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People ask us, "Why would you want to keep a journal, full of your emotions, mistakes, secrets?" I say to them that it is a way for me to release what has happened on that day, to cleanse myself of everything. Before I started keeping a journal, I used to keep my feelings inside, and when someone would push me to the edge, I would snap in public, yelling, crying, whatever the emotion was. Now I have a way to relieve them at the end of the day, so they don't get bottled up, and I'm happier because I write everyday.
There's something about going into the woods on a cool day, alone, that's extremely peaceful. You have no idea what time it is, not that it would matter, anyway. There's nothing around you but the trees, leafless from the autumn gone by, the sky above you, accented in places by a few clouds, and the birds, singing their song to the wind. It would be just as easy tor me to write these words in front of a computer screen, but inspiration is something derived from getting up and experiencing things. So someday, go to the woods alone, and look, listen...
The one question I get asked most by adults is "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I tell them the answer they're expecting, what job do I want to have. The answer? Actor, or singer of some sort. But as for what do I want to be? I want to be a Renaissance Man, the kind of guy who is married, has kids, and is good at may different things. I want to be the kind of person you always turn to for advice. I want to be a man with a life that's not wasted.
I've never been to a big city before, unless you count Atlanta. I've never seen a skyscraper, unless you count buildings under 30 stories. I look at a map of New York, and I hear my parents talking about all the places. As I look down at the map, I can only see a floor plan. When I get there, I'll see the real thing. I'll see those buildings I've only been able to dream about, Grand Central Station, The Empire State Building... Maybe someday my dream will come true, and I'll live in Manhattan, and work on Broadway.
I'm blessed with a friend who has stayed one of the most loyal, most true, closest friends I've ever had despite the greatest odds. You see, she lives 3 hours away from me, and we haven't talked to each other face to face in over nine months. I think it doesn't matter about how often you talk, or what kind of time you have together. There are some people who are meant to be friends, and nothing, not even 200 miles or an area code, can stand in the way of that. Best friends are forever. I believe in that.
Some people say, that when you meet someone, you know just who they are. And some people say that it takes an eternity to truly know someone. There's someone that I know, that I've only known for two months, and yet I seem to know her better than most people I've known for a lifetime. She and I can put our trust in each other so readily, and for some reason I know that I can trust her, without thinking about it. And it's funny... from the first time I met her, I knew that we would have something special, a love.
Some people think that artists are fanatics, broke, and on a different level with the world, not like "normal people". 20 Artists usually tend to be normal people, they can be of any financial standing, but those people are right about one thing: we see the world in a different light, an aesthetic one, looking at all things in a way someone who is a businessman or a lawyer wouldn't. I consider myself an artist because of the simple fact that I love creativity in all forms, and because I am creative.
"There are no wrong choices in acting, simply choices that are weaker than others."
"Acting is the science of living truthfully... under imaginary circumstances."
"Acting is the only art you can't be caught doing."
Acting is my passion. When I grow up, my choice is to become an actor. I don't remember when I made that decision, but I do know that now that I have made that decision, it's not one that I'll turn back from. These philosophies above are ones that my theater teachers live by, and I have adopted them as mine to live by as well.
So life goes on... I've realized this in a variety of different ways. The first one was when I didn't get the toy I wanted for Christmas when I was young. Another time was when I realized that what I had with my first girlfriend wouldn't last, and that I would have to end it. Maybe you'll realize it in a way that you don't want to, or maybe you'll realize it after thinking long and hard about the way the world works, but either way you slice it, life goes on relentlessly, whether you want it to or not.
Life changes quickly, and never quite when you think it will. You think that you have a plan for what you want to do, but Life never seems to agree. This sometimes is a bad thing, but for the most part, unexpected change can be a wonderful thing for people. That's all it takes to shove someone out of their comfortable but boring routine, is something unexpected to make them realize that there are better and more exciting things for them out there in the world if they would just take the time and the effort to search for them.
Love is one of these things, an onset, a change, and it's not something we can expect or control. Love is a beautiful and spontaneous thing, and it can happen to anyone. I don't believe the saying that says love only strikes one in every thousand. Love is God's gift to us for living. We are all truly blessed to recieve this gift. I am so thankful to God for bringing me this gift, for letting me know Judy. I am truly blessed to recieve this gift. You never really know how love feels until you know if for yourself.
I think it's time for some random prose, some variety...
I open my eyes to the slowly changing pre-dawn light above me. I hear the birds singing the coming of the morning to the wind above my head, whispering their song to all who would care to listen. I raise my head, watching my friends sleeping around me, their faces calm. The avian song has not awakened them. I look out over the lake, watching as a silent figure glides over the surface. I know the face, that angel...
Sometimes you don't really know what to do. Sometimes you know that you have people counting on you to know just what to do in a certain situation. The only problem is that you aren't an endless well of information you're just a regular person. A regular person who sometimes feels he's got the weight of the world on his shoulders. So you march on, helping where you can, giving the best advice that you can. And you never complain. Because this is something that brings joy and purpose to your life, and you enjoy helping people through their problems.
There are days where everything is going right for you in the world, you don't have a care, and things couldn't be better. Things are good in your life, and you don't want for anything.
For me, this happens most of the time.
And then there are days where you get a rude awakening about what kind of place the world really is.
There are children being sold into slavery every day, being sent out to beg for money in the streets. And no one does anything because the conditions in the shelters are even worse.
Wake up call. Life.
It's funny what kind of emotions you can get just from looking at old pictures. Sitting here, I can take out my photo albums and be instantly back wherever I was at the time. I can remember the people, the sounds, even what the air smelled like on that day. And when I look at them, I see how much time has passed between now and then. I can see how the faces of people have changed, and remember how they used to be way back when. It's funny how much people can change in just a few short years.
Pete Rose... Now we come to an interesting subject. A man who lied to the entire American people for 20 years with a straight face, now tells them just what they want to hear.
I feel very passionately that Pete Rose did none of this to clear his conscience, or to try and make everything right with the world. He did this for 3 reasons. He did it to sell books, which he has suceeded in so far. He did it to get back into Baseball, and he did it to get in the hall of fame. No to both.
Sitting out in the woods is nice, but around here, the air is always always clogged and dirty. But every once in a while, a light rain will come along, not one heavy enough to drive you inside, but not light enough to leave the air smoggish. So you can go outside, and look out over the mountains, and see for miles, ridge after ridge of blue green hills stretching out into the distance. And there is only one thing that could make a moment like that better. Someone else there to be able to see it along with you.
Everyone in a positon of power or authority that I've ever known has said that daydreaming is a bad thing, a waste of your time, and not something that is good for you.
If that's what authority says, I say screw authority.
I daydream almost every day, whether it be about people, places, or things I remember. Yeah, none of my teachers like it, and it may make me seem aloof, but daydreaming is something critical to my mental sanity. Without it, I'd go crazy. And I may mean that jokingly, but who knows what could happen to one deprived...
Flowers For Algernon
, if you ever get a chance to read it, is a very powerful book. It is is powerful not only because of the scope of the experiment being performed, but because it was told realistically from the point of view of Charlie. The book would have been interesting from a scientific point of view had the author simply told about Charlie, but because the author takes you into his world and doesn't tell you what he's going through, but shows you in the simplest terms possible. Simple human truth. Doesn't over act it, doesn't sugar coat it... Simple truth.
All of us want to believe that we're the kind of people that would be heroes in a tough situation, that if someone burst into our school with a gun, threatening to kill the people you cared about, you'd rush him and try to stop him anyway you can. All of us want to believe that we would die in place of our best friends. But we'll never know. I'll never know if, given the choice between my life and someone else's, which life I would choose to save. If, god forbid, I ever am in that situation, he'll guide me.
There's something about the flickering light of a candle that brings back thoughts of a time before we had the conveniences of electricity or electronics. Despite the fact that I'm typing this on a computer screen, I can turn that off and watch the waxing and waning light against my wall, thinking how it must have been for people who couldn't just walk to the wall and flip a switch. In my opinion, we take far too many things for granted in this modern society. I don't think we should give them up... Just be appreciative of what you have.
The phrase "You don't know what you have until it's gone" is more true than many people think it is. Cliches are just that because25 people have used them so often and understood their effectiveness. Sometimes people take for granted things that mean the most to them, whether it be something as trivial as something sweet to eat in the morning, or something as profound and monumental as someone you love. The person I am talking to right now should have read this at some point, and here's my message. Don't lose what you have, because you'll always regret it.
In an age where too many songs are about things that have been overused, I enjoy listening to Dave Matthews, because his songs have a message.
"Could I have been anything other than me?" Have you ever wondered simply, if you had made another decision in the past, could you have been something completely different?
"Driving on this highway, all these cars and up on the sidewalk: people in every direction. No words exchanged, no time to exchange them." People going on, not caring about the person who lives next to them anymore, because they have their own little ajenda.
Looking back at a great composer of our time, Duke Ellington, I wonder how he could come up with song after song, and have every one sound just as good now as it did back then. I have trouble coming up with even one song. It's probably one of two things. He got so good at whatever trick there is to writing songs that he could compose magnificently, or he was born with talent. It's probably a combination of the two. Regardless, if you listen to any of his songs now, you can still hear the brilliance of the composer.
Looking at a piece of music to sing or play, too often people (myself included) look at it just as the notes, as individual words, as tempos, dynamics, pronunciation, and phrasing. Too often we don't take a step back to look at the music for what it really is, a piece of music to be appreciated not only for it's technical content, but mostly for it's emotional content. When you sing (or play an instrument) you have to make an emotional connection to the music you are making, and you have to show that emotion to the person who listens.
We live in a society today where things can no longer be appreciated for what they are. Most can't listen to the radio because there is no visual aspect of it. People can't just enjoy choral music for what it is, they have to have some stimulation they can see. We live in a world where stimulation is on-demand, and the simple pleasures of life, like walking outside and seeing nature, or listening to a live orchestra concert, are ignored for the most part. Not many care for the sound of minor chords resolving into major chords anymore.
The other day my mom came up to me and told me that she was going to send a backpack to LL Bean to be repaired, a backpack that I had used for 6 years, well beyond it's normal life. They offered to pay for it, but she was going to pay for it herself because it was the right thing to do. Not because 15 dollars wasn't much, or because she didn't want me to know, but because it's the right thing to do. That's something I've always been taught: Do the right thing, even if no one's watching.
A person's trust of another is a strange thing. You never realize when you grow to trust someone, you only realize it when they tell you something and you take it at its face value, without thinking to wonder if it is true or not. Some people give trust easily, others don't trust anyone. Who is to say which group is right? Who is to say that no one in this world is trustworthy, or that everyone is? I only trust those I know well, and that trust is not mistaken. The people I trust, I trust with my life.
Over the past few days, I have grown to like the light of candles in my room as opposed to electric lights. There is something about that small flickering glow that is much warmer and more comforting than the stern bulbs that normally illuminate my room. The smell, also, is heartening somehow, giving you the sense of tranquility. For another thing there is the small warmth of the fire itself. Granted, a candle is a small thing, and its light and heat illuminate very small places, but a small comfort can be a wonderful thing in a time of despair.
It's a hard thing to understand when someone comes to you for advice and then decides to not use it. It's even harder to bear when the person would have benefited from using the advice. I can't help the entire world, but I try my best to help all of those that I can when they come to me. I look for small victories wherever they happen. You can be a pessimistic or optimistic person in this world. Comedy or tragedy. You can live your life in drama, moaning everything, or live your life in joy, living each day truthfully.
Death. That word alone, with nothing around it, is powerful. Death is something that will come to all people, all animals, all life. Eventually, everything will die. It's a powerful and disturbing concept for some people. I fear dying a slow and painful death, looking back at the memories of a good life that I knew, forgetting them every day. However, I know that all things must come to an end sometime. So, no matter what may happen, I do not fear dying, nor do I fear death itself. I will be taken from life in my own good time.
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