04/01 Direct Link

looks like we decided to go today.

8 miles full packs and enthusiasm and possibility and more to the point probability. tested emergency food rations and folks wanted to know where we were going and without much equivocation we said we were on our way to spain. not a single eyeball rolled.†

home is where the boots are

and as long as we are where we are we will be fine.† drudgery will be an attitude thing. worry about finding a bed in the next town will be ahead of schedule. i guess weíll need camino rules

oh shit hot

04/02 Direct Link
how does one parse I miss my mother one of those ohso familiar, ha! so off the tongue, so I hear you lines as if it were a common denominator. it isnít. and really, I donít miss her she was a pain in the ass, thatís funny now that I think of it---judi, she used to say not one to mince words, donít be such an ass when I was, how can I parse I miss my mother, I am for godsake, for all my hard wrought in-di-vi-du-8ing, so her,
a pain in the ass
04/03 Direct Link
so I knew I was a snob, and I am, but not in every arena, or not equally or in fact consistency is the hobgoblin of fools so I donít see the fuss and caw about transgendered women competing in the Miss Universe Contest, Iím sure it was not the motivating factor for all that surgery and sculpting and hey if it blows her skirt up fine, howsoever show me a person who says their work is letterpress but oh by the way done with photoshop&photopolymer plates and I will scoff, snort fuss&caw with the best of them
04/04 Direct Link
printed my four pages, and yeah, theyíre good.

decided on eclipse black cover paper for the front&back; 3ply waxed black thread
bristol cream for the colophon page
*individual sensibilities for names rather than uniform initial caps or periods after initials
*Co ▫ ◉p will have a midpoint and a curtis postĎoí
*collective noun will be author, and will perhaps have a sideshow *it will be clearly stated that each author handset and handprinted their own work

and I found myself middle of the night wondering if I should wait to print it in case the order is changed
04/05 Direct Link
I had an abortion once a long time ago on the back end of Spokane as if it were an afterthought or regular everyday women werenít and it was better not scene not herd, not a story I tell often, not an axe I grind

I broke my foot once a long time ago at school in the winter, my mother who hated driving in the snow, wanted to know if I could walk home
not an old saw either

I had a brain tumor once not so long ago
a story I tell often
it changed my
04/06 Direct Link
started setting the damn thing in poliphilus god knows why especially since I wanted it in Centaur, and I knew I wanted it in centaur so who knows why I started setting it in poliphilus anyhow I got over myself soon enough and set the damn thing in centaur thank god since you know I didnít want it in poliphilus even though it has an st ligature which would have been phenominal in the word lost, but it didnít tip me over the edge with a touch of alternate gothic, gravure, and of course the title in goudy 48 point
04/07 Direct Link
ďdie livingĒ his t-shirt said, though when I hollered love the shirt as he passed us again completing his long run he was teetering on the very same edge which no doubt compelled him in the first place to blazon it on his shirt
weíd been talking about walking the camino and why we might not like it thereís nothing we shouldnít be able to get over once we get over ourselves, I said, I canít imagine anything (beyond the Pyrenees) which mightbe a matter of life&death, or that would call for mightily standing guard or parading flags
04/08 Direct Link
so, itís that day again, when I remember before all the pomp&foolery how we were just everday kids who did everyday everything together all over the shtetl all the time until all hell broke loose and then decisions were made ofcourse, anyway here it is for godsake time again to say, yo! dude, he loved a good idea a good meal a good lay, hated pomp and fools scheme and scammers, and knew jackshit about sinners. not his gig. he was not real big on irony either

that was my department, so itís good heís already dead Iíd say
04/09 Direct Link
neighborhood madness everyone so full of right and so sure of whose wrong it is as if thereís not enough stink to go around

itís good the giants won today, zito somehow over himself pitched his first shutout in 8 countem eight years the freedom of nothing left to lose

hard to move folks off their hurt off story off the mark, no cloud of unknowing here, right is so wrong

three ground balls each a onebounce hopper as they say into center field each getting a runner on base, butlike his apology none amounted to a hill of beans
04/10 Direct Link
so of course I handít meant to hit reply all and of course the deal was I had been blind copied so truth be told I wasnít innocent and yet fact is I donít say anything about others to different others I wouldnít say to the personís face, so it was a perfect erroneously carried out action

and truth is his apology which he forwarded to me, was perfectly provocative and anything but and he needs to be kicked in the ass, the rest is as it should have been in the first place between the two aggrieved parties,
04/11 Direct Link
you can see it cross the face of others same way it did us when we talk about walking the camino that whole wow&why thing and there are those who settle into it as possible, and those who are luke because they donít imagine it, or know of it, as I might not have before I did, and then there are those who flee, as if they might get sucked into some maelstrom
those same who donít flex with you as they might, who collect, and hold you to, your old photos
trap you in their knowing of you
04/12 Direct Link
the thing that is never quite clear to others is how perfectly boring it is to be slave to an illness that goes on long enough to somehow begin to describe and worse define you
the thing that is never quite clear to one in the throes of an illness that goes on long enough to somehow begin to describe and worse define you is how utterly self absorbed one becomes, nevermind the narcotic stare and lag
itís the lack of range and the remanding to the nowhere to go from there and ofcourse the falling away of perspective &humor
04/13 Direct Link
itís not always the other guy thatís the other and even more importantly itís not always the other guy who is the other guy

whatís he doing here or who does he think he is
how can she be so stupid or she thinks sheís such a know-it-all
heís so passive or he thinks his way is the only way
heís going to rape me or sheís going to accuse me of trying to rape her

at this point it would serve us well to talk about how poorly all of us manage differences, yes
all of us
04/14 Direct Link
itís nice no, itís good to be different my mother always said for reasons at the time which totally escaped me, the why she said it, not the what it meant though there were times like when I pulled out the everyone everybody argument that it was obvious, or like when I whined Iím the only one. I was too young as we often are at the time to get it, and as it happens I wasnít the only one afterall
how do you decorate your differences
how do you excoriate your similarities
and mine, how do you do mine>BR>
04/15 Direct Link
so she talked elegantly and eloquently about poetry and how it elicits and solicits rather than tells, leaving room for the reader to experience what you experienced in her own way but then before reading her poem like many&most good and bad poets do when invited to read one of their poems as if it were show and tell down to the smallest detail she went on to tell the 'why she wrote it' story and what it was about. ack. totally blew her cover, and the experience of the poem, poetry is experience, even if mine is different
04/16 Direct Link
I took the I-POD to check out the camera, and started rigging it to listen to music which annoyed the hell out of me quickly, for the same reasons that once gone I will not avail myself;
it worked fine for snapshots.

It was better listening to the birds,
better to be right where I was which as it was took me a surprisingly long while to settle into, it was all those tricks we play not to venture too far (did you do this do you have that) and I was on my own,
a whole other opening
04/17 Direct Link
so the man down the street got busted for a traffic stop with (medical) marijuana and they arrested his ass searched his house and took his dope, heís out now itís a money and small potatoes big nuisance legal issue, not so far around the corner T filed for divorce, two kids later she wants to partay, and next door itís the same song heard it all before, itís easy to say what Iíd do, but what the hell do I know
home again home again my sweet husband is on the slow mend from a 4th inguinal hernia repair
04/18 Direct Link
not that itís not worth forty dollars because it is, and more, but all of a sudden it puts what you charge in an interesting perspective, I could not afford it, nor could I afford to buy it for my friends, which meany my people as it were, who would appreciate it will not have access to it. the real question then is, whoís this for? maybe there needs to be a seniors, a poetís and/or a subscriberís price.

not that I wasnít thinking of pricing my trilogy at $30.00 but I wasnít buying it for anyone, ha!
04/19 Direct Link
balloons are uplifting. period-ola.

oh for godsake!

things happen and the story
is lost in the translation

back at the ranch:

storyís bum splotted in the mark
up cost is not gaWd ALl elicit or
illicit bloW me boWl me! serenade
ME OíHonEy do it is SONG I
carvE riSk Is kEy & QuWeen mO
ThEr bloodLust has nO thing noth-
ing over under ART madnation
except a willing abandon of just
what it takes to be great can you

and title page and colophon are printed, that leaves the cover! and ofcourse compilingandstitching, but mostly itís done
04/20 Direct Link
it was hot today, really hot, and walking my way to too hot&thirsty and bangingout god itís so hot I realized no matter how hot it was or I was or how little water I had left I still had 3 miles to go and then instead I settleddown into what was good, like my boots which were so comfortable and I settle right back into where I was and not where I should or might be, and settled into a comfortable stride in the moment instead of outrunning it,

itís not just the distance one takes in stride
04/21 Direct Link
there was fog, of course and gulls in pair, pigeons guillemot and a ribbon of pelicans, oyster catchers and pelagic cormorants waves and a rainbow just there for the longest time and when the fog lifted there were the whales! cows and calves on their way north
ohgodhelpme, itís an unfettered magnificence,

not that life is always magnificently unfettered,

it was the way he had her by the neck that took your breath, not that she was screaming but not that she was aquiescent, it was not easy to watch, not knowing for sure how it was designed to end
04/22 Direct Link
I didnít graduate with my class because my thesis didnít muster, held to task and humility I rewrote it of course and it was Ďthe most improvedí one theyíd ever seen, and it was good, I knew of course too that it was not what it was supposed to be the first time. I wonder what I had been about. Wonder what little trick it was, to stay my leave.
Amazing still all the stay my leave tricks I can muster. Yesterday I tried to convince myself to turn around because I hadnot taken my medicine, ha! it didnít work
04/23 Direct Link
she didnít move, didnít flex didnít give, making it my move on the way by, as if the right of way were hers, right of way a funny thing on a trail, a job, on the road, in a car, on a bike on foot, man woman child shipís captain, on the way back I stayed my course, walking straight up on me what are you going to do here she asked, suits me I said to walk facing oncoming traffic, liking to see whatís coming my way, a stupid rule I think, she said
but the move was hers
04/24 Direct Link
so it was one of those sleeps too busy to be worthwhile and yet the only time for that kind of murmuration and rumination, and just the same or because of it the whole damn getogether moves inexorably forward, today I printed the cover! and so, title page, colophon and now the cover is done. fly leaves and one interleaf is chose and cut and all decisions are made. even permission granted for use of Bringhurst quote now final compiling and one last stitching demo wow. hardly begins to say it. even the poster is printed! be astonished. eRrAtiCa unveiled.
04/25 Direct Link
itís tricky business this navigation of two by two in sickness and in health, in presence and in absence, in flux
no doubt we are more graceful, I know better what is fair, and what I will and do have to offer, and so even without pre talk he knows it too, and heís playing fairer, well then so am I it is afterall just another dance, but
life is short, and we are accountable each of us to the other for behavior which is becoming and illuminating no matter the circumstance, and thereís the rub, thereís no time off
04/26 Direct Link
of course it was borrowed, of course you did or didnít mean to fall in love, or maybe just let it get away from you but you did and grown up everyone knew the risks knew the consequence everyone knows how far is too far, how far is too far over the line everyone walks knowingly past knowing better into the inevitable, and we all think our shit donít stink, all think weíre different or the light shining on us has exempted us
thing is, of course it was borrowed was the deal.
borrowed is not given
is not yours
04/27 Direct Link
itís all a trip even the deciding and he had after his surgery in the throes of disrepair and before the of course Iím going to get better been veering off going to far too long too long away from home too complicated too uncertain all legitimate concerns not too mention too soon and too close to our just having come back from montreal that explored we came back to the kind of trip I had first imagined us taking for exactly those reasons, hmm


the crickets

in the apple orchard

remind me it all

depends on
your perspective
04/28 Direct Link
she came running up from behind me to say she saw me taking pictures and did I know there was a magnificent canada goose by the reservoir and then she ran back to her walking mate, sweet! I thought and even better as I approached an osprey dove to catch his lunch how did I know it was an osprey a young man asked, and without meaning to be a smartass I said, I recognized him, not true but almost, I mean itís true I recognized him but not true I was a smart ass
itís all in the telling
04/29 Direct Link
29 itís an ebb and flow thing a come and go thing this whoís on first whoís on second whoís in power what is power and how does it conform to the new deal

didnít work so well for my first husband and me, I missed him dreadfully and then not at all, Iíll say it again, though he left me long before I left him yes we were doing my thing but again long after weíd first done his

it wasnít love gone wrong, it wasnít shouldnot have been, no regrets no fault;
it was an ebb and flow thing
04/30 Direct Link
on to the next thing now, outing myself, my love for women such as it is, ah still the need to equivocate, ohwell. I can name them but thatís not the story. the story was without language for it I didnít know it was a thing, didnít know it was a thing others didnít experience, too bad didnít know it was special, didnít know it was a story not to tell but didnít tell it the same way Iíve not told stories about my first husband, or elison pusser or jan watson or my cousin paul or arthur fucking katz