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January 1, 2005
Happy New Year. I hereby resolve to not improve this year. I swear to keep all my bad habits and to try on a few new ones. I plan to wreck a car at least once this year, preferably not my own. I will take up smoking and begin a pattern of dietary abuse guaranteed to put me in the hospital for at least three major issues including a coronary diagnosis. Speaking of the hospital, I think I will also stop all my meds and thoroughly enjoy a 6-month Mr. Hyde spree before I land in the mental ward again.