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I wish that he did not plan things so hastily, and included us. I hope that he has time and makes time for you, I'm sure he will. I'm sure that you are much different than his grown children. Love, Lotus Blossom -Your soon to be step-daughter and the daughter of a baba yaga witch seer priestess oracle who will always be damned by my father's mouth. Maybe one day you two can meet and swap stories of the trenches of what it is like to be with my father. I'm sure that meeting will be most excellent and enjoyable.
Sometimes she gets annoying and sometimes she gets really cranky. All in all my little sister has come a long way from being that odd little girl with speech problems. In fact, I think she talks more than I talk. She is growing into an adult and finding out that it costs money to be one. Next year she will turn twenty-one and I'm slowly coming to the realization that my little brother and sister are adults. Though they will always be ‘little' to me I must say that I sincerely love to watch the adults that they have become.
I asked him what is was that he wanted to do for our anniversary and he responded ever so calmly that he wanted to look for engagement rings. Not dinner, not the movies, not anything else but he wants to look for rings! I'm still in shock that he said that, I'm also very excited. This was all his idea, not mine so I'm just going to enjoy this. He thinks my excitement is funny especially since we are merely ‘looking' at rings and not buying them. I'm excited because I know we are going to find the perfect ring.
It's beautiful, it's dazzling, and it's going to be mine. It's a 1910 Original Edwardian Engagement ring. It looks like it could be a ring from Tacori, but it's better than that! We found it with a special Jeweler who only comes to the antique jewelry shop nearby our house on Mondays, and Sundays. I know its going to be mine, I can just feel it. It's just beautiful. Did I mention how beautiful it is? I believe it was mine in a previous lifetime. I know its mine! I can't wait till it's on my finger. It's so exciting.
A water main burst in the mall today. Firemen rushed to the scene of the event and got people to exit the building. Shoppers were being very stupid and watching the water as if it was some kind of music video. It came from our sister store. Not good for Mother's Day business. As the water quickly headed towards the major department store I knew it was our time to exit shop. We closed the store down and left the mall, in hopes that the store would be open tomorrow. Unfortunately it looked pretty bad so I sincerely doubt it.
Reporters were hammering to get information about the water main leak. As if it was the biggest news of the century. Can't reporters focus on something important for a change? Maybe the decline of society and human kindness or poverty in the states; nope the big news is that the mall closed early. There is a mall thirty minutes from virtually everyone's home so drive to a different mall. What's the big deal? Oh that's right it's because of Mother's Day. I think everyone this year should get mom flowers or perfume. I have perfume in my store to sell.
Every time I plan a vacation there is some kind of disaster which occurs that leads me to feel that I shouldn't be going. Maybe I'm just not meant to rest. Maybe I just need to work day in day out without any sleep at all. We are beginning the process of moving lingerie to my store. It's very strange and my forte is definitely not lingerie but I can handle this. I'm fully capable of it and that's why I get paid what I get paid. I have a lot of faith in my team but morale is down.
Why do I feel so totally guilty for going on vacation!? I shouldn't. I've earned this time. In fact, I've earned more than my share of vacation time. So what is the problem here? Why can't I just leave and not worry about my team? That is why because we are a team, and we are taking on a challenge together and I am not going to be there for some very difficult moments. I can do this. I will enjoy this weekend completely since that is all that it is. Then I'll plan more vacations when I get back.
Today I thought I might just not go on the vacation and that is due in part by his mother. She is getting really crazy about this weekend. She wants to control the entire event. I must remember who this is for and that we are not going there because we have to have a set schedule of things to do but because I want to be able to have a good time and enjoy my loves brother graduating from college. This is not supposed to be difficult or hard. I sincerely do not think that she gets that though.
I hid out at the mall today as a way to avoid his mother. My boss thought it was very funny, as did the rest of my team. So this is what this vacation is turning into. Next time I go on vacation I must remember not to bring her and to go for a week not a weekend. This silly act of this hiding and skirting about because she is a crazy psycho control freak; Why can't she be like my mom and ask if we have an extra roll of toilet paper and pile up in the car?
She told us to pack, last time I checked I was an adult and could make sure that I had all the things which I would need for vacation. She then proceeded to insult her son by telling him to dress nicer for the graduation. I wanted to slap her. Instead I smudged myself down with sage, but she took the sage away too claiming that it was too much. I'm trying to clear out her negativity and bitchiness. It's quite unbelievable. Yet, he put up with it and was like whatever afterwards. He must be used to that behavior.
I vow from this point forward never to plan a vacation with that woman ever again. She has this Nazi-freak-a-zoid necessity to want to control all actions by everyone involved. She gains her power by being generous and offering to pay for things which she doesn't have to pay for. Meanwhile, she thinks it is okay for a six-year-old throwing a fit at a college reception. Where does she get off? Clearly she didn't ride in the same car with the child or she'd feel different. In moments such as these I walk away, it is necessary for my sanity.
The two empty chairs at the dinner table weren't empty at all and that was something that I found very shocking at first. As I looked at the energy I knew who the two entities were sitting at the table. However, I didn't want anyone to notice my gaze so I directed my attention to the table and stared at my napkin. No one noticed but him and then he whispered in my ear,"What did you see?" I couldn't lie to him he knows me too well. He told and his mom found out and came up to me crying.
I couldn't wait to get home. I was tired of this weekend. I was tired of feeling like a beast was breathing down my neck at every move I made. No one controls me or what I do but apparently his mother is on a control trip and finds it necessary to control everything. I don't know that I can handle her being this way much longer. I know that the only solution to this is for both him and me to move out of her home completely. It's definitely feasible, but we very much want to save right now.
Not more than an hour after my boss leaves I had three people quit on me. Wouldn't that just be the case for everyone to wait until the boss leaves? What do I say to these people? I'm not going to beg them to stay on my payroll if they feel it's time for them to leave. I did have a mental brake down for a moment and then when I was told to stop it I did. I can't worry about what is yet to come because everything that happens has a reason in the grand scheme of things.
Why is it that when men get sick they can be mean and cranky like little boys but when the woman catches a man's cold she has to be all nice. Pass me the drugs please and leave me be for the next couple of hours don't you see that I'm sick? I don't want any sexual advances or kisses I just want to be allowed to let my body heal. I'll love you later when I'm all better I promise. Big babies are what men are when they can't have their way. The breast is their life long pacifier.
As I left the business early for the meeting I was truly concerned for my team. I really wondered how they would be, and what challenges they would come upon. I know that they will handle everything okay, and that things would be fine. Meanwhile, this hotel room is to die for. All I really want to do is to crash on that soft white bed and sleep for the rest of the evening, but I still have to go to dinner with the rest of the people here from the company. I'm sure others want to do the same.
The meeting was long but it was unforgettable. I've learned so much from so many of my peers. I now feel like I'm going to be able to go back to my team and make a difference and a change considering what's been going on. Granted I don't think that anyone could ever envision something of such a caliber happening in their store we have an amazing support system that truly does care. If it was going to happen to anyone it would've been us because we are capable of handling this without any problems at all. We will succeed.
Everything is coming together in my store so nicely. I am extremely proud of how my store looks and how my team is responding to it. There are always moments of sheer frustration, but underneath those are moments which I am very proud to say that I am one of their managers. Though it might be a little bit crowded for now the store is going to benefit from what we do during this time. I love learning from the associates from downstairs and learning from the management team. This is an experience beyond experiences that I won't ever forget.
I spoke to Kryheen over the internet last night. She has grown up so much, and even has a boyfriend. Jokingly, I mentioned to be careful around boys because boys bring babies. It was part of a poem her mom used to send in her letters that she sent to me. It's hard to fathom how such a little girl is turning into a young lady. I am sure she still very much misses her mom. I would too if I was her, but she is now getting to an age where she can appreciate the memories that we have.
Is this what my life has become? I work to pay the bills I work to pay the bills…I work to pay MY bills. I could live forever in flip-flops some comfy pants and a tie-dye t-shirt. Yet here I am day in and day out wearing black on black being a business woman. I can do my mom's job and yet I choose at this time not to. Maybe that's so that one day I can be my own manager. I wish I knew. This is driving me crazy. Maybe I should just be a bum since I'm tired.
My body crashed the minute it reached the sofa at my mother's house. I felt safe and comforted and the next thing I knew I was a wake and it was after one in the morning. My mom was extended on the other couch watching television and I apologized for falling asleep because I came to visit her. She understood and said it was okay. I love my mom she is the best-est one that there ever is in the whole wide world. There isn't anyone else who could ever take her place in my book. My mom rocks hardcore!
No one tells me how to do my job. No one knows where I have been or what my accomplishments are in my life. I find it humorous to watch supposed ‘leaders' being lackadaisical in the office. Sitting there for hours on end while others are leading by example get out there and show everyone what it's all about. Be a leader, a mentor, and a peer. When you are a good leader your team will work ten times harder for you and that is the honest to God truth. I'm sick and tired of holier than thou false leaders.
My empathetic nature has probably caused my illness to worsen. I've made several observations in the last week regarding how associates from one of my sister stores downstairs have been treated. The bottom-line of this one is that not all managers abide by the law. Furthermore, some managers like to behave as if it is Nazi Germany. The last time I checked we were in America. All associates earn their breaks and all associates must be treated like human beings. There are going to be some major problems in that store when they reopen considering that I follow the law.
Just when I think I cannot take my job, my life, or people anymore I have a mentor who allows me to think, feel, and be as my spirit wants me to be. Human beings are not computers or robots; we have to go to the bathroom on occasion twenty times a day depending on what we drink. Furthermore, we are creatures who relish compliments. The more compliments given the greater every spirit feels. The greater the spirit inside feels the more the human spirit will want to do for others. Let us lead via example, not by being tyrants.
My throat chakra is seriously in distress. Clearly I haven't been saying aloud the things words which I am feeling in my heart. Most of the time it hurts too badly to speak, and the other half I merely choose to keep my mouth shut. It isn't as if anyone really hears me anyways. Though I might have important things to say no one cares because many are very selfish on this plane of existence. Physical gratification or pleasures are that of the utmost priority. Not the human condition. Remember the path of Atlantis children. We must break the cycle.
Failure is not an option! I don't ever truly know where my statements come from at times, but this sentence came out of my mouth this morning and I realized the truth in the words. It's my belief that all human beings are born innocent, once that innocence is lost then all that is left is hope. We must remain like children with our hope focusing on the wonderful things of the world. Plants, animals, mountains, lakes, and streams are all amazing aspects of the world that we live in. Lets focus on the positive things rather than the negative.
The doctor looked at my throat and said, "That's strep throat." He didn't even have to do a culture on it or anything, he just knew. I knew it hurt really badly as I was crying before going into the doctors office. There doesn't seem to be an instant cure to this terrible pain in my throat. I wish that there was because this is probably one of the worst pains I've ever experienced. I've never had strep before in my life. What caused me to get this terrible sickness? Getting your legs and bikini waxed doesn't hurt this bad.
I lay in bed today knocked on my ass from antibiotics. I hate being sick. I hate not being able to talk. Furthermore, I hate being in pain. There were many moments I cried that I wanted my mommy. My love couldn't make it better though he tried with his herbal remedies. I watched some cartoons to pass the time I called into work to make sure that I didn't pass out call in sick so that I didn't have to go to work the next day. It took a great deal of energy out of me for that call.
I lay in bed today wondering if the antibiotic would ever really work. I think that sometimes believing in medicine allows the human body and spirit to heal appropriately. I also was able enough to have my mother perform some healing on me. She was concerned that I got as sick as I did as I had never experienced an illness such as that before. I could feel the energy traveling through my body as she cleansed my energy centers and removed the nastiness from my body. She's really good at what she does. It's because she is my mom.
As I returned to work today I realize how much better I am feeling. Sometimes we all need moments to rest and recuperate. I am not exception of this even though I often like to try and pretend that I'm invisible. I'm grateful for the love that surrounds me when I am not feeling very good. Today as I go back to work I'm going to remember to continue to take it easy. I'm sure that some will think that I'm being lazy but I am continuing to allow myself to not be so damn serious. I am healing myself.
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