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BY Kitty

08/01 Direct Link

New beginnings are always encouraging. Today is the first day of August and, after joining 100 words in mid July, my goal is to start and complete an entire month.

Why am I doing it? As mentioned in my very first post - that might not be published - I want to be a better person. For years now I've been saying I want to write. This is the way I am working on it.

It's useless to complain in life and not take action to make yourself happier. I'm trying to make things happen for myself. Hundred words at a time.

08/02 Direct Link
Today I spent the day at the house of an athlete, watching his family watch him as he competed in the Olympics. The family was extremely close and tight-knit. Reminded me a little in my own family who would do anything for each other.

Anyways, it got me thinking about the importance of families. And, more importantly, about the importance of "being real".

The people I spoke to were so honest about their emotions and the reality they lived in. Then you come across some who go out of their way to look perfect. It's great to be real.
08/03 Direct Link
I went to Mass today. Can't really remember when the last time I stepped into a church was. Probably some wedding or funeral.

It's odd, but occasionally I get the urge to step into a church. What attracts me more is being in a church and being able to think on a spiritual level. It's not the actual Mass I miss.

In fact, I must say, the words of the priest did make me want to just walk out. Too much talk on what HAS to be done and little talk about the realities of life. It should be different.
08/04 Direct Link
Change is a hard thing to accept. Even in nature, change is very often very noticeable and, at times, painful.

Think about the growing pains experienced by children, or that experienced when wisdom teeth erupt through adults' gums.

When a girl becomes a woman and gets her first period - ouch! And same goes when a woman goes through menopause.

It's no wonder that people fear change and prefer the familiarity of what they are used to. Then there are those who crave a change in their life.

So, I guess, bottom line is that unwanted change is hard to accept.
08/05 Direct Link
Sometimes all it takes in life, to set the ball rolling, is speaking up and nudging things into action. I find that many people grumble about something that's bothering them, or about someone who annoys them or did something to upset them, without trying to change the situation.

I mean, what's the point of moaning that you do not like your hairstyle, or complaining that you don't like the way your boss speaks to you, if you're just going to stay there and do nothing,

Speaking my mind, in a respectful way, is going to be one of my resolutions,
08/06 Direct Link
Do you believe in signs? So today I went to this normal coverage and the priest who addressed it spoke about the fact that young people were not understanding the true values of the Church.

He mentioned marriage. Many young couples, he said, were getting married in Church for the glamorous show in the Church. The whole walking down the aisle thing. People were not reflecting enough on the value of the marriage sacrament.

Maybe it was a sign. I prayed for the first time in long, recently. Perhaps I should just have a small intimate marriage ceremony. No pomp.
08/07 Direct Link
Forgiveness.

I always question whether I would truly be willing to forgive someone who wronged me tremendously. Today I spoke to a woman whose husband died in a tragic accident. Although she could barely speak with the pain, she could voice her forgiveness. She forgives the person who shattered her life and that of her family.

What a big person.

Not many people can forgive on such a huge scale. I mean, I know people who still hold a grudge over some petty issue that happened years back. Like someone not inviting them so a wedding.

Life is too short.
08/08 Direct Link
The other day I went to visit a friend of mine who just had a baby boy - too cute. He's in the faze when he can smile and react to people around him.

She recounted how, a few weeks ago, she asked her husband to look after the baby while she went out to the supermarket. For her it was a break from her new mummy routine.

At one point, as she browsed through the items on the shelves and got caught up reading the ingredients on some package, she realised that she was rocking the trolley.

How very funny.
08/09 Direct Link
Today I felt strong. I felt that, after all, sometimes in life I can argue my way through things and sway people's minds.

I've always been one to hold back. When it comes to sharing an opinion I can only do it calmly and will not be the one to scream it out in the middle of the office.

But today was one of those positive days when I did not have to. I was listened to and I did not have to stamp my feet.

That's the way it should always be. For everyone. All the time. Why shout?
08/10 Direct Link
All it takes is a word, then another, followed by yet another. Then, of course, there needs to be some thought behind the chain of nouns and verbs.

Speaking up - how under rated it is. Some think it is easy to just voice your concerns, when you are upset. But it's far from easy.

It's like when you open your mouth a whole different picture pours out of your mouth. And when you hear yourself speak you question why you did so in the first place.

Then there are the emotions that have to be controlled. Not that easy, aye?
08/11 Direct Link
Just woke up after a night drinking wine with friends. Cleared up, washed the dishes and put some clothes in the washing machine.

What a normal morning.

Why am I writing about this?

Yesterday I was very upset about something. I felt surrounded by a cloud of "doom". I felt that overwhelming feeling that life was unfair and I was one of its victims.

But this morning that cloud has lifted. I woke up feeling calm and can see things clearly. All I hope is that I learn something from being in that dark place - the cloud will lift eventually.
08/12 Direct Link
Today I watched this documentary about a woman who pretended to be her 18 year old daughter online and got a man to fall for her. The man turned out to be not quite all there and ended up killling another man out of jealousy.

It's so easy to pretend to be someone you're not on the internet. But, is it that different in real life?

I confess. I am a bad judge of character. Perhaps it's the influence of all the cartoons I watched as a child - I think people are all good. But life has taught me otherwise.
08/13 Direct Link
I feel as though I'm at the end of a chapter in my life. But I can't turn that final page. Every day I wake up and push - push for that final leaf to more, to turn.

It's a painful process made even more stressful by the fact that I've been feeling like this for very, very long now.

I try to pluck up the courage, every day, to stand tall and be patient and be strong enough to wait, and work to make things happen.

I don't want to be the person who just complains. I need help.
08/14 Direct Link
What can I say?

For the past few days I've had the cloud of negativity growing around me. I know that this is not usually me. So I ask myself: What is causing this feeling?

I feel that the people I speak to about this feeling are not really understanding me. All I get in return to opening up is advice to snap out of it.

Helloooooo!!!!

This is not what I want to hear. I need advice. I need someone to guide me in the right direction.

More than anything, I need support. But where can I get it?
08/15 Direct Link
Today I sewed a curtain - well, sort of. It was a ready made curtain but I had to tighten the loops and shorten the whole thing. It took me a while, and it's not really perfect - but I managed.

It felt good.

Doing something for the first time and managing after various attempts, feels good.

Perhaps in life we should spend more time trying out new things. Even if on a small scale, such as a new recipe or a new, complicated hair do.

The satisfaction is worth it. You feel like you did something worthwhile. No matter how small.
08/16 Direct Link
Today was a good day. I'm glad. I write this today following a packed and interesting 12 hours.

What made it cool is the fact that it had a bit of everything, We worked hard on the house but I also got to - finally - go to the beach and spend some quality time with my mum, sis and nephew - something I have been longing to do.

It's funny how summer starts with all these grand plans - I'll exercise regularly, go to the beach often and go out a lot.

But then life takes over - too tired to do anything.
08/17 Direct Link
Today is the last day of my 33rd year of life. Oh my God. When I think about it I get the urge to panic. But then I anchor myself and remind myself that it happens to everyone.

Even that child who is born this very second will, hopefully, get to this day in their life.

So, why is it that some people hate their birthdays? Some see it as a reminder that they are getting older and their candle is burning out. But, they are also a reminder that we have made it to another year.

And that's good.
08/18 Direct Link
Today is my birthday and I turn 33.
I hope that this year will be lived happily
That people I love will stick around
And they will remain all safe and sound.

This will be the year when action I take
To get what I want and to make
The life I have in mind for me and my man
As Obama said: Yes we can!

I'll start from focusing on becoming fit
By walking daily and no longer sit
And wait for miracles to happen to me
So come on world, just wait and see.

365 days till I turn 34
Bring it on life - I want more!

08/19 Direct Link

Last night was a great party. And the past week was a very interesting one. Nothing much happened and I didn't do anything out of this world.

But I had a lot of time to think and organise my thoughts. This is something I have needed to do for very long.

So now I know what I want. It's clearer than ever in my mind. All I have to do is work towards making it happen.

I might not get what I want tomorrow. But I'm working on it.

This week I learnt - a winner never quits, quitters never win.

08/20 Direct Link
Sometimes life throws trials at you. I am choosing to believe that the current challenges I am facing are just that.

So I will face them like a true warrior - and not a worrier. I am sick of getting stuck in the land of no-action because I spend my time thinking of what has to be done rather than doing it.

I know I must sound like a broken record to whoever gets to read this. But this is a phase in my life. I need to go through this.

I am realizing the power of taking action - limitless.
08/21 Direct Link
It's been 12 and a half years since our first date. Time flies! The amazing thing is that it still feels fresh and I still crave spending time with him.

I feel blessed. I know he loves me. He may not say it but his actions speak instead - the way he treats me and looks at me.

Many people are in relationships. Some look happy from the outside but are not. Others fight all the time but can't live without each other. Then there are those who look and are happy. I like to think I fall under the latter.
08/22 Direct Link
Today I got the urge to read classic novels. I was zapping through chanels on TV and came accross the movie Pride and Prejudice.

Also, we have this new girl at work who is studying literature. As I am writing this I am watching Oliver Twist on the BBC.

So, given that life is telling me to, I think I'll dig out some of my old university novels and re-read some. Or, perhaps, I'll stop by the bookshop and buy one I've never read.

I need to enrich my mind. I feel the craving. I'll act on this feeling.
08/23 Direct Link
Today I attended the funeral cortege of former Prime Minister Dom Mintoff. It dawned on me that here there was another iconic figure from my childhood who passed away.

It's sad. I hope I'm strong enough to withstand this wave of deaths in my life. From close, local political figures to international singers and stars, like Michael Jackson - people who were always there when I was a kid are dying.

I mean, why? It's hard to realise that you are growing older and that childhood and youth are not guaranteed - for anyone for that matter. No matter how famous, really.
08/24 Direct Link
I'm just realising that I've kept up my daily writing here for almost a month. I'm proud of myself. This site is really helping me realise that I can put my mind to something and see it through.

Of course, I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch or, in this case, my words before they get published. But I am truly learning how to be more disciplined with myself.

This is a breathe of fresh air. This means hope that I can tackle bigger issues if I put my mind to them. I like how I feel.
08/25 Direct Link
Today is the 25th of the month. I like the number 25. It's four months till Christmas - my favourite part of the year.

This year will hopefully be a good Christmas season. For the first time in three years I, hopefully, will not be workiing too much. I look forward to that.

The number 25 also has a sort of milestone ring to it. Perhaps it's because it marks a quarter of 100 - the ulimate round number. Writing 25 words means that I'm a quarter of the way there.

Anyways, ten more words to go now. Four, three, two, one.
08/26 Direct Link
Is it only me, or does life seem to revolve around food?

If I look back at the past week I can define the days according to what I ate or where I ate it. Monday, for example, was chicken and quinoa night at home. Tuesday was barbeque with colleagues, Wednesday was wine and fries with a friend, Thursday meat at my sister, Friday was pasta by the sea and Saturday was fish in the capital.

Just now, a Sunday, I got back to the office from "pork at my mum". It's all about food. I'm stuffed. Need some exercise.
08/27 Direct Link
How much do we know about our own country? I live in my country and I often feel that I should know more - about its history.

My lazy excuse is that the school where I went as a child did not teach history properly. I was just taught to memorize a list of dates - something I was never really good at.

But the truth is - I'm a grown up now. I need to make more of an effort to read and learn more about my roots. Understanding the past will help put perspective on the future. Something else to do.
08/28 Direct Link
What a sheltered life we live. Today was one of those days when work helped me see a reality that is often hidden from me and my circle of friends.

I met young people, as young as 16, who come from troubled backgrounds and recently benefited from courses that essentially taught them what my parents passed on to me  - basic life skills. They had to be taught how to speak politely.

They were given a certificate for this.

It was heart-warming to see how satisfied they looked as they walked up to the minister to collect the certificate.
08/29 Direct Link
Does it ever happen that you don't feel like going somewhere but, something inside tells you to suck it up and just go?

This morning I'm feeling that way. The day at the beach has been planned for a week. But now that the day arrived - I just want to stay home.

However, something inside is telling me not to be boring and just go already! So I'm going to listen to that feeling. Perhaps it's out of a sense of responsibility towards those I'm going with.But it might also be a sense of responsibility towards myself. Have fun!
08/30 Direct Link
The other day I came across my old journals - the ones I kept as a teenager and also others later on. How funny to revisit the younger you and look back into your desires and expectations from life.

My teenage journal was hilarious. Most entries started with the time I woke up and went on to describe what I did during the day. It was like I was taking my life's minutes. But as I grew older I stopped writing about the outside world and concentrated on what went on in my heart and mind.

That's where I'm still.
08/31 Direct Link
Oh my God I made it. One whole month writing every single day. I lived up to the committment. I have to admit, I'm proud of myself.

Now I want to develop my writing. August was a sort of test, to see whether I'd be committed. Now I know I can be so the next step is to improve on the quality of my writing.

Now quite sure what I'll be writing about but I need to come up with something. Perhaps short stories. Perhaps one long story - 100 words at a time.

I'm looking foward to this next challenge.