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07/01 Direct Link
The game was between the Smallberry Dominoes and the Thickson Argonauts, and I had a lot of money on the Dominoes. I couldn't come right out and encourage the Dominoes, so I wrote:

The Thickson Argonauts have an excellent chance of beating the Smallberry Dominoes if only they change their strategy. Louis Draper has been on the bench for far too long this season. Management hasn't give him his proper creds, as far as this reporter can see the game for the game. Plus, Jimmy Copper is getting tired and stale; he should be dropped back to

piffle like that.
07/02 Direct Link
I went to an unfamiliar bar to continue my 'existicide,' which is the process of destroying or dispensing of everything one possesses, including all memorabilia; and including oneself. I had to dispose of my vintage Snagglepuss doll, circa 1968, and I figured I could give it to some absolute stranger- No questions asked.

I sat down at the bar and ordered, even though I was already at least three sheets to the wind, a pitcher of ale. I set my Snagglepuss on the bar, drank some ale, and waited to see how I could be rid of this earthly connection.
07/03 Direct Link
Some chap sat down on the stool next to me. He was approximately twenty-five. He glanced in an offhand way at my Snagglepuss, surreptitiously, but I could see his interest.

Finally he said, What's that thing?

I said, It's a vintage action figure of the Hanna-Barbera character Snagglepuss.

-Cool.

He ordered, and took, a drink.

-That's some kind of cartoon, right?

-Precisely.

I poured more.

-So why you got it here?

-I'm giving it away.

-No shit.

He had a three-day beard.

-What's the catch?

-There's no catch. I'm simply giving it away.

-Can I have it? It's totally kitschy.
07/04 Direct Link
I looked at him with great care. Then I turned my gaze on my Snagglepuss. Could I surrender this most important part of my self-my Snagglepuss-to this "young'un" who undoubtedly got most of his information from Internet bulletin boards? Could I do that to ... my Snagglepuss?

-Sorry, I said, I've made a mistake.

I took up my authentic figure and left the bar, abandoning a half-full pitcher. My 'existicide' was abandoned.

As I walked away, I regretted not having gone there with my Snagglepuss before murdering my wife and child. Things would have turned out so differently! Far differently!
07/05 Direct Link
Day_4

Jim and Jane went to Niagara Falls for their honeymoon and there was a television set watching then as they started to make love for the very first time.

Jane said, "Jim, I can't, not with the television watching us."

Jim went over to the television and noticed it was bolted in place. "Can't be moved."

"Call the manager."

He called the manager who was shocked someone didn't like being watched by a television. "What are you, Amish?"

Jim and Jane went out to find a place without watching televisions. They found a crowded park and fucked and fucked.
07/06 Direct Link
Day_5

Massive black clouds are heading thisaway. Maybe things will clear up for tomorrow. Ah! For a moment the sun broke through; now it's gone again. I'm sitting on a well-worn picnic table. Are picnic tables built by kit? There's another one here with a different design. Only twenty-one lengths of lumber are needed. Can't be too hard to build.

A dark cloud is getting closer. It's cold, too. The water looks cold. Is temperature visual? Or is that synaesthesia? Yes, synaesthesia.

Holiday food.

Holiday alcohol.

Holiday origami.

Holiday reading.

Holiday sex.

Holiday water.

Holiday sleep.

Holiday birds.

Holiday skies.
07/07 Direct Link
Day_6

23:40

n i decided okay why not n so me n the two girls n the couple went down to the little island the moon had just come up

the couple went their own way n a took off her clothes quickly n said right n jumped in b n i stripped n sat down put our arms around n i rubbed her belly n lower n i said shaved b she laughed n touched n said not shaved n nice

the night was silent cept for the quiet splashing of a with b n i touching each other
07/08 Direct Link
Day_7

00:15

a climbed out if the water n looked at us in the moonlight n said my mouth needs filling n b said here you go n a got on her knees n filled her mouth with me n both my hands n all my fingers got occupied

after some moments of b going mmm mmm mmm she gasped n touched the head of a n said my turn n a took her mouth away n said nice n thick

b slung her leg over me n took it all in in one go n said already already wow
07/09 Direct Link
Day_8

Jackie, a personal nurse, 43, decided it would be a good idea to take her personal patient, Alice, 92, up to Bala, Ontario, for a week of relaxation.

They got on a bus at Yorkdale. Alice was cranky.

"We'll be there in no time," said Jackie.

A couple hours later, as they turned at Bracebridge, Alice was asleep. There were four other people on the bus. Jackie dozed off too, barely regaining consciousness at Port Carling.

"Bala."

Jackie got off and breathed the fresh air deeply.

"Hey, your friend's dead."

Jackie sighed, enjoying the fresh air in her lungs.
07/10 Direct Link
Day_9

ASK A PRACTICING LAWYER!

Dear Practicing lawyer:
I recently lost my job with a large manufacturer. I was not offered any severance and I may have been unfairly dismissed. What should I do?

In a situation like yours, I suggest you consult a lawyer.


Dear Practicing Lawyer:
I've lost my Guyanese birth certificate. Any advice?

Consult a lawyer.


Dear Practicing Lawyer:
My neighbour has been dumping leaves in my yard. The leaves come from my trees. Can I take legal action? What are the risks involved?

To get answers to your questions, you'll have to go see a lawyer.
07/11 Direct Link
Day_10

She took a sip and she said, "But what do you think is Dos Passos' aim? Hell, can we even talk about 'aim' anymore, poststructurally?"

He said, "He was an astute Naturalist. He wanted to dignify the lives of the working class. The stenographer Janey, for example. Pure working class." Then he drank.

"I think he welded socialist class analysis onto a dying romantic framework. Maybe U.S.A. is the last gasp of romanticism."

"But there are later socialist romantics. Henry Green, for example."

"Look, are you going to start making love to me, or what?"

Thus sexed the conversation.
07/12 Direct Link
The three old friends-the columnist, the businessman, and the photographer-meet to get drunk in depression. They were doing gangbusters five years ago; now it's all fallen apart.

The columnist says, "You guy know I always hated Jews. Kept it hidden, though. So I decided a year ago to smear a local prominent Jew by attributing to him a nasty remark about Palestinians, God bless 'em. But then some online wiseguy called me on it, and then it was all over the place on the Internet. Letters to my editor, an investigation, a suspension, a dismissal. My career ended right then."
07/13 Direct Link
The businessman says, "Yeah, something like that happened to me. You guys know how greedy I've always been. I was running this great scam, kind of a pyramid scheme, designed for suckers and old people. I was rolling in the dough. Cool thing was I laundered all the money through my upscale and obscenely overpriced clothing lines and outlets. Had the houses, the cars, the skirts, I could mess with anyone, I loved the power, I loved sadistically abusing people. Then I fleeced some blogger and all hell broke loose. Total boycott, lost everything. All because of some stupid blogger."
07/14 Direct Link
The photographer says, "There's a pattern here. See, you know how I've always hated anyone who achieved anything worthwhile and I'd do my darndest to destroy them out of sheer spite. So I photoshopped a picture of Martin Luther King shaking hands with Hitler. A week later, again online, I was found out. Lost everything."

They order more drinks.

The columnist says, "It's all that computer stuff, men."

The businessman says, "This communications revolution really sucks. It's guys in their basements!"

The photographer says, "Oh, for the old days, when the public had to eat whatever shit we fed them!"
07/15 Direct Link
"At 7:30 A.M. I slick into the lycra and deep breathe. I can see the future and the towel to come. I open the brisk door and start making like running. The men I pass to or fro I know or know not; the men, I see, I sense, see my tight tits and ass, see my thighs. I pass them and I see through the eyes in the back of my head them looking at my ass and thighs; I run round the block twice
"Then I go home and 'towel off,' but that's not really what it is."
07/16 Direct Link
This one's not quite true.

M's brother B got very mad at me during our trip down to New York State. It probably had to do with my incessant outrage at how he was perpetually late, and also with how I blew up on M because I was sick of hearing about family, family, family.

So just recently M told me that B had cooled off somewhat, and that B wanted to let bygones be bygones. But it didn't seem right to me.

I said, "I'm not ready for a reconciliation."

"Why not?"

"Because I haven't written about it yet."
07/17 Direct Link
FREAKY FRIDAY

I hated my older brother. He always seemed to get more of everything: girls, cars, pizza.

Then, one Friday we traded consciousnesses.

I had his head and he had mine. His mind looked through my eyes, and whaddaya think they saw?

They saw my brother! his body, anyway; and my mind-my brother's mind-desired.

I don't know what my mind (in his body) wanted; I couldn't see it, maybe not merely because I was my brother's mind.

My mind in my brother's head maybe saw his body's mind in my head, and regretted having paid that gypsy woman $10.
07/18 Direct Link
THE MISSING MAN

"I'm off to get some buttercups," he said,
And batted not our eyes with what he said;
Tamara was performing Russian style
With swoops we clapped, "Some skin! Some flesh! Some skin!"

And George did not return; on Sunday morn
We woke a one by one, and saw him not.
All wasted so we thought to call the cops
But wasted so initiative was no.

He vanished and was never seen again,
His parents still ha'nt propped a stone for him,
Because where er our George may lay in sand
Or muck, he's searching for those buttercups.
07/19 Direct Link
Day_11

Jameson Irish Whiskey
Coppertone sunscreen lotion
Muskol
Appleton Estate Jamaican Rum
Grundig
Bushnell 8x21
Hydrogen peroxide
X-Actor blade
National Audubon Society Field Guide to the Night Sky
nail clippers
pencil
pen
30 of 25x25 cm origami paper
The Complete Book of Origami, by Robert J. Lang
Baader-Meinhof, by Stefan Aust
Germinal, by Emile Zola
Origami Bugs and Beasts, by Manuel Sirgo Alvarez
spectacles
one American dollar bill
JVS postable audio system
towel
swimsuit
short pants (black)
long pants (black)
black socks
black socks
white socks
white socks
green shirt
green shirt
undies
undies
one carton of cigarettes
denim jacket
07/20 Direct Link
Day_12

PORT HOOD CO-OP

It's quite strange how this place makes me so excessively nervous. It's like any other small-town market, really: meat, vegetables, canned goods, toiletries. And yet, every time I go into it, my stomach gets all knotted up.

At first I thought the problem was ghosts. Yes, I thought the place was haunted with my own personal spooks. They'd wait all year for me to show up, then start their silent moaning and groaning.

I told Mary about the nervousness. "I feel like a thief in there."

"Like they're watching you?"

"Yes."

"Well, that's because they are."
07/21 Direct Link
Day_13

There's a new euphemism going around....

Jimmy rolled off Eunice. He looked up at the ceiling, then turned to her. "So, did you manage?"

"Twice; I managed twice."

Jimmy philosophized. "To manage: I manage, you manage, he-she manages, they manage. Did you ever hear Lenny Bruce's bit about managing? It's very funny. 'Did you manage? Are you about to manage? I'm managing! I'm managing! Ah, ah, I've managed....' There's all these words for things. Would we recognize things if there weren't words for them? I think that's Gestalt. What do you think?"

Eunice didn't say anything. She'd fallen asleep.
07/22 Direct Link
Day_14

Sometimes (though very rarely) the famous writer chose to throw the world for a loop by telling the truth. He figured his vast audience wouldn't be able to tell the difference and he would have some things to show Christ on Judgement Day. "See? Sometimes I didn't lie."

In his fourth novel is found the following passage:

"I can hear music in machines such as ceiling fans and refrigerator motors. The music is always very faint; barely audible, in fact. I have never been able to make out precisely what song or tune it is-but I know it's rock."
07/23 Direct Link
Day_15

THIRD ANNUAL INTERNATIONAL CONFERENCE OF VERMIN
York University, Toronto

KEYNOTE SPEAKER
Dr. N.R. Raccoon of the University of Miami will be speaking at 10:30 p.m. in Basement Wall 7-B2

DEBATE SESSIONS
M.A. Rat of Duquesne: Chewing Into The House Of Imperialism: Theory And Practice
Carl Cockroach, MBA: The Bathroom, The Toilet, The Sinkbase, My Self: A Narrative Journey Around Self-Appropriation
Ant 8,293,373,171 and Ant 9,638,293,222: Fighting Amongst Ourselves: Methods Towards A Universal Theory Of Collectivization

PERFORMANCE SESSION
The Bat Dance Group will be presenting 'Flying Though Blindness'

with a poster session by the York Vermin Committee Against Israeli Aparthied
07/24 Direct Link
Day_16

WRITERLY NASCENTLY

M-t M-l told me this story.

Once upon a time, she was playing Monopoly with her four year old daughter R-a. R-a was playing for herself but she was also playing for her stuffed toy Bunny. They sat there, M-t, R-a, and Bunny, playing for about two hours. R-a was losing, and finally she lost, leaving M-t and Bunny playing, and R-a was furious with Bunny. M-t said, "R-a, it's you, you're Bunny, just keep playing!" But R-a didn't like the situation one bit. She started throwing Bunny around the room. She cried. Bunny had become B-y!
07/25 Direct Link
Day_17

"So, how you feeling?"

"Well, how to say it? You see that house over there, with the barking dog at the front? like he wants in? If you look carefully, you can see he's looking through the front door, through the house, through the back door, at a pretty girl on a swing out back: that's who it wants attention from. So, I feel like that dog, not knowing he could simply go around the house. The house represents language."

"I don't see any house. And I don't see any dog."

"Well, that's part of my argument, isn't it?"
07/26 Direct Link
Day_18

Junie and I were walking along the beach when this Alistair came up. He said he really wanted to fuck Junie.

Junie said, "Well, so long as you get someone for Bill (me) to fuck too."

So we went into town to this tavern where we met Candace. She said, "Sorry, I'm fucking George tonight."

"What's George's wife doing then?"

"She'll be fucking Davie."

"Davie's wife?"

"She's fucking Steve and Pauline."

"Pauline's daughter?"

"She'll be fucking a great dane, for the tourists."

"I guess it won't work out."

So Junie didn't get fucked...

And it was all my fault.
07/27 Direct Link
Day_19

ORAL VS WRITTEN

Proof:
1991: "That's the house where John Davey used to live."
1992: "There's John Davey's house. Used to be, anyway."
1993: "See that house? Used to be John Davey's."
1994: "That's where John Davey used to live."
1995: "John Davey used to live there, someone else is maybe there now."
1996: "John Davey's old house up there."
1997: "That house up there used to be John Davey's."
1998: "That's John Davey's old place."

Argument:
The benefit of written over oral culture is that you don't have to listen to the same boring facts all the time.
07/28 Direct Link
Day_20

Coppertone sunscreen lotion
Muskol
Appleton Estate Jamaican Rum
Grundig
Bushnell 8x21
Hydrogen peroxide
X-Actor blade
National Audubon Society Field Guide to the Night Sky
nail clippers
pencil
pen
18 of 25x25 cm origami paper
The Complete Book of Origami, by Robert J. Lang
Baader-Meinhof, by Stefan Aust
Germinal, by Emile Zola
Origami Bugs and Beasts, by Manuel Sirgo Alvarez
spectacles
one American dollar bill
JVS postable audio system
towel
swimsuit
short pants (black)
long pants (black)
black socks
black socks
white socks
white socks
green shirt
green shirt
undies
undies
denim jacket
12 stones, black and white, for Silvia
07/29 Direct Link
Geoffrey, searching for a button amongst his wife's things, came across a photograph, and not of a charming street-urchin: it was a photograph of a c-ck, a fully erect manroot, with a globule of lubricative fluid emergent from the urethra!

He waited, strop in hand, for her to come home from her char-work.

Upon her arrival, he thrust the offending print before her. "Abigail, what it the meaning of this?"

"'Tis nice, is it not?"

"Heavens! To whom does it belong?"

"Why, it's yours!"

"Of course! That night with the absinthe!"

And so they played merrily with c-ck and c-nt.
07/30 Direct Link
Higgins stopped, clicked save.

The cost analysis was completed.

He noticed the hum of business that had been there an hour before was all gone.

The clock read 3:30.

He got up and went out into the hall.

Nothing.

All the office doors lining the hall were closed.

He went to the galley kitchen.

Empty.

He was starting to get spooked.

He walked a circuit of the 7th floor, and found no-one.

The seventh was the same.

And the eighth.

The streets totally empty.

No TV or radio, either.

Now who was he going to show his cost analysis to?
07/31 Direct Link
He wanted to know what would hit him.
Was born, was grown, was live,
Was there to look both ways.

He looked both ways and became some thing
Tho' few saw as he didn't see
What it was that would.

He smoked and was generally not marriage material
But he was sweet! cute!
So his fire caught fire and burned

Lost the hearts by watching for stars
Hurt here and hurt and hurt here
The girls he didn't love (but wanted to)

Broke and drunk he died
and he never knew what hit him
& never escaping the third subjective.