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05/01 Direct Link
Hey there, any 100words members reading this entry! I wrote last month about possibly finding a way to get the community together since the forums here are kind of difficult to talk on considering the spambots. I'll continue trying to get in touch with the admins to see if something can't be done about them but until then, I've made a temporary forum at http://100words.boards.net/! There's not much up yet, but please feel free to join if you're interested! The link will be up in my profile and possibly my future entries. We'll see about the latter!
05/02 Direct Link
It's hard figuring out what he's fighting for when his world is already apocalyptic. There's no one really left saving, much less anyone he's ever cared about. Could he say that he's fighting for revenge then? It's a lie, sure, but it's a reason and it's better than anything he has. He can't just say that there's no real reason why he's fighting after all, or that there's more fatigue in him than anger. Though, who'd judge him anyway? There's no one around to judge him anymore. No one would blame him if he just gave up. Except himself, anyway.
05/03 Direct Link
He considered giving up the other day but he couldn't. He managed to plan halfway through before realizing that the lightheadedness and the thundering beats of his heart were more products of fear than excitement. No one would judge him for running away, he kept reminding himself, but that wasn't even the problem. He was just scared of dying. That's why he kept fighting to survive; not for any higher purpose, not out of anger, but out of fear.

He laughed when he realized this. Exactly how much of a coward am I? he asked, to no one in particular.
05/04 Direct Link
He thought about why he feared death so much after that. It wasn't so much that he liked this world too much to stay--in fact, he hated it because it was, well, apocalyptic--but more so that he just didn't want to experience the pain of it. Getting hurt was scary, especially by the monsters lurking everywhere, and taking enough injuries to kill him? He didn't even want to think about it, much less experience it. It was a cowardly reason but he wasn't planning on telling anyone. If there was anyone left to tell in the end anyway.
05/05 Direct Link
I love my mother. It's not just because she brought me into this world, but also because she's always been my role model. She's smart, beautiful, and just everything I've ever wanted to be.

That's why I'm following her. I don't know if what she's doing is right, but that's not my place to judge. My mother does everything for a good reason and I'm sure this case is no different. I trust her, you know?

But that's enough talking. Raise your sword. You're going to have to get through me if you want to lay a hand on her.
05/06 Direct Link
U- Urgh, but... how...? I thought for sure I would win, but... somehow I got outsmarted. Haha, if Mother saw this she'd be so ashamed, but... I guess she'll find out soon enough that I couldn't stop you, huh?

... Mother... I- I'm sorry, but... could I make one last request? I know it's stupid, asking an enemy for a favor and I doubt you could ever outsmart my mother anyway, but... in the event that that really happens... please, please don't kill her... I'm sure she'd be willing to negotiate no matter what your cause and goals, just please, don't--
05/07 Direct Link
Hello. I see you've defeated my son. You might be wondering what kind of horrible mother I'd have to be to send my own child to fight my battles, but what else would you expect from a villain like me?

... That's odd. You say you don't believe that I pushed my son to fight? I suppose that given his fervor, it's possible he ignored my protests and volunteered regardless but who knows?

Enough talk of the dead; it's all already in the past, and shouldn't we be focusing on the present anyway? You've still got a world to save, hero.
05/08 Direct Link
Excellent work. You are truly as heroic as they come. I am in particular grateful for the slow death you have granted me. It means I have enough time to properly explain to you my circumstances.

You see, I knew you would defeat me. In fact, I had planned for it. There was no one left in this time who could, hence why I had to pull you in from your own timeline. No need to fear though; as you heard, you will be able to return to your home upon my death. This too was part of my calculations.
05/09 Direct Link
You look skeptical, hero. What is it you doubt? That I had the ability to pull you from time or that I was the mastermind behind your whole adventure? I'm surprised, honestly; I had thought that you of all people would know what power I possess.

Ah, I see. So I was mistaken. It's my motive that you're so curious about. You wonder why I would go through the trouble to orchestrate my own death in the first place.

It is a long story, but I will do my best to summarize. Both for my dwindling time and for yours.
05/10 Direct Link
There was once a past without the despair of this future. It was a past where even I, a villain-to-be, could have a happy life. I lived with my husband, my daughter, and my son as the ruling family of a great country. We prospered alongside our people and spent our days peacefully, without turmoil.

This story sounds familiar to you already, doesn't it? Your face says it all. You know that there was someone out there who held ill intentions toward me. You know too that despite my power, that person could best me. And they did.
05/11 Direct Link
I'm going to put that series I've been writing for this site on hold for now. It's been kind of hampering my motivation to write here, so away it goes! There's no point in stressing over something that's supposed to be fun anyway, or so I want to believe anyway. Truthfully, I do feel a bit disappointed in myself for the decision; I think I should have more some perseverance when pursuing these ideas and bring the thread to an end at least, but I guess I'd rather not push myself. Seeing all those empty entries stack up is intimidating.
05/12 Direct Link
Speaking of which, the fact that I can talk about the whole "this story is blocking my motivation to write here kind of" means that, yes, I'm writing today's entry not actually on today. I'm writing from the future, basically. I realize the guidelines state that we should write once a day for every day of the month, but I've seen other posts acknowledging having to catch up, whether it's because the members joined later in the month or are simply lagging behind. So I assume it's generally an accepted practice? Not quite honest, but accepted at the very least.
05/13 Direct Link
Hello again from the future! Somehow it seems almost every month I tell myself that I'll keep up with the guidelines, like 100 words every day, no big deal, it's alright to take a break for one or two or five days for whatever reason because, you know, it's just 100, 200, 500 words and you don't realize it's all adding up until you're looking at 14 empty entries waiting to be filled with great, unique content. It's intimidating, so much that you decide to just write about how much you procrastinated and all the entries you have yet to complete.
05/14 Direct Link
He doesn't want to change. Ignorance is bliss, he says with his hands over his ears. It's so much easier living when he doesn't know and therefore can't care about anything. He doesn't have the abiltiy to, not when he's reduced himself to the most basic of thought patterns. He'll think of the foods he likes, but he won't think of how to get the money he needs to buy it with because that's when it gets too much. That's when I start having to worry, he says, and everyone knows there's no point in living a worried life.
05/15 Direct Link
She doesn't want to change. There's power in anger, she says with her hands over her ears. This world isn't kind, you know? You have to fight it, she says, you have to tell yourself that you are worth something despite everyone telling you otherwise, that you will rise above their attempts to drown you, that when you've finally clawed your way up you can look down upon them at last and kick them back for every single kick you've taken. Hatred is strength, she says, if it pushes you to the top, if it pushes you past other people.
05/16 Direct Link
She doesn't want to change. Youth is fleeting, she says with her hands over her ears. She'll have to give up amusement parks, because everyone will tell her she's too old for amusement parks. She'll have to give up her clothes too, because everyone will tell her she's too old for cute dresses and skirts. And she'll have to give up her dreams, she says, because everyone will tell her she's too old for dreams now. Settle down, they tell her. Please give me some more time, she asks. Please give me just a little more time.
05/17 Direct Link
She sits in a field of flowers.

"How do you make a flower crown again?

"Well, you take some flowers, tie the stems together, and then--

"Right, right..."
 
She scoops up a handful of flowers and finishes in a matter of minutes.
 
"I'm done! Here you go." She extends her hand. The crown dangles upon little fingers. "It's thanks for teaching me.

"Oh, no. Thank you for giving this to me! I'll make sure to wear it always." She draws her hand back and puts the crown atop her own head.

She sits alone in a field of flowers.
05/18 Direct Link
I'm going to write more rambly, journal-like entries instead of story entries from here on, if only to catch up with the giant queue I've built up for this month. I don't have anyone to blame but myself, whether it's due to my taking on too much tasks I want to accomplish or my inability to properly juggle these tasks. It's odd; I like to think I'm good at organizing, but here I am two weeks into the future with a pile of entries to catch up on. I guess I'm not as good as I think I am.
05/19 Direct Link
I've been writing a lot recently. Not for 100words, but for some other sites I frequent. It's enjoyable, collaborative writing; you get to learn from one another, admire each other's work, and most of all you get this sense of camaraderie between writers. To be honest, writing's never been something I talked to about others. Not because I didn't want to, but because there was no else I knew who wrote. Not in real-life anyway, at least. I have people to talk to about it now online though, and for that I'm thankful. I don't like holding things in.
05/20 Direct Link
I'm tired. My eyes keep drooping. My mind feels fuzzy. My hands feel limp and my fingers sluggish. I keep wonderin to myself why this is happening, why I'm like this when I finally got eight hours of sleep last night. Did I oversleep? Was eight hours too big of a jump from three and four? The funny thing is that it's not like I had to stay up late or anything. More like I felt like I had to. I had this I wanted to accomplish, that other thing I was so close to completing. I couldn't stop myself.
05/21 Direct Link
I sleep three, four hours every night because I have so much I still want to do in the day. I always prepare excuses in case people ask me why I look so tired too. I couldn't get to sleep last night, I'd say. My room was too hot, my legs kept itching from bug bites, I just couldn't get to sleep (a half-truth since this does happen to me occasionally, even on those nights of already little sleep). To me, anything sounds better than 'I just couldn't let the day end without feeling like I had accomplished something.'
05/22 Direct Link
I want to catch up on my 100words entries. I want to finish all the posts I owe. I want to join more sites. I want to figure out more characters. I want to write with my friends. I want to play more video games. I want to translate textbook passages. I want to catch up on translating newspaper aticles. I want to translate fan comics. I want to translate official comics. I want to watch all the amazingly great shows this season. I want to do more. I want to rest. I want to rest. I want to rest.
05/23 Direct Link
I think I need a break. I don't know if it's because I didn't sleep well last night and am tired now, but I'm feeling exhausted and low on energy. I think I'm probably overloading myself, not just with actual work but with my own ambitions. There's too much I want to do. Half of me wants to take a day or two and relax but then the other half cuts in saying that I still have this left to do, there's still that person waiting on me. All these deadlines are coming up and there's just no time left.
05/24 Direct Link
I wish I could work faster. I'm slow in a lot of ways. Because of laziness, resulting in procrastination and sluggish movement; and because of perfectionism, resulting in pain-staking checks and rechecks of trivial things. I brag about my ability to bullshit but even that has to be able to shine in some way, like it has to be able to get the reader to say "well, for something rushed, this is pretty good."
I don't know. I don't think it's good to be so thorough. Especially not when there's so much to do and so little time.
05/25 Direct Link
I wish I could work faster. I'm slow in a lot of ways. Because of laziness, resulting in procrastination and sluggish movement; and because of perfectionism, resulting in pain-staking checks and rechecks of trivial things. I brag about my ability to bullshit but even that has to be able to shine in some way, like it has to be able to get the reader to say "well, for something rushed, this is pretty good."
I don't know. I don't think it's good to be so thorough. Especially not when there's so much to do and so little time.
05/26 Direct Link
She would never admit it (because it's too cliche, too personal, too weak) but yes, she does have recurring nightmares of her mother dying. Of course she does. She was ten, she was there, she saw the burst of blood, the glint of the knife, the eyes of the man who did it. There was fear, anger, hatred, but most of all, there was a euphoric rush of power. They mixed together in her memory, mixed into a blend of madness and crazed, animal frenzy that would sear itself into her mind for years to come.
05/27 Direct Link
She had nightmares after then, nightmares of bloodshot eyes, of crazed men standing over torn corpses, of glinting knives in hands that morphed into claws that morphed them into wolves with bloodstained muzzles and shining fangs. They had become nothing but vessels of animal instinct, and in a single leap they closed in on her, distorted howls sounding through the night.

They haunted her for years, even after she had asked her father, a policeman, if he could somehow chase them away for her. Hunt them down like you hunt criminals, she asked. They were the same to her anyway.
05/28 Direct Link
I love sleeping. It takes me away from who I am. It takes my history, my personality, my core of being and renders my state to one word: alive. It makes everything simple. It makes me forget everything, if only for a few minutes or hours.

Hmm, it seems I've forgotten where I was going with this entry. I wrote the above section a few days ago and was probably sure that my future self would take it and spin it into something amazing, but I can't think of anything. Or rather, I'm not willing to put in the effort.
05/29 Direct Link
I'm feeling oddly irritable right now. It happened after I woke up from my nap. What was supposed to be a five minute break turned into a full hour rest, meaning I lost a full hour of possible productivity just from deciding to close my eyes for a moment.

It's incredibly strange. I should have a lot of free time since I'm studying abroad right now with only, what, thirty or so hours of class time? And it's not like there's a lot of work too. I should have lots of free time, so why do I feel this way?
05/30 Direct Link
In the end though, it's not really class hours that decide my free time. Yes, we get a lot of homework that does take a bit to complete, but it's not like the workload is any greater than what I deal with back home. I think more than the academics, it's the expectation that since my trip is almost over, I'm going to have to go out and "make the most of my trip." You know, going to touristy places, places I've thought about visiting, places I've put off visiting. I'm not gonna lie though, I don't really want to.
05/31 Direct Link
I know, I know. I should want to go out and visit places, especially when I'm in a country I'm not sure I'll ever get to travel to again, but I don't know. It's troublesome, I guess? I don't feel like it? Whatever I say I'm going to sound like a loser who's not taking full advantage of their situation and definitely not appreciating what they have, but I guess that sums me up pretty well. I guess in the end, I like just staying here, in my own bubble. I feel like I haven't had enough of being alone.