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Happy April Fool's Day! This day could certainly be on any given day of the year considering how many fools there are in the world and how easily they are fooled. That wasn't very nice was it? Oh well, I actually have an ex-boyfriend whose birthday is today. I wonder how he feels about his day of birth being on this joke of a day. I don't think he's offended by it at all, since he's a pretty laid back guy, just something for him to get a good chuckle over. So, whom shall I play a trick on today?
Aren't the weekends supposed to be a time to relax and spend time with your family? That's what I've always thought. Instead, my weekends tend to be filled with anxiety and frustration. I'm used to doing my own thing during the week and when he is here on the weekend we tend to but heads. This weekend was certainly no exception with a big blowout over him not wanting to go to my parents to visit. I had a nice visit anyway, and well, to look at the bright side, there was more cake for us because he didn't come!
Well, so far so good. Dwayne officially started his vacation today and not one moment of tension yet! Let's keep that trend up! He's pretending he's invisible this morning, this could work. Hopefully the weather will shape up today and be nicer than the weekend was with its wind and clouds. I need spring in full force; I need to be outside. I'm meeting a lady today regarding childcare; hopefully this will lead to good things and more to come! More sleep would also be good; I've been quite restless at night lately; odd dreams and too much waking up.
I wish that I would've learned better decision-making skills when I was younger because I sure could use them now! I'm trying to hang on to the idea of a home based business, but at the same time have to deal with the reality that it is not at the stage I would like it to be and my unemployment is running out soon. Do I hang on or let go? I wish there was a clear-cut answer or an indication of which way that I should turn. Somitimes I wish that other people could make my decisions for me.
Is the week over yet? Soon enough I suppose. I'm just not used to someone else being home with me besides Hannah. I'm used to doing my own thing when I want and where I want. I'm not one to have others looking over my shoulder supervising or nosing into what I'm doing. I'm a fairly private person and don't like to be questioned about what I'm doing, I just want to do my own thing my own way. Well, that's enough about that, besides that, the only other thing I have to say, is I REALLY NEED A JOB!
Bright day, dismal past
Where will my current road lead me?
Am I on the right course?
Do I need a detour?
Will someone tell me please?
Sometimes a decision seems so right,
Then later not so much.
How can we be sure,
That we're doing the right thing.
I wish I had a crystal ball
To tell me where I'm headed.
Then I might know whether to take that detour
Or stay on the straight and narrow
We are not so lucky to have such a tool
Even if we did,
Would we have the courage
to follow through?
I saw a good movie tonight called "Take the Lead-, starring Antonio Banderas, need I say more? You ladies know what I mean! It was about a dance teacher who decides to teach dance to troubled youth in an inner city as a way of teaching them respect, trust and self confidence. It's based on the true story of a man who did the same and met with success. The dancing was awesome and really got my feet moving. Makes me think about getting out and taking some lessons! Let's start earning some money first, then maybe I'll consider it!
I just finished an entry for The Ontario Poetry Society's "Winsome Words"Poetry Anthology Contest. I started the entry a while back and it's been hanging on my corkboard waiting to be revised. I finally got to it this weekend, and I feel that I have a pretty good entry. That of course is a completely unbiased view! They give you a list of words and all of them have to be included in the poem. It wasn't too hard to come up with the first draft, but the revisions were a little more challenging. Let's hope for the best!
It shaped up to be an awesome spring day today with lots of sun and great temperatures. How do I decide to spend my time outside? Weeding a flowerbed, wow, what a great idea! That's me though, when the warm weather hits, I'm right in my flowerbeds. Whether it's planting, weeding or watering, I'm right into it. After a long cold winter it feels good to be outside and not freeze to death! Maybe I should consider moving to a warmer climate where I don't have to endure my least favorite season? I'll be sure to keep that in mind.
Finally caught up on my entries! I hadn't realized that I'd gotten so behind, that's very unlike me. Oh well, you get thinking about other things I guess and it slips your mind. It's the beginning of another new week and I really need to get moving with my job hunt. Two weeks and counting until my unemployment runs out, and I really don't want to be in the situation of having no money coming in. It's an idea that panics me, I think that's the best way to describe it. There has to be something out there for me!
How a day changes everything! Yesterday morning who would have suspected that by day end I would have had three calls about jobs and all wanting interviews the next day? Two people wanted to interview me at the same time, so that required an immediate decision as to which one I would not be going to since the times were not changeable. The remaining one was an evening appointment, so no conflict there. It will be interesting to see how things play out and if I will receive more than one offer. Wouldn't that be a dilemma! The best kind!
It seems that a new job may be just around the corner for me, and I think there are some things that I need to do to make sure it lasts. One, do not get involved in office gossip, two, leave my personal problems at home and three exhibit a positive attitude and disposition even when I feel like doing the opposite. There, if I can just do all those things, I will be fine. Easier said then done, but I do need to put a serious effort into them so I don't run into similar problems from the past.
What an interesting week this has been so far and it's not over yet. I've had three calls regarding jobs, three interviews, but no word on a job yet. On top of that, people decide to start calling me regarding the childcare business that I've given up on. Aughhhh! If this is God's way of testing me, he's doing a really great job this week. I've read that we keep seeing the same lessons in our life until we learn what we need to. I get the point God, I need to work on my decision making, I'm on it!
Writer's group was small and intimate last night, a different feel from the usual meetings. There were only four of us and it allowed for more in depth discussion of topics in a relaxed setting. Alicia was accepted to the Creative Writing Program at the University of Windsor, I envy her. At some point maybe I can immerse myself in that environment again. For now I have bigger concerns. I came to see someone in a different light last night after I learned something shocking about their past. Sometimes you just can't imagine what people go through in their life.
What an awesome day, and I have the sunburn to prove it. One of the first super nice days of spring and I enjoyed almost every moment of it. Warmth, sun, gardening, and playing with Hannah, what more could I ask for? I love being outside working in my gardens, enjoying the sunshine and just soaking up nature. Can you tell that I am glad that winter is over? It's subtle, but yes I am! Winter was way too long and I am glad to see it gone, and I'm not afraid to say it! Keep it coming Mother Nature!
Today was Easter and the day started early, with Hannah getting up at 6:45 a.m. I fell asleep early last night but then woke up mid way through the night luckily, to do my Easterly duties. I didn't have the easiest time getting back to sleep. Hannah was excited, but I was just plain tired. She enjoyed all her gifts and after some wake up time, I got into gear with my daily duties. The weather today was much cooler than yesterday and quite a shock to the system. Dinner at Betty's was good and some good laughs were had.
I pleaded with God the other night to help me find a job. Pleading is not something that I do very often, so you know that I am serious when I do it. I do believe that prayer works, but we're just too blind to see the opportunities that are in front of us sometimes. So, what I guess we really need to pray for, is that our eyes and ears be open to what is happening around us. Then, after we've opened up those orifices, to actually have the wherewithal to follow through on what we see and hear.
Another day, another job interview, but still no job. I'm feeling positive about something breaking soon, I just hope it's not my will. It's been a long haul and it'll be a relief when I finally get offered a job. It's tough out there and I don't wish a job search on anyone, because it's not fun. It has certainly tested my limits and shown me how vulnerable my self-esteem is. I like to think that my writing has helped to keep me sane, it's certainly been a venue through which I could vent my frustration and that is priceless.
Another day, another job down the toilet. I tried not to get my hopes up too much, but I was still trying to think positive and hoping that would help. Again, hopes dashed, self-confidence down the toilet, and a new degree of panic considering my employment insurance is up in two days. No pressure though. Dwayne says don't worry about that, but I wonder if he's looked at the bills lately. Oh, and thanks for the hug and words of encouragement by the way. Some suggestions I can work with would also be nice. Ah, the joy of my life!
No time to sit around wallowing in self-pity today, time to kick the job search into high gear! I am at the point where the standards are getting dropped, and although it may solve my immediate problem and get me some money, I have a feeling it will just land me right back where I am right now if I'm not careful. I'll just have to be conscious of how much the standards are being dropped and that the job that I accept is one that I can actually live with and be happy with. Trust me, this is important!
I hate when I get behind on my entries, because it means I have to think back to what I was doing that day and try to recall what I was doing or thinking, because that's what I use to write my one hundred words. Oh well, guess I'm a little preoccupied with finding a job right now and trying to stay sane. Both are very good goals, and I hope I can accomplish both. Applied for a few jobs online and spent a lot of time outside. Thank God for the warm weather, I really need it right now!
Well, it's just Hannah and me again today since Dwayne is working for the day. At least the weather is nice and we can spend time outside. There were a few jobs in the paper today that I will apply for. I'm trying to keep the faith, because getting depressed about my situation is just that, depressing, and I really need something to start working for me. If God is testing me, he is doing a really good job of it, and I am doing my best not to crack under the pressure, but some days are better than others.
The weather wasn't quite as nice as it's been the past few days, but still okay, we still did some things outside today until it started raining; so much for it being okay. Since the weather turned rainy, I took the time to apply for some jobs online, taking my load off tomorrow a bit. It's amazing how busy you can be when you're not working. With all the work I'm doing around the house, plus applying for jobs, I'm not sure how it will all get done when I start back to work. It will, just not so quickly!
Awww, Monday morning. Actually I don't have the issue with Monday's that most people have, maybe that's because I'm not working. Even when I was working though, it was pretty much just another day for me. Well, another week, another round of job applications. All of my efforts will pay off soon and then what will I do with all me time? Ha, ha, I'm a comedian aren't i. Definitely not, a writer is what I am, I just need to keep reminding myself of that. Too bad there aren't an abundance of jobs for what I actually want to do.
Today is the twenty- year anniversary of my Grandpa Takacs' death. His was the first death of a close family member that I was old enough to understand. I blamed the nursing home for his death. If I remember correctly, he had gotten pneumonia when he was transferred from the nursing home to the hospital to have the gangrene on his leg treated. He wasn't strong enough to have the surgery, and died not long after. He had a long life considering his smoking and drinking, I just wish he wouldn't have died in a hospital bed without us there.
Isn't it wonderful when all hell breaks loose? A minor incident got blown up into something that didn't need to be. Simply wanting my daughter home earlier than her grandmother wanted to bring her home caused a huge incident with yelling and hanging up. Of course I'm the bad guy as usual and have to defend my actions as usual. How encouraging. Of course I am also the one who gives an apology to restore the peace, but no response from her yet. I'm not apologizing again, I meant it the first time, and I'm not prone to repeating myself.
Am I ever ready for my counselling session today! Between still not having a job, situations at home and with family, it's enough to make a person mental. I think that I am doing a fairly god job of keeping a grip, although some days are admittedly better than others. I feel as though I am being tested right now, continually, and I am wondering when it will be over and what exact lesson I am to be learning. I will persevere and come through on top, because I am tired of the bottom and I can do much better.
I finally talked to my sister yesterday. What I thought was some sort of rift in our relationship turned out to be a misunderstanding. We have never been incredibly close, but when I don't hear from her from a month, I start to get concerned. I had called her a few times in the past month or so, but had not heard back from her, so I thought that something was wrong. It turns out it was just a combination of her being busy and her phone not always working how it should. It felt good to talk to her.
You might think that I'd be used to the lack of communication in my relationship, considering that we've been together for over five years now. I'm not though, and it bothers me a lot. I need mental stimulation and emotional fulfillment, and I'm not getting here, that's for sure. How is it, that with so much going on in the world, that two people can have almost nothing to talk about. It's a bit bewildering, but I guess that when you talk to someone and you end up arguing, you tend not to talk so much, unless you like arguing.
Well, we're at the end of another month, and I've been thinking that I'd like to try something different for my one hundred words entries. Up until this point, I've been using this as a journal of sorts, using it to write about my predominant thoughts or feelings at that moment. I think that I'd like to start using it as a way to get ideas for stories, by coming up with a different idea each day, or as a way to actually put together a book or story, one day at a time, one hundred words at a time.
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