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11/01 Direct Link
Today.
Today I can move to Africa
Today I can move to NYC
Today I can photograph something beautiful
Today I can start a novella
Today I can go back to school
Today I can cook something exquisite
Today I can start a new career
Today I can sketch something from thought
Today I can learn to play piano
Today I can write a timeless poem
Today I can tell someone special I love them
Today I can express myself
Today.
Today I wrote my 100 words,
And as for tomorrow...
Well, I will let you know about tomorrow, tomorrow.
11/02 Direct Link
if you ever get the notion to clean your freakin toaster, don't bother! i merely flipped it, and well.... perhaps, shook it several times to get the crumbs out. why did i do this? every time i moved the darned thing, there was a flurry of crumbs spouting about. and, after awhile, it repulsed me. the fact they were all clogged up in there, rattling around and taunting me everyday, bottom line, didn't effect my toasted rye. it's not the fact i have to buy a new one, it's the point that the crumbs were appharently happy in there. ggggrrrrrr.....
11/03 Direct Link
familiar with elevator etiquette (orientation, etc…)? well I’ll call this stair etiquette. you approach the stairwell door, noticing someone behind you, a few steps back. so, you wait the extra second or so, holding the door open for them. once the person has the door, you proceed to climb the stairs, except now, this person is directly behind you and your ass is in their face. slightly uncomfortable. so you speed up to get your ass away, only to realize when you reach the next flight, you are again waiting for them, holding the door open. now you’ll notice too.
11/04 Direct Link
“ithaca is gorges”
I seem to be the only person not familiar with this phrase. Apparently there is a whole cede marketing underworld (“yeah, shut up” is the new response to a sneeze, btw)(she now took the dictionary and won’t let me look up the word seedy, or ceedy)(hhhmmmm…) (I know we’re not supposed to look crappy words up but no one would be able to read anything without spell checking)(HA, dictionary.com – SEEDY), full of items smathered with this. The point is – everytime I hear this, I crack up laughing, cause I’ve prolly heard it 100 times without even noticing.
11/05 Direct Link
what makes an experience wonderful (whether it be a trip or good cup of coffee)? anticipation is necessary. bottom line, it is what you feel, expect, or want to happen. want. the emphasis is probably sunk in that one word alone. want equals desire. do your expectations meet or exceed your wants. which leads me to the second thought - relativity. everything is relative and everything, whether consciously or subconsciously, will be relatively compared. and even if you have nothing similar to compare to, your mind will relate whatever bad event it can, to compensate, and make this one spectacular.
11/06 Direct Link
driving to work today, I passed a dead cat lying in the road. my mind was flooded with thoughts. as a child, I remember giving emotions to inanimate objects. but this is not an inanimate object, or at least it wasn't. I would also bury anything I found dead. frogs, birds, worms, et cetera. why though? It's just a cultural ritualistic ceremony that varies from civilization to civilization, meant to put the dead at rest (prepare them for a passage even), when actually it's just a coping mechanism for the living.

I was compelled to bury him, all the same.
11/07 Direct Link
I’ve been wondering more and more recently why I’m so god damned closed off to sharing my emotions with others. simply put, knowing this of me and utilizing this kryptonite weakness against me, really scares the shit out of me. it would be a real sucker punch, kidney shot, ear piercing, chalk board scratching, bitch slap, low blow, head crushing, mind blowing, chewing on tin foil, shot in the arm, ball crushing, toe stubbing, sidesplitting, asphyxiating, anxious panic, bruise induced, stick in the eye, shot to the head, kick in the gut, heart breaking, blind sided, knuckle sandwich.
11/08 Direct Link
Part One.
As conscious reality slowly seeped through her, she found herself running in an alleyway, partially clothed, the remainder of which, completely shredded. panic shot like ice crystals through her veins. she was uncertain where she was running to and worse yet, what she was running from. Hide... Scream… Run… Cower… tumbling thoughts. fragments, pieces of visual stimuli floating in her mind, each poking the interior of her eyes. she caressed the nearest dumpster, scrambling to regain her senses. savoring the coldness of metal against her skin. repulsed by the putrid smells emitted. bile, quickly rising in her throat…
11/09 Direct Link
Back to the toaster thing, just for a minute (yes, I broke down and bought a new one, and yes, it was the fact I had to buy a new one cause I broke the damn thing). As I proudly examine my new toaster, I see it… “one slice here”, with BIG pointing arrows . If I only have one slice of toast, why does it need to be in one particular slot over the other. If someone out there can suggest why this is, I’m open to hearing it. Til then, I’ll be sure to fill both slots. Ha.
11/10 Direct Link
Today I went to my girlfriends mothers art exhibit reception (which was quite fun. Her work is excellent and she had a great turn-out. I hope to someday soon do the same with my photos. It was really inspiring.), and jen, brad and I got into a discussion about visual reality. when I see a red dress, will your brain interpret the red to be the same hue as I do? Is reality really what we view it to be? Imagine if all our senses were some form of a warped reality and what we construe to be, really isn’t.
11/11 Direct Link
"Fredonia is leafy"
"Fredonia has con-viction"
"Fredonia is slippy bridges"

none of our slogans seem to flow in the same MANNER as "Ithaca is gorges". what are the individual MANEURISMS, each seem to demonstrate? ha. I had a great time, showing off my old college town, eating lunch at my favorite bakery (Upper Crust Bakery - greatest bread ever), hiking at the college lodge (gotta watch out for those random banana peels on the bridges), the unknown road trip that brought us to Lily Dale, and dinner at my favorite watering hole (Barker – yum). it was a splendid day indeed!!!!
11/12 Direct Link
I used freakin love dental check-ups. the new toothbrush, the clean feel, the sarcastic comments from him ("oh, I don't have to tell you to open any wider" "your mouth is so big, you get to keep your wisdom teeth"). but one day, my shiney cavity protective coating I received as a child, wore off and I was told I had 6 cavities over 2 visits. stick me with a million needles, BUT I CANNOT HANDLE THAT DRILL!!! it causes me so much anxiety to get a cleaning and see if I even have new cavities!!! good news, THIS TIME.
11/13 Direct Link
breaking, slowly, unlike before
hoping, thinking, I lack a heart
find it easy? slam the door

the ebb and flow, my mood shifts more
my thought… memories torn apart
breaking, slowly, unlike before

mental tricks of keeping a score
life’s direction chose by a dart
find it easy? slam the door

left to feel like a cheap strip whore
or an impish trivial tart
breaking, slowly, unlike before
finding it easy? slam the door

breaking, slowly, unlike before
finding it easy? slam the door

breaking, slowly, unlike before
finding it easy? slam the door
finding it easy? slam the door !
11/14 Direct Link
this is humorous shit. I just wrote an extensive and detailed email, knowing full well that it will never be sent (there is no recipient), only to come to realize I had other previously unsent messages in my draft folder. I had completely forgotten about these. and come to think of it, as I reread them, I really don’t even remember typing them. I haven’t gone cybil or anything, I just didn’t realize that this is an apparent coping mechanism of some twisted sort. how many other draft folders do we create in our lives crammed with other unfinished business?
11/15 Direct Link
random thoughts by kimberly.
sue wants to start a business – Porn and Corn. while at first that sounds funny, considering out obsession with corn (we were once told that people used to recycle their eaten corn), any correlation between the two is utterly….

oh this is stupid, I don’t feel like thinking up anything.

she also owes me an apology for how many pellets she is making me do an extraction on. I’ll be drenched in the smell of BME. I know I’m subtracting years from my lefe by doing this…. career. more on that matter some other time though.
11/16 Direct Link
My closet. Vast, enclosed storage, dark remnants of the past. Items strewn about. My items. Most find their way to the corner’s dirty pile. Only to succumb to a vain human action of washing. But truly, how much of the dirt REALLY washes away? Gathering my old stuff, thinking it’ll be donated. Who would want it though, really? It’s mine, it belongs to me and so I’m stuck with it. I can try to hide it, place it on high shelves out of sight, or I can look at it, grab my favorite jeans and go on with my day.
11/17 Direct Link
checking out at the store this afternoon, I saw something that oddly struck me. There they were, Pre-Sharpened pencils, nine cents a piece. For the most part, this would imply to me, that the type of person to buy a pre-sharpened pencil would also not own a pencil sharpener. In that case, when their pencil goes dull, what will they do? Discard it? Do we live in such a Disposable Society, that we can afford this? I can remember my great uncle using a pencil down to the nub, practically, AND using a knife to jaggedly sharpen the darned thing.
11/18 Direct Link
As I wait in line this morning, I think, it began in 2nd grade taking my first sips of coffee, sneaking it from my dad’s cup. Realizing the importance of this morning routine, my first gift to him with my own money, a coffee cup with “Father” across it, to which he still has. I soon started pouring only half a cup. How else would I fit in the appropriate amount of cream and sugar? What then became an occasional treat has somehow now become a ritualistic trip to the Bijou, only to say this morning is again my last.
11/19 Direct Link
I’m QUITE tired of looking at numbers today. In fact, they are so frigged up, that I’m really not sure how fixed the fixed ones are. I’m following them in a big “logical” circle. Rrrriiiiggggghhhhttttttttt…… I’m trapped in Office Space. “Kim speaking, just a moment”. I’m just gonna keep typing cause my eyes are so tired now. I would actually like a cup of tea. I could either make it myself or go get some. I’m sure they have better flavors than I do. This is my free flow thought. Interesting huh? Eight words short of one hundred. Peace out.
11/20 Direct Link
today I taught kick boxing class. I got soooo nervous before hand, thinking I’m gonna blank out and then I envisioned 25 angry / bored kicking women chasing me. my voice was getting all crackly so I would frequently (probably too frequently) tell everyone to get a drink of water. so really it was only somewhat for the hydration benefit of the student and more so to benefit myself whose mouth was completely dry. I did receive comfort in the fact that one the karate instructor was participating in the class and seemed to break a sweat. Boring, I know.
11/21 Direct Link
It seems every year the Christmas retail items come out sooner and sooner. This year I saw stuff on sale before Halloween. It just seems wrong. Now, I love Christmas cause I love buying gifts and I say I’m going to start a little earlier and I’ll get a little more done this year. And perhaps with the oncoming of the holiday season sooner than ever, it may be a reminder of how behind I really feel. Today I put up lights, so I guess I’m contributing to the early onset. BUT I refuse to light them til after thanksgiving.
11/22 Direct Link
I’ve been paid to aid people’s addictions. One as a bartender and one at a gym. Yes, two totally unrelated fields, but both hit upon the same idea. For instance, I’d open the bar Sunday morning and know already at 12:15 who would be in, what the conversation would be (if the phone rings, I just left) and how many beers it takes to stop the shakes. at the gym, I never expected to encounter the same situations. But again, I knew who was coming in when, what they ate, how often, and for how many hours they’d stay. Disturbing.
11/23 Direct Link
I think everyone should be required to donate organs. It only seems logical to aid others after we’re gone. It’s shame our bodies are left to decompose (regardless of beliefs, bottome line – you rot). So It’s difficult to imagine that people are on waiting lists for years and sometimes do not make it to the top of the list, next in line. It’s messed up game of Russian roulette, it would seem. I try to do what I can, I donate platelets, and I’ve signed to be an organ donor. Except my eyes, which makes me hypocritical too, I guess.
11/24 Direct Link
While I’m not ready at this point in my life to be pregnant, to be a mom, I love the notion that (hopefully) I will be pregnant someday. i find it so amazing that my body has the capability to support the growth of another human, a baby. The development of organs, bones, skin can all happen within me. To feel the baby move and shift and hiccup astounds me. I think my fascination started in grad school taking developmental biology and being equated to human incubator is so intriguing. So til I’m mentally and physically ready, I’ll wait. Patiently.
11/25 Direct Link
I’m so freakin frustrated. I have 51,286 air miles posted. I need 60,000 miles to fly to Australia. Australia is now booked for February and starting to book-up for march. a certain nameless company happens to OWE ME 10,000 BONUS MILES!!! I’ve met all the criteria and have some months now and yet they’ve still not posted. I don’t understand. I was so close to getting them today, but missed the call and NO ONE can seem to connect me to this person. they keep switching me from person to person, opening inquiries and TELLING ME I DON’T EXIST!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
11/26 Direct Link
woke to a vivid dream:
I was wearing elmo socks with sandals. sue and I were walking the city (sloan, ny). we decided to stop by his house. he was having a party and at this point it was winding down. he was wearing an engagement ring (she proposed but wasn’t there and the ring was this copper dangly thing, too small in my opinion) and telling us how happy he was. i smiled politely and then told sue we needed to leave. I remember being sad thinking – I came too late.

I hate when dreams set the days mood.
11/27 Direct Link
I live in buffalo and sometime it snows here (I think the city has a bad rap as far as that’s concerned). the snow we received last night was forecasted. no big surprise there. so why then (with all the seasons salt stored), on two of the major routes into the city was there and inch or so of ice? which brings me to winter driving. no, you can’t jam on the gas from a stopped position and no, your car cannot do more than one of things it designed to do (accelerate, decelerate or turn) at the same time.
11/28 Direct Link
I’m thankful my family loves me. I’m thankful for what my grandmother has done for me and for the time I had with her. I’m thankful my friends care. I’m thankful my greyhound has a warm and safe home. I’m thankful jen d is having a baby soon. I’m thankful jen k quit smoking. I’m thankful for my health. I’m thankful for travel opportunities I have had. I’m thankful for the warmth that surrounds me. I’m thankful for the abitity to see sunrises, sunsets and star gazing in between. I’m thankful for the person I’m trying to become.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
11/29 Direct Link
While yesterdays Thanksgiving dinner was very nice, it oddly brought back a bunch of emotions from my childhood feasts. Dinner was always at my grams, who lived downstairs from us, so I would spend the early morning checking the progress. As dinner neared, it was my job to prepare the table and I always adorned it with my holiday school creation. I hated olives when I was little, but EVERY year I would eat one. It was the olives yesterday (which I now enjoy), that brought all this back to me. the smells, memories and laughter. I miss those days.
11/30 Direct Link
today jen and mike are coming over and I’m preparing an assortment of boboli’s with wine. we are also going to play euchre this eveing. NOW, it’s been quite some time since I’ve played. six years to be exact. we played in college constantly. we would spend whole evenings drinking and/or smoking and playing euchre til all hours of the night. playing out of suit, stealing the deal, and cheating our asses off. just for fun. we’d then wake up hung over and play some more til the headache wore off.

we’ll see how well I remember how to play.