07/01 Direct Link
Penguins mate for life, so I thought. How sad it is that a tuxedo clad bird, as cute as it may be, is able to find a soulmate and I cannot. I always felt bad for them, trapped at the aquarium while people of all ages tease them with beams of light. But at least at the end of the day they have each other. Well, yesterday I learned the soulmate theory is not true! Scientists have recently discovered prostitute penguins. Female penguins in committed relationships are turning tricks for stones to help build their nests. Is there any hope?
07/02 Direct Link
Over ambitious me needs something to do to fill my time so I am looking into summer physical education classes. So far I have narrowed it down to swimming, hip hop dance, cardio kickboxing, intro to golf, massage (though I am a little nervous to see who would actually take this class, especially if it involves practicing on other students) or advanced tennis. They are great options, but I have this strong suspicion that after reviewing all the choices again, I will then decide that none of them will really work and I will go with plan B, doing nothing!
07/03 Direct Link
I see him at the end of the street and approach cautiously hiding under the brim of my hat. Suddenly, he is in front of me and I look up. I am stunned. I find myself drowning in the blue sea of eyes. The more I look the further into them I fall for I cannot believe they are real. I know that sounds cliché, but nothing about him is cliché. I try desperately not to stare, but they hypnotize me and I want more. I try to turn away. He must be a magical merman sent to rescue me.
07/04 Direct Link
Sitting alone at my desk, I realize that no one in the country is working today, unless they are a doctor or a pilot or someone that actually has a job that impacts other people’s lives in a profound way. The entire department is vacant except for me and Alicia’s fish who I have been taking care of while she is on vacation. I don’t think he has a name, but he seems well adjusted regardless. Anyway, I can day dream about tonight. I’m not sure what to expect, but it sounds like a guaranteed good time. Five more hours.
07/05 Direct Link
Rumplestilskin is coming for a visit soon. Or so he says. The little troll is notorious for making plans and then casually forgetting that he has committed himself to something. Trolls are like that I guess. The future is a place they hate to visit, so they simply live in the moment forgetting that anything else is possible. I am so far from a troll and yet they are first in line when it comes to matters of my heart. Damn trolls. I’ve checked the yellow pages, but there does not seem to be anyone for hire to eradicate them.
07/06 Direct Link
The cottage was what some might call vintage. We pulled the door open and were greeted by the stale scent of seawater. I don’t think anyone had been there since last season. The shag carpet had been newly vacuumed, but the orange hue made it far from inviting. I think Holly said it best when she said looked at the couch and replied “As long as we don’t know what has happened on it, I think it is ok to sit there.” There was a bath too, but not much room. When going on holiday, preview where you will stay.
07/07 Direct Link
Today is her 90th birthday. She has lived in the same apartment for almost thirty years. Her TV was also that old. This year we pitched in and got her a new one. Have you ever seen thirty years of dust? As we were carrying it out, I saw this little nook in the back where thirty years of dust had accumulated. I am so proud of her because she does not have any cats. She does it all by herself. The only thing that frightens me is I look at her and I can see myself in sixty years.
07/08 Direct Link
If I have to walk by there one more time and breathe in the wretched stench from the harbor something is going to snap. It is a constant reminder that I should not be working there. One day I won’t have to cross that bridge and face the doom that lies on the other side. The heat wave must be making it worse. What could possibly be in the water that makes it smell that bad? Wait. I take it back. I don’t want to know. I think there must be hidden sewer pipe that empties out beneath the surface.
07/09 Direct Link
I think my company was bought out by a circus because you should see the characters that they have working there and the nonsense that goes on. The ringmaster is the ultimate puppeteer and aside from moving her wand to control the people beneath her, she really does not do much of anything. The second tier management are a bunch of clowns. They make a lot of noise and dress all flashy, but again not much gets done. Also, everyone is afraid of them. And then you have the poor captive animals such as myself that support the entire operation.
07/10 Direct Link
I apologize for my absence, which most of you will not notice since you will only be able to access my collection at the end of the month. I know, I broke the everyday rule, but my excuse is valid. I went on vacation. Yes, me, the ball of anxiety, who cannot sit still for a three hour movie, took a trip out west to a cabin on the most remote mountain top in California. No phone, no TV and no internet. I survived and it was beautiful. I’ll admit, it might be a lifetime before I do it again.
07/11 Direct Link
I casually glanced at the skinny white legs coming down the escalator, the torso hidden by an overhanging wall. With each second a new piece of his body was revealed until finally I saw his freckled face. I turned away and then whipped my head back for a second look. Was this a joke? Twins maybe? Not possible. I had flown 2,000 miles to escape and here I was standing face to face with the Phantom Heartbreakers stunt double. Another reminder that we cannot hide from our troubles, even at 6,225 feet above sea level. All I could was laugh.
07/12 Direct Link
Patiently I waited in line until it was my turn. “I’d like a Veggie Delight please, no onions.” “Would you like ham on that?” “No, a Veggie Delight. No ham.” “ Would you like Turkey on that?” “No, just veggies please.” “Salami?” “No thank you, just cheese, lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers and pickles.” I pointed to the picture on the wall so he would understand what I was asking for. He moved slowly down the counter. “Lettuce?” “Yes” “Cucumbers?” “Yes” “Tomatoes?” “Yes” “Peppers?” “Yes” “Pickles? “Yes” Twenty minutes later, I believed he was done, but he had to wrap it.
07/13 Direct Link
I sit staring at the lake watching the jet skis. Their wakes knock unsuspecting children floating on tubes into the water. But they climb right back up and wait for the next round. It is 100 degrees and yet I am surrounded by snow capped mountains. It is a strange feeling indeed. I am trapped on the oasis of my towel as the sand has become too hot to walk on. My first footstep was like walking on hot coals. I immediately decided it was best to sit there until the sun went down and take in the brilliant scenery.
07/14 Direct Link
It is 4:00 am and much too early to be awake, especially considering this is my vacation. The birds here make strange, loud, ear shattering noises, almost like car alarms, but more annoying if you can imagine such a thing. We have crammed four people into the small cluttered room and I am one of the poor fools sleeping on the floor. Pretending to sleep on the floor. I think my floormate is also pretending to sleep. It is easier than accepting that we have to get up in three hours. I don’t think any of us want to leave.
07/15 Direct Link
I must have stepped in Kryptonite and am tracking it around with me everywhere I go because my powers are completely diminished. I would have expected a reply by now, but my questions go unanswered which only leads to more questions. Maybe what I thought was happening was an illusion. It is difficult to accept that 300 shared laughs and 10 victorious rounds of Gin Rummy could be so quickly forgotten. On top of that I got my first rejection letter. I thought it was fate because it was all about the name, but it looks like I was burned.
07/16 Direct Link
So I am reading this book and I know the main character is me. She is living my life and I swear her thoughts are the ones running through my head. Only the author has captured her emotions far better than I could ever capture mine. Her every thought, her every insecurity, triumph and failure, they are all mine. It is tough to read at times because it reminds me of him. It is so true. How can someone who feels so right tell you that you are the best thing that has ever happened, but you cannot be together?
07/17 Direct Link
Continuing on. If there is a connection and you both acknowledge that connection, then who cares about the rest. That evil thing known as timing, well, fuck timing. Timing is what you make of it and I pity those that use it as an excuse, a crutch to lead them into a lonely world. I am only half way through this book and right now she is convincing herself that she can settle for a man who is less what she knows exists. I know how my story ended and I wait to see what she does. I won’t settle.
07/18 Direct Link
He actually arrives on time and we go to eat at our favorite restaurant. Only this time feels different because when I look at him I don’t have all those emotions I used to have and I realize that my school girl crush is over. This sense of ease takes control and it is suddenly easier to talk to him, to laugh and I am not worried about being messy while I eat my spaghetti. He must feel it too because he seems so comfortable around me and we enjoy each other in the moment, without bringing up the past.
07/19 Direct Link
The scene is set; the most respectable dive bar in town. I am dressed to kill or at least stun and I am thinking that the night is going to be fabulous. Some rowdy blokes challenge my friend and I to a game of fooseball. Little do they know this is my game. Sure enough, we crush them. I grab a stool and engage the guy next to me in a conversation. Suddenly, I see the disaster happening, but cannot stop it. In one swift movement the entire beer flows across the table and down my leg. So incredibly fabulous!
07/20 Direct Link
The scene is set; the most respectable dive bar in town. I am dressed to kill or at least stun and I am thinking that the night is going to be fabulous. Some rowdy blokes challenge my friend and I to a game of fooseball. Little do they know this is my game. Sure enough, we crush them. I grab a stool and engage the guy next to me in a conversation. Suddenly, I see the disaster happening, but cannot stop it. In one swift movement the entire beer flows across the table and down my leg. So incredibly fabulous!
07/21 Direct Link
I stayed up all night and forced myself to finish the book. I just had to know how her life turned out. I almost wish I hadn’t read it. She finally realized that her rebound was nothing but dead weight. That would have been enough for me, but it continued on and sure enough Mr. Amazing came back into her life after he spent a lonely month in contemplation and recognized that what he thought he did not want, he really did. That is why it is called Fiction. Maybe she and I are not the same person after all.
07/22 Direct Link
If ever there were 100 wasted words, this would be them. I don’t even want to throw out random Simpsons quotes, though we all know there is a Simpsons quote for every occasion, even times where you have to write 100 words, but cannot think of anything. I try not to dwell on the fact that a day has gone by and there isn’t an event worthy of a 100 words for me to capture. That is rather sad. But not as sad as the fact that words are precious and I have just thrown 100 words to the wind.
07/23 Direct Link
Things are definitely changing this month. I consulted the stars and there was no mention that everything in my routine would suddenly start shifting. Horoscopes are not supposed to go on vacation. I know some of it started last month and it is carrying over. But there are things that cannot be explained. My body used to run like clockwork, but lately it has been dragging behind. I feel this overwhelming need to leave where I am and run in search of greener pastures. And three of my favorite bars are no longer serving Bud Light. What is going on?
07/24 Direct Link
They were supposed to be the perfect couple. My pillar of strength and hope that it is possible to love and be loved and to know that the person you are bonded with is not only your husband, but your true best friend. But now, after three years, it seems that the foundation of their marriage was faulty and that is causing all sorts of demons to rise up and take control. The outcome does not look good. Despite all attempts to salvage some remains of love, it seems they would both be happier apart. I am in complete disbelief.
07/25 Direct Link
I haven’t had a Thursday night outing in a long time. There was the whole Rattlesnake night months ago, and that was a great night, but he was part of that. Anyway, on an impulse the girls and I headed out. I am still buzzing all over from the electricity of the evening. Pure happiness. I forgot how it feels to be eyed. Of course it is nothing compared to the sensation of being with him. But a few Bud Lights and a night with the girls in a crowded after the game bar was exactly what my spirit needed.
07/26 Direct Link
There are two birds sitting on a clothesline; one is solid red and the other is light blue with a white head. They look like they are old friends chatting away. Hooked to the line with a wooden clothespin is a plaid yellow napkin and there are also two towels, one red and one green. Oddly, there are also flowers pinned to the line. Some of them are pinned right-side up, like the yellow daisies, but the pink tulips are upside-down. The clothesline rests over an ocean with magenta hues where two little sailboats glide slowly in the gentle breeze.
07/27 Direct Link
She always comes in through the back door. If anyone bothered to notice her, they would find her nightly routine predictable. First, she grabs some water and a handful of snacks. After a quick bath she crashes on the couch and curls up for a nap. She loves to be alone, but somehow her roommates find her. She is forever being teased and they love to hide her stuff throughout the apartment. The taller boy is always trying to cuddle too. Can’t he see her independent streak? She wants love on her terms. Such is my life as a cat.
07/28 Direct Link
Her wedding day had finally arrived. The theme of the event was perfection. Everything was ideal. The only fly to ruin the cake was her mother. Fluttering around the room complaining about the creases in the napkins and the shade of her lipstick. But the biggest battle came over the necklace. The strapless number she had spent months agonizing over was perfect, but there was this constant buzzing about how accessories are so glamorous. She did not want to wear the damn necklace. She would not wear the necklace. Walking down the isle, she felt the diamond drop choking her.
07/29 Direct Link
The band-aids covering my fingers make it very difficult to type this evening. I pretend to be a little Betty Crocker, but I think if you could see me now, you would find it hard to believe I am a decent cook. Something was a little off tonight. My fingers are not the only casualties. The dinner rolls and chocolate chip cookies both walked away with some severe injuries. Surprisingly, I did manage to salvage the macaroni and cheese. I was not sure there would be enough milk after I knocked over the open container spilling onto the floor below.
07/30 Direct Link
Walking along the beach I stumbled upon a magic lantern, only I didn’t know it was magic at first. I carefully picked it up, unaware that even the slightest touch would awaken the genie inside. I must say, his physique did not fit my stereotypical genie image and with his skinny head and glowing orange hair, I mistook him for Beaker. But he was a genie and he was more than powerful. Before I knew it three wishes were mine. The first two wishes are between me and him, but the third, I wish Mr. Burns would share his secrets.
07/31 Direct Link
I am forever searching for an element of myself I believe is missing. The main problem is I have no idea what the heck I am looking for. In addition, my recent epiphany has brought to light the fact that I have been looking in the wrong places all these years. The answer is not out there in some book or hidden in the depths of a complicated relationship. No, whatever is missing has been inside me this whole time. These past few weeks I feel closer to finding my missing piece. Though I still believe in Emily the Strange.