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June soon. July nigh. August must. September remember. October over. That's the charming little poem I know about hurricane season. Unfortunately, due to global warming, it's all out of whack (just like about every other natural phenomenon). This year, there have already been two named storms before the month of June. That's never happened before. The newscasters and weathermen would have us believe that the warmer than normal winter experienced up north this year will have no impact on the severity of the hurricane season. I disagree 100%. I'm sure that we're in for the big one this year, truly.
Saturday is such a lazy day. And when it's cloudy and overcast and gray and gloomy, it makes me so much more lazed. I've already had my little nap and I'm raring to go. Already been to visit Helly and gassed up the car at Costco. I'm glad that I didn't have to go inside the devil's warehouse to buy anything this week so I was back home a little earlier than usual. I have much to do but little desire to do any of it. So, I sit here writing 100 words while watching the Simpsons movie on television.
What a totally lost day! Besides our usual routine this morning of going to the ghetto farmer's market and then visiting Raoul's brother afterward, the day was a lazy one of just lying around the house, noshing in between and not much else. I'm awfulizing about the upcoming week instead of actualizing a positive outcome! It's time for me to get off the pity pot and get busy making the sun shine. After a day of doing nothing, I feel a little more energized and ready to tackle anything. Our roommate comes back this week. I need to plan something.
I intended to go to work, but somehow I ended up sending a text message to the bossy lady that I needed to take a personal day. Too bad it was my last one. I wonder how they'll handle it when I take more days before the month is over. I suppose they'll start docking my pay. I don't really care. I just wish for the month to be over so I can move on to the next phase of my life. As my time comes to an end at The Factory of the Mind, I'm ready for what's next!
Monday on Tuesday is such a fun concept. The weather person was predicting storms today but they never materialized. They're saying it again today and looking outside this morning, I see that it's quite a gray day. I think I'm treading water here just waiting for the city to chop down our tamarind tree. I've been in a suspended state of depression since I found out. As a matter of fact, everyone in the house is affected. I just keep trying to imagine what it's going to be like when it's gone. I know - a whole lot more sunshine coming!
My new theme song is the Talking Heads, "Letting the Days Go By." I'm just existing here. Life goes on all around me, but I just don't feel it. Well, I am enjoying this here cup of coffee and yesterday's dessert is still on my mind. I need a project. I keep looking at the junk room and thinking, "Why aren't I tackling that?" And then I realize that I must be in a deep funk, and I wonder what can be done to end this funky streak. I need a change. Yeah, that's it. Time for a cool change!
This 100 words thing is always on my mind. I'm thinking, "Why haven't I written my 100 words for a few days?" It only takes a minute. It's like paying bills. Something that's always there that I don't particularly want to do. Why has this become drudgery for me? It should be a pleasant little exercise. I come to this here website, do a little bit of tippy tapping into my trusty laptop and then move on. That's not so bad, so why do I have to awfulize every little thing in life? Like a friend told me recently – actualize!
Usually in June, I'm engaged for the summer. This June, however, I'm in a way different place. Finally, after many years of wondering, my contract was not renewed at The Factory of the Mind, and now I find myself in the group of unemployed workers in this country who think this is the worst time ever to be unemployed. I'm looking forward to collecting unemployment for a little while, but I can't help wonder, "What comes next?" I'm trying very hard to just live for today, but the future keeps asking me questions like, "What will tomorrow bring. You ready?"
Today was difficult because I had my BIL with me as I went on my Saturday routine. I wasn't able to do wandering and meandering as usual, but we did have lunch at Captain Jim's, I visited Helen for about 15 minutes (she was in a dreadful mood), we went to Costco and then came home for the usual Saturday nap. Dinner tonight was a special chef's treat from the BIL that took so long to prepare that we missed going to the second Saturday art walk. I didn't really want to go because it's so hot and humid anyway.
Lather, rinse, repeat. Today we went to the ghetto farmer's market, stopped at Raoul's brother for coffee and came back home. That was the highlight of the day because the rest of the day we spend lying in bed doing a whole lot of nothing. That's my favorite kind of Sunday. Later we went to Ruth's for corned beef sandwiches with Bob and Mandy and Ana stopped by for a few minutes and even Mary came over as we were leaving. Ruth didn't want us to leave, but I couldn't stay another minute. Three hours is my limit over there.
I don't want to be a lame duck. I'd like to put an end to it. I know each day I go there I'm earning a little more money to help make the future easier, but each day I'm there I feel a little less of a person. I don't like going to work at a place where I don't work any more. My contract expires at the end of the month, but I don't have the desire to go and sit in the office each day and pretend that everything is okay when it's not. Life can be unfair.
Woke in a panic this morning because I was lying in bed awfulizing about every little thing and I suddenly realized that I never paid the ticket I received a month ago. If I don't pay within 30 days, the ticket increases significantly. So, I bolted from bed and spent the next 10 minutes looking for that piece of paper and when I found it and entered the information online, I discovered that the ticket still hasn't been entered into the system. And it's been 31 days. So, when I get to work I have to make a phone call.
This is the week that won't end. I have to desire to get up in the morning. I have even less desire to go to work. But I get up each day and go to work. Eight hours later, I find myself driving back home for another numb night. The days just melt into each other. I'm now counting on July 1 to start the year anew with all new resolutions!
I've been down so long, it looks like up to me. I'm in a mood and I don't like it. So, I'm going to do something about it, dammit!
Today Scott went back home for the weekend and for my sister's birthday on Sunday. But then I got a call at work and it was him telling me that he got a job in Chicago and he was coming back to pick up the rest of his stuff and then he was going to Chicago. Oh well, at least I have someone to visit up there now! And something to look forward to as I haven't been to Chicago in a decade. So, even though he has to work all day I can go and be on my own.
Wow, what a day. Weather was kinda crazy. I called off work and I don't ever want to go back there again! But I have two more weeks to go and then I'm free. Today, however, I decided to just let it flow. I hate myself for eating lunch at McD's, but them's the breaks. Then I went to visit Helly and she was in such a good mood, it was amazing. She just sat there and yammered for a good hour. At one point, I fell asleep! She was still talking. I woke up, said goodbye and moved on.
Odd sorta Saturday in that I was all over the place mentally and physically. I'm overwhelmed by the stuff in the house and I don't know where to begin. I just have to begin. I've started 1000 times before and just stopped because I felt I had put in so much effort and had so little to show for it. I'm a hoarder, but a neat one. The only difference between me and the people you see on those reality shows is that all my stuff is in boxes, but there are boxes everywhere. They must all be gone soon.
There's always something else to do. I'm always thinking of what I should be doing and then I end up doing something completely unrelated. That's life. But I'm going to dedicate myself to at least one hour a day. If I just put in an hour a day, I can make significant progress. If there are days where I'm more ambitious and I put in extra time, I will still complete the minimum every other day. I'm going to start writing about my progress here. It's the best way for me to hold myself accountable. It's a good beginning, yay.
Another dull Monday, except for the excitement of visiting the dermatologist this morning and having chunks cut out of me. I told everyone that when I left the doctor's office today, there would be less of me. I just didn't realize how cut happy she could be. I felt assaulted, so I stopped to soothe myself with a coffee and pastry at Starbucks. I went across the street to Big Lots to see if anything grabbed my fancy. Not. Called off from work and went home and laid about the house all day. Dull and quiet. I'm glad it's over.
I'm lying in bed at 5 in the morning and wondering how to wrap up this assignment. I guess the best way is to just lay it all on the line. What's the expectation? And how long can this go on? I awfulize about every little thing. I need to stop chewing so much and just start digesting! I keep telling myself I'm going on a whole food diet, but each day I find myself back in the same rut. So, I'm telling myself that I'm going to start a new half-year on July 1. I gotta get ready!
It rained for 40 days and 40 nights today! It actually started last night as a mini tropical storm and the rain fell all night. I woke up this morning and it was pouring outside. When I left work today, it was still pouring. I fear floods. Somewhere in Miami-Dade County today, there is a flooding situation. When this much rain falls in such a short time there is nowhere for the water to go. That's when you get rising water. I know June is the rainy season, but do we have to get it all in two days?
The Miami Heat won the NBA Championship and I slept right through it. When it first started I was watching a roast of Joan Rivers and that put me to sleep. When I woke up an hour later with the television blasting, I got up, brushed my teeths, went back to bed and now I'm awake in the middle of the night and I see by my Facebook feed that everyone was going fairly crazy over the Heat winning. I just posted on my twitter page that this town needs an enema. I guess a team win is as good.
Next Friday will be my last day at this job I've had for the past 11 years. Today I'm to meet with the HR person to find out about all the things that happen when one is separated from one's place of employment. All the insurance regulations and payment plans. I'm glad to be leaving but filled with a certain sense of uncertainty over the future. I need to get busy to start firming up the possibilities. When I tell people I am leaving my current job, the first question is inevitably, "So, what are you going to do now?"
I had to dodge raindrops for part of the day, but I still managed to run through the motions of the Saturday routine. I thought today was social media day and I was concerned that I wouldn't have enough time to get through today's routine and still be fresh for the big event. Imagine how happy I was when I realized it's next Saturday! And I decided that I'm skipping the regular routine so I can spend the afternoon being sociable. Ricki acted like she wanted to go with me (especially since it's free) but I don't think she'll go.
I thought Mr. R would skip the ghetto farmer's market this morning since it was still raining after raining for most of the night. But he wanted to go and wanted me to drive him, so we took off before 8. We got there before it was really open! But he walked in the side entrance and I drove around to find three abandoned sofas. What a bonanza! Came back, picked him up, went to his brother's house for coffee, I took some pix in the neighborhood. We came back home and we've been lying around the house all day.
Letting the days go by. Today I spent the entire day being very present and mentally writing into the book of notice all the things that I'm going to miss about the routine that I've had over the past 11 years. It's funny that for months, even years, I've been writing that I need a new routine. And now that the opportunity is here to create that new routine, I'm suddenly feeling very nostalgic about the routine I've had for more than a decade. Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it. It's exciting to me!
I've fallen into an old routine. I don't remember exactly how long ago I was in this rhythm of falling asleep too early and then being awake in the middle of the night for awhile and going back to sleep and getting up in the morning as though it had just been another night. I'm not sure why I'm having this disruption in my cycle except that I know that this week is the last week of one phase of my life and that a new phase begins on Monday. I'm trying to ease myself into that brave new world.
Today is the last "hump day" at this job since Friday will be the last day I go to this job. It's something that I wanted for a long time, but now that it's coming to an end, I'm a little sad. That's ironic, no? Even though I've convinced myself that I've been unhappy here, I'm not so sure that I really want to leave. It's amazing how routines can become such a part of lives. I'm ready for a new routine, but this week I'm just a little wistful over the past 11 years I've been at this place.
They had a going away breakfast for me today. It was really sweet. I appreciated all the love and I know they will truly miss me. It was a fun run while it lasted (11 years!). I worked really hard today and then left for a 4:30 meeting where I hopefully make a case for my next employment stint. Going to lunch next week to discuss further. Meanwhile, I'm sorta excited that tomorrow is the last day of going to work at the convent and I'm psyched. Tonight I have a committee meeting at the new place. Fingers crossed.
The end of an era. Today is my last day at the convent. I've worked at the school 11 years. That part of my journey is now in the past. It was a good run for the most part, but I'm glad to be over the nun abuse. I've always contended that priests may engage in sexual abuse but nuns are experts in mental abuse. There is a certain common element when speaking to folks who have worked for nuns and it's a certain, how do you say, I don't know? I made it out okay. A new chapter begins.
Today is Social Media Day in the US. Going to an event downtown that promises to be filled with seminars and opportunities to network. Of course, I'm going with no agenda and no expectations, so I'm destined not to maximize the possibility. I'm not angry at myself, because at least I did go. But I didn't engage. It was an interesting time, but I've realized that the whole social media thing is for the young people. I keep telling myself that I've got to figure a way to make it meaningful for the older generation and that will be it!
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