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Happy Jewish holiday today, though I have no idea what day we celebrate! I just know that I have off work today and tomorrow and then on Wednesday I have to go to a board meeting. I'm not really happy about that, but that's the way of the crumbled cookie. I saw an entry on Open Diary that mentioned the daily pages. I asked the diarist if they ever heard of 750 words dot com. That's where I'll go momentarily to write today's words. Then I will go back to sleep. After all, it's only 0400. I woke up early!
Today was a day. I escaped the madness. I did send a text (in Spanish) last night to our handyman and he came by today and did three hours of work in a little more than one hour. And then he was off to another job. What a guy! Then his sister returned after being gone for a week. I swear I have a doctor appointment tomorrow but I can't remember where. I do know that I have one this Friday and one next Friday. Those are for sure. I suppose I dreamed that I had one tomorrow. That's it!
It's easy to get behind on these entries. I am writing this Saturday morning, meaning that I am four days behind on this social tasking. I feel socially tasked. I am embarrassed. That's a good one. I'm not anything. I am just a writer. I wonder how long these words will stay in the ether. It's like writing for posterity. You know her? She's my second cousin, twice removed. She lives over in the Design District. I love that place. Remember when it was really the design district and then they all moved to Dania? And then came Mr. Robbins.
It's so easy to fall in love. It's so easy to fall in love. People tell me love's for fools. Here I go breaking all the rules! Seems so easy, yeah, so doggone easy. Oh, it seems so easy. Yeah where you're concerned, my heart can learn. It's so easy to fall in love. It's so easy to fall in love. Look into your heart and see what your love book has set aside for me. It seems so easy. Yeah, so dog gone easy. Yeah, it seems so easy. Well, you're concerned my heart will burn. It's so easy!
I am beyond one step beyond. I need to get back to sleep. It's 0530 and I have been awake for a couple of hours. It's time to go back to sleep and do that until about 0830. That's when I will wake up and do nothing. I'm in the mood to do something but I don't know what I want to do. Isn't that weird? I want to do something but I don't know what to do. I have plenty of things that need to be done around the house. I could not leave the house all day long!
Today is the day Gd has made. It would be a shame to do nothing. Yesterday I said I would do nothing and after I went to the doctor I did pretty much just that. I count the days and they go by. The pretty little days that we grumble and rumble about. That's the way of the world. And it's the way of the crumbled cookie. Just get over it already. It's the sabbath and you're not even supposed to be writing. That's working. Using your mind. I suppose that reading is considered work to some and not others.
I forget to write here and I come back days later and I have to write days and days and days and hundreds of words. Well, I haven't been so bad lately because I'm writing this on Thursday so I only have to write 500 words, no more, no less, exactly! Except that I already wrote 750 words over at 750 words dot com. I was grandfathered in over there. There's no charge to write here but I wonder how long that can go. And I have tried on more than one occasion donate through the link. It never works.
The tip jar, I've tried to use it in the past. It didn't take. Why would you set up a paypal account that didn't accept payments? It's baffling. Oh well, I have to move on already. I can't get stuck on something so trifling! That's the way of the crumbled cookie. I don't like that one little bit. Oh well, let's get on with the show. What am I on about this morning? I have a pile on the bed that needs to be disposed of. That's my target. As soon as I am caught up here at this tasking.
I have grown a mustache. It's taking over. I like that I can grow a real mustache. I'm sorry that I can't grow a real beard. I was cited for insufficient growth in the Navy when I tried. They said I had to cut it off. It just made me look more scruffy. I already look like a dirty old man with all the scabs on my face. I took my self to the skin doctor at Mount Sinai. I hope they don't cut my nose up too bad. I really waited too long to cut that off my face.
I finished that effing grant application. I hope it is accepted. It's odd how certain things can hang over my head and make me go completely mental. I also went to see the movie on the wall tonight, Isle of Dogs. It was sweet and certainly quite interesting. I'm glad that I went, even if I did go alone. I have decided that if no one wants to go with me, I can do things on my own. I'm a big boy now. I don't like doing things along but if it's meant to be, then so be it. Yeah!
Not only is today National Coming Out Day it's also the International Day of the Girl. Both are a big deal and that's a good thing. I like big deals. Why? Because I am one. I'm a large person in charge. I just thought of Sr. Seitz. She was a large person. I heard she just dropped dead in her kitchen. I think her heart attacked her. She was the only good nun left at that place. The other good nun left after a few years. I wonder what became of her. Why am I going on about the nuns?
In one week it will be Mom's birthday. I've been thinking about dear sweet Mom a lot lately. She left Nov. 22, 2004. It's hard to believe that 14 years have passed. That was the year that Raoul's Mother died in April. We haven't had Christmas in all those years. I think this is the year that we get a Christmas tree. What the hell? I want to get out the ornaments that we bought at garage sales and see what we have. I know that we have enough to decorate like four trees! Soon it will be Christmas Day!
Have you heard about the heart head connection? It states that what's good for the heart is also good for the head. It's a way to stave off dementia or Alzheimer's Disease. Did you know that Alzheimer's is only one form of dementia? My darling Helly had dementia but not Alzheimer's. That's when you really go off the deep end forgetting every little thing about what made you who you are. It's a sad little thing to lose yourself. Dementia took Helen away. I was sad but she was long gone years before. It's true. That's the way of life.
Sunday, Sunday, so good to me. It's a day to do nothing. I've written that before and I've lived that philosophy before. It's my Sunday mantra. Do nothing. The most I ever do on Sunday is to go grocery shopping. And that's become such a chore lately. Now for the fun part, turning over your money! They have a sign at Publix that says something like, "Now for the fun part." That's at the check out counter. They mean that now for the easy part, but I always think now they get your dough. Trade the dough for the goods.
OMG, we're halfway through this month. How did that happen? And how did we get to October already? This is not acceptable! I don't want to realize that we are only months away from 2019. I don't want to write a single word here. I have no interest in writing about the 15th of October. Okay, we went there, didn't we? I'm okay, it's just the way of the crumbled cookie. I don't want to be the one who decides which way to turn. Which way? Should I go to the line on this. Not worth it, what I say!
I am writing in the middle of the night. When is the middle of the night? Well, right now, it's 0350. Sounds pretty middle to me, eh? You're not you when you're hungry. I guess that's true. But I'm certainly not Elton John. Don't go breaking my heart. As October plods along, we are sliding down that tube toward 2019. I can feel it. It's going to be a week to remember. I don't know why. That's the way of the crumbled cookie. I want to go back to Israel. Is that bad? I was just there two months ago!
If at first you don't succeed, try again? No whey! Give it up to the lard. That's the ticket. I have nothing to say. That's good, isn't it? I mean, what is there to say that hasn't already been said? I would say it, but it's already been said! It's only what's on the outside that counts. I just heard that on TV. Isn't that adorable? I wish, I need, I gotta have. Oy, soon it will be Christmas Day. There's a need to get ready for 2019. I can feel it knocking at the door. Knock, knock, knock, knock!
Lard have merry. I just want this to be done. I am writing more and enjoying it a lot less. Why do I have to write at all? It's a social tasking website. That's my social task. Write 100 words. Enter your text below. Remember: exactly 100 words. No more. No less. I can do this. It's the way of the crumbled cookie. What does that mean? That means that if you take a cookie and crumble it up, it will go away. If and when you sweep it up. It's all going to be okay. I swear it, really.
Happy birthday to Mom. I write this every year on Oct. 19. I miss her especially on her birthday. It's actually one of the days that I actually think about her. It's difficult for me to reconcile the fact that she's been gone for more than a decade. I just celebrated four years of collecting Social Security. I took a 30% cut in benefits to get it so early. And it never goes back to 100%. That may have been a mistake, but based on past experience, it really wasn't a bad idea. Dad never got to collect one penny!
Saturday is the best day of the week especially when I don't have to go to Costco. I managed to skip it again this week. That means that next week I will most definitely have to go, just to get gas in the car. Maybe I went and topped off the tank just a bit. That's the ticket. But this week, I have gone below the halfway mark. That means that I have to get gas ASAP. I've become more like HRS in that as soon as the tank is below halfway, it's time. I don't want to get hysterical!
Can I even remember what I did last Sunday? A whole lot of nothing. Actually, I spent the day with Ricki just to get away from HRS and the Melinda effect. When I got home in the afternoon, there was a truck outside filled with our shit and Raoul and Melinda were sitting in the living room with three large persons who put all our stuff into their truck. There was a lot left. We have so much stuff that it will take many many loads to get rid of it all! That's called a 35 year accumulation of stuff.
You can't write ahead. That's a good thing. But you can write backward. That's a good thing, too. I don't like this writing, but I'm almost there. I only have four more days to catch up. I think they need to make the deadline on a daily basis so I don't have so many days to catch up, soup, puree, don't get left behind. Wait a minute! What's wrong with a left behind? I would much rather have a left behind than a right behind. I have to get behind that idea. There's a good behind behind the other one.
The time is weird. It gets light so late in the morning. I wonder when we change the clocks again. Spring forward and fall back. That means that when the clock says 0700, it's really 0800. No wonder it gets light earlier. Do I have to get a flu shot? I only wrote that because I just saw it on TV. Enough of the talk of the time, it's time to discuss the effects of immunization. I'm a fan but mostly because I do what everyone else is doing. That means that I have to get a flu shot soon!
Today was a large day. It was our fourth anniversary. That means that four years ago, Raoul and I went to New York City and got married after being together for some 30-ish years. We were together so long that when we first started going out, we never even considered marriage. Who'd've thunk it? Gay marriage! Of course, I'm already considering gay divorce. I would like to be the gay divorcee. It's okay. I'll be married until the day I die. I have to get my pension money straightened out. It's past time. I was 65 a year ago!
I'm finally writing on the day that I'm supposed to. I just finished weeks worth of writing because I was so bad. I'm resolving from this point forward to write here on a daily basis. This has to be a diary of sorts or at least a place where I can write 100 words, no more, no less. That's the ticket. I can do this. I just did weeks worth. I was quite bad and now I'm caught up. Of course, don't even mention that I have to get over to 750 words dot com and write over there too.
Today is a good day to die. Why? Why not? I've lived a life. I wish I had done more, but I did what I could with what I had. I was very malleable. I bend to the will of others. I like to satisfy. Do you want me to do something? I will put your will above my own at times. It makes me wonder. What is missing? I don't know what happened. It's all a big mystery. It's about the blue cheese. Did you know that you can make a vegan version of that? I loved that story.
A gunman attacked a synagogue in Pittsburgh. What is going on with this country? There's not enough love in the world. I am crying as I type this. Too much hate in the world. Thank you President Trump. He has made the world a much more dangerous place. He is a hateful, evil man and must be removed from office. Are we going to wait the full four years? There were so many people just wanting to have community and instead ending up with a painful reminder of the hate in the world. I can't stop crying. What a day!
I'm excited to be going to a show at the Miracle Theater with Mahli. Raoul had originally said he was going but reneged at the last minute because he said that a guy is coming today to pressure clean the walkways. I would think that if he had accepted an invitation that costs money, he would call the pressure cleaning guy and tell him another day. But no. Fuck him. That's really fucked up. I guess that Mahli and I are going without him. I wish I could find another person to go with. I'll try. We'll see what happens!
Today I will go to work and plan for a vigil tomorrow night. There was another shooting this weekend in a Jewish community in Pittsburgh. It makes me extremely sad and the vigil won't make it any easier. We will go through the motions. And then we will move on with our lives. But so many of those people's lives have ended just like that. What a way to go! I guess it's good. A lot of them were older. They said they were the pillars of the community. It's so fucking sad. I'm just beyond feelings of sadness now.
Okay, why am I awake at 0608 when I have to stay at work until at least 0700. I don't have to stay, they're having a vigil for the shooter in Pittsburgh. Lynne is talking about coming. I think there are going to be a lot of people. I wonder why they think that people don't need chairs. It's really queer. I don't have to go to work until noon, so that's when the excitement begins. I wonder how this event will go. It's ironic that we have already scheduled an event for Nov. 11. That's less than two weeks.
I still haven't made yet this morning. I have to take a selfie. One moment. Okay, that's one more morning chore done. I have brushed my teeth and combed my hair before I took that selfie. I went downstairs and ate a coconut yogurt and a banana. I brought my coconut milk coffee back upstairs with me and I'm writing today's 100 words. I am going to go with the rest of the writing by filling it in with meaningless words. That's the way of the crumbled cookie. What's a mother to do? I think I have to go make!
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