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Thoughts run into each other like a train collision, smashing apart all logic and reason. A halting stop to all things that actually make sense.
Falling through life, it's almost as if my world has been flipped upside down. I find myself stumbling through actions that taste too close of hypocrisy. What I was so sure of just a few weeks ago, now seem to make no sense at all. I've plunged into this strange world, one that's been created by you to destroy my safety. And yet, I seem to love every second of this beautiful new fantasy life.
Gloves off, fight on.
I'm ready to fight for you, to finally prove that to myself that you're worth it, that you'll stay around. I'm tired of keeping my guard up and blocking every punch.
Duck, shift, feint, jab. Finally fighting back, and letting the punches glance off like gentle breezes. Finally fighting for you to stay in my life, I take a hit. But I know that it's worth it. Every punch, every kick, every bruise is worth you staying around. Because every moment with you heals something, fixes some part of me that makes love worth it again.
Finally, you've made me strong enough,
Given me a reason to fight, a cause to make me prove that I'm tough.
I have to admit, I'm slightly lost without you,
This feeling that's been growing inside is so new.
I already miss the sound of your voice, the touch of your lips, the smell of your skin,
The memory of you temps me, turning every thought to sin.
But babe, you 'ought to know by-now that what I need,
Isn't your heart to bleed.
But someone that knows that love is something to care for, and to nourish and feed.
Every moment with you is like dreaming with my eyes open.
I can't stop comparing perfection to time spent with you because I still can't beleive it's real. I knew you were special, and I knew what I thought was going to happen. But you hit me like a hammer between the eyes, smashing all plans into pieces.
And yet, I love every second of it. I loved every second of feeling like I was falling into a lake. I'm just barely treading water, yet you keep taking away my breath.
All I ask is to keep me from drowning.
Lust alights along my skin tiny lights biting at my skin like firetipped butterflies, igniting a sparking passion inside of me.
A roaring fire springs to life, eating everything in its path. Thoughts, plans, ideas, dreams all fall prey to the heat that you've called into being. Flames lick along my sides, burning away my control turning it into a small pile of ashes that is quickly blow away by stray gusts of wind.
Sanity ripped away, instincts revert to basic urges. Fixated on finding safety in your arms, I stalk you like the animal you’ve reduced me to.
Intertwined. That's the easiest way to describe our fate, our future. You've been brought into my life, fixing me, making me whole. No one else can understand the things that you do, things that just come naturally to you.
Long ago, our two flames burned bright and hot. And in one glorious moment, they fused together into one; one steady flame that stood tall against all opposition. We're always here for each other feeding the fire that keeps our lives burning bright as a beacon, a warning for all to see.
Living flames, we comsume all in our heated glory.
Two parts to one whole.
Wholly seperate, look far enough and you'll see the roots intertwined, joined as one. And that's what's become of us. Two trees, two living things joined by time, by trial, by love. It's brought us to each other and given us the strengh needed to live as an individual. And no matter how hard the wind blows, or obstacles find their way in our path; nothing is too much for us.
Because even in our darkest, most isolated moments, we both know that just an arms lenght away is that missing part of our soul.
Freedom is flying through the air, passing through the clouds with no regard to the ground.
Abandonment is jumping into a freezing river, sprinting into the deepest part just to see the fish part in front of your eyes.
I've found so much release in your emerald eyes, you've unlocked me from a cage that I hadn't known held me captive. You broken the rustic chains that were once wrapped around my body and instead replaced them with loose cords of loyalty and desire. Such a sweet way to cut the leash and yet keep me by your side forevermore.
Words fall from my fingers, staining the page with broken thoughts about you. Blacken shapes take form, creating a 2-D version of you on the the white pages. Nothing could capture the way your eyes shine like emeralds, the way your smile is more than the simple lifting of lips, or the way your heartbeat calms something inside of me. But I can try to find the words to keep your mind alive and twist the ink into imitating your thoughts fall around me, only now they'll tumble onto the paper, eternally preserving you for when I need you.
Intoxicated, I stumble into my bed.
Falling through clouds of tar and honey, my mind fills with thoughts of your skin brushing against mine, and soon enough your scent pervades my head distracting me even more.
I've fallen prey to the dangerous game you've started, and I'm tired of running.
So I'll wait here,
try to keep a measure of dignity as I anticipate the growing need that starts to fill me like a cup.
By the time you finally reach my side, I'll need nothing more than a moment next to you.
A moment to finally surrender to you.
Words whispered through silent lips fall in step with the music, slowly flowing through the background.
Angels stop and listen to the beauty that's being wrought, demon stop shreiking for a moment and consider this new piece of sanity that is being offered up.
Life itself is captured through a few chords and notes, trapped in a song that still haunts me. The lyrics have wrapped around my head, closing out every moment of weakness and replacing it with a singular moment of strengh.
Such emotion, such depth. It's startling to find such magnificent glory in such a small place.
Restless nights filled with the image of your face. A ghostly smile hangs above my eyes, a teasing memory of the truth. So close, within my grasp is forever. A moment trapped in time, a lifetime of happiness spent with you, and I can't bring myself to reach for it.
Because I know that I want more than a moment. I want a thousands moments filled with your scent, with your disarming smile, with your emerald eyes glittering back at me.
I want to fill my life with you, cramming every second with an endless parade honoring the perfect memories.
Out of control, lost, I'm helpless.
I don't know where to turn, what to do to help you. I see you starting to falter, and all I can do is set you right again, and wait next to you.
I don't want to get too close because I know how much you need to walk by yourself, to stand tall right now.
More than anything, I want to wrap my arms around you and tell you it'll be alright. To reassure you that you don't have to be strong for me, I can be strong enough for both of us.
Seasons change, life's alter. New people filter in like growing seeds. Some will take root, bloom and grow strong enough to brave the cold winter. But some will fall on barren ground, and die of starvation. Cold and thirsty, they shrivel up and curl in on themselves, lifeless shells.
I need a promise, an oath that you'll try to nourish this. I want it to bloom, to take root and live through it all.
Take this seed and make it into the tallest tree, build it into a living mountain. Keep me alive, feed this growing love inside of me.
How is this not painful? I'm trying to undestand how it was so easy for you to carve out a niche for yourself, and find your way inside of me.
Why are you so special, why can you just do something that no one else could? You've shattered walls, torn down shields and ripped apart guards like nothing was there.
And yet, the strangest part is my response. I'm still waiting for more. I'm waiting for you to destroy me so that I can give everything to you. Every broken thought, shattered piece of me is already yours.
Haunted by dreams of the past, I wake up in a sweat. I start to dread the waking moments and the thoughts they'll be filled with.
Is it possible for me to make the same mistakes? How easy it'd be for me to screw this up, to fuck everything just because I came close to complete happiness.
I can't stand being happy and you do nothing but fill me with that buoyant feeling.
You've saved me from drowning so far; it's up to me to keep my head above the water and to swim to the safety your arms offer.
Spiraling out of control, a head first drop into the unknown.
Every moment alone I grasp in the dark blind, lost without the light that you've brought into my life.
I still find myself falling, tumbling through things that I don't really understand, but I'm sure of the path I want to take, I'm sure of the things I want from you, and I'm sure that I need you by me.
Give me strengh to embrace this spiral, this plummenting feeling so that I can embrace everything you're offering to me. I know that I need everything you can give.
Why won't words find their way free? I know they're inside of me, just waiting to burst free. Like a thousand tiny birds, wings take to flight, beating the air inside my chest into a painful storm.
A noticeable throbbing locates itself below the hollow of my torso, a dull beat that continues, buidling with each minute. All I need to say, every single word is trapped,silently crying for escape.
Yet, they stay inside, occasionally stumbling out, instead of the proud march I'd envisioned for them.
Just understand I have something to say and please,
A broken smile hides the pain of the words you just causual threw in my direction. Hides the pain it causes me, and the difficultly of words stuck in my throat, stuck in silence. Fix this, take back your words, take back the rotting lies that now hang in between us.
It's just wrong to let something that vile live, so put it to death.
Let those horrendous words never find life again. Lies don't deserve to live, to cherish the sun, and mourn the moon. They deserve to plumment to the cold ground and stay buried under the dirt.
A haze has wrapped around my head, blocking everything. I'm trapped behind a fog, trapped without the sun, trapped without the moon, without everything in between. I feel lost without my anchors, my steadying lines have all been cut.
I'm set a drift an ocean made of air, clouds taking me far away from shorelines. Fears seem to drift away along with all solid emotions, numbed and alone I can only set my eyes on the horizon.
Looking forward, I can only hope that I'll make it out of this, survive this fog I'm trapped in, trapped alone and lost.
Shards of ice have wormed their way back into my heart, slowing the beating, tempering the rapid pistons that have been firing nonstop.
I had forgot what it feels like to be normal, to feel everything with the pounding throbbing in my head or have it completely stopped, frozen in place. It's a welcome relief to feel normality after the fastpaced changes I've faced recently.
Normal and still heated, burning for you. But in control, ready to take it all, thinking clearly. I'm ready to keep my heart safe, but put it all on the line, fire and ice alike.
Stop looking for pain in hidden places. I'm tired of having to destroy shadows just to prove that I'm not broken any longer.
The darkest parts of my mind are bathed in black for a reason; it's a haven for the monsters that crouch in the dark, the ones that whisper their seductive lies that spread like poison. But I need them there, need the constant temptation to prove that I'm strong enough, to prove that I can walk into the dark and come out unscathed.
So please, stop fighting me on this and let the dark stay trapped inside.
Follow the winding path down into the darkness, listen for the screams and run toward them. Feel the ice cold fear grasp your stomach and let it take hold.
Because this is what you'll encounter when you ask what's wrong. You'll find that the fairy tale has gone wrong, taken a turn for the worst, and let the dark black night spread.
There isn't a knight to save you, he's taken to chopping off heads; no fairy godmother, just a cannabalistic witch.
The darkness needs to be fed, and it's staked it's claim. Watch as the shadows close around me.
Fleeing from the pain of yesterday, you let your legs carry you into a forest filled with tall oaks and ebony shadows. Tall black figures huddled close together, feeding on the light, dimishing it until only a dim glow remains, a tiny pinprick of light guiding you through the living maze.
Caught in your throat is the scream you've been choking on for the past week and your heart has started pounding so hard that it's visible through your shirt.
Terror finds you huddled on the ground, curled in the fetal position.
Just close your eyes. Shut it all out.
Love, can't you see the tears shining in my eyes?
All my pain falls silent the the screams you've been letting loose, setting free. Please don't compare my puddle to your ocean, because I'm still afloat.
I'm still swimming.
I hate watching you tread water because I know how easy it is for you to let your arms drag, feel your legs stop kicking and just float beneath the surface.
Please don't drown, please don't leave me alone. I'm not ready for this, I'm not ready to be shipwrecked. Keep me company on this dangerous ride, lend me your air.
I'm not ready for this, ready for this endless race. I've trained, I've prepared for this. But I'm not ready.
I know I haven't trained hard enough, I'm not strong enough to keep my heart pumping through this. I'd give anything to keep up, to try and compete with your pace but I can't.
I can't do it.
I haven't let myself lose, haven't given up yet, but I'm scared. I'm scared of what'll happen if I trip, if I fall down.
Because I don't want to watch you keep running away, leaving me watching you fade into the horizon.
Hit ground running, feet slapping the dirt, a repeated echo of my heart pounding in my chest.
You need me, you need an anchor that's stayed for love and I have to be there for you. You've been there for me, I want to be there for you. I want to stand tall for you so that you can hide in my shadow and cry.
So I'm running as fast as I can, sprinting to your side to let you know that the tears sliding down your face are okay, and that I'll be here to wipe them away,
A coy smile wraps around your face, hiding the teeth you so desperately want to bare in a snarl.
So tall and strong, you do nothing to betray this creation you've built up for everyone to see. But peeking out from the safety of it's shadow is the little cry that life ripped away from you, tore violently away.
It's a cruel mask that you slip into occasionally, a small part of you cherishing the chance to finally live out that part of your life.
But now you're stuck between living life and following memories.
Stuck not living,
Terrified that a change has come over, a metamorphosis has taken hold. What happens if we're not the same?
I once knew you better than I knew my own mind, and you knew me so well. Letters can't hold the unspoken words, the tears that I've held back. I've missed you so much, and yet I'm holding back again.
Because it's been so long, so many days past, that I know I'm not the same. I just want you to know that I still love you, still love the girl I met oh so long ago.
Please, still love me.
As I sit in the dark, I can acknowledge the pain that's filling me up.
A dark void of anything but the sharp edges of blades and quick piercing screams from the innocent souls trapped within.
This darkness, this pain, isn't real. It's all a fabricated lie, created to torture myself; to create a personal hell to give out some punishment that my own God has decided I've earned.
These chains are made from my own mind, my thoughts. I keep myself prisoner to remind myself of the mistakes I've made, the ones that still keep me chained in darkness.
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