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November 11, 2006
I flirt with rejection. It is an exercise of will, and often it leaves me feeling insecure and frustrated. My social presence explodes and I become bigger than myself on the stage of interaction, but the aftermath is always the same and always leaves me standing behind closed curtains in awe and dismay. It is the lonely lie of an actor who cannot attain the splendor of the stage in his mundane hours. I am consumed by anxiety at the slightest suggestive glance from desire, and I never present what is behind the mask. The flirtation becomes acceptance of failure.