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It's been a long time. I did my June words, but never posted them. It's okay. They sucked. Millions and millions of words, hundreds of people. It's so very. I guess the days when everything one was an experiment, an adventure in media, programming or culture is over, and more dead then talking about the dot.com bust. But I can't help but still be excited about 100words.net, and my involvement, despite the fact I have almost nothing to say. I will continue to bluster my way through my words. It's the only thing I can do. It's a hobby. Late.
I was a drunken idiot tonight. This is no surprise to me. I'm a drunken idiot at every party of Emily's I go to. The lure of as much vintage Scotch as I can drink for free is to much to pass up. So I ended up drinking a lot of scotch. I ended up that babbling drunk pontificating and repeating my self. I don't think I offended anyone which is nice. I made my get away soon enough. Next thing I know I'm on my way to Queens with a driver who has never left Brooklyn. Free scotch yeah.
Somehow at the end of my account of my drunken reveries I turned on the filter keys. Now I don't know what they are meant to do but I do know they kept me from writing anything for about five minutes when I went to write me words today. I feel like a real idiot again. So thing were cool today. Chilled at Matt's place. Smoked some pot ate some Chinese food. I could have gone to East Hampton this weekend, but I stayed in the city. That's the way it goes sometimes. Tonight is not Sunday. Tomorrow no work.
Slept late kept thinking I should be doing something. There is always something to be done. The label is dead, but there are still things to be done. Always some bill to be budgeted for. Some thing I wanted to do, or thought I should do, but haven't. Some friend to e-mail, or e-mail from a friend to read. I just can't bare it. I just don't want to be in contact, but I hate feeling so cut off. It's just the way I am now. Tomorrow is work. It's something to rely on. A known quantity. Work never changes.
You'd think I'd know better, but I must not. I do the same thing ever week. I stay up half the night doing whatever, and I'm a zombie for half the week. Fortunately there isn't much to do. With the new Chancellor we will have a lot of busy work. New forms to be done, and put into the upcoming cases. New letters for the cases that haven't been singed by the now outgoing Chancellor. No big deal. Not many new appeals. Not many cases to be typed. A lot of time to search the web. Not a bad day.
Now this is getting pathetic. I'm almost desperate for something to do. I've done everything. Made all the tapes of hearings, and made all the calls. I've filed all the certified mail and the return receipts, and it's not even noon. I've even checked all the old cases without docs, and made a list. I've typed and corrected the last two reports. I almost am in shock from boredom. I've got to get out of here. Sharon is back and while she seems as lost as ever she looks healthier. She certainly is more fun then her replacement. That's it
Well there is one thing to think about, and I'm not just talking about the woman with see through top. Although there something to be said about a pretty girl with a see though top. Especially who doesn't mind you looking. Went to dinner with the folks at Dumont. Really great. Neighborhood place, but three people was over a hundred bucks. I guess that's what a real restaurant costs. It great that a restaurant basically on my block is so good. Also a lot of attractive women were eating there. You should never take a restaurants scenery for granted. Cool.
It's looking like I'll finally get my new computer. The talk is to order it on next Friday. $ 890. A Compaq, but I don't care. My mom will get the clunker I'm using and I will get a bright and shiny new machine. It is so cool. This will be as big a job in power as when I went from my old 150meg hard drive to my current computer with an 8 gig hard drive. Which seems small now. The new computer will not be state of the art by any means but it will be close enough.
Work is so boring. There is nothing to do. I can't just sit around and read fan fiction all day. With Virginia, and Joann out I guess I could do almost anything I want, but after a while just sitting around and reading gets tiresome. I love to read do get me wrong but after three or four hours I need some other stimulation. I need distraction of some sort. I don't want to talk to Phyllis, and Dr. Brooks leaves at 12. It's like death here. No way am I staying till 4. I'm leaving early. East Hampton bound.
I think I've established that I hate AOL, and yet my parents for some reason have resisted getting broadband at their house in Long Island so I have to suffer with AOL's crashes and other inadequacies as an ISP. Make no mistake I don't go looking for opportunities to bash AOL. I might mention every so often how I much I hate it, and I like to see them go out of business or revel in the lost of value of stock price drop. I don't look for it the opportunities come to me. AOL is hell to use, period.
I am bored. More and more I consider the famous lyric "you're so bored ‘cause your boring." It's true at times I realize I am a boring guy of limited obsessions. I have so rarely done anything exciting, and spend much of my time either stoned or reading fan fiction. When I was young I was a comic book geek, and now I read fan fiction and download cartons from the net. I've wasted so much time. So much fucking time. My lack of ambition has become a prison. I still have no desire for anything really. It's so sad.
Don't get me wrong work sucks, going to work sucks, no mater how much rest I get I'm still an exhausted sweaty mess when I get to work. Being so out of shape and obese probably accounts for a lot of it, but people just weren't meant to ride the subway for an hour and work all day it's just inhuman, but having to actually be there with nothing to do I mean nothing is just the worst. Your mind just starts feeding on itself and your spirit just flags completely. Things rarely get worse then this. I hate this.
Still have the new computer excitement. 1.5 chip, 24X burner 60 gigs of memory. I've been waiting since April for this, and for me that's a long time five months. It's hard for me to think of a time I've managed to keep an idea alive for five weeks. This is so exciting, by this time next week I should have it set up, and be surfing like crazy. My current computer always seemed slow. I guess being as impatient as I am that is no surprise. I wonder if the computer I am looking at will seem fast enough.
I know I'm just being maudlin, but I can't help it. My writing sucks sucks sucks. I haven't had a decent Idea in months and my 100words for July. Sucked, my words for August: suck. I'm supposed to be a good writer. People tell me I write well. Not expertly, because I know nothing, but that I write well. I used to believe it, but this cannot be because everything I write these days is shit. Maybe I'm being extreme about this I don't know, but I'm pretty sure. So I will continue to write. What else can I do?
You'd think I'd know better by now. Don't answer the phone. Just don't do it. It will only be a bill collector. Capitol One, or Aspire or some credit agency, or Con Ed, or the people from the dish company with no sense of humor, or AT&T who also have trouble with a joke. But know I figure I can't doge them forever and I'm not moving so I guess I'll talk to them. But it only costs me money. I know that I have to pay, but I just hate having to talk about it. It's so fucking depressing.
Today was an expensive day for me: 1. 140.89 con ed
2. 124.14 dish
3. 93.41 Verizon
4. 65 Keyspan
And that doesn't include the 600 dollars I'm forking over for my computer. The folks agreed in April to kick in 400-450 on this so I'll have 1000-1050 to play around with. Not to bad but spending over a grand on one day is a real killer. I started the day flush with 363 dollars in savings about 1200 something total and now I'm sucking wind again, but bills are paid and the computers coming. It's worth it.
Checked my messages. First time after three or four days. Mostly it was not a surprise. Since Matt left I don't get a lot of calls, and those that do call I mostly don't want to talk to. It could be connected to the fact I don't want too talk to anyone. But then Jeff called, and will I can't say I have much to say to him. Jeff I would talk to. As in had I been home I would have picked up, and if I had a number I would call him back. I erased everything else, fast.
Went to Matt's tonight. Our cousin Emily was with us. That was kind of cool. She is doing a radio show, and wants to be a producer now. She's never going to finish college. I hope she get a career together. I hear they can come in handy. Dinner was very good. Home smoked ribs, double backed potatoes. I didn't have corn, and brownies with dolce de leche. We hung out on the rough and Emily and her friend did the human beat box. Very nostalgic. We took the bus back to Williamsburg and I went home. That's about it.
So things are moving along with getting my computer. Talked to some Steen at my dad's office. He said I might be able to buy my computer through the CWE. Some client of my dad's and where his dad is a major player/founder. He's getting a seriously powerful computer. A real mean machine. 2.4 gig chip, a gig of ram, 120 gig hard drive, and a cd/dvd writer. I will not be getting anything like that. I can live with a lot less. The CWE buy all their stuff from Dell. Emily said she liked Dell more then Compaq. Difference?
So I talked to Alex, the CWE computer guy, and he was going to get me a quote from Dell. We talked like no time. Maybe he can get me a decent price. I was told by Emily not a computer expert that Dell was better than Compaq. I don't know what the difference it is. They all seem to have the same type chips, hard drives, ram, and burners. And so I can't figure out the difference except for some cosmetics whether it's Dell, HP or Compaq or any other of the major Wintel, or now AMD machines. Diffrence?
Got the call early from Alex, a surprise in and of itself, I hadn't expected to hear from him at all. He gave me the quote from Dell. A 2.4 chip 512 ram, and an 80 gig drive plus a forty time burner. He mentioned other stuff that I wasn't as interested in like the graphics card and the keyboard. I sort of heard him and they sounded good. But I really would now. 64meg sound card I know the one in my current one is 16. Don't know what it means. 1130 something dollars more computer than I expected.
I made myself a delicious dinner tonight. I had some tomatoes, and I seasoned them with salt, pepper, olive oil and thyme and put them in the oven at 200 degrees. Sautéed some onions, garlic and hot peppers in a pan, and in another I had small Italian mushrooms and sweet peppers. I sweated the mushrooms and the garlic and then added the caramelized onions and sweated garlic with the mushrooms and peppers. I cook to chicken cutlets and them mixed everything together. I had cooked the tomatoes about fifty minutes and they were delicious and it was really easy.
It was great seeing James again. We hung out in the Union Square. It was the 75 anniversary of the execution of Sacco and Venzetti. I don't remember much of what people said. I was more interested in which the pretty girls of which there were many. Had I any courage I might have even talked to some of them. A band called Team Spider played. They were enjoyable bad and had a 75 year old guy with no teeth chanting "singing" and making announcements. He tried to lead some group chants, but it just didn't happen. Life is weird.
Did not hear from James as I excepted when he went with Becky and Sal back to their place last night. We had talked about getting together on Saturday to do something go to Chinatown, or to Cinco de Mayo. James's favorite Mexican place near his old apartment, but he never called and without cell phone or long distance on my land line I could not call him myself. It would have been nice to get a chance to have talked to him. It's been a long time. It will be nice to get my cell service back. Fucking AT&T.
I slept so late today. I crashed on Matt's couch. I can't remember the last time I slept till nearly one. At one point it wouldn't have seemed so strange. Stay up till 4-5 smoking pot, and sleep till 4-30 or 5. No need to see the sun, nothing happening during the day anyway. Except for people going to work, of which I had none getting al my cash from the parentals for staying out of their way. Now I'm a wage slave zombie, and I get up early and go to work. Sometimes with a tie, sometimes on time.
So it's the countdown to the computers appearance. It's strange my dad has asked me not to tell me brother or sister about the new computer. Ordinarily I would be boring Matt to tears talking about how excited I am to be getting a new computer. I've been complaining enough about how much I want one. I have no idea really what I'll be getting or when. I have to admit I'm pretty ignorant about computers. Especially considering how much I use them. Then again I could be exaggerating. Blah blah blah, I never have much to say. Oh well.
So the new computer is just sitting there in my dad's office. I'm waiting and printing out Buffy fan fiction to kill time till my mom can drive me home. It just sitting there. One big anonymous box and a box with speakers. I just can't wait. Of course I'm getting that buyers remorse. Is it really worth it? Will it really be that much better? It's just pathetic, but it's mine. So I can't wait. Four hours and I'll be at home setting up. I'll wipe the old machines memory and hook up the new one. I can't wait.
I made one miscalculation with my new computer. Set the time wrong. So while I thought it was only midnight it was in fact one am, and therefore I was going to be hurting at work the next day. It's not as if I ever get enough sleep but today was really bad. Really bad. I fell asleep on my dad's couch, and went to dinner with them. I have no idea how long I was asleep, but I felt better for a little while. Oh yeah, new computer rocks. It's so fast. It's going to a lot of fun.
So I'm walking along Powers street on my way home, and I'm having some ridiculous heavy sex fantasy, and all of a sudden some guy walking past me says something like you're the boss or what ever you say chief. I'm always a bit paranoid and hearing things but this wasn't some vague rustling in the winds. It was pretty fucked up. I kept walking, but I tried to keep my thoughts clean for a while. Who knows whose listening?
I've downloaded most of the software that I need right now: ACDSEE, Get Right, WinRar, Gravity and Eudora among others.
I burned my first disc on my new computer. Nine minutes to bur a 77 minute disc. Less then half the time with the old machine. I almost look at that old computer with disdain. I guess I pretty much do. It seems so slow, now the hard drive almost seems as small as the 150 meg hard drive on the old Mac used to seem. On that old thing I could open any image that was over a meg in size. What a fucking drag. Almost seems like a lifetime ago. No DSL, no cd burner. It's almost unthinkable,
I was chilling in my pad. Which is rare. I don't usually chill. I brood, hide, sulk, sleep, but never chill. But I had done some shopping and had made a good meal so I was happy. I knew I would eat well on the way and not have to eat McDonalds which is something I never look forward to. Mark and Alison were very late, and my journey to campus had yielded only a vague hope of getting into a class, but for now things were good. All I can do is wait for them to arrive. Chill out.
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