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07/01 Direct Link
Teddy bear in a blue dress — a small gift that means so much. A 30th birthday gift from my grandmother. A constant reminder that in spite of not feeling well she made that effort to attend my birthday party. I carry the little bear with me everywhere ( it's a miniature bear that fits nicely in my handbag) I go and lately while visiting her I would show her the bear — she remembers it.. Gifts from the heart are more valuable than an expensive one — because it serves as a reminder of the thoughtful gestures of people we care about.
07/02 Direct Link
Why is letting go such a difficult thing to do? It is always for the better yet we hold on to things or do we really? I wonder why letting go of my favorite turquoise sweater is so hard? I got it on sale — it was sitting there saying buy me but after all this time its showing its years — colors faded threads lose — time to say goodbye to it but its so hard. This sweater holds no sentimental value & its taken me from family outings to first dates and last dates. A true companion was my turquoise sweater.
07/03 Direct Link
Invisible bugs are back — with a vengeance. I've had two weeks of interrupted sleep and its driving me crazy — if I could see them I would squish them but these creatures are smart — and invisible though a stupid one would stray from its home and show itself and that is when I get to get my revenge .. It seems like there is war everywhere — war with bugs in homes, petty fights in chat rooms and the real wars in countries and there is the war with our ourselves — oh wow war sure is part and parcel of our lives.
07/04 Direct Link
Moments — special moments- moments in time — they come and if we miss them they are gone forever. I have missed many moments when Chris was around and I wasn't and I feel really sad — yet a lot of times I feel like he is around — yeah 'looney' me but I think its spiritual something much more deeper than a physical connection — some of us more sensitive to things like that I would think and a lot of times I wish that he was that way or maybe he is (maybe its wishful thinking) .. I guess I will never know.
07/05 Direct Link
I hear the sound of an airplane flying overheard. Its like dÃÆ'©jÃÆ'  vu for some strange reason — I don't know certain things bring about that familiar feeling — its scary sometimes because you don't know they are and why you feel them. Sometimes images of the past come flashing back for no reason and you ask yourself is this nearing the end for you? Or maybe you are thinking too much — that when you have nothing else to think about — past thoughts unconsciously come flooding back. The mind — the biggest tool and with the most complexities. Time to break it open!
07/06 Direct Link
I met angel with wings except that it didn't have its wings at the time. They probably got clipped — poor angels when they try to do good and only to get into trouble instead. I figure angels like being bad sometimes — to experience how the other side lives and they think it can all be hidden. Too bad for them they got busted while in the moment. I met such an angel as he walks the earth with remorse and hoping that someday he will get his wings back and not be a fallen angel walking the earth for eternity.
07/07 Direct Link
People come into your life and it seems like things will never be the same again even when that person is long gone. It seems like they planted a part of them within you. A part of you wants them to wither and die but it seems the more you want that the more it grows and nourishes itself with the emotions that you carry — and you wonder why. Maybe it's the love that you still carry within you that nourishes it to no end? The one that refuses to dry up and at every instant keep on reminding you.
07/08 Direct Link
I wonder how it would feel to have your own ghost. Yes I did say ghost or spirit. How interesting life would be. Only you can see them. They have a couple of shows on television with that story line. I sometimes wonder if you could kiss a ghost — the whole romance within the spiritual realm. I have heard that in some cultures that it is possible. My hair I standing on end just typing this — feeling a little eerie and looking around my now dark room. Could there be a ghost whispering? Watching? Nodding as I wonder about them..
07/09 Direct Link
Burnt sugar what an aroma. I make tea sometimes and cook the teabags — leave the pot on and go about doing things. I love the smell when the tea is boiling and it gives out a 'sssssss' sound then I know its done or when the water overflows and the smell of burnt sugar fills the kitchen. It does make a little mess — but a mess can always be cleaned up — the smell of burnt sugar — heaven and best part of this tea making process is that the tea turns out perfect — thick and strong. An almost perfect drinking companion.
07/10 Direct Link
Grilled cheese sandwiches — what a treat. What a sight to see cheese oozing out of the sandwich maker an indication of how the machine is doing its work in making it the best sandwich yet. Steam comes out of the back, the smell of bread and cheese — just makes you drool and can't forget that sizzling sound. Sandwich making can be a dramatic feat sometimes — all the effort that goes in creating the perfect production. The cast, the producers and finally the audience's approval. And all the clean up that follow after — it sure does deserve an Emmy. My sandwich.
07/11 Direct Link
Racial Harmony Day is coming soon and Lord knows the world needs it. At the rate racism is taking over the world — I am wondering if giving peace a chance would ever materialize. I have seen racism happen in its more subtle sense and at a grander scale. Our lack of tolerance and understanding could be the contributing factor in the rise of racism. Why can't we see the beauty in our differences instead of thinking with our pride. We are all special in our own way and we each contribute to the world. We should give it a chance.
07/12 Direct Link
The chat experience used to be fun and informative these days however it has grown from bad to worst even in rooms where it's moderated. There are racial slurs and religious backlash seem to dominate the chats and let's not forget the ever increasing spam bots and real life perverts who obviously can't get the real deal and has to go around stalking to get some action. People are fighting and it just baffles me and I ask why can't we just get along? Don't we have enough conflicts out in the world? Give it a rest for Gods sake.
07/13 Direct Link
Want to see how nasty or mean or rude people can get? Try the chat rooms. I have seen it and it makes me sick to my stomach. People think that they are better than others and start being a bigot — insulting, scolding others — I mean who are we to say what is right and what is not. In insulting others we are showing just how bad we are. Personally there is no one superior race — there is good and bad in every race. It's not about what you are it's about who you really are and that's what counts.
07/14 Direct Link
Racial encounters are a normalcy for me being in the education world. Educating a child with regards to respecting others starts at home and sadly parents often send out the wrong message. A teacher can correct it so much but when they go home it's a whole different story. I wish parents would educate their children instead of scaring them with racial examples that if you are dark you are bad. A sad reality but that is exactly what is going around. Do you scold a child for pointing out that their dark skinned friend is bad? What to do?
07/15 Direct Link
I live in a multi racial society and my family has its share of interracial marriages. I see so much beauty in that. Love overlooks the color of your skin and the faith that you hold. We should see ourselves as individual flowers — beautiful and we add color to the world but imagine when we come together in a bouquet — all the colors combined how much more beautiful it is? We are like a burst of colors! I think God had a reason for creating many races — I mean if we are only one race — how dull will that be?
07/16 Direct Link
I fell asleep with the kitchen window open and guess who decides to pay a visit in the morning? Two little sparrows were happily eating the bananas hanging on the rack. Uninvited little guests — I shoo them away but they still come back around when I'm not home or while I am in the room. When I hear sounds in the kitchen I know it's them. Smart little birdies — so they think. I close the window and they find another way in- I guess they are smart after all. Sometimes they go into the living room too. And for what?
07/17 Direct Link
I'm starting to have writers block. Uninspired. Unmotivated. Why? Why? I ask myself.. then I read somewhere touching your nose can actually spark activity in the brains creativity corner — so I've been touching my nose ever since and it did work for a while then I got uncreative again. Now what? My blog is happy that I have a writer's block — so that it can a break from my nonsense entries and all the updating, adding and subtracting. I love writing. I work these ideas in my mind and I would be too lazy to post them to my blog.
07/18 Direct Link
The advice of many writers is all the same to write, write and write everyday at least an hour a day or more. It takes discipline — a lot of that I might add and sometimes when the ideas don't flow we get aggravated. I suppose the key is too never give up- just write about everything and anything. About the ants that constantly appear even a bit of sugar is left on the table or that door that refuses to close and feeling so damn tired after a day of nothingness. The whole idea is to write — so write away!
07/19 Direct Link
I think I getting a little too old for late nights and I'm only 33. Either than or this old brain of mind is being over worked. I think a lot about everything — and it seems when I sleep my brains are constantly working too. I think about work, school, health, Chris, mother though in that order. At some point in the day these things would pop into my head — they linger and leaves, only to be visited by something else — sometimes it feels like the brain is like a doctors office — hmmm even doctor offices have a day off
07/20 Direct Link
Six dollars on cab fare which is usually four — I'm screaming here. Things are getting way expensive and its burning a hole in my pocket. Time to move — to another place another dimension maybe where you can get luxuries and still not have to worry about money — in a perfect world maybe then again in a perfect world at least in mine — I am swept away by some unknown bald stranger — and go riding into the horizon — ahh dreams — they say if you dream enough it manifests — riding on a Harley across vast oceans and wide open spaces — bliss ..
07/21 Direct Link
Peace at last. Candles. Lavender oil. Chamomile tea — relaxation as its peak. I am being transported into a world so calm and peaceful where all you see is tranquility and feel is love. No war no guns. Everyone's blind to color — the only they experience is the color of love the uniting of the human race and only to be tarnish by this splatter of black because the damn cell phone rang and I am taken out of my meditation into the world of today — a world of conflicts, crimes and vices. Should have turned the phone off first. Bah!
07/22 Direct Link
Ummmm the smell of the ocean what it does to the senses. On a night like this it is really nice to just walk by the beach, feeling the sand in her toes & salty cold water on her feet.. ahh heaven &Watching people sitting down talking by a bonfire, lovers lost in an embrace and then she sees it at her favorite spot as moon shines bright then she sees it an invitation with no name. But she recognized his style of writing. Could it be? The invitation read 'An invitation to a night of passion at The Scarlet.'&&
07/23 Direct Link
An organized grocery list — it seems that's how mine is. I never realized I till today. I divide my list into food and non food items followed by frozen & meat items, dry goods, fruits and vegetables, household items and amazingly I stick to it and when I am the counter I do the same sort it all out to make it easier for the check out lady to pack — unfortunately for me though she does pack it the way I expect it. I am no perfectionist. but I in certain instances its always nice too see things in order
07/24 Direct Link
Sometimes I feel like dough — cinnamon-sugar flavored dough ready to be kneaded and molded into something delicious and appetizing. I am carefully measured and mixed then kneaded till I am soft — and twist and turned to be transformed into cinnamon rolls adorned with raisins or sometimes even a cherry or two. Sometimes the wonderful enhancer — the egg glaze is brushed all over me and then I am baked to perfection — as I grown and brown in the over — it emits a sweet mouth watering smell. I am removed from the oven and sprinkled with snow sugar for that added glamour.
07/25 Direct Link
Hands I love hands. I don't think itsa fetish — just a like. Over his looks I think a mans hands and arms are what I notice and look at more —it's not a sense of insecurity — more like warmth and security. I like a man with fairly big though not huge arms, with some hair visible (very sexy) — arms that say 'I am a man'. Fingers — my mind goes a wondering when I see a mans fingers — how I would like to have those fingers wrapped around mine. But not all mans hands appeal to me just the one .
07/26 Direct Link
At five in the afternoon I am usually up and about ready to go home but if I was at home that seems to be the time I am most productive.. It seems like my energy level surges at this time — I have questioned why... it's a phase or maybe just hormones —the little price you pay for being a woman. I try to avoid coffee at this time - though not always successful at doing so I still need my fix! And with all that energy at hand I start my day as if it's the am once again.
07/27 Direct Link
I'm Hair — love me or hate me. Depends on where I grow — it either makes you happy or drives you crazy. People spend hundreds have more hair or to just get it removed. Hair is colored, permed, ironed so it looks good. Like people I have my share of mood swings — bad hair days then again it sounds more like a woman with pms. Like people too hair needs to be cared, loved and nourish or else we are headed for destruction. Use us abuse us we are still loyal and will always be around even if only a strand.
07/28 Direct Link
Jump right in and do it- how many chances does life give you don't many it seems — so when you see it grab it. I have seen people who contemplate instead of just jumping. Isn't life about risks? It kills me to see people kill not seizing moment instead they spend it analyzing and waiting. Life is getting shorter — why waste it- if you are given that chance to love, to advance in your career to make your dreams come true then you should just do it. Time is moving and we should too so what are you waiting for?
07/29 Direct Link
This is the voice in my body telling me to change my life style to get it checked. Its little cries for help — constant fatigue, the colds, the short breathes — are all voices from my body telling me to, exercise eat right, drink more water. The heart, the joints , the liver all in unison telling me to wake up — eat more fruits eat more vegetables, grill not fry, lay of past and rice eat more grains — that little voice with a powerful message. It punches, it stirs, it tickles, it throws tantrums trying to get my attention. Poor voice.
07/30 Direct Link
Someone's playing a piano it sounds haunting, magical yet there is no piano in sight. Could it be a fragment of my imagination or are you just dreaming? The sounds of the piano inviting — making you wonder, looking for it. You look from room to room yet nothing is there — you think you would try the house next door but yours is the only one on the lake — where could this enchanting music be coming from? It makes you tingle, makes you dance — music in the air yet no piano in sight — the you realize you've awoken from a dream..
07/31 Direct Link
Scents — nice scents bad ones and some that reminds you of certain things like funeral rites. A distinct smell that is sharp is smell of a powder used during funerals. It's mixed with flower petals and scattered around the body before it's covered in white. It's a strong lingering smell — and sometimes while sitting the smell just comes around yet you don't really know where it's from. When at a funeral and you smell it — it takes you back to the days of losing a loved one. I guess some scents just don't bring back good memories do they &.