RJ PE T-shirt?
RJ ODAC store wash was a whole lot of fun. Holding the sheets up, getting sprayed by water, and spraying others, both intentionally and unintentionally... it really bonded a few of us, and added a pinch of salt to the group dynamics. Only thing was that those wearing the RJ PE T-shirt and got sprayed suddenly found themselves terribly exposed, for the T-shirt is made of such thin material that it turns practically transparent when it's wet. Imagine what will happen to those poor girls wearing nice coloured bras underneath.
I so love Emmaline. The two of us got into quite a bit of a fix today, but the way we could understand each other, the way we were just laughing when something we didn't want to happen crops up... it was just so wierd, but yet so hilarious. Still, the two of us are improving quite a bit in our bridge, which is a good thing considering there are trials coming up next week. We should be fine. All we need to do now is to come up with plans to do something about the big bad wolf. LOL.
Sometimes we have to make decisions; we have to choose which path to take because we cannot walk down both paths at the same time. Sometimes because of such decisions we cannot please everyone, and as such some people get angry or peeved. I guess that was what happened to me today. I was supposed to help my friend out with his Chemistry, but I did not want to do it in the library, not when I could spend the time with my class. No surprises on whether he is angry with me now. I can only sigh and shrug.
Time is such a scary thing. Something no one should play with, and should always treasure. It waits for no one, and no one can get more of it than anyone else, no matter how rich, successful or smart that person is.
Seeing my grandma on the eve of Chinese New Year just made my heart ache. She looked so tired, so frail. It was as though time had worn her out and that she was resigned to what would happen, thus being a lot more lethargic.
That night, I gave her an extra big hug. Take care, dear grandma.
The moment you said "Hi"to me with that big smile on your face I thought things were going better than expected between the two of us cousins. For a moment the world seemed a lot brighter, and the air that I breathed in seemed a lot sweeter. "The birds began to sing, and the flowers all start blooming."- Lyrics from RGS' school songs
Pass it on
, just totally describes my feeling then. However, somehow, the feeling just wasn't the best.
This time, my mind was somewhere else. Stolen away to somewhere far was my heart in someone else's hands.
Playing bridge online with the pros just doesn't work for me. Playing with them makes me sit upright and calculate everything that I can, making sure that I don't make mistakes. However, as the game drag on, I feel as though my brain is a towel, being wrung again and again to let all the brain juices flow, only that the towel is almost dry. Then like a computer my brain will go to stand by mode, refusing to function, refusing to do anymore thinking and calculations.
It makes me wonder how I can still type all these out. Marvelous.
Talk about a roller coaster ride, sometimes my feelings are just like that.
I guess MichelleOng is right about my character and everything. Sometimes I take things too hard, thus overreacting. Maybe it's the same about my life, about everything I do. Too much brooding makes me feel as though things have gone a lot worse than they actually are, and since there is only one of me I can never accurately know whether my perception is right.
Maybe what I need is a magic mirror, something for me to see and reflect upon.
Last entry of the month. Sadness.
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